Awakening Naso 5783: Torah Mussar Mindfulness, 32nd Sitting

Welcome.

It is now a week later of my intended teaching and sharing and guided meditation with you.

I was sick last week and I'm still on the mend.

And as I say,

If you have health care if you have care around you,

Illness can be a portal into the great suffering and pain of the world.

And so I invite you.

I invite you to join me to catch up where we were and to understand where we are with awakening Torah Musa mindfulness.

I am Rabbi Hassio Uriel Steinbauer the founder and director of the Institute for holiness,

Kihilat Musa mindfulness,

Where we practice Musa and a track for the Dharma and mindfulness,

And also this beautiful synergy this third path.

The threefold where we learn from the wisdom of both Musa and the Jewish tradition and mindfulness and the Dharma.

So welcome.

As I said I was sick last week and I couldn't cover the parasha in Israel,

That was last Shabbat,

Not,

Not yesterday but the week before this past Shabbat.

And so I wanted to cover the parasha everywhere outside Israel.

Okay,

And that was the parasha Nassau.

So we're going to explore Nassau today and then a little bit later today,

God willing,

We will jump in to Beha Olochai Ha,

Okay,

Is the next parasha.

Before we jump in,

I want to cover some logistics and we're going to go into our Kavana,

Our intention for today's practice,

We're going to cover who's today's practice is in memory of and honor of.

Okay,

So this was intended to cover a June 3 in 2003 in,

In the diaspora outside Israel but a week ago,

Of course,

That was not the case.

So a week ago,

When we jumped into Nassau in Israel,

The date of Shabbat was May 27th.

Okay,

May 27th,

And the Hebrew date was the seventh of Sivan.

So this is what happens sometimes is that a because of a holiday,

It was Shavuot,

It was two days in diaspora outside of Israel,

We end up being on two different weekly Torah portions.

So right now in Israel,

We are a week in some ways ahead.

And so what's going to happen for all you lovely followers and practitioners outside of Israel is that you will now get the material and the video and the audio for the upcoming Torah portion,

Which is kind of nice for you because it allows you to prepare even more for that Shabbat.

You know,

You can see which one you like better.

Do you like having the material before Shabbat or reflecting on it afterwards?

There's,

You know,

Pluses and minuses to both.

So,

As I said back then,

It was the seventh of Nisan.

And we're going to move into our covenant,

Our intention for today's practice.

Thank you for your patience while I was sick and not able to be with you.

It really is lingering.

It's like this kind of fatigue.

So thank you for all your prayers and your thoughts.

So this is these are our covenant.

For those of you with vision or watching on video,

I'm going to read these out loud for those of you listening on audio.

And we say the same covenant,

The same intentions for our practice today and our learning.

We say these every week.

So we see this act of meeting for this 45 minutes to learn from the Torah portion from God and from our ancestors in the Hebrew Bible.

We look at it from the lens of Musa,

Our mindfulness inherited by our ancestors,

These great traditions.

And we see this as an act of radical self-care.

And so we say this is something I'm doing to strengthen my own soul in order to be a benefit to others in the future.

We are always other oriented.

We practice and strengthen ourselves so that we can be of service to others,

Which we see as being service to God.

So we also see this act,

Obviously,

As doing on behalf of others.

So we say in the second paragraph,

This is something I'm doing to strengthen my relationship to others so I can be a better conduit of God's good to others when they need me.

And finally,

We see this time together as strengthening our relationship with the divine.

The threefold wonderful path here of caring for the self,

Others,

And God.

We say this is something I'm doing to strengthen my relationship with the creator so that I can be a better conduit of God's good to others when they need me.

So may we all merit,

Especially we'll remind ourselves this at the end of our practice that this whole day of exploring this 45 minutes of Nassau,

Parshat,

The Torah portion of Nassau,

That maybe we merit this on behalf of the benefit of all beings.

Okay,

So I'm going to stop sharing this now for those of you watching on video.

And we're going to jump into a summary of Nassau and then I'm going to focus on one particular area today.

Oh,

Before I begin,

Today's teaching and time together is in memory of Leah Ben-Nun,

Ori Yitzhak Lose,

And Ohad Dahan.

Lovely,

Amazing Israeli young adults,

Children,

Jews who were murdered along the Egyptian border while serving to protect that border.

And it's with great pain.

I also hold today,

As I said,

Sickness brings a certain openness,

Kind of like a broken heart to the pain around us.

