Hi everyone.
Many of us suffer from feelings of guilt and self-losing because we have had to make difficult decisions in life.
This can be anything from decisions we have had to make in the line of duty in regards to life and death,
Such as triage or abortion,
Leaving a marriage,
Putting a pet down,
Or having to lay people off.
The list is endless.
We may be able to try to intellectualize or rationalize our emotions away,
But they are still there.
The anger,
The sadness,
The guilt.
It can turn into anxiety,
Addiction,
Depression,
Bitterness,
And shutdown.
Loved ones can ask us,
What's wrong?
But shame looms large,
And we shrug it off.
Blink until the unshed tears go away.
Swallow down the hard lump in the throat.
See your doctor to get a sedative or antidepressants so that the heaviness will go away.
We tend to ask ourselves,
Is this right or wrong?
But there are so many different moral codes to live by.
Who is to say which is the right one?
Change era,
Geography,
Generation,
Religion,
Culture,
Even subculture,
And they will all have a different view on the same subject.
Very few of us live without regrets,
Berating ourselves with our 20-20 hindsight,
Forgetting that we may have been so very young,
Challenged,
Unsupported,
Lack tools at the time,
Or a myriad of other things.
Moral injury is a trauma that we compound with shame,
Negative self-talk,
And sometimes we hear the voices of the past enter into the mix.
We must try to be gentle with ourselves,
Forgive ourselves,
Accept ourselves,
Let go of the negative self-talk,
Accept that sometimes there aren't concrete right and wrong decisions.
They're just simply decisions that lead to learning and growth.
Try to work with this meditation every day until you have let go.
There's an art component to this if you would like to add it.
If you have an old shoe box or some other box lying around,
I would encourage you to decorate it.
This box is going to be your temple of tears.
If you cry,
Put a tissue in the box.
If you want to write a poem or a journal entry to express how you feel about this injury,
Put it in the box.
After you've let go,
Bury or burn the box somewhere appropriate and safe.
You may wish to pause this and take some time jotting down your moral injuries,
Deciding which is the least painful,
And begin working with that one first,
And then work your way up from there.
So take a comfortable position,
Either sitting or lying down,
And close your eyes if you're comfortable,
Or simply let them go out of focus.
Begin to notice your breath,
Your in-breath and your out-breath.
You do not need to change your breath in any way.
Just simply notice it.
Now I want you to hug yourself gently,
Tapping the sides of your arms with your hands.
One,
Two.
One,
Two.
Begin to breathe deeply,
Continuing to tap.
One,
Two.
One,
Two.
Now I want you to gently touch in on the memory.
Don't follow the storyline or start berating yourself with shame.
I just want you to gently touch in and then bring your awareness to your body.
Why are you still holding on to emotion in your body?
Is there a heaviness in your heart?
Perhaps a sinking feeling in your stomach or a tight pain of your muscles somewhere?
Touch into the pain in your body,
Still giving yourself the tapping hug.
Can you identify the emotion?
Is it sadness,
Fear,
Heartbreak?
Now I want you to breathe into the emotion.
With each exhale,
Imagine its presence being released from your body.
Feel it untighten.
Feel the heaviness and pain dissipate.
Just breathe and let it go.
Lift yourinquiety into your heart,
Release those moments from your body to open up a you you you I want you to know that you're a beautiful soul you are not alone we all struggle with moral dilemmas you are doing the best that you could and you are now doing the best that you can you've learned and grown through every situation and decision that you've ever met or made it's unfair to judge yourself harshly through hindsight I want you to say with me I release shame I release guilt I forgive myself I love myself as you continue your tapping hug I want you to breathe deeply this time focusing on your in-breath with each inhale imagine cleansing healing light entering and filling the space where you are holding on to pain feel the soothing light calm and heal you feel yourself filled with peace you you you you you you you begin to notice your inhalations and your exhalations you you you slowly bring your attention back to the room you you notice the temperature of air on your skin and listen to any sounds you might hear you can wiggle your fingers and toes and open your eyes if you haven't already I hope this was of some small help to you sending you love and light Namaste you you
