Compassion Through Insomnia

Today I'd like to talk about insomnia.

My intention with this talk is to shed some light on the struggles that go along with insomnia and to offer some comfort and empowerment through mindfully exploring this topic with some compassion,

Especially if you're dealing with it yourself.

I'll start with my personal experience.

I've actually dealt with spurts of insomnia on and off pretty much my entire life.

I specifically remember as a child having a lot of anxiety around sleeping and my inability to sleep.

As I grew up,

I would go through times where I couldn't sleep for long amounts of time,

But I was still kind of expected to go about life as normal,

With normal responsibilities and going to school,

Going to work,

Home responsibilities.

And I was running really on low power mode.

I in fact still continue to deal with these times of no or small amounts of sleep and have come to some what I think are useful realizations about my insomnia and about myself and actually about my meditation practice.

So if you're listening to this,

Then I assume that you are or have also dealt with insomnia in your life.

I think that the first thing to say to you is that you are absolutely not alone.

If you find yourself getting anxious towards nighttime and you can't seem to slow your brain down or if you start getting nervous about not being able to sleep,

Then you are in great company right now.

As I said,

I myself have dealt with times of insomnia throughout my whole life.

In fact,

I just recently went through a hard time with insomnia,

So it's really fresh on my heart to talk about this.

I once took a meditation class and one of my teachers shared with us that she was dealing with insomnia.

And I remember thinking to myself that it was the first time that I had heard someone with a meditation practice,

An instructor actually,

Openly talk about something like that that she was going through.

And what that did for me was it encouraged me to know that I wasn't alone.

So if you're dealing with anxiety about not sleeping,

I hope that this talk can be an encouragement to you so that you know that you are not alone in this.

In fact,

There's a lot of us out here.

And as avid mindfulness practitioners,

We know that anything in life that arises,

We can use as a part of our practice.

And actually,

I'm going to repeat that.

Because it feels really important for us to think about.

As avid mindfulness practitioners,

We know deep down that anything in life that arises,

We can use as a part of our practice.

I don't know about you,

But that is really empowering to me.

Mindfully remembering that we're not alone in our struggles,

I think,

Is a really important part of this practice.

If you're getting ready to lay down to sleep and you feel this looming cloud of insomnia,

I encourage you to remember that you aren't alone,

And I welcome you to imagine us,

Your mindfulness community,

Up with you at night and supporting you.

I actually might just be up dealing with the same thing as many of us might be.

All this to say,

I just want you to always remember that you are surrounded by support with this,

And you are so,

So not alone.

Let's talk a little about anxiety for a minute.

I think,

For most of us,

Anxiety goes hand in hand with insomnia.

It's such a circle of events,

Really.

We're anxious about things,

So we can't sleep,

And then the lack of sleep continues to make us anxious.

It's pretty much a never-ending cycle.

And,

At least for me,

It only gets worse and worse as it continues,

Because my ability to deal with the anxiety is lessened so much if I haven't been sleeping for a few days.

Again,

If you're dealing with this cycle,

You are not alone in this.

This is,

I think,

A normal part of dealing with something like insomnia.

I don't want to talk too much about anxiety,

Because I think that's another discussion for another time,

But I know that along with insomnia,

I personally also deal with anxiety,

And I have my whole life.

And because I'm trained and practiced in my meditation practice as an instructor,

It does not make this go away.

What it does do,

However,

Is it allows me,

Myself,

To see the anxious thoughts,

And instead of letting my mind spiral or repress certain anxious thoughts,

I can consciously try to attend to them with some compassion.

Usually at first,

This thought actually makes me cringe,

But once I decide consciously to practice with it with compassion,

It has so much less of a grip.

That's not to say that it goes away,

But I feel a little more empowered in knowing how to deal with it.

And just a reminder,

This doesn't mean that you have to be perfect at it.

Acknowledging your anxious thoughts or feelings compassionately is a practice,

Just like any meditation practice is.