There was a terror attack earlier in the week that I'm aware of,

Forgive me for not having the person's name right now,

May all these people's memory be for a blessing.

But I'm also thinking of the 17 year old boy in Saudi Arabia,

Who's been in prison since he was 13.

And I can't recall his name right now.

And I'm going to try to look it up later for you.

He was arrested ages ago for actually protesting the Saudi Arabia government to be more open.

And they're trying to put him up for execution.

And unfortunately,

I saw a very painful,

Touching video of the mother coming to hug and hold him the last time as they were planning for his execution.

And as a mother of children,

It was heartbreaking that any government or any people would take a child and put them up for state execution.

This should not be happening.

So with all of our very being,

When we practice today,

We speak out against things like this.

We are witnesses,

We are God's witnesses that this child should live.

So we're going to hold that today as we enter Nassau.

So Nassau comes in the book of Bami Bar,

Which technically means in the wilderness.

Some people translate it in the desert.

It's better to say in the wilderness.

And it comes in English in the book of Numbers.

And for us in particular,

If you're following along,

And as I said,

The chapter itself,

I like to give you the full range of it,

Starts in chapter four of Numbers.

It starts with Pesuk verse 21.

And it goes all the way through.

I think I have this here.

And no,

Normally we have the full character,

Excuse me,

Goes all the way through chapter seven,

Verse 89.

Okay.

And what happens in this Torah portion as a summary is that Moshe completes his count of the families from the tribe of Levi.

And B'nai Yisrael must keep their camp free from what's called Tumah,

Impurity.

And there is,

This is what we'll focus on today,

Something called the Sotah ritual.

And it's meant to address a case where I'm trying to say this without judgment.

There is a marriage between a husband and a wife.

The husband then suspects the wife of committing adultery and has no proof.

So I guess you could say,

Maybe trust me,

I'm not a Christian.

So I guess you could say maybe trust has been broken,

Even though the trust might originate in the narrative and storytelling of the husband.

Okay.

It's broken down in the marriage.

And he brings her to the Kohen,

Who undergoes a whole ritual,

Which we'll look at.

In order to attempt to reveal if she has committed adultery or if she hasn't to clear the record,

Supposedly.

Right.

As if,

You'll see,

As if this you can clear the record.

Ignoring the laws of cause and effect,

Which we'll explore.

Okay.

And the hope,

The intention,

If we're going to theorize or posit today,

Is that there's this hope that there will stop violence from happening,

Causing harm and suffering,

Even though obviously I will posit harm and suffering happens,

A different kind.

Not murder.

And that hope,

The hope,

The people behind it,

Maybe have this hope of creating peace between the couple.

And I will posit differently.

Okay.

What also happens in the story portion is the Nazir is a person who promises not to cut their hair.

They make a vow,

An edr,

To Hashem,

To God.

They will not drink wine or come into contact with any rapes or anything of the sort that produces wine.

They will not come into contact with any dead body,

Including their closest family members,

For a period of time.

And then when they're done,

They are to bring a korban,

A sacrifice,

When they're done with their specific period.

And then the Kohanim are commanded to bless B'nai Yisrael by reciting this special pesuchim known as Birkat Kohanim,

Which I and other Jews recite on Friday night to our children when we bless them.

It gets recited in the synagogues.

The beautiful blessing,

I encourage you to look at the verses and see how you can incorporate it in your life if you don't already.

And then finally,

Towards the end,

Each day for 12 days straight,

One Nasi,

One prince chief of each tribe,

Of each Shevet,

Would bring a gift of silver and gold objects and flour and spices and animals,

All as offering for this Mishkan that has been built,

Right?

This lovely sanctuary in the desert.

Okay,

So now the Mishkan is fully stocked and ready for operation.

So that's a summary of our Torah portion.

All right,

Let's jump in.

I'm going to say for anyone watching today that the case in this Torah is painful.

Okay?

You're going to witness a human being,

A woman,

Because she is a woman,

Being treated in ways that we today as modern Westerners would find unethical,

Causing harm and suffering.

We have to look at all angles to see why this is happening in the particular culture in which it comes,

Which is the ancient Near East,

Ancient Israel from our ancestors.

Okay,

So this is the case of the suspected adulteress.

So today in modern times,

If someone was suspected of something,

Not adultery,

Obviously,

But is suspected of a crime,

Like say you were suspected of murder,

You would be charged with adultery.

