Awareness Satsang: Learning To Trust Our Inner Guidance

Yeah,

You've got all your sweet faces.

I get to see your sweet faces,

You know,

When you come on.

It's like all your innocence comes out,

So many of you.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Oh,

Bless your hearts.

So,

Hello,

And and I have something to really spell out to you,

Lovely ones,

And it's maybe not the normal for teachers to spell this out,

But it's become very clear to me,

I need to be very explicit about this,

Okay?

So,

A year ago,

In August,

I was at the ashram,

And Amma was across the room,

And she pointed over to me,

And she spoke to the brahmachari next to her,

And said,

This is what I heard psychically,

Okay?

And said,

She will achieve self-realization at darshan tonight.

And I thought,

Well,

Cool,

You know,

Cool.

So,

I go up for darshan,

And I'm excited.

I'm thinking,

Well,

Maybe it's true.

Maybe I'm going to achieve this,

Or it's going to happen.

And so,

I jumped into Amma's arms,

But I'm also thinking,

Maybe I've just made all this up,

Okay?

Okay,

Because no matter how far along you go,

It's like you always have to be careful.

So,

She,

So I jumped into her arms,

And I waited for something to happen,

And it didn't happen.

So,

I'm sitting there going,

Okay,

I guess I was totally deluded,

Right?

So,

Then I went,

Oh,

God,

Amma,

Help me,

Please help this poor mixed-up person.

And then it happened.

And it went on,

And on,

And on.

And it was like an experience of eternity.

And what happens in the person is the mind lets go for just a fraction of a second.

That is what is important.

And it's not just the ego,

It's the whole mind.

So,

In the East,

You know,

We have an ego,

But we understand the ego.

But in the East,

The mind is the whole thing.

The mind is everything outside you,

Every opinion you've ever had,

The stars in the sky,

All of it.

Anyway,

There's this feeling of eternity and letting go.

And then I was kind of back in her arms,

And okay.

So,

Then one of the things that happens with the process of self-realization is you gain your sovereign seat.

You realize,

You know,

In the weeks and months after,

You realize that you are indeed God in human form.

And then you experience a dark night of the soul,

Even at this level,

A dark night of the soul,

Where it's like,

Well,

Where is it?

I felt it was there.

Where is it?

And then where you lose your seat,

And then you come back to your seat.

You find it again,

And it's solid.

It's attained.

Okay?

So,

Today when,

Or this time in Seattle,

When I went into Amma's arms,

An incredible hug,

And she was taking a lot of time.

And so,

I kind of was pulling back,

Or she was,

You know how she sometimes,

Like,

Pushes you back a bit?

I don't know if she does that with you guys,

But.

And I was looking at her,

And I could feel that I had this distorted expression on my face,

But it was coming from that I missed her so much.

And she looked at me,

And she said,

Are you all right?

And I said,

Oh,

Yeah,

Amma.

I just missed you so much.

And she said,

Really,

Really loudly.

No,

No,

I said,

I'm so happy to see you.

And she said,

Very,

Very loudly,

In perfect English,

Amma is very happy to see you,

Too.

And the guy who translates was shocked for a minute,

And then he translated,

Even though she had spoken in English.

So,

It was this,

And I knew that she had responded this way,

Partly in response to the satsangs.

Do you see what I mean?

Like,

A signal about the satsangs.

Like,

As if she was pleased that this was being offered,

This was being given.

So,

Listen,

The reason I am spelling this out is I want this level of this teaching is really understood,

Because I know that so many of you are so nervous about actually dealing with your thoughts and feelings and the emotional material,

And there's levels of fear that come up.

And sometimes I feel like I'm just sort of stuck in the mud with you guys.

Like,

I'm trying to,

Like,

Encourage you and help you take the next step,

And sometimes I feel that the hugeness of the comprehension is not being accepted,

Addressed,

Acknowledged.

That there's this kind of,

Yeah.

And so,

I'm wanting it to be acknowledged,

Yeah,

The level from which these words come,

Because it will make your growth easier,

Yeah.

It'll make it easier for you to grow.

And that is what I'm wanting,

For you guys to move into growth more seamlessly.

And it will happen as your trust increases.

And that's why I've thrown down the gauntlet today,

The gauntlet today,

Saying,

Look,

This is solid.

It is trustworthy.

Come along with me and come at your own pace.

But understand,

This is not trivial work at all.

It is kind of the rise of the divine feminine.

It is the rise of the feminine face of God,

And we're in a patriarchy,

And this is what we've all been running from.

But it is the key,

It is the thing that needs to click in so that we start loving Mother Nature more and honoring her,

All the things that Amma says we need to do,

You know.

And Gandhi said,

If we took care of the innocence of the little children better,

We'd have,

90% of our social problems would go.

All this is feminine and wisdom-level stuff.

And like I said,

This is what everybody's so scared of,

But it's like I'm like testament,

Like it's solidly safe.

Okay,

So I just want to give an example of what I find a not unusual experience,

Say,

Among devotees,

With all their good hearts and good intentions.

