27. Seeking Yourself: 3 Tools To Identify Who You Really Are

As you look for your goals into the new year,

You want to ask yourself who are they for and why?

Are these goals in service of your most authentic self or are they a list of should-wants?

In this process of looking inside,

You want to really own what is internal and you as opposed to what is external and others.

You need to be able to give yourself the permission to be honest and do nothing with it because I find very often that people lie to themselves or they're unwilling to see the truth because then they have to take an action that they don't feel they're ready to do or that it's too overwhelming or they can't do it alone or they have fear.

So I always say do nothing with the information,

Just give yourself permission to access it.

Unfortunately if we don't do this,

Right,

The unexamined life,

We're destined to be about the same person by the end of next year as we are this year and that's not the purpose of this new year.

We're in this world and the purpose why we're here is because there's more for us to grow and to change.

That's the gift of life.

Welcome to Spiritually Hungry Podcast episode 27.

We are coming to issue a Happy New Year.

In fact,

We are going to toast that in with a nice glass of wine.

Happy New Year.

Very nice.

This is our final episode for 2020.

Oh,

Right.

Very interesting.

Yes,

This is the year that gave birth to our podcast and so appreciative of the thousands and thousands of students,

Friends,

Listeners from all over the world who join us every- Well that is actually one gift of the quarantine,

The pandemic and the silver linings that we did start this.

I tried to convince you for years and finally you acquiesced.

Yes.

So we are going to be talking about new year,

New you.

Maybe I would recommend for those of our students- I didn't finish my sentence.

Our listeners who are not driving or walking,

Why don't you pour yourself a glass of wine as well and enjoy the podcast with us.

Thanks for that thought,

Kyle and Nicky for interrupting me.

What I was saying is new year,

New you,

But who are you?

You don't know where I'm going with this yet.

So I'm going to start with a story about one of our kids,

My inspiration.

Over the holidays,

Josh did something to me that I thought was interesting and funny.

And for those of you who know us or know our story or some of our stories,

Josh is our second child.

He was born with Down syndrome and he is quite fascinating in my opinion.

He's also beautifully complex,

I think with the simplicity that escapes most of us.

And so if you're not really paying attention,

You might miss out on the depth and perspective,

Very unique perspective that he has to offer.

So in a recent afternoon,

He said to me,

When I grew up,

I want to be part of a football team.

Do I know the story?

I don't know.

You have to tell me.

Oh,

That's interesting.

Surprise.

And then he asked me if I thought he could do it.

I thought that was possible.

And I said to him that I hope that all the things that you want for yourself will come to be and you should dream and you should go after them.

And so then he asked me,

What are you going to be when you grow up?

And I thought that was really interesting.

So I explained to him that I'm already grown up.

And then he looked at me matter of factly and he said,

So what are you?

Right?

Now,

If I didn't understand how beautifully complex he is,

I would just say,

Okay,

Well,

He just isn't aware.

He doesn't know.

But I thought that was a really profound question.

And it really made me take pause and really give it some thought.

So with this perfect question,

We're starting a new year,

New energy.

I think for a lot of people.

Good riddance.

Good riddance.

Right.

I walked by a store the other day and said 2020 sucks.

And I'm sure many people bought that t-shirt.

But the beauty,

I think besides leaving this past year,

Although I think that there are many gifts in every moment of time,

If you recognize them and look for them.

But I think that what excites people about a new year is the possibility of change.

I think just the possibilities.

Right.

Right.

Of something new.

Unfortunately,

I'm not sure if everybody is that excited about the changes that can and will come in 2021.

I think they're worried that it will still be a continuation of 2020 and to some extent aspects of it will.

But I think everybody can be excited for possibilities.

In general.

It's the new blank page.

And we write down goals and plans and projects,

Intentions.

But I want to challenge all of you to,

Before you go all the way,

How we usually create lists,

I want you to examine really who you are.

Where are you right now in this space?

I'm asking from all of you,

What Josh asked me,

What are you?

Who are you?

And I know it seems broad and existential,

But it's an important question,

Especially before you craft a newer version of yourself.

Because I think people are very often so quick to leave behind aspects of the past or a bad memory or a bad experience or any limitation.

We usually think of things like what we don't want anymore and what we want the opposite of.

So,

We pause and we really examine who we are.

