How To Go From Self-Doubt To Self-Trust (Talk)

Self-doubt is a showstopper.

You're all psyched up to step out of your comfort zone,

In your dreams,

And as you visualize,

You're doing this effortlessly.

You feel excited and confident,

Nothing goes wrong.

This time you're going to do it.

You've made that promise,

You're going to do it this time.

Then there is a but.

Something stops you and you can't.

I'm Chantal,

Psychotherapist and Reiki Master.

I'm going to talk to you about self-doubt,

How it affects your life,

Not only your personal life,

But also in your career and business,

Where it can come from,

And how you can then change that and transform that into self-trust.

Because let's face it,

Self-doubt is insidious and rules your life with an iron fist.

So what that does is you find it difficult to live your life to the fullest.

God,

That sounds awful,

Doesn't it?

But it is.

And when you're in it,

You don't realize how much it is actually dictating your life.

It makes you feel small and reticent to step out and be in the world,

In all your beautiful,

Gloriously unique self.

But how do you go from self-doubt to self-trust?

Well,

To start,

It's about understanding where doubting yourself comes from.

One thing that is important to accept is that doubt never fully goes away.

However,

It can disappear out of your life for periods of time.

Then it can pop back in out of the blue,

Leaving you wondering where did that come from?

Why?

Because each time you grow and expand,

Doubt will appear.

You have new goals to attain in life,

A new way of being,

You're trying to do something you've never done before,

You're wanting another job,

You're meeting someone new,

Having a child.

So there's so many different reasons.

Of course,

These are things that you're not accustomed to.

So your friend self-doubt floods back in.

However,

Now you can handle your friend a lot better because you've found ways to support yourself when it does,

Not leaving you reeling in its wake like it used to.

You now know how to work with doubt,

Make it your friend,

Because in fact what it is doing,

It's showing you where you're out of alignment,

Where you've gone into your head into fear,

And that you need to come back into your heart and body,

Back into the present moment.

This is what I've learned over a period and I give thanks for anxiety or doubt to come back into my life when it does,

Because it's actually showing me,

Oops,

I'm no longer in alignment,

I'm no longer in my heart,

I've gone into fear and I need to come back into trust and faith.

So what you can do is use the techniques which I'll be sharing with you a bit earlier to thank doubt for the reminder and put it back where it belongs.

As Cicero said a long,

Long time ago,

Nobody can give wise advice than yourself.

So why is it that you listen to others before yourself,

Even though in your gut you know what is right for you?

Sometimes you don't even know that I didn't initially,

Now I do,

And I act on that,

But it took me a long time to be able to reconcile the two,

Because basically you don't trust yourself.

So what you're doing is you're doubting your own power,

Your voice,

Your beliefs,

Your decisions,

And what is right for you.

You give your power to your doubt,

Which it loves,

It loves,

And what this does is it keeps it live and well inside of you.

Until you can clear the noise and busyness in your head,

You're not going to be able to pick up those seeds of doubt that are constantly whirling around in you.

It's difficult to see how it is dictating your life and holding you back from being you,

Because you become so used to it,

It's become so familiar,

And what you don't realize is you're on this merry-go-round that you can't get off.

So what happens is when you feel unsure of yourself,

You freeze.

You feel stuck in all that you do,

And what this does is it stops you from being wholeheartedly you.

And the sad thing is that we do this to ourselves,

Because I've done it too.

Doubt helps you remain in this comfort zone that you've created for yourself to feel safe and protected.

So where does self-doubt come from?

Self-doubt can start as a seed planted in childhood,

Where you've been constantly told by your parents or a primary caregiver that what you did was never right,

That you were never good enough.

So what this does,

It plants,

As I mentioned,

That seed into you that you actually feel worthless and unworthy of good things in life.

You don't have much expectation,

You don't feel you deserve,

And this then flows through your schooling and into adulthood.

Then if you experience trauma on top of this,

A one-off experience or numerous ones,

Then that cements it into your DNA,

Into every cell of your being.

So as mentioned,

Doubt can come about through past experiences,

Particularly if they have been bad and had a negative impact on you.

So it creates shame.

You've been ridiculed rather than having your confidence built up to keep going and trying again.