But if they're not dealing with their emotional selves,

This is the kind of thing that happens.

So,

I was in the front row just after all the seats for the musicians had been cleared,

And somebody in the musicians had just sort of sat down,

And somebody was coming along,

Looking for their shoes.

So,

I spoke very few words,

Very quietly with this woman,

And was looking under my chair and just saying,

Oh,

She's just looking for her shoes,

To alert the next person,

Because this woman had left her shoes under the seats in the front row,

And she wasn't going to be able to go into any of the public areas without them.

Now,

The woman who was next to me turned to me and violently shushed me,

Almost right in my face.

And I'm like,

I went like,

I was just so shocked,

Kind of,

At the violence.

And this was sort of like a grade five teacher,

You know,

A cranky grade five teacher shushing a student.

So,

I was just with that,

And I kind of thought about it,

Felt about it.

And a couple of hours later,

When,

You know,

People were getting up,

And there was a change of musicians and everything,

She was getting up,

And she said,

Oh,

I hope I didn't disturb everybody with my cold,

Because she had been snorting and blowing throughout.

And I thought about not saying anything,

But then I thought,

I felt like I really have to say something here.

So,

I said,

I didn't mind all your snorting and blowing and everything,

But I really minded being violently shushed when I was just trying to help somebody find their shoes.

Okay,

So her first response was denial.

Okay,

Now,

Again,

This is emotional IQ things,

Things,

Denial.

Now,

This is very common in all of us.

If we're getting feedback,

The first thing is,

No,

No,

It's wrong.

She said,

I didn't violently shush you.

And I said,

Oh,

Well,

Actually,

You did.

And I had no emotional charge to my speaking with her,

None.

I just felt like my soul wanted me to tell her this rather than not tell her this.

It was just that clear.

So,

She said,

Okay,

And the next thing she did,

She blamed somebody else.

So,

She said,

She pointed to where a musician had been sitting,

And she said,

Oh,

It was her.

She said,

That we needed to be quiet.

And I'm like,

You didn't have to jump in there.

This woman,

She didn't have to get in there,

And she could have just let the woman do her shush.

She didn't have to pick up the shush and violently shush me.

And to this woman's credit,

You know,

She thought about this for a bit,

And to this woman's credit,

She said,

You're right,

Which,

You know.

But I thought to myself,

This woman is very attached.

She hasn't dealt with her attachments in any area of her life,

And that's why there's this emotional confusion,

And this emotional,

It turns into a minefield.

Okay,

This is really,

Really common among Amah devotees and non-Amah devotees,

This kind of confusion.

Okay,

Now,

Working,

Connecting up with your true nature,

Connecting up with your Amah inside,

Is what is going to bring clarity to this and heal it.

So,

You can go forward in your life more seamlessly without these sore,

Reactive points,

You know,

That we have when we're in our egos.

Somebody does something,

And all of a sudden we're,

Ah!

Yeah.

See,

We have to get to know ourselves.

We have to get to understand ourselves.

Mm-hmm,

And it can be scary to do it.

I get it.

But it's way scarier not to do it,

Because if you don't do it,

You just end up a very confused old person.

And it's bad enough being a very confused young person,

But then to be a very confused old person,

It's like,

This isn't fun.

But even if you feel that you're a very confused old person,

If you just get interested in this deeper understanding,

You can drop lifetimes,

No matter where you are.

Lifetimes of confusion,

Lifetimes of vitriol,

It can all just go.

All right.

Okay.

Like I said,

This is a very,

Very fertile time.

We're at this tipping point.

So,

It is possible to grow very,

Very quickly right now.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

I'm just going to be with all of you.

One of the things,

You guys,

Working with you,

Is what I see is how often people are so used to feeling bad about themselves,

And they go round and round and round in their ego's talk,

And they don't do something that I did.

And that was,

Even when my ego was really strong and everything,

And I was like dying from it,

I would keep kind of throwing the pick.

You know,

If you're climbing a mountain,

You throw a pick up attached to a rope for your next step,

And I would go,

I am moving through this.

Or I would remind myself,

Oh,

Enlightenment would feel so great,

Wouldn't it be great?

Or to know that you're serving all of humanity,

That you're making things better.

Or think of the feeling,

I would think of the feeling of being a little child,

And how simple and happy that feeling is.

And I would work with myself,

You know?

And that is the thing,

You guys,

I want to see this more,

Because I'm like,

I can,

You know,

With your going around your ego stuff,

Like I can,

I get it and have compassion,

But I'm trying to help you up the mountain.

I'm not like a teddy bear,

You know,

A comfort teddy bear,

Like a little bit of comfort,

And come on,

You know,

Come on.

And you know,

Amma's an avatar,

It's like I say,

You know,

She will just keep hugging you,

And you can just stay wherever you are for the next 10 lives.

But someone like me,

It's like,

I start getting ants in my pants with that.

It's like,

I can help you move forward,

Okay?

You don't have to be machines,

You don't have to be perfect,

But there has to be a real interest in wanting to embody your truth,

For me to work one-on-one with you.