You have to undergo your rights being recited to you.

You have a right to an attorney,

You have a right to,

You know,

Arguing your case.

You are supposedly presumed innocent until proven guilty.

None of this is here.

Okay?

The case of the suspected adulteress,

Which you will find in chapter 5,

Verses 11 through 31.

Okay.

And this is the Lord's,

This is Hashem speaking to Moshe.

All right.

He says,

Speak to the Israelite people.

The husband's wife has gone astray and broken the faith with him.

In that she's had carnal relations with another man,

Unbeknownst to the husband.

The husband doesn't know this went on.

And she keeps it a secret.

Right?

And it's seen as that she's defiled herself.

What does that mean that she's defiled herself?

She's called,

Caused impurity.

And there are no witnesses against her.

But a fit of jealousy comes over the husband and he's wrought up about the wife.

Right?

Who has caused impurity in herself.

All right.

Or case B,

Case B,

Is just a fit of jealousy arising in the narrative,

In the storytelling of the husband.

Even though she did not defile herself,

Even though meaning caused herself to be impure,

Committed adultery.

Okay.

This is just what today we would call like an unstable,

Unhealthy husband that projects onto the wife that she is having an affair when she has not.

Okay.

That's case B.

Case A is that she has,

She's hidden it.

All right.

He then is to bring the wife to the priest.

He brings an offering for her of one tenth of an f off of barley flour.

Okay.

Pay attention to what's being brought.

Barley flour.

Okay.

This is not what's usually brought.

No oil gets poured on it.

No frankincense.

The things that actually make it taste nice and lovely.

None of that gets laid on it.

And this is a meal offering for jealousy.

Okay.

It's called min flat kenna ot.

Okay.

This is in verse 15.

All right.

And it's a meal offering of remembrance which recall wrongdoing.

All right.

And then the priest will bring her forward and she stands before the Lord.

Okay.

You have to understand in this system,

Hashem,

God,

Is always involved.

The idea of you commit adultery,

You're not just betraying the husband as the wife.

You're betraying God.

You're betraying a relationship that is a triangle.

That you are in marriage with God,

Husband,

And wife.

Right?

In a heteronormative,

Heterosexual relationship of the ancient Near East.

So the priest brings her forward,

Stands before Hashem.

He takes this kind of sacred water and earthen vessel.

He puts some of the earth from the floor of the tabernacle.

And he puts it in the water.

The woman stands before Hashem.

He bears her head,

Which is a way of causing shame.

Bears her head.

Places upon her the hands of the meal offering of remembrance.

This meal offering of jealousy.

And in the priest's hands,

This water of bitterness induces some type of spell.

Okay.

And the priest adjures the wife.

Right?

And he actually says to her,

If you have not laid with any man,

If no man has been with you,

Other than you haven't gone astray in defilement,

Be immune to the harm from this water of bitterness that induces this spell.

Okay?

So we have a case here where someone is just suspected of adultery.

There's no proof.

And she's having to undergo a trial.

And she's being judged as if she were guilty.

Okay?

So he says,

But if you have gone astray while married to your husband and defiled and no other,

And a man who's not your husband has been with you.

Right?

Then this is going to be a curse.

And he actually says,

May the Lord make you a curse and an imprecation among people.

As the Lord causes your side to sag and your belly to distend,

May this water induce a spell and your body causing the belly to distend and the thigh to sag.

And the woman recites just like in the case of someone who has a kind of a skin disorder that makes them impure and they have to leave outside the camp and stay out there for a certain amount of time.

And so when they have it all over their body and finally are pronounced impure outside the camp by the priest,

They have to,

You know,

They have to scream out that they're impure,

Impure twice.

They say,

Tame,

Tame,

As it like a warning to everyone.

So what does she say?

She says,

Amen,

Amen.

Okay?

As if she's having to agree with this and undergo this.

Right?

There's no consent here.

So the priest says,

No,

Yeah,

Let's head to the priest together.

Let's head to the temple together.

Like almost as a therapist or as a rabbi,

You would turn to a trusted source to help counsel this couple.

Right?

But instead she's undergoing this as if she were guilty.

So the priest quits verses,

Verses,

These verses from Naso,

The verses of Sotah.

He takes these verses that were written down and rubs them off in the water of bitterness.

This should start sounding familiar to you if you've been following along.

I'll remind you in a minute.

He then,

He makes the woman drink this water,

Induce this spell.

Right?

