Cancer Free 6 Letting Go Of Guilt & Resentment: Forgiveness

Cancer-Free Six,

Letting Go of Guilt and Resentment.

Forgiveness Visualization Talk.

Note that this is not a guided meditation.

It is a talk on how to perform your own creative visualization to promote forgiveness and resolve guilt.

You might want to take notes.

People do not purposely make bad choices or purposely hurt others.

They don't usually get up in the morning and say,

Oh,

I'm going to harm Simsie or John today.

However,

In the past,

Due to certain limitations or lack of knowledge,

They might have thought they only had one or two options in response to a certain situation.

They most usually choose the best option at the moment based on their skill set at the moment and their available knowledge.

Still,

The behavioral option they choose might hurt others and create some resentment.

In fact,

Sometimes,

Because some people are always ready to imagine harmful intentions due to past bad experiences,

Low self-esteem or paranoia,

They may be hurt and resentful when no ill intent was meant.

In other words,

Their being hurt is also based on limitations in their skill set,

Available knowledge,

Or their belief systems.

A few years later,

After all the self-righteous self-justification is over,

People may come to the realization that they had better options or had better interpretations to choose from at that moment.

In this case,

They feel guilty that they behaved in a certain manner or that they interpreted others' behavior in a negative way.

Guilt and resentment are useless,

Harmful emotions.

Fully understanding the situation reduces resentment.

In addition,

Guilt is an emotional signal indicating that we now know that we were unfair to someone else.

Instead of feeling guilty,

We could also feel happy that we have now matured and become wiser.

Of course,

It would be nice to apologize,

But that is not always possible since you may not be able to find the other person or maybe the other person does not want to speak to you.

Christianity is great.

Jesus is punished and God forgives your sins,

So you are saved.

Buddhism teaches us to desire nothing,

Which also means we should not desire or expect anyone to act one way or another.

Following this logic,

There is nothing to resent,

Nothing to feel guilty about,

Nothing to forgive.

From a Buddhist perspective,

Our desires and expectations cause us our pain and disappointment.

Unfulfilled desire causes the pain of resentment and guilt.

Most of us,

Being unenlightened,

Still hold on to desires and therefore continue to resent or become the object of others' resentment and feel guilty.

In both cases,

Forgiveness resolves these harms.

This is important because guilt invites punishment,

Usually self-punishment or punishment from an imagined God.

Resentment often promotes hatred and a wish that others are punished.

Not knowing or actually realizing within our hearts that we are actually all connected means that wishing punishment on others is just wishing punishment upon ourselves.

In both cases,

There is a belief,

A misbelief,

That we do not deserve good things and do not deserve healing,

And thus punishment is required.

And thus,

We may sabotage our own health,

Our own progress,

Or even our own success.

Based on our limited knowledge,

Only forgiveness of ourselves and others makes us worthy and deserving of good things,

Including healing and good health.

In other words,

Without forgiveness,

Some God is always out to get you.

Guilt is actually easier to relieve because it means you have learned your lesson.

In fact,

You should be rejoicing that you're now wise enough,

Skilled enough,

And informed enough to be able to behave differently in similar situations now.

If you can,

You can apologize to that person.

Even if they do not accept your apology,

You can grieve your loss of a relationship,

Which you probably don't have anyway,

But still rejoice that you have grown up a bit.

Resentment is more difficult to resolve because you or others may still be stuck in self-righteous self-justification or still may not have a full understanding of the situation.

Denial that others might have been limited in their abilities helps you hold your righteousness in place.

And just as I mentioned,

Resentment hardens your heart and harms you.

Resentment is resolved,

However,

By a heartfelt understanding that is born out of your own unfair desires and expectations and by a fuller understanding of the situation both then and now.

Impossible.

You can also admit to and apologize to someone who you have resented,

Actually,

Telling them that you used to resent them for this and that,

But now you understand the situation more clearly.

Feel embarrassed about the resentment and seek their forgiveness for misjudging them.

Whether or not you totally believe it,

You may help resolve any resentment or guilt that they may be holding on to,

Thus resolving theirs and yours at the same time.

Once said,

It's up to you and the person to let go of the resentment and forgive or not.

I would repeat the old adage,

Would you rather be right or be happy?

Each can choose.

The following meditation is for better understanding of past wrong or misunderstandings.

To get a better understanding,

You can think of someone or something that you're resentful of.

Then set two chairs in front of you about 20 centimeters away or six feet away.

Imagine seeing yourself in one chair and the other person sitting in the other chair.

If you resent something you did to yourself or something life did to you,

Then see either a younger you or God sitting in that other chair.

In any of the cases,

See the chairs filled,

But the imagined people not really looking at each other.

Now think of the event that you resent.

Play it like a movie so that you and the two people in the chairs can watch it from beginning to end.

All of you can watch the scene unfold with objective detachment,

Like you're watching yourself in a movie.

If you want to,

You can put a plexiglass between yourselves and the movie to give yourself a little more distance.

Watch the people in the movie say and do the hurtful things to you.

You can start and stop the movie and rewind the movie at will.

Looking at the movie,

Ask yourself,

What is it that you want?

What were you expecting to happen?

What was she or he thinking?

What does that you in the movie know?

What did that you in the movie not know?

What was he or she feeling?

What options did he or she know he or she had?

What options did he or she know about?

How did that you respond?

Similarly,

What was the other person expecting?

Thinking.

What did he know?

What did he not know?

How did he feel?

What options did he know he had?

What options did he not know he had?

And how did he respond?

If you want,

You can hop in and out of the chairs talking to each other.

To improve your memory.

But always hop back out of both chairs to re-evaluate the movie objectively.

Do your best to understand the you at the time as well as the other person's point of view and feelings.

You might also remember what was the possible regrets and disappointments that each of you had afterwards.

Play this movie again and again.

Seeing it go on until there is an objective understanding of what happened.

What expectations and skill sets there were.

And what the regrets and disappointments may have been.

You can pause the audio program and do this now.

And then unpause the audio program when you're ready to continue.

Now that you have a clear understanding of what went on in that situation.

I will remind you that guilt and resentment are useless emotions.

They are not good for your health.

Would you rather be right or happy?

Would you rather be right or healthy?

If you're ready to let go of these emotions,

Imagine the following scenario now.

You and the other person are outside somewhere.

And you are holding a forgiveness beach ball.

A beach ball that represents willingness to forgive.

Face that person and say,

Repeat,

I understand what went wrong and I forgive myself for not being wise enough then.

Now please forgive my past behavior and please forgive me for unfairly expecting too much of you.

Then toss the ball to him or her.

If she or he throws it back to you,

Say that again.

I understand what went wrong and I forgive myself for not being wise enough then.

Now please forgive my past behavior and please forgive me for unfairly expecting too much of you.

Then toss the ball to him or her again.

If he or she throws it back to you,

Say it again.

And throw the ball back to him again.

Keep throwing it back and forth,

Saying those things,

Until he or she accepts the ball and does not throw it back.

At that point,

Wish him or her health and happiness.

When you are finished,

Please repeat these affirmations.

I forgive others as easily as I forgive myself.

I forgive myself as easily as I forgive others.

I forgive myself for not being perfect.

To err is human.

To forgive is divine.

I claim my divine right to good health,

Happiness,

And success.

Now when your unconscious mind knows what to do in a way that is just right for you,

You can use your own time and your own way to return to here and now,

Coming out of your meditative state,

Happy that you have taken this time to take care of yourself.