How To Deal With Rejection & Use It For Growth #229

Welcome to the Soul Infused Monday Show.

Today's topic is how to deal with rejection and use it powerfully for your own growth and healing.

I recently got rejected or I felt rejected not too long ago and I felt inspired to share with you some tips and use this as a topic because I know this is something that we human beings deal with.

Rejection is uncomfortable.

Rejection hurts.

Rejection is painful.

That is normal.

It is inevitable.

And in some way or another,

We get to deal with this experience because it happens to all of us.

What often happens is that we don't deal with rejection in a healthy way and it can create a lot of emotional suffering.

And in order to avoid that unnecessary suffering,

I want to talk about this today and I would love to hear also if there is a specific area in your life where you are experiencing rejection stronger than in others.

I'm going to go over what is actually rejection,

Why does it hurt so much,

And how to deal with it and use it for your own growth and healing.

Now what is rejection?

If you google it or if you go into the dictionary,

It has different definitions.

But in a nutshell,

It is the dismissing or refusing of a proposal or idea.

Or also another description is an act of pushing something or someone away.

Now that's what rejection is.

There are different areas in your life where you can experience rejection.

It can happen in the workplace,

In business,

In family,

And love life,

Dating,

Relationships,

And other areas in your life.

When it comes to rejection,

Especially rejection in dating is the easiest to take personally and therefore often the hardest to get over it,

What to overcome.

So that's why I'm going to focus more on the area of love,

Relationship,

And dating.

Why does rejection hurt so much?

It might be obvious at the same time,

I want to go over it because it is such a crucial part of our lives.

We get hurt.

As long as we are in a human body,

As long as we are opening up our hearts,

As long as we are in relationship or connection with another human being,

We will experience sometimes feelings of rejection.

And it starts very early on in our childhood.

But why does it hurt so much?

First,

We take it personal.

As soon as you take it personal,

It will be about you.

You make it about you and your worth and your being,

And therefore it will trigger or hit certain places in you that create more pain.

It is also so painful because it generally triggers a wound from the past so that the emotion of hurt or the pain is intensified.

So it's not only about that moment in time,

It triggers a domino effect and it triggers a wound from the past.

Because if it's a very strong emotion,

If rejection is really painful for you,

It means that there is something unresolved that gets triggered that intensifies the emotion.

So that's why it also hurts so much.

It often hurts so much because it triggers something real deep in your core.

And if there are issues of unworthiness or a feeling of not good enough,

If you're someone who has a lot of self-judgment,

It intensifies that as well.

So it brings a lot up to the surface.

And it is often related to something in the past.

That's why it hurts so much.

And of course,

This is a big topic and I'm scratching the surface,

But to give you an idea,

Why is it so painful?

Because you take it personal,

Because especially in dating or love-like or relationships,

Because you also can get a feeling of being rejected in your own relationship or marriage.

You are generally more open,

More vulnerable,

More intimate,

And that makes you also more open to be hurt.

And it goes deep.

And ultimately it hurts because you wanted something that wasn't fulfilled,

Or you had an idea in your head or an expectation,

A longing,

A desire that the other person didn't fulfill or didn't reciprocate.

In a nutshell,

That's why it hurts so much.

Now you might want to write this down because when someone rejects you,

It has everything to do with their own needs and wants.

It has nothing to do with who you are.

It's not personal.

We take it personal.

And I'm not saying just seeing it that way will resolve everything and I'm going to continue.

However,

You might want to really write this down and remind yourself.

When you feel rejected,

If someone rejects your approach,

Your idea,

Your love,

It is because it doesn't fit with their own needs.

It's about them.

It's not about you.

It has nothing to do with who you are.

That's really important.

That's why it hurts so much.

How to deal with it in a healthier way so that you can resolve it and even use it for personal growth and healing to create joy and something positive out of it,

That you can use it for your advantage.

First of all,

You want to remind yourself it's not personal.

You don't want to take it personal.

I know it's easier said than done,

But it is a reminder.

It is not personal.

It is generally,

There might be exceptions,

But anyone that hurts you on purpose with the intention of hurting you wouldn't be a good match anyway.

So whether it is in friendship,

Relationship,

Marriage,

That type of rejection is not even a rejection.

That's abuse in some way.

And you would not want to have this person in your life anyway.

So in general,

It's not personal.

It can be a tool also for your own growth and healing.

First,

Don't take it personal or remind yourself it is not personal.

Now what often happens and why it's also in addition so painful when you feel rejected is we often go into self-judgment because we think it's about us.

We did either do something wrong or we are not enough or we are not something enough.

Maybe we are not good enough.

Maybe we're not good enough.

Maybe we're not pretty enough.

Maybe we are comparing ourselves.

Maybe you have beliefs that because you are a certain way,

This person rejected you.

You have self-judgment and therefore it is even more painful and that's not a healthy way to deal with it.

