Patience As Part Of The Practice | Ven Canda

Is it going to Facebook now?

It doesn't say.

Yes,

Now we're on Facebook live.

Oh my goodness.

So there we go.

So these three right intentions and of those three right intentions,

I want to focus a little bit on a slightly different nuanced,

Nuance to gentleness,

To non-harming,

Which is patience.

So we'll talk a little bit about patience today.

And I just want to get a bit of some of these.

There we go.

Right.

All set.

So as we've said,

And as we've talked about,

These storms in our life can take many forms,

You know,

It can be our health kind of going wrong at the most inappropriate of times,

Or it can be the COVID pandemic,

You know,

Coming,

It's never going to be a good time to have a pandemic,

A global pandemic in this world.

But certainly for most of us,

It's the first one we've probably ever experienced in our life.

And along with that,

There's been a great loss of livelihoods,

Of life itself,

Loss of loved ones.

Many of our friends and family have probably got sick.

Some have still got long COVID,

Others have recovered.

But then there are also kind of anxieties that arise with that.

And then the pressures of everyday life,

Having deadlines,

Having lots to do.

In my own case,

I seem to have a never ending inbox of emails to get through.

And no matter how much I try and tackle them,

And how much time I invest in that,

It never really diminishes,

Because there's always another email coming along.

And of course,

Recently in the news,

It's been a lot about Myanmar and the situation over there.

And some of those people are incredibly brave and are actually sitting out in the middle of,

You know,

Sometimes a real threat to their life.

So there are people,

You know,

With their shields,

The military,

With their guns and all the rest.

And you see pictures of monks and of lay people just seated in meditation.

Some of the latest pictures I've been seeing,

They're actually kind of,

They've got like white cloth over their mouths,

And some have got it even over their eyes.

And they're sitting there with like this cross,

Like on the on the mouthpiece,

In protest.

And it's just incredibly brave to be able to actually stay calm like that in the middle,

Literally,

Of gunfire.

Even a couple of my close friends over there who do live in quite a protected place,

They're in a sort of safe compound,

I think with some kind of guards on the door.

But they say that,

You know,

Although they're practicing day and night as much as they can and taking refuge in the triple gem,

They can hear the gunfire,

You know,

From their house.

And so these are the kind of storms that we can face.

And we just never know when it's going to happen in our society,

In our country,

Things can happen anytime.

But when we look at this,

You know,

We can see that ultimately,

It's a storm in the five sense world,

In what we call the five sense world,

It's in the set in the world of the body.

Well,

That what we see,

What we hear,

What we taste and touch,

What we smell.

I remember when my dad first came to India to visit me,

Because I lived there for many years,

And we'd walk along the streets,

And there'd be all these really pungent smells,

And he'd be like,

Walking along the road,

You know,

It's quite funny,

He was very,

Very sensitive to those smells.

But really,

When we talk about these storms in our life,

We are mostly talking about storms in that five sense world.

And even in our mind,

Which is the sixth sense,

A lot of the storms that we experience,

There are the kind of reverberations from that world.

So they're the thoughts about that five sense world,

Or they're the fears associated with it,

You know,

That the anxieties around,

Like I say,

The pressures of what we need to get done,

Or maybe anxieties around our existence and our worth,

You know,

Am I good enough?

Do people love me?

Am I accepted?

Do I have a community?

Do I belong?

You know,

All these things are around that five sense world.

And so going into the mind can be the first step towards taking,

You know,

A step into the eye of that storm.

But it's not really enough just to go into the mind with awareness,

What they call in Buddhism,

Bare awareness.

We actually need to take in a few friends.

And I always refer to those friends as like the three wise attitudes.

So these are our like spiritual friends.

And the Buddha said in me that the whole of the holy life is spiritual friendship.

So who are those wise friends that we have to take with us into the eye of that storm?

And really,

It's a question of knowing how to relate wisely.

So the Buddha said,

You know,

In the in the second factor of the eightfold path,

That the right intentions are the intentions of kindness,

Non ill will.

Recently,

We had a sutta class and that word non ill will was translated as benevolence,

Which I think is a very beautiful meaning a very beautiful rendering of that word,

You know,

To feel like we can have a benevolent heart towards anything that arises.

So when sadness arises,

Or,

You know,

Even deep depression,

If we have this sense of benevolence towards it,

It's really a welcoming acceptance that allows it in.

And I think Ajahn Brahm was talking about somebody who mentioned to him recently that his teachings pretty much saved his life with depression.

And the one piece of advice I said to him,

Gave that person was,

It's okay to be depressed.

