One Year From Today, Who Do You Want To Be? (Podcast)

If you even allow yourself 10% permission to think about these things,

By this time next year,

One year from today,

You might feel a whole lot better about who you are,

And a whole lot clearer about who you want to be,

And a whole lot closer to achieving that version of yourself.

Hi,

Everyone.

Welcome to another episode of Unpacking Possibility.

I'm your host,

Tracy Stein,

As always.

I'm so happy to be here with you.

If you're like me,

Or even if you're not,

You probably have had some thoughts about what you'd like this year to be like.

It's very possible that another part of you,

A deeper part of you,

A part of you that's feeling like maybe something needs to shift a little or a lot,

Maybe that part of you is saying,

Who do I think I am,

And who do I ideally want to be?

And I'm phrasing these two larger questions this way very specifically,

And you'll see more in a moment why that is,

But who do I think I am,

Who do I really want to be?

And sometimes there will feel like there's an alignment between those questions.

You might feel like,

Well,

I know who I am,

And it's this,

And this feels pretty good,

Who I am and where I am in my life and what I'm doing with my time and who I surround myself with.

But sometimes it might feel like even if things feel generally,

Quote,

Fine,

That you might feel a little bit of like,

It's hard to put into words sometimes,

Isn't it?

Like a little bit not edgy.

Although sometimes it might be,

Or like there's a yearning for something to shift.

I'm going to use this example that just popped in my head.

Sometimes even if you like where you're standing,

If you've been standing in one position for a really long time,

It might have felt fine for the first,

I don't know,

20 minutes or 10 minutes or whatever,

And then it starts to feel uncomfortable.

You need to shift.

We're meant to move.

We're not meant to be static or stand in the same position all the time.

And that doesn't mean becoming a completely different person,

Certainly not for the vast majority of people,

But it means that we're supposed to keep growing.

We're supposed to ask ourselves questions.

The questions can shed light on how we can best grow,

How we can best live our soul's purpose.

And I'm saying it that way very purposefully.

Now,

Many of us may have heard the,

Who do you think you are?

But not in a really nice or constructive way.

I'm kind of going to get that out of the way right away,

But then we'll talk a little bit more about why it can be hard for some people to ever ask,

Who do I want to be?

But just note that there might be a voice that pops into your head from,

It could be somebody from 30 years ago,

It could be a parent,

Another relative,

A coach,

Whatever.

But where you were just kind of figuring out who you are and growing as a person.

Maybe you were a little kid and you had more energy than your siblings did or whatever,

I don't know.

But somebody maybe got frustrated with you and said,

Who do you think you are?

Right?

Or who do you think you are?

And what you might notice is as you start taking a look at,

Who do I think I am and who do I want to be,

If you're really honest with yourself,

It may be that that voice from another time or another person,

That kind of judgmental voice that isn't really interested in what it is you want for yourself or you expressing your soul's highest purpose or whatever it is.

They kind of want you to be in your box,

Right?

And I've said this before,

It could be,

You know,

I've had people come into my office who were in their 60s and older and their parents have long since crossed over to the other side.

And yet that voice or the voice of somebody from childhood,

You know,

As they really start to say,

Well,

You know,

What do I really want for myself?

That voice can come into their awareness because we've stored it in our memory.

And you know,

When we start to step out of either our comfort zone or someone else's,

You know,

We can start feeling like,

Ah,

Am I allowed to do that?

Do I have permission to just,

I don't know.

I'm thinking of an example,

But like,

You know,

There are people who even in midlife,

Maybe they're in a career that they really like in some ways,

But it no longer really feels like a great fit.

Their soul is looking for something else.

And maybe that means that they want to retire and,

You know,

Finally have more flexibility in their days and just relax.

Maybe they've worked their butts off their whole lives.

Or maybe they haven't loved their job.

Maybe they've hated it.

Maybe they haven't.

Maybe they always wanted to do one thing.