So she's had this water.

She's sitting there.

They're waiting for some type of,

Maybe some type of magical reaction or response.

Then the priest takes from the woman's hand the meal offering and jealousy,

Elevates this before the Lord,

Presents it on the altar,

Scoops it,

Scoops out some of the meal offering,

Taking part of it,

The rest is smoke on the altar.

The woman drinks the water.

And if she's,

Supposedly if she's made herself pure through adultery,

Then these inducing,

Spell-inducing waters will cause this belly apparently to distend and the thigh to sag.

And she's considered a curse among her people.

So to understand adultery in the ancient Near East,

You're not just committing a lack of faith to your husband.

You're committing,

As I said,

A lack of faith to God and you're committing a lack of faith to the whole community.

It is seen as something where you're bringing defilement.

It is behavior that you are not to do.

And it will affect the whole community because God's presence will seen as not be in the community if there is impurity involved,

If there is behavior that is unethical.

Now,

Part of this we can relate to as moderns,

Particularly in our practice of being observant,

If we are observant Jews,

And also if we observe,

Practice the path of the Dharma,

Which really emphasizes healthy sexuality,

One that does not cause harm and suffering.

So obviously committing adultery in a marriage would be committing harm and suffering.

And it's something that one does not do.

And if one does it to understand the laws of karma,

Which is laws of cause and effect,

That if you go ahead and do this,

There will be consequences for you,

For your relationship,

The marriage,

And for those around you and your family and community.

And so we can understand that.

All right?

We will hold that.

But let's continue.

I'll finish the summary here.

Okay?

So,

If she,

Of course,

Has not committed adultery,

If she is not impure,

Apparently she will be unharmed and be able to retain steed,

Meaning she will be able to be a vessel to reproduce children,

As if she would want to.

Let's just leave that.

Okay?

And this is the ritual in the case of jealousy of the husband when the husband either was,

Or just as I said,

Went through a certain storytelling,

Made up this narrative in his head that his wife went off and was with somebody else.

Okay?

And at the end,

It finally says that the man shall be clear of guilt.

Okay?

He is clear of any sin in bringing her.

Okay?

But that the woman shall suffer for her guilt.

Right?

All right?

What is her guilt?

Right?

So,

Let's give a summary.

An irate husband suspects that his wife has been unfaithful.

Having no proof,

His only recourse is to bring her by force to the sanctuary when she undergoes this ordeal as if she were guilty.

Priest makes her drink this potion,

A consistency of sake and water from the dust of the sanctuary floor.

Parchment containing the curses have been added from this very Torah portion.

The curse spells out the consequences.

If she's guilty,

Supposedly her genital area will descend and she'll no longer be able to conceive.

If,

However,

The water has no effect on her,

She's declared innocent and she's blessed with seeds.

All right?

So,

You might be thinking immediately,

Wait,

If she committed adultery,

It's already told us in the Torah that if you commit adultery,

You are to receive the death penalty.

The woman and the man who committed the adultery together.

So,

What's going on here?

So,

The first thing we want to notice is that there's the absence of the technical legal term for adultery.

Which is na'af.

Okay?

So,

In the ten utterances known in the west is the ten commandments.

In Exodus 2013.

Also in Deuteronomy 517.

Also in the priestly code in Leviticus 2010.

It's like actually stated four times in one verse of committing adultery,

This use of the verb and the word na'af.

Okay?

So,

It's absent here.

So,

We need to describe her behavior or describe the suspicion of her behavior.

So,

Technically we kind of need another term than adultery.

Adultery is not the best term here.

So,

The way to translate it is this idea.

Basically it just says.

Okay?

It's this idea that she's gone astray and broken faith with him.

This is very particular language.

This language of.

Okay?

It's the only time that this term is used outside of the sacred sphere of the sancta and oath violations.

Okay?

We don't see this.

We only see them there.

Where the object of the ma'al is Hashem,

Is God,

Is the deity.

Okay?

But here the usage is in connection with the betrayal of the husband.

Right?

And it bears literally rather than a legal character.

They can't prove.

There's no witnesses of na'af,

Of actually adultery.

All right?

And if you notice the priest very,

Very clearly.

All right?

And if you notice the priest very and even God in commanding this,

It's very careful with the language.

This is why it's important to learn the Hebrew and study this very closely.

Never is the word adultery used.

And this is on purpose.

This is with intention that we are to use right speech.