It can feel hard at times,

And we might even feel unworthy of the compassion.

I know I do.

I deal with that.

And this actually is even more reason to continue the practice.

Let me take the opportunity to tell you,

Even though I don't know you personally,

That you are deserving of unconditional love.

It doesn't matter what you've thought,

Felt,

Experienced,

Done,

Or not done.

You are absolutely deserving of unconditional love.

I want to repeat that one more time.

You are absolutely deserving of unconditional love.

And with that,

You are deserving of a practice of compassion,

Even if you believe in your heart that you're not.

And the reason I say that is,

The word unconditional is there for a reason.

There are no conditions attached to it.

In my opinion,

Actually,

Practicing with self-compassion and unconditional love is incredibly important if you deal with ongoing anxiety.

Let's talk a little more about the fear of sleep when you have insomnia.

After not being able to sleep for long amounts of time,

There becomes a fear of not sleeping.

As we already talked about,

This can cause a loop of anxiety and more sleepless nights.

I think that one thing we can remember when we see this loop happening is to not resist it.

If we resist it,

That will only make it continue.

As hard as it is,

We must accept that the loop is happening and that it will be okay if we can't sleep for one more night.

We will be okay.

Somewhere along my insomnia journey,

I realized that if I told a loved one before going to bed that,

Just so you know,

I might not sleep tonight and I know that's okay,

I felt empowered.

It didn't necessarily make me able to sleep.

It did sometimes,

But what it did was it took the power out of the anxiety loop.

It was almost a declaration of acceptance that my fear of not sleeping again might happen and that I was accepting of it.

I noticed that when I do this,

I feel more in control of not being in control and that actually has a really calming effect on my mind and body.

I encourage you,

If you have someone in your life to tell this to when you're dealing with insomnia,

You can say something like,

Just so you know,

I might not sleep again tonight and I know that that's okay.

Notice if that feels empowering to you.

If it does,

Keep doing it.

And of course,

If it doesn't,

As anything,

Just let it go and don't think on it again.

We're all different and we all have different needs and those should always be respected.

Something else I've done to help myself feel empowered in ending the loop is to ask somebody I trust who has an active prayer life to pray for me.

I think sometimes praying myself feels in these situations to sometimes add to the anxious patterns of thoughts and even some resistance.

And that's why I usually ask someone else that I trust to pray for me on their own time.

I also have people in my life that are not prayers,

But I know will send me conscious thoughts of unconditional love if I ask them to throughout the night if they can.

This actually has been an important practice for me in reaching out for support.

And I encourage you to do this if you have these types of support in your life.

I do of course recognize that not everybody does have these types of support and that is absolutely okay too.

I would encourage you to know that if you're out there and finding yourself in this anxious loop of not sleeping,

That in my heart of hearts,

I'm sending you love,

Even through this talk.

And that you are absolutely not alone.

As far as helpful tips go,

I don't really want to touch on the obvious lifestyle changes that can promote good sleep,

Like lessening caffeine or good night time routines.

I do think that these are extremely important,

But these types of tips are out there everywhere.

And I know that if you're like me and you're truly struggling with ongoing insomnia,

You've probably already researched and know about all of these tips and are trying your best to incorporate them into your life.

I will say that tending to your physical body is always helpful in dealing with anxiety.

Remember to be compassionate to your body and to listen to its needs,

Especially if you're dealing with insomnia.

And on another note,

If you would classify yourself as a highly sensitive person,

This might be something to consider when dealing with your insomnia symptoms.

I do consider myself a highly sensitive person,

And I noticed that sometimes before sleep,

I can get overly stimulated by my environment.

As much as we can try to keep our environments clear of chaos,

Many of us live with other people.

And as a sensitive person,

What might feel relaxing to one person or no big deal can be a huge deal for us.

These differences are okay.

If you can,

Just try and make space for yourself,

Even for just a small,

Small amount of time before you go to bed and fill it with things that are empowering and compassionate to you.