And in the family,

People didn't get that and said,

No,

You got to go do this.

And they did that.

So I think asking that question periodically throughout our lives helps us align with why we are really here.

And just so you know,

It's not that anybody has to be here for some grand purpose.

Not everybody is going to do their lives in a big or very public way.

That's not what I mean.

But it might mean that there's some sort of hobby that you always wanted to make time to learn.

Or maybe there's a relationship pattern that you've had that you're like,

You know what,

I kind of want to start doing this differently because it doesn't feel great anymore.

And what would that look like?

But truly,

The two most important large questions that we will at least cover in this episode,

Who do I think I am and who do I really want to be,

The answer,

Whether or not we're conscious of it and explore it consciously,

That answer,

Those answers to those questions determine who we will be and who we are every day of our lives.

Who we think we are determines what we'll do with our lives,

What we'll do even just like on a daily basis.

Again,

It doesn't have to be this big thing,

Although it could.

Who we think we are determines what's possible for us,

Right?

Because if we think something isn't possible or isn't likely or it's going to be too hard or people like me don't do this or whatever the question that comes to mind is,

Whatever the topic is,

If we think something isn't possible,

How likely are we to go for it?

What would be the point,

Right?

That's how it would feel.

And a lot of people really just never feel like they have full permission to ask these kinds of questions.

So in this episode,

I'm going to give you an outline of what we're going to go over and see what you think,

But we'll talk about who you think you are,

Who do you want to be,

Some reasons why you might not have asked these questions either in a while or maybe ever even,

Why you might feel like you don't have permission to,

And then we'll get to questions that you can ask,

A whole,

You know,

A series of other questions that relate to those two larger ones that can help you live a life that is more in line with what your best,

Happiest,

Healthiest self really truly wants for you.

And you know,

The answers you come up with may or may not upset the apple cart of your life.

They might just mean that you make some small shifts that are really meaningful.

I don't know.

I mean,

And you won't know until you start asking.

I want you to think of this episode as actually a little free mini workshop because by the end,

If you really sit and ask yourself these questions,

Even if you don't sit and ponder them,

You're now giving your mind permission to start noticing,

Well,

Who am I really?

What do I really want for myself?

Who do I really want to be?

Why am I here?

And I think it's worth doing.

So you may want to grab a notebook and a pen or pencil.

I always feel like,

And you know,

If you've listened before,

I feel like that's a better way to explore these important questions.

It really does kind of get the creative juices flowing a little bit differently.

You know,

If you're somebody who's like,

No,

I can't,

I've got to type it on my phone or my computer,

That's certainly fine.

If you aren't yet ready to sit and jot the questions down and,

You know,

Kind of use this as a journaling exercise,

That's completely fine,

Even as you're listening.

Just note the thoughts,

Again,

That float into your awareness now that you've invited your very wise subconscious mind to let them kind of come to the surface.

And you'll probably notice,

I just want to give you a heads up,

As you do this,

Whether you do it more formally,

Sitting and jotting it down,

Or whether you're just kind of musing and wondering and half listening,

You might also add in,

Like,

What would I ideally like to be like?

What would I want my life to be like?

If I didn't have to worry about anybody else's approval,

If I didn't have to worry about pleasing everybody else but me,

You might notice,

As you do this,

The fear or the worry,

What if it's too late?

What if I can't do it?

What if I don't even know what I'm afraid of?

But I am afraid,

And I'm afraid that I might learn something I don't want to learn.

I'm afraid I might become aware of something that will make me feel like I have to make a change that I'm not ready for.

And then what if I just want to avoid it and I keep putting it off because of all of that?

And what I'm going to say is this,

You're in the driver's seat,

Always,

I want you to give yourself permission to feel that.

I mean,

That is my wish for you.

You always get to choose what you want to plan out for yourself,

How you want to execute a plan,

Or whether you do,

Whether it's the right time or not.

And of course,

If you need extra support,

I always suggest finding,

You know,

A qualified counselor near you who can help you kind of unpack things in your own time.