Ultimately,

This affects you in your career or if you run a business.

You never feel free to be fully who you are and you find it really hard stepping out to take risks and try new things.

You find it hard to ask for help.

You feel like an imposter,

A fraud,

Because you put on this amazing mask.

If people only knew who you were inside of you,

They would not want to be with you or deal with you,

Be around you,

Because you feel if you mess up,

You'll be found out.

So what that does is you actually play it safe.

It's easier to do so,

But deep down,

This in turn makes you feel frustrated,

Lonely,

Scared,

You overthink things all the time,

You overanalyze all the time,

And you people please,

Because you don't trust yourself to stand up for yourself and say no.

So how does this flow into adulthood in both your personal and business life?

So I'm going to be sharing this here.

I'm going to be bringing the two together because I'm sure you'll relate to something somehow or it'll trigger something in you.

Ah,

That is why I'm doing that in that part of my life.

So the first thing is you'll never feel good enough.

You'll constantly question yourself.

Can I do it?

Am I smart,

Clever,

Or intelligent enough?

You constantly second-guess yourself,

So therefore you're always asking others for their opinions,

And then you get confused because you've asked so many people,

You don't know which one is right because you don't trust yourself.

And as a consequence,

You allow others to sway you because you can't make up your mind and you don't want to put people out or go against the grain.

So you allow people to tell you what to do,

To make the decision for you,

Because you don't want to create waves or conflict.

You're guided by what others think of you because you don't trust your own judgments,

Opinions,

Particularly as already mentioned,

When you think differently.

So what you prefer to do is you try to impress them rather than impressing yourself,

And you want them to affirm you rather than you affirming yourself.

So it becomes hard for you to make any form of decision because you are feeling inadequate,

And as a consequence,

You deeply criticize yourself.

So it's so much easier not to put yourself out there,

Which can then leave you feeling despondent and so self-critical.

It becomes a catch-22.

You don't know how to get off this treadmill that you've created or has been created for you.

You forever need advice from others because you don't value yourself,

And when you go seeking others for advice,

You're putting yourself out there.

You're going to get seen because you're wanting to get attention,

Acknowledgement.

You want to be valued and loved.

You want to feel that you're being cared for.

So then feelings of you can't,

You shouldn't,

And you won't come up.

This is a form of procrastination.

You find yourself comparing yourself to others.

Look at them.

They're better than me.

They're perfect.

They have it all together.

But what we forget is,

When we think like that,

That they may also be hiding behind a mask and pretending.

You just simply don't know.

This is a good one.

I did this for a long time.

You're overly apologetic.

This gets to the point where you apologize for everything and anything,

Even when you don't need to.

You still say sorry,

Despite having no control over the situation.

It wasn't even relevant to you.

It didn't even relate to you.

But you still say sorry because you believe you're going to avoid conflict.

And this is a big one from childhood,

Where it's seen and not heard.

You don't have a voice.

You have no say.

You just do as you're told to keep the peace and from possibly not being hurt.

When you're in self-doubt or really doubting yourself,

You downplay your own achievements because you never feel equal to others.

You may have been constantly put down.

I know I was.

I was a high achieving student from word go.

But I always felt that my father thought I was dumb.

That I wasn't intelligent.

So I've taken that all the way through into my adulthood.

Took me a long time to realize I'm actually very intelligent.

And I'm actually okay to say that.

Because that's another thing.

Self-doubt creeps in.

Do you say anything like that?

What will people think?

Are they thinking that I'm showing off?

So you don't know how to share your successes in your career or your business.

Which of course then affects your self-worth,

Sense of value,

Which then affects how far you want to go and what you want to achieve in life.

So what you do is you keep seeking and learning,

Striving and doing just to prove you are of value.

How many more in business freebies do you need to have?

How many more coaches do you need to have?

How many more books,

Podcasts,

Lessons,

YouTube videos do you need to listen to?

Because you don't trust yourself.

You don't actually see yourself as a leader.

You don't see yourself that you can actually step out there.

Because you might also have lived experience in addition.

Remember you have a lot to offer and it's wonderful to be able to step into that space when you can.

But all you're doing when you don't do this is you're hurting yourself.

