How To Respond To Anxiety, Triggers And Dysregulation

I am okay.

I can regulate myself.

Those few words serve as a great internal mantra that you can begin a self-healing regulation practice in response to triggers,

Overwhelm,

Or anxiety attack.

I am okay.

I can regulate myself.

Now yes,

Those are just a few words,

And whenever anyone offers a affirmation or mantra practice to be used in response to internal sensations or thoughts or overwhelm,

There can be an initial pushback.

I don't believe it,

It's not happening,

And all of those kind of things.

But the good thing about using the words I am okay,

I can regulate myself,

Is that they are in fact true.

You are okay.

These sensations will pass,

They've passed before,

They'll pass again,

And you can regulate yourself.

How do you know that?

Well,

Taking steps to do so right now.

The act of saying those words to yourself makes you okay,

And sort of is the act of regulation.

But they're not that effective when done alone.

There's a few extra things we can add to really actually regulate ourself.

We start with the idea of okay,

I am okay,

I can regulate myself.

How can I regulate myself?

Well the first thing might be a bit counterintuitive,

But it's acceptance.

Accepting what is arising.

One of the first things you need to do if you're having a panic attack or you recognize that you're triggered is to,

Well,

Accept it.

I'm triggered,

I'm having a panic attack,

I know what is happening right now,

I'm accepting it.

It's like that age-old aphorism of if you are angry,

It's like throwing a burning coal at someone,

You end up burning yourself,

You're holding onto it so tightly.

We have to accept what is arising.

Anxiety attacks,

Triggers,

Overwhelm,

Grief,

All of these heavy emotions are happening,

And denying them does not help.

Running from them most often does not help.

But acceptance,

True radical self-acceptance of what is happening does.

I am okay,

I can regulate myself.

And we start with acceptance.

This is what is happening,

I accept it.

These are the sensations in the body and the mind that are arising,

I can accept that.

Now there's a little bit of a deeper practice here.

The act of pure acceptance often causes those sensations to release,

To disappear.

But you cannot say,

I accept these,

So please leave and stop.

Because it doesn't make sense,

Right?

You can't sort of put it into parentheses,

This idea of like,

I accept,

So please go away.

It's only through true acceptance,

Almost surrender to them,

That they are allowed to pass through.

Now the act of acceptance or surrender can cause those sensations to increase.

You have to accept that too.

So we sort of act on a dialectic,

Loving ourselves whilst fixing ourselves.

What do I mean by that?

Well,

We're saying the words,

I am okay,

I can regulate myself.

We're accepting the sensations that are arising.

But we also want to take actions to reduce them,

To reduce the severity and duration of those feelings.

So it's a little bit of a paradox here.

We're accepting them,

But we're also doing what we can to regulate ourselves in response.

So then we move to physiological responses,

Slowing down the breath,

Progressive muscle relaxation,

And present state awareness.

The mind and the body are deeply connected.

If you calm the mind down,

The body will follow.

You calm the body down,

The mind will follow.

Indeed,

The mind is unable to directly perceive the environment.

So it will release stress hormones in response to what it perceives as danger.

How does it monitor danger?

Through the senses,

Sensing the tension in the body,

Noting the facial structure,

Are you smiling or frowning?

Noting the heartbeat,

Noting digestion,

Noting tension in the muscles,

Noting the pace of breathing.

So we can impact and control some of that.

If we actively slow down the breath,

We begin to release.

If we actively,

Progressively muscle release.

Now this involves basically squeezing all of the muscles in the body,

Either at once or in turn,

And then releasing them.

We begin to calm the body down.

In terms of breath work,

There are a couple of approaches you can take.

A good reminder is nose,

Low,

And slow.

Breathe through the nose,

Low,

Sort of deep,

Deep into the lower parts of the chest,

Or even the belly,

Slowly.

Nose,

Low,

And slow.

If you want to be a bit more formal about it,

You could do box breathing.

You breathe in for four seconds,

Hold for four seconds,

Breathe out for four seconds,

Hold for four seconds,

And repeat.

Or you could practice a physiological sigh.

That is,

You breathe in,

And then you release with a sigh.

And as you do so,

You allow your body to relax and to release.

But the key point here is to slow down the breath with your mind.

As your body slows down the breath,

The mind will start to calm.

You'll start reading the signs from the body.

It'll be like,

Oh,

We're breathing slower.

The muscles are relaxing.

The danger must be passing.

Therefore,

I can calm down.