You want to remind yourself it's not personal and then you want to let go of the self-judgment because that will create more emotional suffering because you're already hurting.

Maybe that's a person that you opened yourself up or you would love to have a deeper connection and that person is not available.

That is painful.

That is uncomfortable.

That hurts.

So you are already in a painful situation.

If you judge yourself on top of it,

You just open up the wound and you hit yourself on top of it.

So release and remove the self-judgment.

Accept and acknowledge and hold space for the feeling because we also often either reject ourselves or we also often in order to cope with the pain,

We judge the other person or say,

Oh it wasn't important anyway.

I didn't want to have a relationship to begin with.

We kind of like dismiss it,

Ridicule it in order to help us to feel better even though it doesn't make us feel better.

Going into judgment or rejection or anger towards the other person for them not being on the same page as us is not helpful for anyone.

Don't do that either.

So you want to take time to accept,

Acknowledge and hold space for the feelings that come up in you.

You want to allow yourself to grieve.

Be with it.

It's okay that it's painful.

It's okay that it's uncomfortable.

It's okay that your heart is aching.

Allow yourself to have a moment of grieving consciously and holding space for yourself with love and compassion.

Take a deep breath.

Love yourself through this moment and obviously if something gets triggered,

If there's a deeper wound,

Get help.

Use this opportunity because something is coming up for healing.

That's how you're using it.

If it's intense,

If it's too intense,

If you know it's not simply,

Oh I feel rejected,

I know it's not about me,

I hold space for it.

If you really suffer from it,

If the fear of rejection keeps you from living your life,

Go get help.

I work with my clients on rejection a lot.

If you resonate with me,

I work privately with clients.

You can work privately with me as well.

Or find someone that resonates with you and do the deeper inner work.

Because anytime you feel rejected and you are in pain and you're suffering,

It is an opportunity because something is coming up to the surface for you to look at and to heal so that you can keep expanding and growing and staying open.

Because if you don't do that,

Your heart and your system will lock down and you will close up and it will just pile up to the wound that was already there.

So check what's coming up for healing so you can stay open for love.

The other thing you want to do in order to deal with rejection in a better way is to take care of the hurt part in you.

Maybe the inner child is involved.

Most every time the inner child is involved.

Take care of the parts that are coming up in you that need love,

Care,

Attention so that they don't reach out to other people and get even more rejected.

So you take responsibility.

You want to take responsibility for the feeling that's coming up in you and you want to take care of it.

That's the loving thing to do and that's also how you can shift and move through it so you don't stay stuck with it.

Remind yourself in those moments that it's not an attack or rejection of who you are as a being or as a soul or as who you are.

It is simply a mismatch of needs or a mismatch on where the path is leading.

It's as if you are going to a crossroad and there are two pathways.

One person wants to go to the left,

One person wants to go to the right.

You wanting to go to the right is good for you.

This other person wanting to go to the left is as valid as you wanting to go to the right.

It's just a mismatch.

It's not personal.

Take a deep breath and just take that in for a moment.

Just tune into that.

And while you're listening here and while you're tuning in and while you're taking notes,

If you have a specific question,

Let me know.

You can write it down here in the comment section or if you're listening into this later,

Leave me a review or send me a message.

Ask your questions about rejection in particular so I can also help you further.

And I want you to know that I know the feeling of rejection very well.

It is a painful feeling.

And to be honest,

As a human being in this body,

In this incarnation,

We share that fear.

We are all afraid of feeling hurt.

We are all afraid of being hurt.

And we are also afraid of being rejected because being rejected feels like a judgment,

A painful experience that we all fear.

We all have that fear in common.

The person that you feel is rejecting you also got rejected at some point.

You rejected someone.

You rejected someone in your life.

That doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't mean the other person is not worth it.

It means it's an experience that just doesn't match.

Because of unresolved wounds in the past and beliefs that we have about who we are and our worth,

We take it personal and then we suffer.

So take a breath and acknowledge that.

And I recently met someone and I opened myself up.

It wasn't even going anywhere yet,

But I felt like I'm interested.

And for the first time in a long time,

I felt this is someone that I really wanted to explore if that could be something deeper,

More meaningful,

More intimate.

And it takes so much courage and it puts us in a vulnerable space.

We put ourselves out there and expressing it.

When I did,

I didn't get rejected right away or nothing mean happened.

It was a beautiful exchange ultimately.

However,

It didn't result into what I would have liked.

And I started to make a story in my mind and the old pattern came up that it was about me.

I wasn't good enough if I would have done it differently,

If I would have approached it differently,

If my energy would have been differently.

The more you know,

And the more advanced you are on the path,

Sometimes the more subtle things you think are in the way.

It felt so uncomfortable.

And what felt uncomfortable for me personally is that I even went to that place that it was because of me and that I did something wrong,

Or that something was wrong with me.

That was more sad to me.

And I don't like to feel that way.

So I took the time and I did all the things that I've shared with you.