We might surprise ourselves.

And I want to just unpack this a little bit.

So,

I am actually asking you to be an investigator and to create a list.

I know you like to do this.

Would you like to participate?

Sure.

Absolutely.

I'll take my pen.

Great.

I have a volunteer right in front of me.

So,

Michael,

On your list,

I want you to make one column.

And the columns I'm making in total?

Two.

Not that you need to plan that far ahead.

So in one column,

I want you to write down all the qualities within yourself that you're proud of.

And for the sake of time,

Write down like three.

But listeners,

Write down all.

I just don't want Michael to take your time.

So,

You're going to write down three things that you are proud of.

Okay.

It's on number two.

And three.

Your next column,

I want you to write down all the qualities you wish would disappear.

Oh,

Come on.

Am I going to have to share these?

I don't know.

Maybe not.

But see how you play your cards.

What happened to transparency,

Authenticity,

Vulnerability?

I will be transparent.

But I just want to know if I'm going to be sharing these.

No.

For the sake of the x-rays,

I don't want you to filter it.

So if you're not comfortable sharing,

Don't.

But write down three qualities you want to shed.

He's thinking of his third.

Let me see if I can help you.

I'm sure you can.

Just kidding.

Yeah.

I don't mind sharing them,

By the way.

That's interesting.

I wouldn't say that that's what I would.

.

.

No,

Not that I have.

You get to do my exercise later.

I'm not.

I'm just reading the list upside down.

Can I do yours?

Can I do yours?

Let me go back.

I'm not doing it.

I'm facilitating.

Yes.

Okay.

So now I want you to switch them.

That's right.

Put all of your perceived strengths under the weakness column.

So now label them,

Right?

So what was your perceived strengths?

That column is now labeled at weakness.

Go ahead,

Michael.

Can I disagree?

I knew you were going to challenge me.

You can wait for that.

All right.

And then the weakness column,

You're going to make it strength.

Strength.

How does that feel?

Confusing,

Frustrating,

Uncomfortable?

Wrong.

That's not fair.

You haven't given it a chance yet.

Okay.

Okay.

Here we go.

Okay.

So you can see here,

How one of your weaknesses could actually be positive.

And conversely,

How one of your strengths could be holding you back.

For instance,

I'll give myself an example.

I'm independent and I'm competent.

But those strengths keep me from asking for help.

Thereby often people think I'm so strong that nothing hurts me.

And that obviously couldn't be farther from the truth.

Right?

So very often people tell me horrible things.

And they think that like,

And I'll just smile.

Like,

Yeah,

Right?

It's funny.

No,

Actually it's not.

So can you go with me there for a second?

I mean,

You have your list,

But you can see how that could limit you in some way.

Stay with me.

The point I'm making is that when we approach the subject of our own strengths and weaknesses,

We think of them in terms of good and bad.

But where do we get those definitions?

The Kabbalists teach the world is called Olam HaFuh,

Which means an upside down world.

The things that are important to us turn out to really not be that important.

And the things that are not important usually are the ones we should pay attention to.

Yeah,

I still think you're going to challenge me.

And if you want to do your list,

I'm happy to do this exercise with you.

But stay with me a little bit longer.

I'm here.

I'm here.

The upside down world is one of lies.

Right?

And I'm not really referring only to the ways that people deceive each other,

But how we deceive ourselves.

We say things that aren't true.

We're sometimes not authentic.

We're not factual.

You know,

We want to,

Well,

You don't do this,

But like fib a little,

Just get out of a ticket.

Or I don't do this anymore in COVID time,

But tell the school you're doing something else.

They have a doctor's appointment where you're taking them to the nutcracker,

Something like that.

And the hardest to spot lies are the ones of authenticity.

When we say that we're not upset when we really are.

We say in a job we don't like.

Those lies that we say every day.

And I think this is a really important topic because as we're going into the new year,

It's really important to look back at the year and see in which ways we participated in this kind of thinking and this kind of behavior.

Even the world of lies is like,

You know,

We have a lot of friends that live in the South,

You know,

Yes ma'am,

No sir.

I mean,

It limits your authenticity or experience,

Your communication with people.

The qualities we decide are bad are simply those that for whatever reason don't match up to societal standards.

Can be,

Right?

I mean,

Can be.