Similarly,

Tensing and releasing muscles can help to stop them activating.

If you notice that your jaw is tense,

Your shoulders are shrugged,

Your belly's tucked in,

Your thighs are engaged,

Take a moment to focus your attention on those parts of the body,

And you'll either be able to release them,

Or you could gently squeeze them for a little bit,

And then allow them to release.

And you can combine these two practices,

Slowing down the breath,

Or a physiological sigh,

Connected to the tension and the squeezing of the body,

And the gentle release.

So we're slowing down the breath.

We're releasing the tension in the muscles in the body,

Which is calming down the body and calming down the mind.

We're repeating the words in our mind,

I am okay,

I can regulate myself.

Most accepting what's arising,

That's impacting the mind.

And we're also going to begin some present state awareness meditation,

Focusing our mind on what is arising in the moment.

The basics of present state awareness meditation is to focus your attention on the sensations.

What can you see,

Hear,

Feel,

Taste,

And smell in this moment?

You could cycle through that,

Noting what you can see,

What you can hear,

What you can feel,

What you can taste,

What you can smell,

Or you could choose a preferred sense,

Or collection of senses.

You might find that feeling the sensations of the ground underneath your feet really helps,

Or simply listening to the sounds that are arising in this moment,

Or maybe staring off into the distance,

Or close up at something in nature is grounding for you.

But either way,

We are doing multiple things all at once to help combat those feelings of overwhelm,

Trigger,

Panic attack,

Heavy emotions.

Repeating to ourself,

I am okay,

I can regulate myself.

Noting the truth of those statements,

You are okay,

And doing these things is regulating.

Therefore,

You're making yourself okay,

And therefore you're proving that you can regulate yourself.

You're taking a moment to accept what is arising rather than running from it.

The physical sensations that are happening are happening.

The thoughts that are arising are arising.

The emotions that you are feeling are there.

Accept them,

But we're also going to take action to reduce the severity and the duration of them.

Perhaps a physiological sigh,

Perhaps slowing down the breath through box breathing,

Perhaps implementing progressive muscle relaxation,

The tension in the release of your muscles,

And also turning your attention to the sensations,

What you can see,

Hear,

Feel,

Taste,

And smell in this moment.

Now the final thing that I would suggest that you try if none of that is working,

Is the opposite.

A short burst of intense physical exercise.

Now obviously,

Don't do movements that your body can't handle,

But the counterpoint to all of this,

If the calming approach doesn't work,

Is to take the approach to release the build-up of feelings that are arising.

Moving your body vigorously,

Getting the heart pumping,

Can often,

Even just for a couple of minutes,

Then implementing the relaxation and grounding techniques that we've already covered,

That combo together,

Often basically just works.

And the reason you might need to begin with the intense burst of physical exercise,

Is that you've got this build-up of stress hormones,

Your body's prepared to fight or flee.

So you might need to start releasing a little bit of that first,

Basically sort of showing your body that you have taken action to stay safe.

You have run,

Or you have fought,

And now we're going to calm down.

Now I said this at the end of this session,

Because oftentimes we don't have the space,

Either internally,

Mentally,

Or it's not appropriate,

Depending on the context,

To go for a run,

Or do some push-ups,

Or whatever else you feel like you'll do to get a little burst of intense exercise.

But I wanted to add it here as a little addendum for your own knowledge,

And it's something that I try and do when I notice that I am triggered,

Or having a feeling of overwhelm.

I release the feelings in my body by moving my body vigorously,

Just for a couple of minutes,

Get the heart beating faster,

Getting some movement to all of the muscles in the body.

Then I take myself to a calm place,

Sit down,

Slow down the breathing,

Say to myself,

I'm okay,

I can regulate myself,

Do the breath work,

Do the present state awareness,

And accept what is arising.

The good thing about the activation,

The physical exercise,

Is that you can feel your heart beating,

And you can note it calming down in real time.

You will feel the heart beating fast,

And then you can feel it slowing down.

And I find that is such evidence that I am regulating.

Once again,

We're doing a whole bunch of things as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We're starting the regulation process with the words,

I am okay,

I can regulate myself.

Then we're doing things to regulate,

And proving to ourself that we are okay,

And that we can regulate ourselves.

I encourage you to try this approach,

The next time you're feeling senses of overwhelm,

Trigger,

Or anxiety attack,

Or just not settled.

It helps.

Thank you,

And I'll see you in the next session.