And when you can't accept praise,

What you're doing is pushing others away.

Particularly when you keep dismissing compliments and praise.

You'd rather crawl under a rock rather than just simply saying,

Thank you,

Yes I did well.

Because as mentioned through my own experience,

We are taught that feeling confident showing off,

You're being too big for your boots.

So it's a lot easier to remain small and self-deprecating.

Now when you doubt yourself,

What happens is you also have a negative image of yourself.

You feel you need to be perfect in all that you do and all that you are due to a deep fear of failure and getting it wrong.

So you scrutinize all that you do and all you see is of course constant failure.

What is wrong with you?

You're not pretty enough.

You're not thin enough.

You're not tall enough.

You have a big nose.

All these things come into play.

So no matter what,

Because you don't feel you deserve,

You don't enjoy being who you are.

You don't feel you deserve joy,

Happiness,

Love,

Success,

Money,

Fun and freedom or whatever it is you want from life.

You doubt your feelings and this can happen because when you were a child you were told that what you were feeling was wrong or it wasn't true or pretend something didn't happen.

So that's completely negating how you feel and that can also then give you a sense of not belonging.

So you desperately seek it outside of yourself.

You want to go out into groups.

You attach yourself to anyone or any group even if it's not appropriate.

When you're in business this can mean you don't make wise decisions because you are so needy or you make unwise career moves because you want to belong no matter the cost or inappropriateness of it all.

I can sit here still feeling shame of when I went through that and I didn't realize how needy I was,

How grasping I was.

I had such a need to belong.

You don't feel you deserve to succeed.

So of course this ties back into your sense of self.

How much you feel you're worth from both a salaried and pricing your services point of view.

So you find it very hard again what will people think?

Will I get told off?

Will I be ridiculed?

Will I lose clients if you are in a business?

All these things come into play because it's hard to stand firm and say this is what I'm worth and just putting it out there and trusting whoever is meant to stay with you or if you're meant to get that career move that you will.

Because remember it comes from you.

It is the energy that you put out there that will support you in anything that you do.

And lastly you don't prioritize yourself and take enough care because what you're doing is you're putting yourself last and others in front of you despite feeling exhausted,

Despite desperately wanting time out,

Despite feeling so overwhelmed.

But to luxuriate in something you love doing or having doesn't come into it.

So if you are running a business coming from a place of self-doubt makes you feel uncertain in the following.

Now again I'm sure you can relate to this if anyhow you don't have to be in business but I do want to focus on this too because trauma affects you on so many levels and particularly going into the workforce where we don't talk about it.

We're not meant to talk about it.

We're meant to leave that behind but affects your efficacy,

Your success,

Your financial success,

Productivity and so much more.

So when you're coming from a place of self-doubt you find it really hard to make decisions as we've already mentioned.

You are constantly concerned about how you look and come across.

You don't like how you sound.

So doing podcasts,

Reels,

Lives,

Meditations,

Whatever it is you need to do is very very hard because you don't like the sound of your voice.

And because when you're doing videos you don't like how you look.

You're constantly fussing,

Checking your hair,

Putting on makeup,

Covering all those blemishes,

All those things come into play.

Rather than just doing it,

Here I am and being proud of who you are.

You're unsure what to write in posts,

How to respond to other posts.

Again going back to what before.

Will I get it wrong?

What will people think?

What if someone comes back at me?

What if I get a negative one?

How am I going to deal with that?

Brings up doubt.

Now coming back to this decision making.

It becomes painful because what you're doing is you're forever weighing up all the options and never landing on one.

Because what if?

What if it's wrong?

You get it wrong,

You fail,

You make a mistake,

You should have gone down the other way.

So often what happens is you either don't make one or you make one that actually doesn't feel right,

Is not aligned to who you are and what you're doing.

You have a lot of negative self-talk in your head.

Therefore you can't think straight.

There's always this little voice coming in,

This little negativity.

Look at you,

Do you think so?

Who do you think you are?

Comes in.

So what happens is then you have lack consistency.

You start a project but you struggle to finish it.

So you remain stagnant with all these unfinished projects around you.

Does that sound familiar?

Because that could be in your business,

It could be in your career,

It could be creativity,

Could be all sorts of things.