It was that simple,

Because everyone else had told him,

You know,

Oh,

We need to help you,

What can we do to help,

Maybe you should go to the psychiatrist,

Take this medication,

You know,

Change your attitude,

Change your livelihood.

And I'm not saying that none of those things might have worked or helped.

And it can be a completely different approach for each person.

But the one thing that he'd never been told was that it was okay to be depressed.

And this is where,

You know,

We can start developing that sense of unconditional mindfulness.

It's a step deeper than simply being aware.

That's why I have the little bear.

Where's she gone?

My little bear?

It's a kind of joke,

Because there's this phrase bear awareness in Buddhism.

The Ajahn Brahm's written a book called B-E-A-R awareness,

Bear awareness,

Like fluffy,

Soft and loving awareness.

And this is a reminder of that,

You know,

So we can be always a little bit more gentle with our mind.

And we learn to be like a kind of loving friend to ourselves.

So we don't rely on those spiritual friends,

Having them around all the time at the external level.

Because again,

That's part of the five sense world,

Right.

But we can actually start to internalize those friends and become the kind of friend that actually validates ourself,

You know,

Our own advocate,

If you like.

And that rather than pushing away or armoring up against our sensitivities or vulnerabilities,

We can actually allow them in.

You know,

It's okay to be sensitive,

It's okay to feel affected by the world.

I mean,

We're human beings,

After all,

We're not rocks.

Yeah.

And even those who they say become unshakable in the Dhamma,

They become unshakable by learning to receive and accept,

Even welcome,

Even can we say,

Celebrate the difficulties and struggles in life.

And it's really interesting to see these people and to be around them and get to know them,

You know,

People who really have made peace with life,

Made peace with their bodies and mind,

Because they're the most easeful people.

They're so at ease with themselves in any situation.

And Ajahn Brahm gave a lovely talk that I think it's the only place I've ever heard him say this,

But he was likening somebody who disappears,

Somebody who becomes very wise,

To going kind of from the earth element to the water element.

So when with the earth element,

This is like a synonym for someone who's not yet enlightened,

Who's not a stream winner,

They still have a very solid sense of self.

And that kind of person is very fixed,

You know,

They also tend to fix others,

Judge others,

Decide this person's like that,

Because they said this,

Or they did that,

That I didn't like,

And,

You know,

Now we've defined them,

And we've kind of,

You know,

Put them in a box,

So to speak.

And we put ourselves in boxes too,

We say,

Oh,

This is my potential,

This is my capacity,

That's it.

You know,

You can't teach an old horse,

Is it?

Or old dog,

New tricks?

Really terrible English phrase,

I can't stand that.

I just think that's so terrible,

Because we're never too old to learn,

If we are,

Then we're not really living anymore.

But in this simile,

He was saying that it's like,

For a stream-enterer,

Someone who's seen oneself,

They become like the water element,

So that they can sort of flow in life,

However is needed,

And they can assume different forms.

So if the vessel is,

You know,

A vessel this shape,

It flows into that vessel,

If a vessel is this shape,

It flows into that one,

It can flow into any vessel and take on any form.

And this is the kind of person that's so at ease with themselves,

Because they've made peace with their body and mind,

Including all the difficult,

Afflictive emotions as well.

You know,

As Ajahn Chah said,

I'll read it again,

Because it's such a beautiful quote,

Peace is within oneself,

Is to be found in the same place as agitation and suffering.

It is not found in a forest or on a hilltop,

Nor is it given by a teacher.

Where you experience suffering,

You can also find freedom from suffering.

Trying to run away from suffering is actually to run toward it.

Isn't that amazing?

Because the first noble truth is all about suffering is to be understood,

And we can't understand it if we're looking in the opposite direction from where it lies,

Right?

And yet at the same time,

With this reflection that I'm,

I just want to share now,

I do think that we need a few tools in order to turn toward that suffering,

To meet that suffering,

Because it can be very difficult if our mind is conditioned to,

You know,

Move away,

Which of course it is,

To recoil from pain and to seek pleasure,

Right?

We condition this way,

And we have to start opening our eyes in a different way.

So we become like water,

We become able to flow and be at ease with every sensation,

Every emotion in our life.

So it's that self-awareness,

But awareness co-joined with kindness,

With compassion or non-harm,

Gentleness if you like,

And also with making peace with letting go.

And another way to understand this thing called letting go is a sense of non-ownership,

A sense that our experience is not ours,

It doesn't belong to us.

And in that way,

When we realize that and we realize we can't control it,

It becomes much easier to kind of release the grasp.