But really,

Honestly,

I kind of think if you even allow yourself 10% permission to think about these things,

By this time next year,

One year from today,

You might feel a whole lot better about who you are,

And a whole lot clearer about who you want to be,

And a whole lot closer to achieving that version of yourself.

All right.

So I need to take a quick break before we get into the questions because you know I do.

But I'll be back in a moment.

And we'll go over these,

These kind of creative prompts to help you get clearer on who you want to be.

Stay tuned.

All right,

Welcome back.

So today we are asking a bunch of questions,

We're posing them to ourselves and just kind of noticing what bubbles up from the wellspring of our very wise subconscious or perhaps even our conscious minds.

Who do we think we are at this time?

Who do we want to be?

So before we get to the questions that can help you answer those larger questions of who you want to be,

Ideally,

I want to just very,

Very briefly note a few reasons why we've avoided or just haven't gotten around to asking those larger questions.

We won't go into depth on these,

These could each be their own podcast episode,

Honestly.

But if you know one reason is if you've been in survival mode,

In a way caring for other people supporting your spouse,

Your kids,

Elderly parents,

Doing a lot of work in your community,

Volunteering.

But if you felt like your energy has had to go out to really support a lot of others in your life,

Absolutely.

It can be hard or feel like not permissible to focus on asking,

You know,

Who do you want to be?

So the survival mode kind of thing is one reason.

Another reason is relatedly,

If you've been really just so busy making ends meet,

That's so many people today.

Maybe you've been working a ton.

Maybe you've been working more than one job.

Maybe you've been struggling to juggle,

You know,

Family and work.

But you know,

Just the activities of daily life that have to be taken care of and checked off,

That can leave us feeling like,

God,

I don't even have,

I don't even have time to think about what I want for lunch tomorrow,

Let alone think about some lofty question about,

Oh,

Who do I think I am and who do I want to be?

You know,

It's important that we do ask that,

Right,

Because it does shape our lives and our journey.

But there are times when we really feel like we just can't.

Another time when we feel like,

Oh,

I don't have time or energy or I can't do,

You know,

I can't focus on me is when we're dealing with illness,

Whether it's our own personal illness or someone else's,

Someone close to us.

And many,

Many people know.

I mean,

At some point,

Almost all of us will have that experience where we're either not well ourselves,

We're going through something,

Or we are caring for somebody else we care about who's going through something.

Or for some other reason,

We just have a lot on our plates.

You know,

It could be a good reason.

It could be that your kid is getting married,

Right,

Or something similar.

But a lot of the time when we feel like it's not permissible to focus on our own needs and thoughts and dreams and so forth,

It's because literally somebody else requires our care or our primary concern is really just kind of to get ourselves healthy enough to get back to normal life if we can.

Another reason why we might not ask ourselves this question or feel like we should is that we're going through a major life transition.

That's just a part of life.

And you know,

These can be good transitions,

Right?

I've said this before.

You start a new job,

Or you leave an old job,

Or you retire,

Or you're making plans to move,

You know,

A change of residence.

You know,

Maybe you have a transition where someone is,

You know,

Nearing the end of their life,

Somebody important to you,

Or maybe your kids have left home.

And even if that's a good thing,

The transitions tend to take so much of our time and energy and focus that often we don't focus on those larger questions for ourselves.

Another reason is that a lot of us,

Especially of a certain generation,

Were kind of raised,

Whether it was overtly so or maybe just more implicit,

Right,

Where we knew it,

But,

You know,

Even if people didn't really talk about it,

We're raised to follow a kind of predetermined life path in order to live a,

Quote,

Good life,

Right?

And maybe it felt like you couldn't really question that kind of timeline or path for yourself up until now.

If you've been feeling like things even have felt pretty good up until now,

You know,

You might have felt up until now that there wasn't a reason to kind of do a lot of,

Like,

Introspective work,

You know,

A lot of self-examination.