We are to be very careful with our speech.

Right?

And so,

Basically,

This idea that this ma'al has this figurative meaning.

Right?

Where we're suspecting that she has gone astray.

Where we're suspecting there's broken faith.

And in him,

The storytelling and the narrative is alive as if she has broken faith.

As if she has gone astray.

And he uses his only recourse as the patriarch in an ancient near east tradition.

Okay?

And now,

What's important about this?

Why is God and both priests really disassociate the woman's fate from adultery from na'af?

Because that would be the death penalty.

Yes?

There's no ‑‑ there are no witnesses and no proof here.

Okay?

So,

Juridification lies outside human court.

Why is this happening?

Right?

Why is this happening?

Because you're dealing with a society that this is a sin against both community and the husband.

If they did not have this ritual,

We're assuming,

To contain this jealousy,

To contain this unhealthy valing factor,

Hindrance of choosing to see the wife in a certain way in a storytelling,

The husband and community could lynch her.

Take her outside and stone her,

Which is what they want to do,

Even in a case where it's suspected.

Even where it's suspected.

Such as the fear of adultery and impurity and its effect on their relationship with the divine.

Right?

So,

Since she wasn't apprehended,

The override husband and community may not give way to the reactivity and judgment to lynch her.

They may not put her to death.

This is only punishable by God,

By the Lord.

Right?

The punishment is inherent in the ordeal.

It's as if saying,

You're going to get some punishment here,

Even if you're not guilty.

This is part,

The shame you're going to undergo.

Okay?

Because adultery and suspected adultery,

The suspected gone astray and broken faith is a sin against God and the whole people suffer for such a crime.

This is what we're dealing here.

All right?

So,

There's something really powerful here that we need to understand.

And this is a challenging for us as modern Westerners.

But the Soto ritual is meant to contain the unhealthy reactivity and potential violence of causing murder to the wife by husband and community.

It is meant to say,

No,

You need to bring the wife to the priest in this temple setting.

Okay?

You're not allowed to just kill her at home because you suspect her or bring her out to the courtyard and everyone stone her.

These things happen in the nature of Near East.

They sometimes still happen in countries where she's suspected,

Where there are no witnesses.

Okay?

So,

We're dealing with a ritual caused,

Commanded by God,

Brought about by the community,

Very careful language by the priest and reinforcement in order to contain that reactivity and that judgment of husband and community who seem to be bloodthirsty.

Right?

This is the power and the pain and the harm it causes of jealousy and the narrative and storytelling that we can do in response to this.

Right?

So,

I will share one more thing,

Which is when I said pay attention that she used to bring this barley offering.

Right?

Barley was much cheaper than wheat.

Excuse me.

It was a staple of the poor as we learned through root.

Okay?

We learned in Kings 2 that how much cheaper it was in wheat.

And it was actually like kind of more given towards to animals in Kings 1.

And so,

Actually it's Rambam Gamlia,

One of our greatest sages,

Who will go on to explain that she has to bring this offering because,

And I'm quoting now,

And this is coming from Gamara,

Mishnah actually.

I think maybe a Baraita.

I have to look at the text to tell you.

He says,

And I quote,

Because her act was an act of a beast.

So her offering is the food of a beast.

Rambam Gamlia doesn't know she's guilty.

What is her act of a beast?

Notice the judgment here.

Notice the judgment.

It's as if she's guilty.

Even,

Even,

She's like responsible and guilty of the husband's jealousy,

Of the husband's making up a narrative that she's gone astray.

And this is,

This is terrible as we know because nobody is responsible for the stories we tell ourselves,

For the veils and the hindrances that we allow to continue in a dominate,

For the choices that we make.

And so,

It's painful.

I mean,

Unless,

You know,

To give Rambam Gamlia the benefit of the doubt,

Okay,

Maybe he's assuming the case of case A,

Where she actually was guilty and there was no proof.

But even so,

Do we want to be calling her an act of a beast?

Notice the judgment of our ancestors coming in.

Okay.

So,

I'm going to close with this to say how important this is.

When she says,

Amen,

Amen,

We learn according to the rabbis,

The priest encourages her to confess.

So you can imagine for any of you who have studied how people are treated when they are assumed they are guilty,

Going in where there is no presumption of innocence,

And then you're using techniques in order to cause an admission,

Which is a form of torture,

To cause people to say that they did something that they didn't do.

So here,

The priest encourages her to confess.

Could you imagine?