I know you like those can and maybe,

But yes,

For the point most part,

Yes,

Not everything is all or nothing.

That's without saying.

The one that makes us feel accepted are the ones we decide are strengths.

This is what I meant when I asked you,

What is your frame of reference for creating the new you?

And that's really the point of the exercise.

Who are you to begin with and why?

Because as you look for your goals into the new year,

You want to ask yourself who are they for and why?

Because if you don't actually challenge where you're at,

Right,

You're going to repeat the year.

Maybe it's going to have different players and it's going to be a different setting perhaps,

But it's going to be the same movie more or less.

And that's how you get into a rut and every year why am I not actually creating the change that I want?

Are these goals in service of your most authentic self or are they a list of should,

Wants?

And I want you to really approach this task without judgment.

So now if you want to challenge me,

You can,

But- No,

No,

I think what you said is very valid,

Very important.

I strongly recommend all of our listeners actually go through that process.

I think,

Yeah.

But- But your list is hard for you to switch.

Exactly.

Do you want to talk about that?

I'm not sure.

I'm sure I'm absolutely fine talking about it.

I'm not sure it should switch.

I think it matter.

The question is- My point is how much are you attached to your strengths and your weaknesses and do you label them as good and bad?

Because even in my strengths,

Right,

What I see in myself on my list as a strength could limit me from connection,

From growth,

From breaking my ego,

Right?

Absolutely.

And again,

I think that the reason why I came up with a list that I'm not sure falls into that ability to switch is because I was not- I can help you later.

You can help me now.

Is because I try to live my life in such a way- That's honest and authentic.

That's honest,

Authentic and for my better,

My best self.

So I can make a list of things that people can consider good qualities in me that I'm not attached to.

For example,

And again,

Not to be,

To sound braggadocious,

But like people say,

You're a good leader,

Right?

That's part of my- I don't see that at all as part of what makes me,

Me.

I have no desire to do that.

I feel maybe that is a certain part of my calling.

And so anyway- But I don't care about what the list shouldn't be what people think your strengths are.

And that's why- It should be your list.

So you're maybe perhaps more attuned to that narrative.

Well,

Let me share with you.

Let me share with you.

My list of strengths as I thought about them quickly is a desire to grow,

A desire to learn more and a desire to share.

And these three,

I feel strongly are- Well,

They're very spiritually rooted and grounded.

But even- Here you go.

Okay.

Let me see.

No,

Let me hear the other list.

Okay.

So that was supposed to be your strength.

Yeah,

Weaknesses.

Caring what people think,

Any worry and shying away from confrontation.

Okay.

But my point is this.

You want to be not attached to anything on this list really.

So let's look at the negative.

Shying away from confrontation.

Right?

So you could see it as a strength.

I totally don't agree with that part.

I want you to actually have conversations that need to be had.

However- So you want to- Shying away from confrontation,

If you reframe it,

It could be that you don't want to have conversations that are reactive and that you're proactive in that.

Yeah,

But that's not what I meant.

Uh-huh.

But still this- Okay,

But my point is your list is rooted in spiritual concepts and in your spiritual growth and transformation,

Right?

I think that we are probably a few steps ahead who's been practicing for a very long time.

I think for- By the way,

Not that I could have made a list if I wasn't trying to think about authenticity and really,

Really,

But that could have fallen to those other categories.

And that's why I do think what I would say is that I think it's so important for our listeners to really- And my point in this is that you shouldn't be attached to any one thing as good or bad,

Right?

It's about,

And the list is important because where is your identity?

Is it based,

Yours are actually,

And this is why your list is a little bit difficult to use as an example.

They're very much connected to the internal.

I think for a lot of people who are doing this exercise,

The list is going to be more connected to external.

How do people view me?

Because by the way,

For instance,

The things I would not put on the list is great father,

Although I think it's important,

I don't either value myself or give value to the guy that I am or I'm not,

Hopefully I am a good father,

Right?

Let me call one of the kids.

And that's why I think as an exercise looking forward to next year for our listeners,

I think it's important really to,

I think,

And this goes back to the question,

Who are you?

Really who are you at your core?

What is it based on?

And that's the point of this list.

Right.

We'll agree.

We'll agree.

Yeah.

You wanted to share something else?

No,

That was my first idea.

Okay.

So- Because this is going to be a little bit of a truncated,

You didn't actually share that.