You know,

We only really try to control things that we believe belong to us.

So I like to think of making peace or letting go as realizing that we don't own experience,

Renouncing that control,

That sense of control.

And it does take courage and it takes wisdom.

Some of you in the questions have been saying,

You know,

That when you start to feel that some part of you is disappearing or even that you're going into unfamiliar places in the mind,

It is a little bit scary and it's actually supposed to be.

Because by moving from this solid sense of self from what you're used to,

From the familiar,

And going to something new,

A little bit of how you define yourself has to disappear.

You know,

You're not sure what's going to come next.

And so the mind tends to want to kind of hang on to what it knows.

It's almost like we'd rather suffer than be nothing at all.

Right?

So we'd rather stay with what we know,

Even if it's not satisfactory,

Even if it's not really fulfilling us,

Than to experience something different.

But sometimes once in a while,

And with a lot of teachings and a lot of examples of inspiring teachers,

We do start to develop some courage and some wisdom to just very gently,

Very gently let go that little bit more.

So they're the three right intentions in brief,

But I did want to go a little bit closer towards looking at an aspect of gentleness non-harming that is patience,

Because I think patience is something that's rarely talked about.

It's something that I haven't talked about,

I think,

So far very much at all in my done my reflections.

And it's also something I could use a bit more of,

Because one of my,

I think one of my weaknesses in the three right intentions is probably the patience aspect of gentleness,

Because I can be very kind,

But sometimes just a little bit too quick to respond or,

You know,

Wanting things to happen or getting frustrated when other people's minds don't work as quickly as mine,

Right?

So there's just that bit of patience,

Impatience,

And I experience that as a slightly hard quality of the mind,

Yeah?

So it's just not giving life,

Giving time,

Giving the process quite enough space.

Whereas when we're gentle,

When we open up the mind,

Things have all the space they need to mature.

So patience is considered by the Buddha,

The highest of the spiritual austerities is the way it's often translated,

Kanti paramamta pauti tika,

Kanti means patience.

And sometimes people think that means kind of like enduring suffering or gritting your teeth,

You know,

And just kind of sitting through pain.

But as I say,

It has this aspect of gentleness,

So it's actually much more,

It's much kinder than that.

And in the Ovada Patimokkha,

One of the things that we say at the ordination is that the Sangha accepts this person to ordain.

And the word used is kamati sangasa,

This person is welcome,

This person is accepted into the Sangha.

The word kamati comes from kanti,

From patience.

It doesn't mean that this Sangha endures this person.

Well,

We don't really like them,

But you know,

We're Buddhist,

We have to accept everybody,

So let them come,

We'll grit our teeth and get on with them,

You know,

Or we'll just ignore them,

If we really don't like them.

It doesn't mean that,

It actually means that we consent to this person,

We approve of this person joining the Sangha,

Or even we don't like them.

We approve of this person joining the Sangha,

Or even we welcome this person.

And I think that's a very different understanding of patience,

Of kanti,

You know,

That somebody is actually welcome,

And experience in our life is welcome.

We're not just staying with it in the hope that it goes away,

We're staying with it to be with it,

And that is as far as it goes.

We're not staying with it hoping that it changes into something different later on,

Or staying with it so that it changes.

That's a little bit subtler.

Our motivation is to be kind,

Genuinely kind,

Genuinely patient,

So that it changes.

So we're patient for a while,

But if the results don't come,

We say,

Oh,

This patience doesn't work,

Right?

So patience doesn't have a time limit,

It doesn't have a schedule.

The schedule is nature's schedule,

The schedule is the dhamma's schedule,

The process unfolds according to causes and conditions in its own time.

And so one really lovely description of patience that Ajahn Brahm gives,

He breaks it down into two types,

And I found this really useful.

It might not be a teaching you've heard because I think it's one that he has given several times to the monastics that he teaches,

And those talks unfortunately are not made public.

Hopefully that will change.

But he divides patience into two types of waiting,

Right?

So if you think of like waiting for things,

But like I say,

We're normally waiting for things to happen.

So he says that there's waiting in the moment and there's waiting in the future.

These are the two types of waiting,

Yeah?

So what does waiting in the moment mean?

I think it means waiting with our experience.

So we're not actually thinking about what's coming next.

We're so present in this moment with that very beautiful attitude of kindness,

Gentleness,

And letting go,

Making peace,

That we're able to let mindfulness build,

You know?

And if we just observe and whenever craving or whenever a version arises in the mind,

We see that this is arising and we just remember,

Okay,

Just stay with what's happening now.