And what I want to see is more throwing the hook and pulling yourself up,

Yeah,

Into the sunshine.

But we all get overwhelmed by the ego sometimes,

You guys,

And sometimes,

You know,

There were times where I got overwhelmed and I rolled in it.

Really,

I just rolled in it willfully.

Like,

It's not just you,

I remember this,

I told you,

I think,

And it was shameful.

My son came to me and he said,

Mom,

I don't know what you're doing,

My son came to me and he said,

Mom,

I don't know what you're doing,

But you're really hurting John and me.

And I was rolling in the,

You know,

Self-hatred willfully,

And he picked up on it and said I was hurting,

And man,

That was a really good lesson.

But so,

I have huge compassion for what it's like.

And we all get caught in darkness sometimes,

But it's just that willingness to go,

Like,

I'm here,

I've got this life,

I'm willing to move into truth as best I can.

But again,

You know,

Don't force yourselves,

Don't rush yourselves,

Okay?

I'm just spelling it out because I get so many emails and people are suffering and it's like they seem so captivated by their suffering sometimes.

And then I think,

Oh,

I feel like I'm a comfort teddy bear,

You know?

No,

I'm not.

But,

You know,

The ones who,

You know,

This is if you're talking to little kids,

Really sensitive ones will then,

You know,

They'll start trying too hard and they won't want to contact me because they're scared that they're repeating their patterns and everything.

So,

I mean,

I don't know,

It's just like,

This is why I think I'm a,

You know,

Just doesn't talk,

You know?

It's just,

Just don't talk,

Hug everybody.

But anyway,

You know I adore you.

But we're going up a hill and what I find,

You know,

With women in the patriarchy,

They're so kind of skewed toward hating themselves and hating their feminine.

This is what I'm wanting to,

We're skewed,

You guys.

And the guys being scared of the softness within them,

That's it.

That's it,

Good.

Whatever you're doing,

It's good.

It's as if you're realizing that what I'm talking about is beyond words and I can't,

I can't,

There's no way I can really put words to it,

But maybe you can get it anyway.

You have compassion for this poor bumbling teacher,

You know?

Because it's bringing in like a whole new energy of our evolution in,

We're in this evolutionary leap.

This is,

We have never,

The human race has never played in this energy before and it's,

So it's unknown,

But it's very safe.

So,

Susanna,

Do you want to talk about your dream briefly?

Because it kind of points to this,

Doesn't it?

Yes.

Hi,

Guys.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So,

I have had an important dream and I was on the Asha Nuwa with women and men and it was very peaceful there and all of,

And this was a big Asha Nuwa made of wood and all rooms were open and where we all sleep,

All was open and we have time together to speak with each other and we made creative things and like meditation,

Yoga or playing something or,

Yeah,

We were,

I think we were in our soul energy in this dream and I looked around and I saw myself,

I saw sitting,

I think it was a woman and a man who are talking each other and it was very loving and peaceful and very deep,

They are talking together.

And in the next moment,

I was one of the speaker.

So,

And then in the dream,

I saw the captain and the captain was saying to us,

You are all very safe.

I'm,

I don't know the words now.

It's okay.

You're all very safe.

That's good.

Yeah.

That's good.

That's the heart of the journey was you were on this boat,

Noah's Ark,

And it was a beautiful experience and you were all very safe.

It's like,

As you put your arms around this kind of emotional understanding,

This enhanced emotional understanding,

You realize how totally safe you are and this is a shift the human race is making and this is why it's scary and not many people have actually made it and why there's so much confusion around.

Yeah.

But it's okay.

It's like,

It's safe.

We'll just bumble along.

Yeah.

Thanks,

Suzu.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And just want to say now the next,

There was a man who's look like,

I know,

Has looked like an Indian man,

Indian,

Very old,

And he hugs me and I feel like a kid and I feel very safe and loving and warm and yeah,

So.

Yeah.

And the Indian,

The Indian,

Was he East Indian or Native Indian or?

No,

East Indian.

Yeah.

You see,

The East Indian spiritual understanding gives a huge safety to all of this,

The structure of the,

From the traditions.

It's like,

There's a tremendous safety in that bigger understanding.

Yeah.

Right.

And then it's like everything we go through,

They have already like documented really in their spiritual traditions,

Really.

That was a big eye opener when I realized that,

Isn't it?

Like,

It brought me great feelings of safety.

Oh,

This is okay.

I feel like loony tunes,

But this is what the spiritual journey looks like.

And then in the West,

Where we're so focused on the outward,

It's hard for us.

Sometimes we're a little bit like the disadvantaged kids at the back of the class,

You know,

Really.

Because,

You know,

Maybe we started watching TV at two and got Sonic drilled with commercials about how great it is to own,

I don't know,

A car.

Do you know in the Catholic say,

You know,

If you get a kid before six,

You've got them for life.

Well,

A lot of us were like in front of the TV before six and the materialism caught us for life.

And it takes time to overcome this.

So we need a lot of compassion for ourselves and for our outer directness.

Yeah.