Yes.

Yes.

Well,

Those of our listeners who listened to last week's,

And this is,

As we said,

The last episode of this year,

And we know many of our listeners are on vacation or home alone,

But our studio staff- Or with a small food.

As well is taking the end of the year off.

So we created these two- We still wanted to do offer an ad.

Make sure that our listeners would not want to go a week without spiritually hungry.

But our editors have limited time.

Exactly.

So I was going to say,

So Monica and I are going to be talking about ways to create an amazing 2021.

And I think this concept of introspection,

Hopefully many of our students are home,

You're away on vacation,

Whatever your situation is,

It's an opportunity to really think.

And it's funny,

Monica,

We're talking about this,

Especially if we were talking about what are we going to do with our family,

The end of the year,

Vacation and all that.

And I was like,

I would love,

Love,

Love this time a few days.

To read.

To read,

To write,

To think,

Not have to do anything.

Hopefully that's going to happen for us.

But the fact that the world takes pause in the last week of the year for the most part or the last two weeks of the year is a spiritual opportunity.

And I strongly ask all of our listeners to take the time,

If it's an hour,

If it's a day,

If it's a whole week.

First like Monica said,

Think about who you are,

Right?

Now what other people think about you,

But really at your essence,

At your core,

Who you are.

The second thing- By the way,

Wait,

Thank you for opening my mind.

This is the thing,

Right?

In my list,

And I didn't create one right now,

But my list was independent and competent,

Right?

So,

You could see how that could work against me.

Independent,

I don't need anybody,

Never asking for help,

Doing it all myself,

Sometimes to the point where I'm exhausted.

Not that being independent is a good or bad quality,

Right?

It's just that that is how I view myself,

I pride myself.

This is a desire to grow.

So this is the essence of yourself.

Did I mention that I love you?

No,

Because I'm still going to be writing this argument.

You're absolutely right.

No,

Because my point is- You're absolutely right.

Monica,

Just to be clear,

It was never a question that you were right.

My point is,

In your strength list,

It could be certainty,

But sometimes you're so certain.

Because I could totally.

.

.

This is more about your elevated list.

This is your desires.

Those of you who are watching on YouTube or Facebook,

You can tell how much love I am entertained right now.

By the way,

We're going to continue this conversation later.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Tonight,

Before we sleep.

No,

Because I really do think it's a great exercise,

And I think it really attunes people into where their thoughts are,

Where they invest their energy and time,

And what is internal and external,

And what you pride yourself in.

I gave the example- Well,

And that's the point.

The point is to pride yourself is a dangerous- It's dangerous.

A dangerous child's reward.

But that is how we.

.

.

And I gave this example when I had the epiphany years ago that being a marathoner or a vegetarian,

Different things that I've been in my life,

When.

.

.

Because I'm always questioning and I'm re-choosing,

Being a naturopath.

Every year,

I ask myself,

Really,

Do I still believe in this?

Do I still want to participate in this?

Does it still work for me?

Running marathons,

Which I still am a runner,

I'll always be a runner,

And I might do another marathon,

But at some point,

Running at that level,

I felt like my ovaries were tight.

It didn't feel like it was working for me,

And I didn't have to run things off like I did in those years when I was running miles and miles,

Hundreds of miles a week.

Now I dance,

Right?

Because it's a different place.

But I remember when I gave up the title marathon,

I was really attached to what that represented.

Because if I say I'm a marathoner,

Right away,

You're going to think,

Okay,

She's disciplined,

She's an athlete,

A worker.

By the way,

I would never think that,

But I'm sure you and many others.

People in the running world,

Michael,

Which you are not part of.

So my point is you get attached to those things for whatever reason,

And that's why I think it's so important to create that and then switch it.

Now,

Because I'm not a marathoner,

Does that mean that I'm not disciplined?

No,

It doesn't at all.

So that was the point of the exercise that Michael so perfectly confused people with.

But I would say,

What I would say is,

And I think this is part of your point,

That in this process of looking inside,

You want to really own what is internal and you,

As opposed to what is external and others.

Exactly.

Like you said.

And what are you attached to and why?

Right,

And that's why labels,

Right?

That's the way,

Again,

Not again,

Tooting my own horn,

But- I don't think you did the exercise correctly because you were saying that first,

Let's just desire,

Desire to,

Desire to.