However,

If you're noticing that things on the surface or on paper feel like they're pretty good,

But yet you're feeling a little stuck or a little edgy or things just don't quite feel the same and it's hard to put your finger on it,

That's a good sign that it's time to start asking who you are now and who would you like to be one year from today.

So with that,

We'll talk in a moment about the questions,

The series of questions that relate to the larger questions that we have posed at the top of this episode.

Each one of these questions I'm going to ask,

And they're not really in any particular order,

But the questions as you ask them of your own self and give yourself permission to do so,

They will get you a lot closer again to feeling like you're living your purpose and feeling really good about it.

So without further ado,

If you have your notebook and pen with you,

Or if you just want to sit and kind of notice what comes to mind,

Totally fine,

Here are some questions to ask yourself.

So the first question is,

What do I like doing in my free time,

If I have any?

And again,

It can be really simple.

It doesn't have to be some major thing.

Maybe it's playing with your kids,

Or maybe it's reading a magazine,

Like that's,

It could be just some like light and fluffy magazine,

Doesn't have to be deep stuff.

I used to love when I would go get my hair done,

Reading,

You know,

Most of the stuff's on my phone now,

I don't even have to pick up a physical magazine.

But I remember I used to love like reading celebrity gossip,

And,

You know,

Seeing somebody's before and after hairdo pictures.

You know what,

Once a month,

That was just a little,

They say guilty pleasure,

Because there's not like a super big,

You know,

Meaningful payoff to doing something like that.

And yes,

I could have been doing something else,

You know,

Reading a book that would teach me something or whatever,

Or getting work done.

It can be something really simple.

It can be something that's not super serious,

Or something that you would be proud to talk about because it was so life enriching,

You know,

Reading the celebrity magazine is not a big deal.

It's like that vacation for my brain that I can give myself once a month when I go get my hair done.

It might be taking your dog for a walk.

For me,

That's also like a pretty regular thing.

I can get out in nature,

Walk Zelda,

Not really have to be doing a lot else.

I'm not even honestly,

That well put together understatement when I'm walking Zelda through my neighborhood.

I've,

You know,

Might have on sweatpants and a hat covering my messy hair or whatever.

But we're out and we're smelling the fresh air and it's making her happy.

And we have a chance to reconnect.

Think about what that is for you.

What do you like doing in your free time?

If you have any?

Maybe it's cooking.

Maybe it's going and playing a sport.

I don't know.

Maybe you play tennis or something.

Maybe you garden.

What do you like to do?

And then the next question is what kinds of things interest me?

So think about that.

What do I like to hear about?

What do I like to talk about?

Maybe it's politics.

Maybe it's classic cars.

Maybe it's environmental issues.

Maybe,

Again,

It's your gardening.

Maybe it's your family visits.

Maybe there's some other hobby you have.

What interests you?

I don't know.

The next question is what makes me feel most at peace?

Now you'll notice some of these questions,

There might be overlap.

You might notice the same answer pertains to several of the questions.

Maybe it's that you feel most at peace when you're spending time with a grandchild or when you're traveling,

On vacation.

If you're a particularly religious or spiritual person,

Maybe it's when you are in prayer or at your place of worship.

It's really up to you.

There's no one right answer for any of these questions,

Just so you know.

But what makes me feel most at peace?

And then relatedly,

Where do I feel most at peace?

And that might have popped into your mind when you thought about the what,

But if not,

Allow yourself to notice where your mind goes when you think about feeling at peace.

Where are you?

All right,

Next question,

Relatedly,

What brings me joy?

Don't worry about whether it's a simple thing,

A complex thing,

A grand thing,

An everyday thing.

Doesn't matter.

What brings me joy?

The next question,

When do I feel especially good about myself?

Is it when you achieve something specific,

You achieve a goal?

Is it when you get feedback from other people that's positive?

Is it when you do some sort of good deed that helps someone else?

So just notice what comes up.