Find the beauty in the moment.

Then we're plugging up those leaks in the mind where mindfulness starts to flow away from the moment.

So we're just staying with exactly what's arising now,

Standing our ground patiently,

Gently,

With equanimity,

And not with any time limit,

As I say,

Right?

Not thinking that if I stay with this,

Then it's going to change,

But just really opening our hearts as if this is the only moment you ever have.

And of course it actually is the only moment you ever have,

Right?

Because the future only happens,

The future is only real when it becomes the present moment.

Until it's actually present,

It remains an imagination,

A fantasy,

Just an illusion of something better or maybe something frightening to come.

But until that future actually becomes the present moment,

We can't live it.

And if we don't know how to live in the present moment,

Then how are we going to find contentment anywhere else?

So we have to learn to develop this contentment in the moment and stay with something without trying to change it or make it go away.

But just resting our mind there,

Allowing the moment to open up and to reveal to us whatever it has to teach us.

You know,

Sometimes we come into contact,

For example,

Someone was saying in the questions that they're coming into contact with a lot of suffering,

A feeling like wanting to jump up from the cushion,

Run away,

And it's really difficult to stay present.

But any moment that they do stay present,

Even for just a couple of minutes or five minutes,

Something deeper unfolds,

Some sadness,

Some tears may start to arise.

And with that,

I think that's already a softening of the heart,

You know,

A kind of little entrance way for compassion to start arising.

And,

You know,

It can become quite interesting after a while,

Even to notice that in the most unpleasant of experiences,

There's actually something to learn.

It's almost as though we agree to the disagreeable and that disagreeable becomes pleasant,

Because we're allowing it,

We're welcoming it into our heart.

It's like if a little child came into your house,

Actually one did come into my house,

He was very upset,

Very,

Very upset.

She was with her mum.

It was the first time I was meeting that child.

And I think the mum had sort of,

You know,

She just had a hard day at school or something,

And she was probably going to like a private school where they really pushed this child very hard.

And the child had wanted to go out riding that evening with a friend.

But instead the mum said,

No,

You know,

We're going to visit my friend,

The nun in Oxford.

And so the child came along,

And she was so upset.

She just sat crying in the porch,

You know,

For pretty much the entire time.

And her mum kept saying,

Come on,

Come on,

You know,

Come and speak to us,

Don't behave that way,

It's embarrassing.

I just said,

Leave her be,

It's fine,

You know,

I pretended she wasn't,

She was fine,

She was doing nothing wrong,

You know,

I said,

You can stay there,

It's fine.

And after a while,

She started poking her head through the door,

You know,

Looking in,

I said,

Oh,

Hi.

And then bit by bit,

She dared to come around the corner and sort of tell me how terrible she was feeling.

I said,

I can really understand that.

I think I also had those feelings when I was young.

And these were strong feelings,

You know,

Really strong feelings for a child at age,

I think my mum was quite frightened.

I said,

Yeah,

You know,

They are really frightening feelings,

But they're just voices in your head,

You know.

So I just started to talk to her and empathise with her.

And by the time she left,

She was just,

She hardly wanted to leave.

She said,

Mummy,

That lady is so kind.

And all it really was,

Was that she'd been given the space to feel what she felt without being judged,

And given time to come around.

This is what teachers do,

Great teachers like Anaj and Brown,

They don't just ordain you and leave you alone.

They ordain you,

They see their potential.

I had to harass him a bit,

It's true.

He might not have been quite so involved in continuing to guide me if I hadn't said,

Look,

You know,

You're my teacher.

I'm willing to serve,

I'm willing to do whatever,

Whatever you want me to do,

Whatever you want for me,

I am at the service of the dumber.

So,

You know,

I think we always had a natural rapport as well.

But there was definitely a formal establishing of a teacher-student relationship.

And I think with a teacher like this,

You know,

As all of you probably noticed too,

They really give you time and space to mature.

They don't expect you to be perfect.

In fact,

They almost like you better when you're not.

I've said to him many times,

Am I a bit too cheeky?

He says,

No,

You know,

If you're not cheeky,

I'll stop talking to you.

And I mean,

It sounds silly,

But I actually wonder if there's some truth to that.

Because the students are so much more because there's something about keeping it real,

Right?

There's something about being just open,

Just being where you are,

You know,

Where you're at,

Not hiding that.

And just relating at the human level.

And of course,

In my heart was the deepest possible respect that I could never express with words.

So there's no point even trying to sort of say,

You know,

To kind of express it but it doesn't really get close.