For all your sensitivities,

Maybe some days you'll choose to have some quiet time,

And maybe for some of you,

You'll need something different to comfort you,

Like comforting music,

Familiar shows,

Or time with your beloved pet.

Whatever it is,

It's okay and there's no judgments.

Just remember that it's your time,

And it's there to support you,

And that you absolutely do deserve that.

As we all know,

And I think this is something really important to talk about,

But as we all know,

As people who deal with insomnia,

Being tired is absolutely not the same thing as being able to sleep.

Most of us dealing with this are incredibly tired,

But that doesn't necessarily mean that our brains are wanting to sleep.

At least that's how I've experienced it.

I've noticed that in an attempt to be encouraging and helpful,

Some of my loved ones have said to me,

Well you seem tired tonight,

That's good,

Which will inevitably actually trigger a loop of anxiety and no sleep again.

Just know that all of us in this community know that you and I are tired and doing the very best that we can,

And know that that is totally,

Absolutely good enough,

And that you are enough,

Exactly as you are.

And I want to repeat that again.

You are absolutely good enough,

Exactly as you are.

Let's sit with that for a minute.

There are a ton more topics on insomnia that I could probably cover,

But I would like to end this one on a reminder.

A reminder that as mindful practitioners,

We know that all things in life are a part of our practice and journey,

Even the unpleasant parts.

And even this time of insomnia is a part of our practice and journey.

As I said before,

It's actually a perfect time to work with uncomfortable feelings and growing a practice of mindful compassion towards all that's coming up for us.

It's a time that we can remember that whatever comes up and whatever happens,

That we are not alone,

And that we are doing our very best and that that is absolutely enough.

Sometimes,

As I'm lying there awake,

I'll recite a loving kindness mantra.

There's something about having our own intentions repeated to ourselves as a soothing mechanism that's really good for us.

Our minds and bodies,

When they feel this regulated by insomnia,

Sometimes need this.

For example,

During my last time of non sleeping,

I kept practicing with the phrase,

Loving kindness in and loving kindness out.

Loving kindness in and loving kindness out.

And I did that with my in breath and my out breath.

What it did for me was it helped me feel empowered with my own intentions of self compassion,

Knowing that if I slept or not,

I was sending myself unconditional love during this time.

I would encourage you to possibly think of a compassionate phrase or word that you might need to hear in that moment and then to practice with it at night when you can't sleep.

Even though I have actually fallen asleep to this practice of loving kindness,

It's really not the goal.

The intention is to comfort yourself,

No matter what the outcome,

And without expectation.

This is the most empowering part of the practice,

I think.

I also have at times gotten up and done a walking meditation through the living room.

This has been really good for me when tending to my physical body with compassion.

I realize that not everyone will have a safe space to do that in,

Or a living room where you can do that in.

And just know that whatever you can do with compassion towards yourself,

Even in the very smallest way,

Is enough.

Remember,

You are absolutely enough,

Exactly as you are.

I'd like to end this with an encouraging thing that I once read and have kept very close to my heart ever since.

I read somewhere in my meditation studies that meditation is in many ways just as restful and important as sleep is.

I don't know about you,

But this was basically a golden nugget when I read this as someone dealing with insomnia.

And I hope it is for you too.

If you can't sleep for a while,

There are other ways to at least rest your brain in the meantime.

And they don't have to fit into a social norm or box.

My loving kindness mantra is a great example of this.

We can use our compassion-based meditation practice to empower ourselves during these times of less or no sleep.

And to know that even if it's not perfect,

We are enough and that we are all in this together as a community.

I hope this little talk has been encouraging to you and it leaves you feeling empowered in getting through some of these hard times.

Especially if you're dealing with insomnia.

Know that it's okay to take care of yourself however that looks like.

And to know that whatever might be helpful to one person might not be helpful for another.

And that's okay.

Just know that you are a part of this community.

A community of mindfulness practitioners.

And that you are absolutely not alone in your struggles.

Sending you love and compassion.

Peace.