Some of you are losing energy.

So I'm just sending love to you.

Like it could feel,

It's almost like it feels overwhelming to you,

But it's not.

Please include yourselves,

Put your arms around yourselves.

I'm putting my arms around you,

All of you,

As you are right now.

Yeah.

Really.

Yeah.

All of you.

You're all beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it.

You're all good enough for just,

You know,

It's like I said,

The PhD and,

You know,

Goofiness,

You know,

We're both sides.

We're divine beings and we've got PhDs and egos,

You know,

It's okay.

Yeah.

It's all okay.

There's nothing to fix.

There's nothing to fix.

You're all beautiful.

You're already divine.

Yeah.

That's it.

Okay.

Good.

Okay.

Susan,

Your dream helped.

Speaking your dream helped.

It's like,

Yeah.

Good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like being a child,

You know,

The self-confidence of the child at the same time,

They have an animal self-confidence and instinctive self-confidence that they can face life,

You know,

That they're good enough for life,

But they also know they have a lot to learn.

You know,

Christ said that which we do not bring forward will consume you.

Okay.

So,

You know,

If we have our true nature and we're not seeking to bring it forward,

What happens is then we get its expression in more in the negative,

You know?

It's like,

If you have someone who's really,

Really powerful and they're conditioned to feel very not powerful,

Then all their intrinsic power will be,

Okay.

So,

You could have a powerful person.

They're conditioned to be really think they're not much and everything.

Then what will happen is the outside world will seem to constellate against them because they're not owning their own power,

Do you see?

So,

The outside world will keep squishing them.

Yeah.

It's Christ saying this,

What you do not bring forward will consume you.

This is how it works.

We create outer circumstances that reflect what we're doing internally.

So,

In the very old days when I was starting on this journey,

It was like that for me.

It's like the whole universe seemed constellated against me.

And then we have a choice to go along with that or to go,

Okay,

Please help me,

God.

Please,

Please show me how to find my way.

Then,

You know,

Your soul goes,

Hey,

Yay!

This body-mind is opening up.

It's saying,

Yes,

Yay!

We've waited 50 lifetimes for this,

100 lifetimes for this.

Your soul's just so grateful and it will start helping you do the work.

In my case,

It was very slow going.

You know,

There were big breakthroughs,

Like my son healing from leukemia and everything.

It was wonderful,

But then there was a whole bunch of,

You know,

Tough days of where it seemed like everything was against me.

But I'll tell you,

If you keep going,

What happens is the whole universe comes in behind you in support of your heart.

Can you imagine what that feels like?

Yeah.

Right.

Right.

So,

This energy coming right now is in support of your hearts,

Total support of your hearts.

It's a total understanding of what it's like to be a human being and a divine being both.

So,

You know,

In our families,

Families,

You know,

Have certain rules and beliefs.

And so,

A very good starting point is to just really feel you know,

Between what was allowed and what wasn't and how it impacted you.

You know,

In my family,

Love got ridiculed a lot.

So,

Guess who got ridiculed a lot?

And it took me a long time to take myself seriously in a way.

So,

It is kind of feels like,

Can feel like a sad and lonely and desperate place when we actually get down to what our little child felt like in our families.

And,

You know,

We're scared to go there because the kid was really,

The kid we were was really scared it was going to be like that for his or her whole life.

So,

The child numbed out to it,

And our egos do not want us to feel that again.

But if we feel it again,

It's like it's really important to know,

Okay,

Really,

Please understand that no matter how sad or desperate you get,

You are just clearing the complex.

It's not permanent.

It is impermanent,

And you can climb higher on the mountain.

You keep asking for grace,

Keep asking for grace.

Whatever you can to comfort yourself and support yourself to come out of it.

Do whatever you can to comfort yourself,

To help yourself.

Okay,

So before I open up to questions,

There's a really important point that I feel like maybe some of you will be able to answer.

Before I open up to questions,

There's a really important point that I feel like maybe some of you will get it right away,

But I will,

I'm happy to keep repeating this because I understand that it's not our usual way of thinking of things.

You know,

When I point to the body and that the body pains will show our issues,

When I was working with Bethan last week,

She was talking about nausea,

And I said,

Okay,

You're moving into more truth with this.

Okay,

First of all,

The transcendent body approach is there on my website if anybody wants to look at it.

Second of all,

When we're talking,

And I mention something like this,

Then what can help you out of your ego is then looking for signs that you're moving into more embodying.

Do you see?

When you have a physical symptom like this,

The nausea means that you're not through the issue around embodying your divinity,

And when the nausea lifts,

You're through it,

At least on that subtle level,

And you should see some signs of that in your life,

That you are more embodied,

And if you notice,

You can validate it.

And this will build your trust,

Or if I'm working with somebody and they've got a pain on the top of their head,

And I say,

Oh,

It's a block in your crown chakra lifting,

Then you can look for this in your life.

Look for where the feelings of greater trust or development,

Where you make a shift after the satsang.

Now,

This is high-level work,

Spiritual work,

And not everybody's ready for it,

But it's like,

At this time,

There's no ceiling on how quickly you could learn how to do this.