But that real expression of appreciation and gratitude and devotion,

If you like,

To the dumber through someone who inspires is in committing yourself to serve and committing yourself to the path.

And knowing that this person,

This teacher in your life has no expectation,

Certainly no time pressure on you at all.

So for that person who asked,

For example,

About stream entry,

Is often something I can get concerned with too,

You know,

It's like,

I mean,

In my tradition,

I've been around some good teachers in Burma,

And also obviously since.

And I think there's a lot of dilution of what it means to be a stream mentor.

So these days,

Everyone says,

Yeah,

You know,

I'm a stream mentor,

If they've just got a sense that there might not be a self.

But I think it's a big step.

It's a huge change,

Of course,

Huge change of direction,

You've actually seen that the body and mind are entirely conditioned and subject to cessation.

And you've seen that at the experiential level,

You know,

And I know that this is a commitment of not only one,

But possibly many,

Many lives.

And so sometimes I think,

Oh,

Is it going to happen this lifetime,

Because now I'm so busy with this project,

And,

You know,

Establishing the trust,

As in the trustees,

The committee,

And also the trust,

Right,

Of the lay community,

And so many other things.

But then I realised that is waiting in the future,

That's not waiting in the moment and putting the causes in place.

Because it really doesn't matter.

And it isn't up to us when those causes will come to fruition.

You know,

That's like the simile that Ajahn Brahm told once of,

I think it's a true story of a boy who planted some flower seeds in his father's garden.

And it was something nice for them to do together,

You know,

The father and the son.

And the father would say,

Yeah,

You know,

You have to water them this often.

And then they take some sunshine.

And eventually this little seed will come up as a shoot.

And so this boy was waiting.

And he's like,

Daddy,

Nothing's happening,

You know,

It's been a week or two weeks or however long.

And then one day,

Guess what?

A little shoot,

A bright green,

Beautiful,

Delicate shoot came up.

And he was really happy.

But then it made him even more excited and more impatient,

Because now he wanted to see it grow.

And you've maybe seen these kind of things.

I have some little kind of tulips in a sort of jog downstairs.

They're like grow your own tulips at home or something.

Someone gave it to me.

And they take a long time to come up.

But now they're about this big,

After two months.

So this little boy was getting really frustrated.

And eventually they came up,

You know,

About this big,

And then he just couldn't stand it anymore.

So he started stretching them.

And they all broke off.

And this is what can happen,

You know,

If we stretch our mind too far,

Or if we start putting pressure on our meditation.

Now you've got to the breath.

Now it's going nicely.

The breath is smooth.

The mind is quite quiet.

Oh,

What's coming next?

Or now the light arose in the mind.

Oh my goodness,

That must be a nimitta.

And these nimittas are really big deals,

Right?

So this is exciting.

Maybe I can get into jhanas now.

And again,

You're waiting in the wrong place.

So yeah,

This is waiting in the future,

Waiting for something to happen,

Waiting for anything,

You know,

Other than where you are.

And even if where you are is quite pleasant,

Whenever we find ourselves anticipating the next moment,

It shows that there is some discontent,

Right?

If we're really content where we are,

Time tends to melt away.

It just starts to fade.

You know,

It's almost like at first the present moment seems like this really small little place between the past and the future.

It's like tiny,

And you've got to get your mind like right in that crack.

But after a while,

It's like with Ajahn Brahm's beautiful simile of the mattress,

You just start to relax and soften into that present moment.

It becomes really spacious,

Like a really wide mattress or a beautiful big white cloud where you can just hang out.

And this present moment is so big,

So timeless,

Right?

And you can sometimes sit like that and three hours go by and it's like,

Huh,

What happened?

My goodness,

Now the afternoon's gone.

I didn't even get on a walk.

But you don't care about the walk because you were just so happy inside.

So whenever we see that we're waiting in the future,

You know,

It's very subtle.

But we're either leaning forward with expectation,

Which is an aspect of craving,

Wanting,

The subtle hindrance of desire,

Or there's a subtle aversion,

Irritation,

Frustration,

Impatience with where you already are.

You know,

It's like you've got to where you are because you gave up a lot,

You let go of a lot.

But now that things are starting to happen,

You forget the causes that got you there.

And you think,

Oh,

Now I have to push a bit or,

You know,

You forget,

You now start thinking of what's coming next.

And I do this.

I mean,

I think we all do this,

You know,

We start to get a little bit like,

Ooh,

And it's so subtle.

But this is why the jhanas don't arise in the mind.

Because there's two things that the Buddha described.

Well,

There's more than two.

But there's things called the Upakilesas.