That's really what I believe.

That's what I believe.

And it's what you believe,

But is it,

The point is,

What are your strengths?

Yeah,

This is,

For sure,

It's no question,

But it's a different list.

I love you.

I love you,

Monica.

Have a drink.

Have a drink.

No.

That's part of the problem.

I've had a few sips.

You haven't had any sips.

Really?

Again,

I think it's so important that we can,

We both take that time to look internally and most importantly,

That the lists that we own are not anything external to what other people are thinking about,

But really what is true to our essence.

The second part,

I think,

Of this time,

Hopefully,

That we're taking to really look inside is,

And I like to call this,

And I like to do this at least once a year,

I would say more than that,

What I call an oh my God moment,

Which means what area of your life,

And we all have different parts.

We're husbands,

We're wives,

We're parents,

We're children,

We're in business,

We're teachers,

We're leaders and so on.

What part of your life can you look at and you say,

I was doing so well in this,

Or I was doing this so right,

And oh my God,

I'm so either off the mark or I need to change so much in this area.

How do you come to that moment?

Thinking.

You really have to think of yourself.

Not just thinking,

You have to first make a commitment to yourself that you're going to be honest no matter what.

I often say to people,

They do a lot of different podcasts and they always ask,

If we talk about the concept or idea,

Well,

How do we,

So what's the first step?

How do we get there?

I always say that you need to be able to give yourself the permission to be honest and do nothing with it because I find very often that people lie to themselves or they're unwilling to see the truth because then they have to take an action that they don't feel they're ready to do or that it's too overwhelming or they can't do it alone or they have fear.

So I always say,

Do nothing with the information,

Just give yourself permission to access it.

Interesting.

Right.

And once you start doing that,

Look at the important areas of your life.

The ones that matter to you most.

Yeah.

The ones that are important,

They're really important,

The ones that matter to you.

And not for the purpose of beating yourself up,

But for the purpose of becoming a better version of yourself in this next year,

Go through all of them.

How do I become a better parent?

How do I become a better spouse?

How do I become a better leader?

How do I become a better boss?

Whatever positions are important.

And there must be some area of your life that as you think about it,

You're like,

Oh wow,

That one needs a lot more work than I thought.

And if not,

Not sure you really go into this process,

This internal look and searching properly because- And by the way,

It doesn't mean that you're failing now.

Absolutely not.

Because for instance,

Let's say I was looking at,

How am I as a mother?

And not how do I think I am,

But what do I think the experience of me is for each of my children?

And if I'm honest and I put myself in their shoes,

Then I'm able to see myself hopefully through their eyes and say,

Okay,

Well,

I probably wasn't as attentive when they came home that day and shared X,

Y,

And Z.

Or I was busy thinking about this or I was late for something or whatever it was.

And when you give yourself that feedback,

Then because your desire,

Again,

Is your desire to be,

Let's say a great mother or father or whatever it is- Great,

Right.

Good enough,

Right?

If you remember our podcast- Yes,

Good enough,

But great in your desire.

As you so aptly put on your list,

Then you're going to be able to,

I think,

Access truth.

Yes.

So there's really two,

I think,

Two important elements to this is that,

Like Monica said,

Not in a way beating yourself up,

But in all the areas that are important to us,

If you really take the time to think and say,

How do I get better in every single one of them?

What are the things that I need to do?

What are the focus that I need to put in this part or that part?

But I strongly,

Strongly believe that if there isn't at least one,

Oh my God moment,

You're probably not looking deep enough or long enough.

And the problem with that is then you're not really going to change enough over this next year.

And that's why we don't have to be overwhelmed by the parts of our lives that we want to improve or that area of our lives that we feel,

Oh my God,

I really thought I was doing well there,

But I realize now there's so much more that I need to do.

It's not overwhelming because I have at least another whole year,

If not more,

My whole lifetime really to get better at that.

So I think what you're really saying is give yourself permission to see your failings and faults in the most kind and forgiving way possible with love and compassion.

And that's how you're going to go into the year creating a different experience in the areas that matter most.

And unfortunately,

If we don't do this,

The unexamined life,

We're destined to be about the same person by the end of next year as we are this year.

And that's not the purpose of this new year.