So,

For example,

I was sitting and I got extreme pain on my left shoulder,

And it's,

I thought,

Emotional responsibility.

And I thought to myself,

That is exactly something that was bothering me,

This issue of emotional responsibility.

So,

The pain shows me it's lifting,

And I will look for signs that this pattern of emotional responsibility is lifting.

I just,

You know,

At least subtly lifting.

Anyway,

Don't worry about it too much.

But these,

I just want you to understand that this,

This paying attention to the pains in your body is something to be used to help expand your consciousness.

But anyway,

We can talk about it.

Before you're ready,

It will just confuse you,

But at some point,

It will be useful.

Anyway.

Oh,

My goodness,

Such a lot of information,

And all you really need to know,

I mean,

All you need to,

Like,

Take away from this is that your beloved's,

Is that your beloved's,

And you're safe,

And you can find your way.

No matter what's happening in the outside world,

You can find your way.

That's it.

That's it.

And that there's your Alma inside you,

The inner Alma,

And she is your true north.

That's it.

Okay,

There's a soft expansion going on.

Some of you are feeling it consciously.

Some of you will feel it later,

Or will feel it unconsciously.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

You know,

If you've got a class of kids,

Like,

Suppose,

Think of,

Like,

Toddlers.

Think of a whole bunch of toddlers with their chubby little legs,

And how happy they are,

And how they just want to,

Like,

Love you,

And be with you,

And play.

That's what you guys are like to me.

Like,

You're just so adorable,

Absolutely adorable.

That's it.

Yeah,

Please get that as a baseline.

You're just like that to me.

And yeah,

And it's sort of like there's another part,

Which is,

Like,

Helping you up the mountain,

You know?

But it's,

You're just delights.

Like,

You don't have to,

You can still be toddlers climbing a mountain.

You don't have to be,

Like,

All serious,

And self-doubting,

And aware of your frailties.

Too much.

A little bit.

Be aware of your frailties.

We have to know our frailties,

But not so much.

Yeah,

Yeah.

I see your beauty,

You guys.

I so do.

I so feel your beauty.

Yes,

Yes.

And I'm honored you come.

You have no idea.

Mm,

Yeah.

Yeah,

And may all your ways be lightened.

Like,

Yeah,

I'm seeing some light coming into your paths.

It's interesting.

Yeah,

And may you trust more.

Yeah,

That's it.

That's it.

And we're all where we're supposed to be.

Yeah,

You guys,

We're exactly where we need to be,

All of us.

In fact,

You know,

Ama would say,

You know,

It's already happened.

So we're just,

Yeah.

We're just playing out a script,

In a way.

That's it.

Okay,

Questions,

Comments?

Everybody is monosyllabic at this point.

Okay,

Michael.

Yeah,

Go ahead,

Michael.

Hi,

Premasutha.

Hi,

Everybody.

You know,

When you spoke about the safety issue,

I just want to tell you what happened this week,

Actually.

You know,

I got a mantra a couple of weeks ago in Seattle,

And I was starting to meditate.

And I've noticed a couple of times,

Inviting Ama into the meditation had an effect.

You know,

One time,

It was like real softness.

Another time,

It was like,

You know,

It was like,

Real softness.

Another time,

Well,

I can't explain them all.

But anyway,

This one time,

All of a sudden,

I started to cry.

And it was,

I haven't had tears streaming down my face since I was like,

You know,

12 years old.

I didn't know I could do this anymore.

And I felt,

You know,

Sadness and frustration,

Of course.

But even that it wasn't,

It wasn't even that excessive.

You know,

It was,

It was,

It just felt like a release.

And I guess it must have felt safe.

But it surprised me.

It came,

You know,

Completely out of left field.

And,

You know,

Anyway,

I just wanted to say this just,

Just came out of the blue.

Remember,

Michael,

When you had that experience of the blue cloud around you and the peace.

And I said to you that your body was getting,

What's the word I used?

It's like being prepared for,

You were being prepared to integrate this love in more.

Okay,

So that is,

Your tears are part of the next part of the sequence of allowing this love in.

Do you understand?

Yeah,

Right.

But I also want to talk about,

Okay,

So the tears,

There is sorrow and frustration.

Okay,

So with the frustration,

There's a little bit of ego in there.

Not again,

Not making it wrong.

This is just high IQ work,

Okay?

Because if you can see the territory,

You can move into truth more easily.

So,

If there's frustration with tears,

Your ego's in there.

The tears that really work are the deep sorrow at feeling how separate we are from our truth,

Or tears of yearning for God.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

So,

Again,

There's no,

It's not wrong.

I mean,

It's fantastic.

It's part of the numbing,

You becoming less numb.

Because we numb out to our truth.

So,

When we start to awaken,

We start feeling more.

Mm-hmm.

I've left you behind a bit with this,

Michael.

What's bothering you?

No,

Actually,

I think I understand.

Okay.

It wasn't,

You know,

It was really actually hard to identify the feelings that I was feeling while this was going on,

And it went on for a while.

