The Body Keeps The Score: Understanding What Your Body Holds

So welcome everyone and thank you for listening So you've probably heard the phrase the body keeps the score it's everywhere right now on social media,

Therapy offices and in all conversations about trauma and healing Now this phrase comes from a trauma researcher who spent decades studying how trauma affects the body not just the mind and the core idea is simple but profound your body remembers everything that has happened to you even when your conscious mind has forgotten or moved on but here's what I want to talk about today what does that actually mean in your lived experience in your tight shoulders in your clenched jaw in your shallow breathing in your chronic pain in the numbness that you feel and in the ways your body responds before your mind even understands what's happening is there a story so today we are going to explore what it means that your body keeps the score we are going to try and understand what your body is holding why it won't let go and how to actually work with it and not against it now this is not just about trauma this is about how your body holds on to everything your childhood experiences your relationships your unspoken emotions your survival strategies the things that you had to adapt to and the things you never got to say so we are going to try and understand this first and then we'll drop into the body and explore and actually listen what it's been trying to tell us so your brain has two memory systems one is the explicit memory the stories you can tell the events you can consciously remember I fell off my bike when I was 7 which is a true story my first day of school was scary which is also true that kind of memory but there is another memory system implicit memory now this is memory that lives in your body beneath your conscious awareness and it's stored in your nervous system your muscles your organs when something happens to you especially when you're young or when you're overwhelmed or when you're in survival mode your body records it even if your mind doesn't have a clear narrative about it even if you can't articulate what actually happened or why it was significant your body keeps the score means your body is holding a complete record of your life the fear you felt the anger you swallowed the grief you couldn't express the times you had to shut down to survive the moments you were not safe the relationships that hurt you the words you never said and here's what's crucial that this is not just a metaphor this is physiology your body literally changes in response to what you experience your nervous system now gets wired in a certain way your muscles learn to hold your breathing patterns shift and your posture adapts so when people say just let it go or just relax or someone on TikTok says you're holding on to your past I think they are missing the point because you're not consciously holding on to anything your body is holding it and your body has reasons for not letting go which are very very intelligent reasons so let me walk you through the most common places your body stores experience and as I do notice if anything I say resonates with you notice where you feel something and something can be a recognition a tightness a heat,

A emotion,

A knowing it doesn't have to be something unpleasant your body doesn't have to shake it can be as simple as your attention being guided to a certain point just trust that if that happens for you let's start with the jaw now I am with my jaw now all my attention is with my jaw and this is where most people hold swallowed words things you wanted to say but you couldn't maybe anger you had to suppress screams you had to silence and your jaw clench is often about holding back expression that wasn't safe to release if you grind your teeth at night if you wake up with jaw pain there is a possibility your body is literally grinding on rage unsaid truths or on the effort of keeping your mouth shut when you wanted to speak now let's drop down to the throat now this is where you hold your voice that was silenced the times you wanted to say no but you said yes the times you wanted to ask for help but you stayed quiet the times you wanted to scream but you whispered maybe or said nothing at all chronic throat tightness feeling like you can't breathe fully losing your voice frequently your throat is holding everything you never want to express now let's talk about the shoulders and the neck now this is where you carry burdens responsibility and the weight of taking care of others the vigilance of always being on alert and the tension of trying to hold everything together if your shoulders are chronically tight if you get tension headaches if your neck is always stiff you may literally be carrying the weight that may not even be yours your body is holding the posture of someone who has been responsible for too much and for too long now my chest and my heart now this is where you hold grief heartbreak and longing the ache of not being loved the way you need it the pain of loss,

Of people,

Of connection maybe childhood that you didn't get to have so if you feel heaviness in your chest if you get chest tightness or pain that is not medical if you feel like there is a weight pressing on your heart that could be stored grief your body is holding sorrow that hasn't been fully felt or released now your diaphragm and the breath now this is where you hold anxiety and panic when you are in chronic stress or trauma your breathing changes it gets shallow,

Rapid and held and your diaphragm tightens and stops moving fully if you can't take a full deep breath if you sigh constantly if you feel breathless even without exertion your body is stuck in a state of bracing your breath is frozen in the moment of threat it's a possibility now let's go to the belly and the gut now this is where you hold fear and anxiety the feeling of being unsafe your gut is intimately connected to your nervous system and it's also called your second brain so when you are in danger your gut responds if you have chronic digestive issues,