The purpose of this new year must be that I end 2021 significantly better,

More elevated,

A better husband,

A better father,

A better whatever areas of my life are important when I finish 2021.

And that's only possible if I really take the time now as I'm preparing,

As we are preparing for it,

To look at all the areas that need improvement and guaranteed every area of our lives can use improvement.

And also that one or more areas of our lives were like,

Wow,

I really need to make significant changes there.

And the point is that you'll have the life you want.

It's the way,

I often talk about this in relationships.

People don't really do this because the failure and the fault is the part they can't get past.

But if your intention is to have the best experience in everything you put out there in the world,

Then you would run to see these kinds of things.

I mean,

That's really how I approach every area.

And when you do that,

Failure and fault actually is the piece and the puzzle you were looking for and you were searching for.

And now that you have it,

You see a bigger picture and you feel proud of yourself and it's the opposite.

I feel like,

Again,

The upside down world,

A lot of words have a bad connotation when in reality,

Those are the ones that you really want to chase.

You want failure.

You want to see your faults.

You want to be imperfect.

And when you do and you find those nuggets,

You're like,

Yes,

Now I know this is the piece that's going to get me around the corner to the next thing that I've been wanting so badly.

But the world that we grow up in,

It's like,

Oh no,

Never fail,

Be perfect,

Look like you have it all put together.

And that's- And as a spiritual concept,

We know that the reason we actually are granted,

Blessed with another year to live is exactly because there's at least a year worth of us to grow,

To change,

To correct.

Right?

No perfect being lives because if a being is perfect,

There's other places for that person.

We're in this world because- But also to get to that place,

It's very difficult.

It's not- To get to the which place?

Where you've checked off everything you're supposed to.

Of course,

Of course.

Forget about that.

But the point is we're in this world and the purpose why we're here is because there is more for us to grow and to change.

That's the gift of life.

Right.

So with a few days left to 2021,

As we said now,

Most of us have probably written our list or are writing them in this moment of the things we want to achieve.

And also I think things that we want to say goodbye to in 2020.

But I had this epiphany a few years ago because I think that especially in the year like we just had people like,

I never want to think about that.

I just want to write this year off.

I had this epiphany that you actually want to see the greatness in every year,

Even if it was difficult,

No matter what it was,

You want to see what was great about it.

And scientists have outlined seven ancient instincts that exist with every human being.

There's anger,

Fear,

Grief,

Play,

Pleasure,

Care,

And seeking.

And the most important of course is the impulse to seek,

Which I love this study.

Being in a constant state of seeking is the foundation of our spiritual unfoldment.

And by the way,

Our physical and biological need,

Basic.

Basic,

Basic need more than anything else.

And a lot of our teachings in Kabbalah revolve around having appreciation.

Because as the Kabbalists say,

Blessings can't rest in a place of darkness.

So without consciousness and gratitude,

We will fall short of our dreams,

Right?

Because we're constantly looking at lack instead of goodness.

So even in a year that may have been dark,

Right?

You need to look for the gifts.

And it's easy to only focus on lack.

So before you make your final touches to your list and your goals for 2021- Well,

I'm going to be rewriting mine.

That's for sure.

For 2021.

I want us to take a moment and just write down the answers to the following questions.

I'm not even going to ask you to participate because you're not fun to play games with.

So the first- That's not true.

Don't give our listeners the wrong- Not Scrabble,

Certainly.

And do not even talk about that story.

Okay,

I'm going to go with Scrabble.

All right,

So try the second- Monica and I played Scrabble once.

That's all it was for.

Oh,

And that was the last time.

All right,

I'm going to ask questions.

Write them down.

I'm not sure I'm going to call on you though.

All right,

Don't look at my last- Okay.

What new friendships did you make in the last year?

What relationships did you heal or fortify?

That's a really,

Really powerful question.

Relationships are so important in our lives.

So really think,

What relationships are you most grateful for and what healing occurred or even where did you gracefully release a relationship that didn't work for you?

Did you meet somebody who became an ally,

A source of support,

Brought joy in your life?

Because again,

Even through all of the darkness and all of the ups and downs and all of the sickness and everything else,

We can find the beauty in it.

It's really important to do.

Again,

If we go back to that Kabbalistic reference of blessings cannot rest in a place of darkness.

So if you want to go into the new year different,

You need to make sure that your consciousness is supporting that.