So,

It was kind of a mixed bag of everything.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Like I said— But,

I mean,

I hear you,

You know,

About the frustration and the ego.

And,

You know,

Just before that,

I guess,

I,

You know,

I had written you an email about numbness and alienation and feeling,

You know,

Feeling that.

That was more intellectual.

And this was almost like an emotional release.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah.

And you would have released the,

Whatever,

The chemicals,

You know.

So,

This is why women cry,

Like,

We feel so much better.

I'm just,

You guys,

It's just for helping you up the mountain.

Because I'll tell you,

I have worked with people who cry,

And they'll cry,

And this stuff is contaminated by the ego for,

Like,

15 years.

And that's okay.

It's good.

It's good.

It's part of the numbing,

Releasing.

It's good.

But I want you to get the overview about the kind of tears that really help the journey.

Right.

I'm wanting you guys to get the clarity.

Yeah,

It's interesting,

Michael.

There's a level,

I don't know if you're noticing this,

This feeling of,

You're being pushed against the wall.

I don't know whether you're aware of this,

Whether this is outside your.

.

.

I don't feel it.

You don't feel it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's okay.

That's okay.

That's okay.

It's all good.

Like,

It's a good step you made,

Michael.

I'm just feeling this thing about pushing wall.

There's levels.

It's sort of like you're saying to me on some deeper levels,

You're going like,

Premasutha,

I'm doing the best I can.

It's like,

Just leave me alone.

And it's good.

It's like,

You're working full time.

It's all good.

I'm just wanting to shine a light on the map about the kind of tears that work.

But what Michael did with the crying,

That's part of his waking up,

Becoming less numb.

This is all good.

Okay.

Does anybody else dare say anything?

Hi,

Premasutha.

Hi.

Good.

Thank you.

This is Riley.

I'm so happy you're speaking.

Yeah,

I'm on here.

I'm just like the silence.

Anyway,

I just wanted to say thank you for all that you do and your compassion and just your teaching and your light that you shine on everybody.

I just feel just so grateful that I found you.

I found you on Insight Timer.

And you've just really helped me along my path.

And I'm just really grateful for you.

I love Riley.

Thank you.

That's so sweet.

Thank you.

I mean,

I often feel like I'm the person who,

What I want to say,

But it's not allowed to be said,

You know?

So thank you.

I mean,

Yeah.

I appreciate your courage.

Oh,

God.

Yeah,

I'll tell you,

Courage,

Yeah.

There's certain kamikaze to this woman.

Thank you,

Riley.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So happy that you're with us.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Inge,

Please.

Can't hear you.

Can't.

Oh,

No,

You don't know how to.

Anna,

Is there anything that can be?

Oh,

That's so sweet.

Anna,

Is there anything that can be done for Inge?

So she.

No,

Inge is unmuted.

And I don't know why we can't hear her.

Sometimes if you unplug your headset.

Oh,

Yeah.

And like completely plug it out.

Yeah,

All right.

Thank you,

Megan.

Yes.

Inge,

Can we hear you?

You've pulled it.

You've unplugged it?

Shoot.

Oh,

That's so sweet.

Oh,

Thank you.

Thank you.

You guys,

Thank you.

Yeah.

Can she type up instead and chat?

Yeah.

Can you type it?

Good idea,

Bethan.

Can you type it?

You know,

Part of the reason I have so much courage is I grew up in this big house with this unhappy mom.

And it was sort of like,

I couldn't repeat the pattern.

And I couldn't be a lawyer or doctor.

I mean,

I just didn't want to.

I didn't want to study,

You know.

And I couldn't marry one.

So it was sort of like,

Otipa is saying sometimes it helps to choose a different mic.

Inge,

Maybe you could choose a different mic,

Can you?

Sure.

Okay.

So,

Do you see what I mean?

It was like,

I just was in this where I couldn't repeat what my mother had done.

I couldn't try to make it.

In this family,

It was like success at any cost.

So,

I just had to go AWOL,

Just went AWOL.

It's like,

Well,

I just can't deal with any of this.

I'm just going to wake up.

You know?

And then,

As I started to wake up,

I realized the amount of scorn I was getting.

And it was like,

Kind of what's new,

Because when I was growing up,

The love had been ridiculed anyway.

So,

It was like more of the same.

Oh,

Well,

I'll just keep going because I have these experiences of God and it's worth everything.

And all my problems get sorted out.

You know,

If I was running out of money,

Something would happen,

And I'd get some money.

You know,

There was,

I was always,

Even when I was like raising these two kids on my own,

And Peter would just see them every two weeks or two weeks of the year,

And I got really tired.

And we'd run out of money,

And then something would happen,

And there'd be enough money,

And I would get enough data from the universe that I was on track that kept me going,

You know?

And it was,

I just used empirical evidence.

I looked at what worked,

And then as I saw that it worked,

I got more and more proof it existed.

Inge,

Did you find your phone?

Did it work with your phone?

Can you speak?

You can.

Okay.