The next question is,

How do I know when I feel in balance?

And related to that,

How do I know what balance feels like?

Now,

Many people might go to their bodies and say,

Oh,

Well,

When I feel in balance,

My body is more physically comfortable.

My aches and pains are not present or they're less or whatever,

Depending on your age group and your physical health at the time that you're thinking about this.

But it might also be just when you feel calm or when you feel confident.

Maybe it's when you feel most loved.

But notice,

How do I know when I feel in balance?

And then the flip side of that question is also important.

So the next question is,

How do I recognize when I feel out of balance?

And again,

Some people will say,

Well,

I feel anxious.

Or some people will say,

I feel edgy.

But it might be that you notice a change in your mood.

But it might also be that you notice a change in your body.

Sometimes it's easier to put into words than others.

I mean,

Some people say,

Again,

Edgy or tense or tight or sluggish,

Bored,

Whatever it is.

What do you notice?

How do you recognize when you feel out of balance?

The next question is,

When do I feel most like myself?

Now,

For me,

There are a handful of things that make me feel most like myself.

For you,

It's going to be very individual.

One of the times or one of the situations where I feel most like myself is if I'm writing and I feel like I'm in the flow,

Where the words just seem to come.

I feel good about it.

I can imagine something that is just an idea becoming more concrete in a way.

When do you feel most like yourself?

And,

You know,

For some people,

That's going to be when they're in relationship,

Right,

In relation to other people.

So they're with family and they're in their role in the family.

For me,

For other people,

It will be,

You know,

Maybe when they're doing something that's good for them,

Like exercising or,

You know,

Having meditation time.

Some people might feel most like themselves when they're working,

If they love what they do.

Just notice what that is for you.

The next question,

Again,

Is the flip side of that is,

When do I feel least like myself?

Where I feel like,

Oh,

I'm going through the motions of something,

But I don't feel like I can be who I am.

You know,

And what I'm noticing,

Especially at the holidays,

I think this comes up a lot.

People are going to a lot of social engagements for work or in their community or with their family.

For somebody who is on the more introverted end of the spectrum,

You might find that you feel like you're using a ton of energy to socialize and be with people.

And even if there's something that feels good about it,

If you're exhausted after,

You might find that you don't feel like you can be yourself as much in,

Say,

A large group or whatever.

But just see what comes up for you.

The next question really has to do with our relationships,

Because our relationships tell us a lot about ourselves.

So this question is,

What kind of relationships do I tend to have?

And how do I feel in them?

Now,

Just be aware that one type of relationship might pop in your mind.

It might not be every relationship that automatically you have this kind of,

You know,

Clarity about or thought about.

But our relationships that we tend to have tend to follow somewhat of a pattern,

Because we tend to attract certain people based on what we are willing to receive and what we want to put out there and how the other person can receive that.

But it can vary,

Too.

So you have relationships at work and your friendships with family,

Romantic relationships.

So just notice what tends to come to mind as you ponder that question about what kind of relationships you have.

The next question is a pretty big question,

And I actually don't think it's such an out there question to ask.

And it's,

What is my purpose in life?

Now,

Some people may be really clear on this,

Whatever it is.

You know,

They may be in a job where they feel like,

Oh,

I always knew I was going to do this.

Or this job really helps me to feel great about,

You know,

Myself and my life because I'm really doing,

I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.

Your purpose in life might have absolutely nothing to do with your work.

And your work might be a way to pay the bills,

Or maybe your work is in the home.

There's no one right answer,

Again.

But you will probably have a sense about your purpose in life,

Especially as you have answered or pondered the other questions thus far.

Because how we know we feel most like ourselves,

What brings us joy,

What makes us feel out of balance,

All of those things tend to relate to who we actually are.

And our purpose in being here as a soul in this lifetime,

I really do think we get clearer on that by paying attention to the other questions on this list.

It's a big question,

And it didn't have to be in the middle of the list like it is.