And the Buddha talks about this in the Majjhima Nikaya.

Ooh,

It's not 118,

But it's something.

118 is the Anapanasati Sutta.

It's something like that.

It's further on,

Maybe 151 or something?

Upakilesas sutta,

Co-hosts.

Anyway,

You can also look it up later.

And it talks about these Upakilesas,

Which are like refined hindrances,

Like not the coarse hindrances that really stir up and agitate the mind,

But the finer ones,

The subtler ones that are still the remnant of a sense of self.

So you're not craving any more for like ice cream or salt and vinegar crisps or whatever,

Or Earl Grey tea,

Or I don't know,

There's much coarser stuff to crave for than that as well.

But you are sort of getting quite keen on these higher states of mind.

But it's still the same thing.

It's still that sense of self getting involved.

And so we start waiting in the wrong place.

So what do we do and how do we develop these patients in our meditation practice?

And I made just a few thoughts that came to my mind.

I kind of tend to think like this.

It's like downloading stuff in my mind.

But the first one was the staying present.

And then the second one was the changing our attitudes,

The way we approach our experience.

And this really means like changing our perceptions,

Our thoughts,

Our attitudes towards life,

Really.

So for example,

In my case,

Changing my attitude that I need to be sitting for 18 hours a day to get enlightened,

Because I was doing that for many,

Many years,

And I'm still not enlightened.

So,

And yet there's still this subtle idea that that's what's needed,

You know,

For a stream entry.

And whether it's true or not,

It just creates suffering in the mind.

Because whenever we think that there's a certain lack,

Or we think,

You know,

I need this,

This,

This to be happy,

We're not really appreciating what we have.

So,

You know,

Changing our attitude means,

For example,

Changing our attitude to online work.

I mean,

I can get quite grumpy when I have to be online so much.

And,

You know,

I opted 15 years ago,

Actually 25 years ago to live a monastic life.

And I thought it was very simple,

You know,

I didn't think there'd be so much work and setting up monasteries and such like,

But if I just change my attitude and see that work as a way to promote the Dhamma and a way to serve,

Also a way to refine my own understanding of the path,

Right?

Because if you are going to start to teach,

You need to kind of have quite a good sense of the map,

If you like,

And also an ability to be able to put that into simple words in a way that's at least not harming others,

At least not sending them off down the wrong path.

So when you change your attitude in this way,

It really helps.

And as I say,

It makes the agreeable or the disagreeable agreeable,

Right?

But then there's also learning to find the agreeable agreeable.

It sounds like such a silly play on words,

But I was once in a retreat in Perth,

When I could get there.

And it was actually a talk on patience that I heard.

And it was so it had such an impact on me,

Which is why I share it now,

Because at that time in my meditation,

I was getting quite a lot of bliss.

And sometimes I was feeling like,

Whoa,

This is a bit too much,

You know.

And,

Yeah,

I realised at one point,

After a nice meditation,

By the time it started to happen,

Something in the mind just kind of made it go away.

It was really weird.

I mean,

Ajahn Brahm often says it's due to sort of feeling you don't deserve it or a sort of guilt thing or something.

But also at an even subtler level,

Sometimes we do this just to show that we're still in control.

The sense of self wants to say,

You know,

Hey,

You know,

It wants to check out,

Can I still direct this meditation,

Even when it's going well?

And then he gave this talk,

I think probably the next week.

And it just blew my mind,

Because in there he was saying,

You know,

That patience isn't just enjoying blah,

Blah,

Blah,

But then,

You know,

You do also have to learn to endure the bliss.

And I remember just getting kind of goosebumps and thinking,

Wow,

Maybe he knows what's happening.

But of course,

This is a common thing that we do.

We don't only,

You know,

Recoil from what is disagreeable to us,

We also reject what's agreeable.

This is the perversity of the human mind.

Yeah,

So really,

It's just about learning to stay still and just,

You know,

Be present with whatever's happening.

There was one time in Burma,

I remembered about going to this place with my teacher,

Which was in a village.

And in those days,

You didn't get to sit on any cushions,

You just sat on the floor.

And it wasn't kind of like even a flat floor,

It was completely bumpy,

Because the mud would come in the monsoon and create all kinds of like holes and lumps.

And then it had hardened in the heap.

So you'd sit on these things and your ankle would be down here and the other ankle would be up here.

It'd be really,

Really uncomfortable.

So we were sitting there,

But it didn't matter because I was so inspired by being around my teacher,

Like every day,

And he would just sit and meditate with you the whole time.

And sitting behind me was another nun who had come to that monastery later,

So she was technically a couple of years junior.