Okay,

Well,

I guess it's just,

That's funny it's the universe,

Right?

Maybe it's a metaphor for how you feel,

You know?

Maybe it,

Yeah,

It's so funny.

Technology will give us,

It will,

Even technology is beholden to what the universe wants to show us.

So,

Anyway,

The years passed,

And I got more and more practiced,

And more and more proof that it worked.

And then I developed this,

It was sort of this map of how the journey worked.

It became very clear to me,

And it was,

I felt like nobody's talking about this.

So,

It was like,

Oh,

I want to teach people,

Show people.

And now,

You know,

The great,

Thank God,

Thank Amma,

It's like there's a level of competence now.

Because in the old days when I was working with people,

I knew I wasn't fully cooked.

But now it's kind of,

I'm not,

I still have some integration to do,

You guys,

Really,

For the self-realization.

It's not completely cooked.

I've had this dark night of the soul for some months,

But it's like I felt what the self-realization feels like,

And I can see how my mind is just trying to squish it,

And it's not squishable.

It's already happened,

Really,

And it's just a matter of more integration.

Yeah,

This is what happens as your trust builds,

You stop being able to be deluded.

You can see the tricks of your own mind.

But,

Okay,

And this is key,

You guys,

You have to get interested in looking at the tricks of your own mind.

You have to get interested in understanding yourself so that you can see the way your mind tricks you.

This is the rub.

Some of you are too scared to do this,

And I'm saying to you,

It's really safe.

It's like Suzanne's dream.

It's like Noah's Ark,

But the world's going to be flooded,

So you might as well get on the ark.

It's kind of like that,

You know?

And you can understand yourselves,

And once you understand yourself,

The great clarity starts dawning,

And you see this lovely woman,

The deluded seeker who was like,

You know,

Who shushed me.

This woman does not understand herself,

So she is hostage to reacting to other people around her.

Do you see?

Shushing me when really she,

Why was she shushing me?

Yeah.

Like,

Without self-knowledge,

Our actions will make no sense,

Really,

Because it'll just be the confusion of the ego.

You know,

Where sometimes we even shock ourselves or we confuse ourselves.

It's like,

Why did I do that?

Yeah.

Okay,

There is a,

Okay,

I can feel it.

There's a deep space being made to allow you guys to sink into it more.

It's just a byproduct of the coming to the satsangs.

It's just a spaciousness for you to sink into this more,

Sink into the bigger understanding more.

And,

You know,

The bottom line is,

You know,

Whatever we do this life,

We don't have to do next life.

Whatever we face,

The amount of homework,

Of all our issues coming from all the lives,

Whatever we have worked out,

We're clear of.

So,

Our next life can be lighter,

Better in every way,

Or maybe we'll get right to the end this life.

But if we don't take any step,

We're just gonna get it next life,

And it will be intensified.

It's sort of like with the universe.

If we don't do our homework,

The universe is like a teacher.

We'll say,

Okay,

There's a penalty.

You didn't do your homework?

There's a penalty.

This is how it works,

You guys.

It works like this because we are divine beings and we're in true reality.

So,

That is what runs things,

And our egos are just this diluted pile of half-thought-out beliefs and half-formulated philosophies.

That leave us always getting our buttons pushed,

Okay?

If we're going along on our ego,

We will always get our buttons pushed by outside reality.

So,

When you start to wake up,

You may feel that you're getting your buttons pressed,

But at least you'll be able to take a step back and witness yourself.

Why is this upsetting me?

Why am I so upset that a stranger on the street passing me looks me up and down and makes a wry face as if I'm wearing the wrong clothes or something?

Why should I care?

Just asking yourself that,

Just asking yourself,

Why is this bothering me?

Yeah,

It's kind of like a self-attention.

Yeah.

Noticing,

Noticing your responses.

You see,

Because I noticed my responses,

It gave me a great clarity with how to,

What to do about that,

You know,

Well-meaning lady,

You know,

Who was shushing me.

And it was very cleanly done.

I felt better after speaking up.

And,

You know,

She actually got a very gentle lesson.

Yeah.

Just believe in yourselves,

You guys.

Please,

Just believe in yourselves.

And remember,

Really,

You're kind of hostage to what your life plan is,

So you're just going to do it.

So,

You're either going to be enlightened or not,

Or whatever.

Just,

I mean,

The whole thing is like a joke.

It is.

It's like theater of the absurd.

It is just,

It's just,

But we get together and we maybe feel our soul energy.

You feel who you are a little bit more.

You make a little more room for who you really are.

Right.

Right.

Oh,

And I can feel this.

I can feel this.

It's like,

Oh,

I can feel this.

It's like you guys are all being gently spurred on,

Gently encouraged to go forward.

Like,

You're being spurred on by this.

It's good.

It's good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So,

Teeba's saying anger is a deeply infected wound that needs to be carried.

You know what,

Teeba?

Yes.

Yes.

And yet,

At the same time,

If you want to clear your anger,

You just pray to feel the sorrow underneath it.

Okay?

Pray.