And any of these questions where,

You know,

Nothing comes to mind,

Where it feels like,

I don't know,

Just set them aside.

At the right time,

I really do trust that you'll notice the answers kind of just coming to you.

Okay.

The next question is more of an everyday kind of question in terms of you'll notice on a daily basis what the answer to this question tends to be,

Even if you haven't thought about it before.

And the question is,

How do I treat myself?

And I know that's a bit broad,

But relatedly,

Is the way I treat myself different from how I treat other people?

And when we think about it in that context,

I think it becomes a lot clearer.

Like,

Okay,

Well,

What does this mean?

Do I treat myself differently?

You know,

We've all met people who treat themselves as if they're the only people who matter.

But we've also met people who treat themselves as if they like their needs and wants and thoughts don't matter at all.

It's really what everybody else wants.

So just notice what comes up as you ask that.

Relatedly,

How do I treat myself when I make a mistake?

And that,

I think,

Can be really enlightening.

So if I make a mistake,

Am I especially harsh?

Do I just avoid,

You know,

Thinking about the mistake?

So just notice what comes up.

And the next question,

How do I treat myself when I do something well?

And really,

As you answer this question,

I think it really does shed a lot of light on who do we think we are,

Right?

If we do something well,

If I do something well,

Do I ignore it and just kind of check it off and move on?

Do I tell myself,

Oh,

Yay,

I'm so proud of myself,

Or yay,

Me?

And that might sound kind of silly,

But you know what?

Sometimes we have to be our own cheerleader.

Especially if we don't have a lot of cheerleaders in our life or if we do but we can't take in the positive feedback from them.

This is as good a time as any to start.

Okay.

So we're almost done with the list.

But the next question is if I could do anything at all with my life and I could do it easily,

What would that look like and how would I feel?

So I know it's kind of a multi-part question.

But what if you could do anything with your life?

What if you could snap your fingers and just make it happen?

In the mind,

All things are possible,

So there's no need to censor ourselves as we go through this mental exercise,

Right?

But what if you could?

What would you do?

What would your life look like?

And how would you feel about it?

And relatedly,

What would I need to do practically to make my life look more like this ideal?

Now listen,

If you grew up and your childhood dream was to become a professional basketball player and now you're 50 years old,

You're probably not going to become a professional basketball player.

But you could certainly incorporate more time playing basketball in your life,

Right?

The joy of doing something you love.

And that's kind of what I mean here.

What would you need to do to make your life look more like one that would make you happy?

And relatedly,

What is the best possible version of myself?

And by that,

I mean the one that would make me happiest and most proud to be me.

Only two more questions.

Related to the one about the best version of yourself that would make you the happiest and most proud to be you,

Ask yourself,

Who can support me in living my best life?

And if,

You know,

I hope some people come to mind,

But if not,

Then maybe the task this year is to ask about how I can broaden my circle of support.

And I think that's really important for everybody.

And the last question,

How do I want to feel one year from today?

A year from now,

How do you want to feel?

What do you want to be different?

And we could embed that in there,

Too.

I want you to think about yourself this year as an artist sculpting the clay of your life.

And just give yourself permission to imagine shaping your life in the most loving,

Again,

Self-compassionate and positive way that you can.

Just making it a joyful exercise.

Even though there's so much going on in the world.

Even though things might feel daunting.

Even though you might feel like you've got so much else going on.

Or even though you may have been trained to feel like,

Oh,

You know,

It's not right to prioritize yourself.

There's so many other people who need you to focus on them.

Your soul is here for a reason.

You are meant to be able to find joy and satisfaction in your life.

And that doesn't preclude being,

You know,

A good person and a kind person to others as well.

So I hope this exercise generates some useful and helpful information.

I hope that you give yourself space and permission to continue growing and becoming even more every day of the person you are meant to be.

So I will leave you with that.

I will see you in the new year.

And again,

Thank you so much for joining me.

I love spending this time with you.

And as always,

Until next time,

Be well.