Like,

So she's probably feeling,

I have to confess even if I'm not guilty.

Imagine the pressure.

Imagine the woman who actually doesn't confess.

What strength on her part.

Okay.

I'm saying is she really like,

Okay,

I'm saying she's not guilty.

This is all in the husband's head.

So we can talk about the case where the woman is guilty and if she should be confessing in this situation,

Right?

Where she'll be left with no seed,

There'll be a punishment,

Right?

And I have to assume the husband then will divorce her there and she'll be a curse to the community.

Okay,

That's her punishment because they can't,

There were no witnesses and they can't prove it.

And this is not called na'af.

This is not called adultery.

So he encourages her to confess.

He says,

Wine can be responsible for much.

He's assuming that wine is involved,

That she was drinking that led to this,

Gone astray.

And no mistake that the Nazir is placed right in the same parasha as the person who completely abstains from wine in order to serve God.

They are the emblem,

The whole signal and sign of purity.

And here is the sotah who's assumed to have used wine to go astray,

To cause sin against God,

Community and husband.

Okay.

And he says,

Or frivolity can be responsible for much or childlessness,

Childness can be responsible for much.

Many have been guilty before you and were swept away,

Right?

When they refuse to confess and they drank the water.

Do not cause the great name,

Hashem's great name to be blotted out in the water of bitterness,

Which we're going to talk about next.

He then tells her the affair of Ruvayn and Bilhah and of Yehuda and Tamar that happens in Genesis,

Right?

Earlier.

He says both of them confessed and inherited life in the next world.

This is actually quite profound because these are considered somewhat righteous people in our tradition,

Right?

Ruvayn and Bilhah and Yehuda and Tamar.

And so,

You know,

Here their sin is being brought,

But for the good because they admitted.

And so they,

In some sense,

There's been tahor,

Taharut,

There's a purity,

There's a purification that went on.

And you too can have this salvation if you admit.

And even if you admit when you're not responsible and guilty,

It seems there is this underlying layer here.

All right.

So what,

What,

What's so important,

What happens here?

You,

You may have noticed something that should shock you,

Right?

It's shocking to any of us who are observant.

And what do we know?

You never erase God's name,

Right?

In the Torah,

Written in Hebrew.

We don't,

We don't race it.

It's just part of our practice that we're not allowed to erase God's name.

And so in the Sotah ceremony,

It involves writing down some of the psukim with the name of God from this Torah portion and then dissolving them in water.

Okay.

So you immediately should be like,

Well,

This is allowed,

Right?

So in Derek Eretz and Parak Shalom number nine,

Rabbi Yishmael comes to say peace is so important that God let the holy name be erased by water in order to bring peace between a married couple.

This is what you call the reasoning of a patriarchal power that wants to read something good in their behavior that they are actually causing.

They're causing harm and suffering and shame to the wife through this ritual.

And so what does the abusive kind of erate crazy,

We would call like husband have to do and the whole patriarchal tradition of stories of rabbis coming along to say later,

That this really is an act to bring peace between the couple.

Right.

What's peace mean in this instance?

Peace means he doesn't murder her.

He doesn't take her out with the community and stone her.

So peace means the absence of murder.

So that's good.

That's good compared to what a lot of other societies do,

Right?

And have done.

But we know today that this is not good and this is not peace,

Right?

We know the harm and suffering that was caused to her,

Even if she did go astray.

This act of humiliation,

This act of presuming that she's guilty,

This act of humiliating her,

Causing him to drink this dirt and verses,

Right?

Which to remind you where this comes from,

Think back to the golden calf,

Where we say the people committed the biggest act of the half of adultery and worshiping another God really,

It was probably more worshiping a replacement for Moshe,

Their leader Moses.

But it's considered such an act against God that they built and worshiped this golden calf and Moshe along with the Leviim cause the people,

He grounds down and melts this golden calf and causes the people that he considers guilty,

Or maybe it's some type of magical kind of spell also like this.

We have no idea.

He causes everyone to drink this.

I don't know if that was supposed to show us who was guilty because how did the Leviim know who was guilty that they went around and killed 3000 of our brethren afterwards for this act?

It's considered the worst possible act to our God among our ancestors at this time in the ancient Near East.

This is where this ritual comes from.

So here God commands us,

The priest lives this out,

Right?

You know,

Make sure that she doesn't get swept away in the craziness of the people who assume a woman who is committed impurity and adultery.