If you're sick of being angry,

You say,

Okay,

Universe,

Please bring me to feel the sorrow underneath the anger at the separation from the divinity,

And you can come out of your anger.

This is what I'm talking about.

You guys,

It is very,

Very simple.

Yeah.

Our egos would like a whole bunch of therapies to take care of anger,

And it's like,

Yeah,

Have the courage to feel the sorrow underneath.

It'll be the making of anybody who does because you tap into your soul energy then.

Okay.

Don't force it.

Don't push it,

But understand you could have 10 minutes of this deeply sorrowful feeling on a Saturday morning,

And you could have a Saturday afternoon of grace and insight and divinity.

If you just understand this intellectually,

The day will come where you feel that sorrow,

And you clear your anger,

And you'll go,

Oh,

This is what Premasudha was talking about.

Yeah.

There's no rush.

Our egos want us to keep our anger because they're built on it.

They're built on the fear and grief.

I'll tell you,

You feel the sorrow,

And you will become invincible.

You know,

We can feel like hothouse flowers,

Not very powerful,

But you feel the sorrow of separation.

You will tap into your invincible soul energy,

And your growth will take off,

But you can't force it.

It has to come at a pace you can stand,

But you will only feel the sorrow for a short time because the psyche won't let you get destabilized.

So,

It will try and stabilize it.

So,

It'll be like maybe 10 minutes.

It won't be bad.

You can do it.

It's just to get deep enough to feel it.

This is where a lot of you kind of want to play at level 20 and go round and round,

And I'm saying,

Oh,

Go down to level 100.

Feel the grief.

There's no rush,

You guys.

But just to know that you can tap into your invincibility,

And it makes you very neutral when you feel the sorrow.

You end up being very neutral,

Very powerful in a love-powerful way,

Very non-attached because you're attaching to your soul.

You're attached to the Amma inside you.

Right.

You guys are your souls.

This body is just a temporary marionette.

It's a temporary puppet,

Really.

It's,

You know,

Think of it's like,

You know,

You know,

Actors in a play.

It's like we're a member of the actor's equity while we're asleep,

And when we wake up,

We realize,

Hey,

We're God.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

And you're entitled to your thoughts and feelings,

And you're entitled to your mistakes,

You know?

Yeah.

But you're also entitled to your higher intelligence that sees through the crap,

You know?

And really,

When I think of it,

The reason I had to,

When I think of it just now,

Okay,

And this is how it happens.

Perceptions will just come to you.

So,

This woman with the shushing,

I'm getting the,

Just now,

It's clicking,

Why that had to happen and why I had to speak up was because that is what I feel like I get,

This shush.

You're not allowed to talk about this level of the development.

It's taboo.

It's not going to be respected.

We,

I'm back.

Yeah.

Like,

It's not going to be respected.

It's not going to be treated well.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

This is how it goes.

You know,

You just,

You know,

That had that incident,

I responded,

And then the deeper meaning of the incident just clicks in now,

Just like when I'm talking to you.

That's how it happens.

You just stay like that you want this knowledge,

You want to understand,

And stuff will just click in.

Yeah.

It's kind of like,

This is why I was so explicit about the process of self-realization.

It's like this feeling of,

I'm tired of it being squished or undervalued.

It's like,

No more shush.

It's like in my family line,

You know?

Don't love,

Shush.

No,

Not allowed.

It's like,

Sorry,

It's the opposite.

We got to love and we're going to be extinct.

So,

You know?

Yeah.

So,

You see,

Like,

Even this bumbling human way of it,

It's not like sewn up and machine-like.

You just keep a door open in your mind and your heart as you go through your life,

Just for more information,

More.

Funny,

Some of you look like you've gone into shock.

Some of you are really happy and relieved.

Some of you have gone a bit into shock.

It's okay.

It's all good.

We're all just parting on.

You guys are just so,

I know,

We're bumbling.

So,

I know,

We're bumbling,

You know?

We're bumbling.

This is the new world,

Finding the new way,

You know?

I'm just happy to have some company.

Yeah.

It's true.

Yeah.

Okay,

You guys,

If there's any just last minute comments or anything,

Otherwise we're going to go on to Amma's.

I'm off-site.

It's a 15-minute walk to the hotel,

But that's good because it gives me some exercise and it's not so crowded.

It's a very crowded retreat this time.

Wow.

It's like wall-to-wall people.

So,

Yeah.

Bless your dear hearts.

Thank you for coming with me.

Thank you for joining me.

Thank you.

And we're okay.

We're okay the way we are.

We're just human.

We're human,

Divine beings,

You know?

Thank you.

My heart's just overflowing for you guys.

Yeah.

Blessings,

Blessings,

Blessings.

Aw,

Blessings.

Yeah,

It's your heart that you do.

That's so cute.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah.

Aw,

Yeah.

May your week be a wonderful week full of insights and grace.

Keep asking for grace,

You guys.

It's the best thing.

Grace,

Grace.

And remember,

Saturday,

Not Sunday,

Saturday.

Yeah.

Okay.

Bye.

Yeah.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.