So just think about where do you lack consistency?

Oh and this one I always feel so sad about when I hear this,

You attribute success to luck.

Oh that was just pure luck,

Right place at the right time.

But this is simply a form of fobbing off compliments and praise that you in fact crave and you in fact deserve.

And the last one is you struggle to be paid what you're worth.

And if you're in business you struggle taking payment and receiving other people's monies.

And that can be even if you've lent someone money,

You don't know how to ask for it back.

So as a consequence your gorgeous being is hidden from the world in so many ways.

So what does self-trust look like?

And this is such a lovely list to write and to be able to share with you.

The self-trust is first and foremost you trust yourself.

Life takes on a natural flow.

You start achieving what you want in all areas of your life.

You're happy to step out,

Take risks,

Be visible,

Be seen,

Make mistakes because you learn from that.

When you sense something in your gut you trust it and act on it.

You make decisions easily based on your own sound advice.

Yes you might go and seek help,

Yes you might go and do that,

Seek advice elsewhere because that can be normal.

Particularly if you're part of a group business career,

You do that but you also can come back into yourself and trust your own sound advice.

Life takes on this whole different hue.

It's full of joy,

Love,

Vitality,

Energy,

Confidence,

Spontaneity,

Freedom,

Whatever it is you want to feel.

You shine brightly in all that you do and all that you are.

If you're in business you charge what you're worth.

In a career you go for the salary that you feel you deserve.

You feel comfortable in your skin,

How you look,

What you wear,

How you sound and you feel comfortable putting your views out there even if they're contradictory.

So having said all that,

Tips to overcoming self-doubt and having self-trust.

Take the time to clear the busyness in your head with mindfulness.

Learn to say stop when you start self-doubting.

Create room in the time to listen to yourself because until you pause and literally listen to that tape in your head you're not going to know what needs to change.

Actually you don't even know really what you're telling yourself and you'll be surprised what you are because like they say,

Would you say that to one of your friends or someone you love?

No you wouldn't,

So why would you keep doing it to yourself?

Start writing in a journal.

Write it all out.

Have a conversation with self-doubt.

See what it has to say to you,

What has been in your life,

How it has supported you and protected you in the past.

Write a love letter saying that you've appreciated its support but now it's time to release each other from the contract and to go your separate ways.

In your journal have a separate one that's special.

Write out daily gratitudes,

At least five.

I mean that's a random number but as many as you can because you'll be surprised how easy that becomes because you begin to see how much you have in your life.

Trusting yourself,

The decisions you make,

Right down to those precious moments of simply enjoying a hot cuppa.

Nurture yourself with lots of love and self-care because what that means is you're putting yourself first,

You're saying yes to yourself,

No to others.

You luxuriate in that,

You're luxuriating in who you are because you deserve.

Find a mantra too that sits well with you.

So again sit quietly,

Write some out,

Remember to trust what comes up for you and work with that.

Now for it to work in my belief is you actually need to feel it.

So make sure you have a mantra that you either feel or you're wanting to feel more likely to work.

Meditate as mentioned because sitting in stillness is a wonderful way to feel into where self-doubt has come from,

How it dictates your life and how it can become your friend leading to self-trust.

You may even like to listen to my meditation on how to overcome self-doubt and come to a wonderful place of self-trust.

EFT tapping,

This is another great way to release doubt from your body because what it's doing is changing the pathways at a deep cellular level and it is so easy to do anywhere,

Anytime.

Lastly another thing you can do is work with your solar plexus chakra.

As you're doing that you could be meditating,

You still be doing your tapping,

You can be working with Reiki.

Draw in that beautiful color yellow,

Tune into this area of your body because the solar plexus sits in your diaphragm and just again listen to find out what is being held there for you to transform into self-esteem,

Confidence,

Personal power and of course self-trust.

Most importantly be so busy loving and trusting yourself that there is no room for self-doubt.

Let me know in the comments below your biggest takeaway.

What have you recognized in yourself?

What do you think you can do to support yourself?

Just know you're not alone because at some point everyone goes through a period or periods of doubting themselves.

The most important thing is what you do with it.

Thank you for listening.

I look forward to seeing you in one of my next videos.

Namaste.