So God's name is allowed to be erased.

And it's seen as bringing shalom.

Okay,

So this is what I posit to you.

This is not shalom to her.

Right.

And I actually believe God allowed God's name to be erased in this ritual.

Because God's name was already erased in that marriage.

And God's name was already erased either.

Case A,

Where she actually did commit going astray.

And both husband and wife,

There's been a breach in their covenant and their marriage and their relationship.

So it's no longer this strong God husband wife triangle.

Right.

So God is essentially absent,

Missing from that marriage and that relationship.

Case B,

She's totally not guilty.

It's all in the husband's head.

Even worse,

Right?

God is not in that marriage either.

It's already been broken down.

The minute the husband can feel that he can go ahead and get narrative and storytelling.

And not trust her.

And to bring her to humiliate her and to treat her as if she was guilty beforehand is an unbelievable breach in this.

The marriage was already damaged.

And then this is the act of it.

No way would there be any shalom after this.

She's going to go home.

Say she wasn't guilty at all.

She's going to go home.

Do you think she's going to love and trust her husband?

Do you think God is in that marriage?

God's name is erased in this ritual.

I'm saying the ritual,

I'm positing here in these verses because God knows God's already absent in this marriage.

It's painfully so.

In either case,

God is not in this marriage.

There has been a breach.

Either through behavior that shouldn't have happened or behavior of the husbands that shouldn't have happened.

And this is painful.

The reflection that God's name is erased and why it's allowed and we're trying to fathom,

Oh,

It's because God wants to bring peace.

That's why God allows this to happen.

No,

God's just reflecting the absence that's already there.

So with that pain,

I tell you as a woman today reading this,

Painful to many people to study and read these verses of the Sotah.

I feel the pain for our ancestors,

For all the women who were meant to go through this,

For the husbands who could not practice and stop their unhealthy,

Jealous rage.

For the community who could not come up with any other ritual or way of being besides presuming that she was guilty and treating her such.

The harm that this does,

Okay,

And did.

Thank God we don't have this anymore.

So today we're going to move into our guided mindfulness meditation to help us with the Sotah.

And it's going to be a practice on forgiveness of the other.

So I invite you into one of the four postures of mindfulness meditation.

If you're seated like me in a chair where your feet are grounded away from the back so that you're upright created in the image and likeness of the divine it should be a dignified posture.

Not West Point stiff as if you're a soldier,

But dignified and also at ease that wonderful paradox right that I can be upright and awake and alert and at ease.

What a beautiful thing.

Right,

What a beautiful thing that God's enabled in us humans.

For you,

You could assume one of the postures of standing,

Walking no place in particular just back and forth.

Just a few meters or feet.

Or you can lie down,

Please keep the eyes open to remain awake and learn if you have vision.

For the rest of us if you have vision I encourage you to close your eyes if you feel safe and comfortable.

If you don't just lower your gaze so that you're kind of narrowing out any vision stimulation from this whole experience together.

So,

In our position,

I want you to sit comfortably arrive,

You actually invite that say to yourself.

I'm arriving.

I'm coming with intention to this present moment.

I'm going to try to be fully here.

Awareness of my body and the space awareness of my breath,

You might even feel the breath moving in the nostrils coming out the nostrils on the mouth.

Let's start with three inhalations the gift of oxygen from Hashem inhalation exhalation inhalation exhalation.

This final one really arriving to stillness,

A deep silent inner well then inhalation and exhalation,

Allowing your breath to come to its natural and easy movement.

Letting your body and mind relax,

Breathing gently into the area of the heart,

Allowing yourself to feel any barriers that may have erected in this teaching today because it is so painful.

Maybe you have emotions that might have arisen,

Or that you're carried.

Because either you're angry at what our ancestors did what God commanded what existed,

Or maybe because you have not forgiven forgiven our ancestors forgiven God,

Maybe forgiven someone else,

Maybe even yourself.

Allow ourselves to feel the pain of keeping the heart closed.

You might want to put your hand on your chest.

And breathing softly we're going to begin asking and extending forgiveness.

Following my words,

But allow the images and feelings that come up to grow deeper,

As you repeat them.

There are many ways.

God and our ancestors.

Even we have harmed others,

Or that we have been harmed by others or our female ancestors have been harmed by others abused and abandoned.

Knowingly and unknowingly,

And thought word indeed feel the sorrow that we through generation and generation has carried from this past.