And I resolved,

I did some deeper in my work because I was grateful in that moment afterwards,

Because gratitude can help you to also use this for your own personal growth.

In my case,

I felt there is someone in my life because it doesn't happen often that someone really touches me deeply or that creates the fear of opening up because I want to go deep.

I want to be intimate in a very deep,

On a very deep level.

And when you do that,

You open yourself up and that's scary.

Really open yourself up.

It's scary.

And it hurts when we get rejected.

But I rather live my life being courageous and brave and opening up and being connected and giving myself the chance to have truly meaningful,

Authentic and intimate relationships.

And that hurts sometimes.

Now,

Because I was going through that,

I remembered how painful it is.

And I wanted to share it with you also,

Because if you are on a spiritual journey,

If inner growth is important to you,

If you are responsible with your own life,

And if you want to keep growing,

Rejection is a great teacher.

It's a great opportunity for you to dig deeper,

To love yourself,

To heal the places in you and to stop judging yourself and the other person and to stay open.

In a way,

There is gratitude also because if something doesn't work out the way we thought it should be,

It might have not been the right person or the right journey to go on to begin with.

And I remembered in the past,

Not particularly this person,

Because this can still become a nice friendship or something or it's a positive experience once we resolve the pain.

But in the past,

I've been rejected.

And I'm sure that you've had rejections in your past that were really painful.

And you might even have used the terms,

Oh my God,

Someone broke my heart.

No one breaks your heart.

You might feel heart broken,

But no one breaks your heart,

Your heart cannot be broken.

But when we feel that way,

We sometimes feel,

Oh my God,

This is such a missed opportunity.

And we have all these dreams and sometimes even illusion of how this person would be the right person.

But maybe it prevented you from going on a journey with someone that wasn't meant for you.

Because sometimes when we are in love or we think we are very attracted to someone,

We are sometimes also kind of blind.

We don't read all the signs.

And sometimes we end up going into a relationship that might not even be good for us.

So I have looking back,

Had some people reject me that I saw them afterwards,

Stepping outside of the pain is like,

Oh,

Thank God that person rejected me.

I might have gone into something that wasn't even good for me.

So there's value in rejection.

If you can step outside,

Heal your own wounds and pains,

And stay open on this journey to meet the right person or the next person.

I'm going to take a moment to go over your comments if there are any or any questions.

So if you have any questions,

Share them with me.

And I would love for you to tune in for a moment and ask yourself,

What's the most valuable thing you're getting out of this call today of this show?

What is your biggest takeaway from today's show?

What is your biggest takeaway from today's show?

Tune in,

Dig deep.

And if you're live here,

Share it with me.

If you're listening in later on any podcast platform or insight timer,

Please leave me a review.

I love,

Love,

Love reading your reviews.

They mean the world to me.

It opens up my heart.

I enjoy them.

So if this was valuable to you and you have a takeaway,

Please share it with me.

One of the takeaways is that is not me,

But them.

Yes,

Great takeaway.

It's not about who you are.

It's about their own needs and wants,

And there's nothing wrong with them either.

Great,

Great takeaway.

And great takeaway here.

I guess my heart isn't broken if it can't break.

Yes,

Great takeaway.

Because takeaway,

Rejection is not personal.

It is simply a dis-match.

Great takeaway.

Another takeaway is I will use a rejection as a path to learn and grow.

I now remember that I have rejected a few in the past.

Beautiful takeaway.

And how empowering.

Don't you feel more empowered when you take responsibility and you look deep inside and you use it,

You honor it.

It is so empowering and it will bring more love and kindness and gentleness within yourself,

But also to other people,

Those who reject you because they are as human as you are.

And they are as afraid of being hurt as you are.

And it is often very painful and hard to reject someone as well.

It's not easy either.

So it creates a lot of compassion within yourself and in the other person.

Now it might take a while.

It's totally okay to be upset.

It's totally okay to feel sadness,

To feel anger.

You want to transform it and then you get to the place where you can be at peace with your experience and you can see the other person also with an open heart and even love that person for the gift that they gave to you.

So may this day to day be an inspiration to be more loving,

More kind,

More responsible within yourself and to give yourself the space to honor whatever you experience,

Whether it's in rejection or anything else.

I also invite you to tune in and share this with anyone that you know is currently heartbroken or is dealing with rejection or has a hard time or is very afraid of rejection because we are all afraid of rejection.

That is not something that you can just erase overnight,

But you can still stay open when you heal the wounds so that you can actually let love in.

Because if you are afraid of rejection and you don't dare to go out,

You are also closing yourself up for someone else to come in.

So I hope this was valuable for you today.

I wish you a wonderful,

Blissful,

Beautiful and joyful rest of your day and week.

I'm looking forward to having you again on the Self-Infused Monday show and I am looking forward to reading your reviews,

Comments and feedback.

I love you.

I appreciate you.

Who you are is good enough and who you are is lovable at any given moment.

Much love.