The next question is,

What did you overcome?

So make a list of every challenge you faced.

What did you learn?

How did it help you grow?

Were there challenges that you felt you failed at overcoming?

Which is okay.

You want that information,

Right?

This is how you're going to shift the perspective to see it as a gift.

The next question is,

What are you proud of having completed?

Which is a really powerful question also.

Even if it was just organizing your closet,

I did that today.

I'm going to do it again on Friday and Saturday.

Maybe you read every book in your book club.

Maybe you stuck to a 30-day health challenge.

Maybe you kicked an unhealthy eating habit,

Right?

So write down,

It doesn't matter how big it is or how small it was,

What are you proud of having completed?

That's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

The next is- I've never heard this.

Have you ever said this before?

There's lots of things that you haven't heard,

Sweetie.

This is what keeps our marriage alive.

Alive.

The next question is,

What's something new that you learned about yourself?

And I think that is- What are we dealing with now?

That's a good,

Good,

Good one.

Every year we grow and change,

Whether you're fully paying attention or not.

The experiences we have across each of the 365 days of any given year shape and transform us,

Right?

Think about it that way.

Every single day has shaped and transformed you,

Me,

All of us.

We can use them to create stories about how we aren't good enough,

How it didn't go as planned,

How we messed up or how we missed out.

Or we can use them to get to know ourselves in a deeper way.

What is one positive thing you've learned about yourself this year?

What about this makes you proud to be you?

Now what is one thing you aren't proud of?

How can you bring more love and appreciation to that part of you?

Because at the end of the day,

It's all of you,

The good and the bad.

So yeah,

I think that's good.

This is great.

This is great.

And I was thinking as you were saying,

To me it looks like six things or seven if you can't not proud.

But I think this is such a great blueprint for our listeners to really take the time.

I don't know if this is something you want to answer quickly.

No,

You really want to say this.

And like you said,

They both can create an appreciation.

Maybe we should do this on New Year's Eve.

That's a good idea.

The kids.

That's a good idea.

To both awaken appreciation for the past year and as a way of laying the groundwork for an amazing new year.

Yeah.

Beautiful.

Oh,

Thanks Michael.

So I think this is the time to wish our listeners a happy new year.

And as we said- What is the song you let James take?

Yeah,

James Taylor has a great version of All I'm Saying.

That as we said in the beginning,

This time of year- Wait,

You're all big on questions.

Do you want to answer one of these?

Because you're always like,

Oh,

Monica gave a question for me.

I have a question for you.

What was your question?

Any of these.

Oh,

To answer them.

You want me to come up with another original question?

Yes,

Actually there is.

So the third thing you mentioned was something new about yourself.

Something that you learned about yourself in the past year.

And that's interesting because it's actually something,

I'm not sure if I've shared this before,

But I remember this was a few weeks after my mother left this physical world.

And that struggle of the fear of death.

Did you have a fear of death?

I think we all to some extent.

Right?

Hopefully.

I remember the first time- Especially when you have family and loved ones.

Yeah.

Maybe that's the difference.

Because I remember early in our,

Not early,

But when we went to the first funeral together and you were,

I wouldn't say excited,

But your reaction was different than most people.

And I asked you about it and you said that it was a really good reminder.

Right.

I'm inspired,

Not in a happy way obviously,

But inspired from- So I mean excited because I guess that's inspiration.

Yes.

Because it's truth.

It's funny.

One of the things about death and funerals and cemeteries,

Not to get too dark as we're wishing it had a new year,

But is that it really,

I think,

Clarifies,

Right?

It's a very clarifying place,

Situation.

What's really important.

So it's like a reset for you.

Yeah.

From what I was watching.

Yeah.

I find it very inspiring.

Very inspiring.

But now you're saying- What I was going to say is- Somebody close to you is a different- It's a different thing.

And especially since my mother has had such an amazing impact,

Continues really to have an amazing impact on so many people all over the world.

A tremendous amount of love that she gave,

A tremendous amount of wisdom that she shared.

I mean,

Just obviously that list is endless of what she accomplished,

What she continues to give.

And then I literally remember this moment I was driving somewhere and I just had that thought,

In the truest space,

What matters is what you've done for others and what you've left here in this world for others to gain benefit from.

All the rest of it is temporary.

