Today I'm going to talk a bit on the idea of change and noticing the parts that come up around it,
And notice the resistance,
And notice the parts that may want to accept or embrace it more.
And this can feel like a tricky topic because,
For many of us,
Change comes with discomfort.
It stirs up parts of ourselves that would much rather keep things exactly the way they are.
Thank you very much,
Some parts say.
But the truth is,
Change is a part of life,
And learning how to navigate it with openness can transform our internal system and bring unexpected growth.
Let's set the scene,
Just a little.
As you may know,
I'm a dad to four incredible,
Lively kids.
Our house is often a beautiful mix of chaos and love,
And any change in routine,
Whether it's the start of the school year,
A shift in sleep schedules,
Or a new family responsibility,
That change can ripple through our lives in unpredictable ways.
I've noticed that how we as a family handle these changes isn't just about logistics.
It's about the emotions and reactions that surface in each of us,
And more importantly,
Being aware of what surfaces in me as a father.
And it got me thinking about how our internal parts handle change.
Just like my kids have different reactions to a new routine,
Some excited,
Some anxious,
Some resistant,
Our parts also have a variety of responses.
Some parts may welcome change with open arms,
Ready for a new adventure.
Others may feel fear,
Anxiety,
Or even grief as they try to hold on to what's familiar.
So let's explore this more deeply together.
First,
Let's talk about the reality of change.
It's a fact of life,
Right?
Seasons change,
Jobs change,
Relationships change,
And even our sense of who we are evolves over time.
But just because change is a natural part of life doesn't mean it's easy.
For many of us,
Change is hard precisely because it can trigger parts of us that have been hurt,
Disappointed,
Or destabilized in the past.
One thing that IFS has taught me is that the parts of us that resist change often do so out of love and protection.
They've learned to associate change with pain or uncertainty,
And their goal is to keep us safe.
The problem is that sometimes this protective instinct can hold us back from opportunities for growth or healing.
I want to share a story from my own life that may help illustrate this a bit.
And it's in the wake of last week's election here in the U.
S.
I've noticed a lot of parts within me stirring,
And maybe you've noticed some parts too.
Some are disappointed,
Some fearful,
And a few that are simply conflicted.
It's not just about the election results,
It's about what they represent for the values I hold close and the future I want for my daughters.
I've been wearing a shirt the last couple months that says we're not going back,
A reminder of progress I want to see.
But there's a sense that while we're still moving forward,
We're also slipping back a bit,
And that's tough to accept.
What makes it harder is seeing family members who are genuinely excited about the outcome,
Finding hope and celebration in something that brings me stress and worry.
There's a part of me that wants to connect with them,
To honor their joy,
Without denying my own concerns.
But it's challenging.
That part of me feels torn between love for my family and my own disappointment,
Struggling to reconcile these emotions.
So I'm reminding myself,
And these parts surfacing as a result of change,
That it's okay to feel this tension.
It's okay to care deeply about my own values while still holding compassion for those who see things differently.
And I'm reminded too that maybe I need to hold some of that compassion for those that are less fortunate than me,
That it makes sense that they aren't able to tap into that compassion.
Those that don't have a choice,
Or don't have as many choices as me as I process this.
And so I want to hold space for others too.
But as I listen to my parts,
I'm finding a little more peace knowing that I can hold both love and disappointment in the same space.
Resistance isn't a bad thing.
It's a sign that some parts of you are trying to protect you from perceived danger.
These parts have likely seen times when change hurt you,
So they're doing their best to prevent that pain from happening again.
So how do we help these parts navigate change more smoothly?
Here are a few ways that I'll leave you with that may be helpful in working with them.
First acknowledge the fear.
Sometimes all a part needs is to feel heard.
You might say,
I see you,
You're scared of this new experience.
I understand why you feel this way.
Then after you are aware and acknowledge the fear,
Remind your parts that you're here now leading from a place of strength and wisdom.
Let them know that you'll take one step at a time,
That you won't abandon them.
Then create a sense of safety.
For some parts,
Especially those that are very young or have been wounded in the past,
Grounding practices or small rituals can help create a sense of safety.
This could be something simple like taking a few deep breaths,
Journaling,
Or visualizing a safe place.
I have to be honest,
I ordered another pair of prayer beads and I've been using those to chant mantras and to be reminded and to do some routines that are helpful for me.
Those beads have helped with that.
So I'd like to invite you to just try a short reflection exercise with me.
Take a moment to bring to mind a change you're currently experiencing or one that's on the horizon.
Close your eyes if you're able and ask,
Which parts of me feel unsettled or resistant to this change?
Just for a bit,
See if you can get a sense of what these parts are worried about.
Feel free to pause this if you need more time.
Now ask yourself,
How can I offer care and reassurance to these parts?
Maybe it's a few words of comfort,
A promise to go slowly,
Or even just the acknowledgement that their fear is valid.
Thank you so much for taking this journey with me.
Change is a natural part of life and while it can be difficult,
It's also a profound opportunity for connection with your parts and with your deeper self.
We're all in this together,
Navigating the waves of life,
One change at a time.