But her meditation was going really well.

And I think she started to feel that she was senior.

Anyway,

Really silly.

But I sat in front of her.

And suddenly I realised that I was soaking wet from behind.

I looked behind and I realised like she dropped her Fanta all over me.

And it looked quite intentional.

I mean,

Who knows,

Right?

It looked quite intentional because I turned around and she just didn't care.

And my friend next to me,

The other nun,

Was passing me all these tissues and we sort of tried to mop it up a little bit.

But I remember just thinking,

Oh,

Right,

Yeah,

That's strange.

And just sitting there,

Closing my eyes and just going deep inside.

It's like,

Just didn't touch me at that time because I was so deep in the meditation,

You know,

And you'd close your eyes and just get carried by this inspiration.

And after a while,

The body had faded.

It had just faded.

So it felt like it could have been floating.

It could have been anywhere.

It didn't really matter anymore.

And afterwards,

You know,

My robe was still kind of crisp,

A bit crispy now and sort of bright orange in places.

But actually it never really stuck.

Even in my head,

I don't remember ever having any thought afterwards like,

Oh,

That's really weird.

Like,

Why did that happen or anything?

So this is sometimes how we find that calm in the eye of the storm.

We just realise,

OK,

Well,

People do weird things.

I mean,

Maybe it was intentional,

Maybe not.

But I mean,

It doesn't really matter,

Does it?

Doesn't really matter.

I mean,

What matters right now is just how I deal with it.

And all I was interested in at that time was meditating.

So it definitely didn't affect my evening.

In fact,

It probably helped me go inside.

And then the next way,

Apart from changing these attitudes,

Is to understand again that things don't belong to us.

You know,

Our experience doesn't belong to us.

Our bodies don't belong to us.

Even our minds,

Our thoughts,

Our perceptions,

Our views,

They're all conditioned into us.

They're not ours,

Actually.

It's interesting,

During when I was thinking about this talk and the theme of this talk,

A couple of ideas,

So-called ideas came to my mind.

And then I had a talk by Ajahn Brahm.

And it's like he said those exact same two things.

And I really honestly did think it was original,

Because sometimes I know it's influenced by him.

But I actually thought it was original.

I found out that he'd already said those things a long time ago,

You know.

I would have heard it also a long time ago.

But these things go in and create who we think we are,

Right?

We are all literally just the product of whatever has happened to us in our life.

Of course,

Also things like DNA.

Sometimes now they're finding that that can be traced back even to previous generations.

So we sometimes do inherit sort of traumas and other things from our ancestors.

Or so,

Of course,

Hopefully some of the beautiful qualities or the courage,

The strength.

But ultimately,

You know,

We can't find a first cause.

The Buddha said there's no discernible beginning of samsara.

There's no place where we can say this is where this particular process began.

This particular process began.

You know,

This body-mind phenomenon is just a continuation of something that started goodness knows when.

And it is a work in progress,

Right?

So we can't expect any of us to be perfect in any particular way.

We can't expect because we're a lay person or we're a monastic or we've done this many hours or that many hours of meditation that we've got this or that quality.

We've all got certain strengths and other parts of our mind or practice or emotional world that are a little bit weaker,

Still not quite developed,

Right?

And maybe they'll never be developed in full the way someone else's are.

So Ajahn Brahm has certain strengths,

Certain qualities that are different from mine.

And I have certain things that I also think are slightly stronger in me,

Amazingly,

To say.

You know,

Not because I'm more enlightened,

Not at all,

Like he's much more enlightened than me,

But there are just differences.

And if there weren't,

Imagine how terribly glum and dim and competitive and horrible the world would be,

Right?

So we need all of us.

We need all of our qualities and skills.

We need all of our quirks and mistakes as well,

Yeah?

Because they don't belong to us either.

And so when we realize that nothing belongs to us,

As I said,

You know,

We stop trying to control it.

We realize it's out of control.

The Buddha actually said in one sutta that,

How did he say,

If you're going to think of anything as you,

It's better to think of this body as you,

Because at least the body persists for a time,

But the mind is changing relentlessly every moment,

Right?

The mind is just changing so much.

And yet that's probably the part of the sense of self that we identify with most.

So when we stop trying to control,

We can relax.

We can relax into our meditation.

You know,

We can do what Ajahn Brahm says and make the effort more of a endeavor to let go,

Rather than an endeavor to get somewhere or to produce a certain result.

Yeah.

And we consent to the process.

We consent to the process unfolding and developing in its own time.

We've got no choice anyway.