And with that,

And again,

Not that we still love the time that we spend with our family,

We don't want that to ever end,

But for me it was a very beautiful,

Powerful moment.

That clarity,

At the end of the day,

If you've lived the life that was really focused as much as it can be on giving benefit to others,

If your life was focused on putting into this world things,

They can be books,

They can be videos,

They can be love,

That leaves a continuing benefit for people,

For humanity,

That's immortal.

Also a person lives another year,

Another 50 years,

Another 100 years,

If that's not what is left,

If that's not,

Forget about left,

If that's not where the focus is,

What have I done today to put into this world the benefit for humanity,

For one other person,

To make it not to make it too big?

That's really immortality on some level.

But this is what you learned about yourself?

Yeah.

Well,

My point is it was a further release of any attachment,

Again,

Not to get too spiritual,

To the physical being of this world,

And or on the other side of it,

The fear of death.

Whereas because I was thinking about my mother and how,

Yes,

She left this physical world,

But wow,

She left so much.

There still is so much that continues giving.

That is so much more important than one more day and one more year of life.

So if you're living your life,

And for me it was like,

As long as you're focused on,

Not all of us have parts of our lives,

Parts of ourselves that are selfish,

But if you really focus on what you're leaving,

What you're giving,

I would say more than that,

Then it really takes you away from any.

.

.

It takes you away,

Again,

None of us are perfect,

But that fear of death and making sure that we're leaving immortal things in this world.

Indelible,

Mark.

Anyway,

I hope I didn't take this podcast to a different place because what we're trying to say to our listeners is that this time of year is an opportunity to think,

To look deep inside,

To do monocas,

Both first and second list.

Especially the first.

Especially the first,

And to do it right,

Not like I did.

But most importantly,

Because as we take this time to really delve inside in ways maybe that we didn't have the time or the inclination the rest of the year,

We have to make sure that 2021,

Not only is a better year,

But that we are better in it.

Take all the gifts from last year and bring it into the year.

I think in fact,

Because it was difficult,

Makes us take pause and rethink a lot of things.

If you had an amazing year,

Be like,

Oh,

This was great.

I'm just going to float into the next year and hope for the same thing.

I think it's necessary,

These rethink moments,

These life quakes as we've talked about.

And yeah,

I mean it all comes together in a perfect way,

Whether you can see it fully or not.

Right.

And again,

I think I've shared this before,

But one of the important spiritual teachings is that when something big happens and the world certainly experienced,

You said life quakes,

This was a world quake,

Right?

What happened with COVID-19 and 20- Everybody was touched by it in some way.

There's only two things that can happen next for each individual and for our world collectively.

Either we take a great leap forward or we fall back greatly.

There is no staying in the same space after something big has happened.

And that's why I think maybe more than ever in our lifetimes,

This end of 2020 and the beginning of 2021 is a very important moment where we choose whether we will actively grow greatly and change greatly and make 2021 an amazing year,

Or if we do nothing or don't push enough,

There's no possibility of staying as we were.

The other option is falling greatly backwards.

So I really hope for ourselves,

For our listeners,

For our world,

That as many of us as possible take this inflection point and really propel greatly forward.

By the way,

I think a lot of times it's the new year or it's a Valentine's day or it's whatever,

And we designate certain times of year for certain things.

Do this exercise every month.

Do it- But at least,

I would say at least- I know.

I mean,

We've practiced doing it.

I do it every week.

I do it every day on some level.

I think that that is what makes sure- Well,

I think it's better at the first one,

That's for sure.

That's my- That you're checked in to your life.

So happy new year.

Let's do a little cheers.

Cheers.

We've actually- Cling,

Cling.

Cling.

Cling.

Happy new year to all of our listeners and to all of us and to our world to an amazing 2021.

We got to take a- Yes,

It was.

There we go.

One second.

It's funny.

I'm looking at my watch and we were supposed to make this a short episode.

It wasn't that short.

I'm not sure,

But longer than we expected.

Again,

Go to- See,

That could be on your list,

Like really hung up on time.

Just so all of our listeners are clear,

This conversation goes on after the cameras go off.

It's called Date Night.

Go to Apple Podcasts,

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Share as many of the inspiring stories that you share,

Send to us in 2021 and wishing all of us and our world a different,

More- Elevated.

Elevated and powerful in so many new ways for 2021.

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year.