And since now that together in this loving kindness and this forgiveness.

We can release this burden of pain.

And forgiveness,

And the heart is ready.

And you'll repeat after me.

I now remember the ways the many ways.

Others have hurt or harms.

My ancestors,

Particularly the female ones have hurt harmed me wounded us out of fear,

Pain,

Confusion,

Jealousy,

And anger.

I have carried this pain in my heart for too long.

The extent that I am ready.

I offer them forgiveness.

To those who have caused me and my ancestors harm.

Offer my forgiveness.

I forgive you.

Allow yourself a deep exhalation releasing any tension or pain,

Maybe there.

And now God forbid we think of any time and our bailing factors and hindrances and our fits of jealousy.

But wherever we might have hurt or caused harm to others.

We may have betrayed them or abandon them causing them suffering,

Knowing or unknowingly out of pain,

Fear,

Anger,

Jealousy and confusion.

We say the following.

Let yourself remember and visualize the ways you have hurt others.

See and feel the pain you have caused out of your own fear,

Jealousy and confusion.

And as you prepare your feel your own sorrow and regret.

Since that finally you can release this burden and ask for forgiveness.

Allowing the body to breathe you allowing the earth to hold you.

Sangha and Vod to take refuge together the strengthening each other through this picture each memory that still burdens your heart.

And then to each person in your mind repeats.

I asked for your forgiveness.

I asked for your forgiveness.

Being with whatever rises body breathing in ease and comfort and forgiveness.

Body breathing out release.

There are many ways.

If you have hurts and harmed yourself.

We say to ourselves I have betrayed and abandoned myself many times.

The thoughts,

Word deed,

Knowingly and unknowingly to you sisters and maybe even you some of you brothers,

Or those who identify as neither.

Allow yourself to be treated as if you were guilty.

Before proven innocent,

Who allowed the jealousy and the rage of a partner to hurt you to cause harm and suffering.

Allow yourself now to feel your own precious body and life.

Allow yourself to see the ways that you have allowed this hurts and harm to yourself to allow the person to hurt you that you allowed yourself to hurt yourself,

Maybe you felt you deserved it.

Maybe you did not have the self esteem and the strength to say no.

I am a child created in the image of God and I will not be treated this way.

Picture them remember them.

Feel the sorrow you have carried from this sense that you can release these burdens together,

Release the inner Sota extend forgiveness for each of them one by one.

And repeat to yourself.

For the ways I have hurt myself through action or inaction.

Out of fear.

Out of pain.

Out of low self worth,

Which we say is too much humility too much on that.

Out of confusion.

I now extend a full and heartfelt forgiveness.

I forgive myself.

Repeat after me.

I forgive myself.

Allow yourself to gently repeat these directions for forgiveness.

Today and each day this week until you feel a release in your heart.

If you have some great intergenerational and transgenerational pains like this.

You may not feel a release,

But only the burden and the anguish and the anger you have held.

Touch this softly.

As you would with a best friend.

With kindness,

With compassion.

Not being forgiven of yourself for not being ready to let go and move on.

Forgiveness cannot be forced.

It cannot be artificial.

Simply continue the practice and allow the words to gradually make their way in and out of your heart.

Make this forgiveness meditation a regular part of your life,

Letting go of the past and opening your heart to each new moments.

This is a radical act of self care of wise loving kindness of method of forgiveness.

I'll sit for one minute,

Silent meditation before I ring the bells.

Your eyes have been closed for this meditation I gently and slowly open them at your own gentle pace,

Allowing the light to come back in.

If you're joining us in this sacred zoom screen or on live streaming on our YouTube channel,

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Or perhaps you're meeting us at our website of Kekilat Musar,

Where you go to the blog to find each of these awakening Torah Musar mindfulness.

Welcome to today's Nassau.

As we say goodbye to it for now,

Wishing you healing and health and well being.

Thank you for today.

Thank you for your practice.

Thank you for taking refuge in the Institute for Holiness with me as your teacher and guide.

It's an honor and a privilege.

Thank you to Hashem,

To the teachings of the Buddha,

For all of us to learn cause less harm and suffering to do good to bring God's good to others.

Mainly have merited that today.

You take care of yourself I look forward to seeing you soon to cover our next Torah portion in numbers and Bami bar.

Please give generously today,

Whatever amounts you can afford to support these public offerings.

You can find all the information you need on the website or reaching out to me personally.

Thank you.

Take care.