IBS,

Nausea or that pit in the stomach feeling your gut may be holding on to fear it's holding on to the anxiety of a nervous system that learnt that the world is not safe now your lower back now this is where you hold lack of support the feeling of having to hold yourself up alone of not being able to lean on anyone or carrying yourself through life without help and chronic lower back pain when it's not structural is often your body expressing I'm exhausted I need support but I don't know how to ask for it or to receive it and now the pelvis and the hips now this is where you hold shame sexual trauma boundary violations the feeling of not being safe in your own body the parts of yourself you learn to shut down or dissociate from chronic pelvic pain hip tightness that won't release numbness in your genitals or pelvis your body is holding on to experiences where your boundaries were not respected where your body wasn't safe or maybe you had to disconnect from your sexuality or physical self to survive and then there is your whole nervous system and then there is that holding that isn't in one specific place it's your entire nervous system the chronic activation the hyper vigilance the sense that you can never fully relax you're always scanning for threats that your body is always braced always ready and always turned on looking for a threat now this is your nervous system keeping the score of a life where safety was unpredictable where you had to stay alert to survive and where letting your guard down could literally mean danger now let's understand why the body will not let go and here's what I need you to understand your body is not holding on to pain,

Tension or trauma because it's broken or because it doesn't know how to heal your body is holding because releasing isn't safe yet from your body's perspective letting go would mean being vulnerable,

Unprotected and exposed and think about it if your jaw is clenched because you learnt that expressing anger wasn't safe your body will not release that clench until it has evidence that expressing yourself is safe now that you won't be punished you won't be abandoned or hurt for speaking your truth if your shoulders are tight because you're carrying everyone else's burden your body is not going to drop this weight unless it trusts that you'll be okay if you stop holding everything together that the world won't collapse if you rest if your chest is armored because your heart was broken your body is not going to soften until it has proof that being open won't lead to more pain your body is very intelligent it's very protective it learnt how to keep you safe and it won't stop protecting you because you consciously decide that you want to relax this is why I feel forcing release doesn't work you can get massages you can do yoga you can stretch you can take muscle relaxers you can do trauma release exercises but the tension comes back because you're treating the symptom and not listening to what your body is protecting now let's talk about the ways we try to override our body's holding the ways we force release without actually listening to what needs to happen first now maybe you push through the pain you force yourself to stretch deeper work out harder ignore your body's signals because you think they're weak and this is just something that has to be overcome now some of us use substances maybe alcohol to relax maybe weed to numb the pain some pills to sleep now not as occasional choices but as the only way you know how to get your body to soften now because without them your body will not let go maybe you chase intense experiences hard workouts,

Extreme sports intense sex anything that floods your system enough to temporarily override that holding but it's not actual release it's temporary overwhelm and maybe you spiritually bypass you meditate you do breath work you journal and you force yourself into a state of bliss or peace but underneath your body is still clenched you're using spiritual practice to avoid what your body is actually holding or maybe you collapse you've just given up you've dissociated you've gone numb you can't hold the holding anymore so you just check out now this isn't release either this is your body protecting you from feeling too much now none of these are wrong they are human they are understandable but they are not listening they are forcing and forcing will never create a lasting change so what does somatic healing actually look like now real somatic healing isn't about making your body let go it's about understanding what your body is holding why it's holding it and creating conditions so your body has the option to release and that process starts with listening actually listening to what your body is trying to tell you through the tension,

Through the pain through the numbness and through the patterns your body is not your enemy it's not working against you it's doing it's best to protect you with strategies it learnt when you were young when you were overwhelmed and when you were surviving and healing happens when you start to have a dialogue with your body when you stop commanding it to relax and start asking what are you protecting what are you afraid will happen if you let go what do you need to feel safe enough to release and that's slow work it's not dramatic there are no breakthrough moments it's about gentle,

Consistent listening building trust with your own body proving it over time that it's safe enough now to soften even just a little so let's practice that now let's listen now get comfortable you can be sitting up or lying down whatever allows your body to feel most supported and when you're ready you can either let your eyes close or soften your gaze now let's take a breath together we are just going to do a body scan but not the kind where you can try to relax each part we are not doing this so you feel better this is a listening scan we are going to move through your body and simply notice what's being held without trying to change anything and without any judgement now start with your jaw and notice if it's clenched if your teeth are touching and if there's any tension there and if you find tension don't force it to release just acknowledge my jaw is holding something what might it be protecting slowly gently move to your throat now notice if it feels tight,

Constricted or open and notice the quality of sensation here if your throat feels closed,

Just notice there's something here that wasn't safe to express and my body is still protecting that now gently dropping your awareness to your shoulders and to your neck are they up near your ears tense,

Tight or braced if they are holding just acknowledge I've been carrying something my body is still in the posture of holding weight now drop into your chest your heart space and notice if there's heaviness here a tiredness an ache or maybe numbness or nothing at all whatever you find just acknowledge it my chest is holding grief or protection or the armor I needed to survive notice your breathing now is it full and deep or is it shallow and restricted can you breathe all the way down into your belly or does your breath stop into your chest and if your breath is held just acknowledge my body is still bracing still protecting and still ready for threat and move your awareness now to your belly to your gut and notice if there's a tightness there a churning that pit of your stomach feeling or maybe there is nothing just numbness and disconnection if you find tension or numbness just acknowledge my gut is holding fear to feeling that I'm not safe notice your lower back now is there pain there is there chronic tension is there a sense of holding yourself up and if so acknowledge my back is holding the burden of self-support of not being able to lean on anyone and now bring awareness to your pelvis and your hips and notice if there's any holding there a tightness or maybe a disconnection like this part of your body is not fully yours and it's not fully safe to inhabit and whatever shows up for you just acknowledge my pelvis is holding shame or trauma or parts of myself I learnt to shut down and then I want you to sense your whole nervous system the overall quality of your body is it activated on alert or is it collapsed or shut down or somewhere in between just notice my nervous system is keeping the score of a life where I had to be vigilant or where I had to shut down or where I never fully felt safe now let's have a conversation with your body pick one area where you found holding or just one area that you feel drawn to working with right now one place in your body that stood out maybe your jaw maybe your chest maybe your shoulders whatever feels most alive and most present for you and if you can place your hand there just a gentle touch or a connection and if you can't reach that place just put your hand on your chest and now let's speak to this part not with your mind let your body speak ask receive my words or repeat them what are you protecting me from what are you protecting me from what are you protecting me from don't force an answer just listen you might get words you might get images you might just get a deeper sense of the tension itself and you might get nothing at all just more hold in whatever comes just receive it now your body might be saying I am protecting you from being hurt again from being seen from being vulnerable from speaking up and from being rejected from feeling the grief that feels too big and from the rage that feels too dangerous now the sensations in your body may have changed softened,

Moved whatever you are aware of in this moment offer your body this acknowledgement I see what you are doing you have been protecting me you learned this is the only way to keep me safe and I am not going to force you to stop I am not here to make you release anything I am just here to listen to understand and to build trust with you maybe slowly maybe you can start to believe that it's safe enough now to soften even just a little even just for a moment but I am not going to force it and if you don't want to you don't have to we are in this together and we have time just notice what happens when you offer this I am speaking to whatever my body is showing the parts of me which may have been holding on to emotions,

Feelings,

Memories,

Fears I am now aware of those parts in my body and I have just offered them this acknowledgement notice what happens does anything shift does the tension soften even slightly maybe it has increased maybe it has gone away or does it stay even longer,

Stronger now because your body doesn't believe you yet it doesn't trust that you won't force it,

Override it or betray it either response is ok this is the beginning of a dialogue and it's not a one time fix just take a few more breaths here just being here with your body not trying to change it just acknowledging what it's been holding and what it's been protecting you from now when you are ready you can begin to bring yourself back deepen your breath breathe and if your eyes were closed you can open them look around what I want you to take with you is this the body keeps the score doesn't mean you are broken or stuck or unable to heal it means your body is holding a record of your life the good and the difficult and that holding has been intelligent,

Necessary and protective healing doesn't happen by forcing your body to let go it happens by understanding what it's protecting building trust with it and slowly gradually creating conditions where release becomes a possibility now this is somatic healing fast,

Not dramatic but real lasting and respectful of your body's wisdom so be patient with yourself be patient with your body it's doing it's best it's keeping you safe and when it trusts that you are listening,

You are really listening it will begin to let go in it's own time thank you for being willing to have this conversation with your body thank you for listening to me and letting me guide you Namaste