So why not just enjoy the process?

And life becomes so much nicer,

So much more colorful and rich when we're not looking to get somewhere in the future,

Somewhere else.

Just the other day,

I was coming back and from a friend's place,

But I've got a friend who I can sit in her little garden.

I've only actually done it twice because we're both very busy.

But I went around there and we just sat in her little garden and got some sunshine.

And I thought,

Gosh,

The whole afternoon's gone.

I haven't done anything,

You know,

I have all this work sort of piling up on me,

But the sunlight was so beautiful and it was sort of 5 p.

M.

And then all these gorgeous little,

What are they called?

Oh,

Anemones,

Wooden anemones,

Wooden anemones,

Like purple ones and some white ones as well.

And all these different kinds of daffodils were just like dancing in the sun.

And it was so beautiful because the sun was shining in different ways on each different flower.

And I sort of knelt down and sort of looked up at them as though the flowers were like the main world and then the other world of the streets and the road was a long way behind.

So it's like seeing the world from the eyes of a flower.

It was very beautiful.

And the time just went by.

So like about an hour later,

I managed to make it from like,

I don't know,

100 meters from my home.

It took me about half an hour.

And I thought,

Yeah,

This is part of it,

Isn't it?

When we have patience,

We can enjoy the journey.

We can enjoy our ride through life,

If you like.

And it stops us pushing forward and burning out,

You know,

Burning up all our energy too quickly so there's nothing left for later.

And then another one is to understand how things arise and pass away.

This is another way to keep that centered,

Calm in the eye of the storm,

To realize that no matter what arises in that place,

In the middle of the storm,

You might feel you're still being pulled around by it.

But whatever it is,

It's changing.

And it's not only that it will change,

But now you're feeling terrible and later you'll feel joy again.

But that it is changing all the time.

Like it's actually not solid.

Everything is in a flux.

It's in a flow.

Yeah,

My teacher,

My first teacher,

Goenka,

He used to say,

It arises just to pass away.

It arises just to pass away.

And I think that's so wonderful,

Because it means we start focusing more on the passing away.

You know,

It's nature is just to pass away.

And the Buddha said that the view that everything,

That the definitely is no cessation of being is one of the wrong views.

So that's quite interesting,

Because he doesn't say the view that there is cessation of being is right view.

But the view that there is no cessation of being is the wrong view,

Because things pass away.

The only mistake in those two views is the idea that there's a being,

Because there's not actually being,

It's a process.

And it's a process that can and does pass away.

If everything's due to causes,

Everything arises due to a cause.

It means when those causes are removed,

All of suffering falls away.

So this is really wonderful.

The fact that things do arise and pass means that your suffering has an end,

Right?

The suffering does have an end.

But I also said to Ajahn Brahm,

We had a conversation,

He said,

Yeah,

But it might change into something worse.

I said,

Oh,

Yeah,

That's true.

You know,

The suffering can actually get worse.

But then it means that the mind has a different chance to respond with Nibbida.

Have you heard of Nibbida?

This is also in his book,

The book he was referring to earlier is called The Art of Disappearing.

And the first whole couple of chapters are like about this thing called Nibbida.

And Nibbida is that response of the mind when it means suffering,

To actually turn away from suffering.

And it's not like running away.

In that quote with Ajahn Chah,

He meant it's like running away,

Like,

Out of aversion.

It's more like,

It's suffering.

So let's just leave it alone.

Let's just let it go.

You know,

We don't have to engage with it,

We don't have to entertain it or keep rolling around with it.

We can just turn towards a different direction in our mind,

We can go down a different pathway in our mind,

The path of peace,

As opposed to the path of more and more involvement and engagement in the world.

And also with this arising and passing,

I mean,

I've done a lot of meditation,

The first 14 years of my practice life were like,

I mean,

I was practicing on average,

Probably seven hours a day every year,

All the time,

Because I did so many retreats and,

You know,

About 10 a year and then serving as well.

No,

I think 10 a year,

Including serving.

But anyway,

It was a lot of meditation.

And,

And the whole time,

I was just focused on this characteristic of things arising and passing.

And it was just so fascinating and engrossing to learn to catch up with that speed of change,

Because it's just so fast,

You know,

And the Buddha liken sensation feeling to,

Like mustard seeds popping in a pan,

Or like sandbanks,

You know,

The sun just falling down the bank.

And again,

Someone was saying in the questions earlier that they had that experience of,

You know,

Working with impermanence and this idea that there's no anchor,

There's nothing substantial there.

And I mean,

This is really the case,

You know,

This is what you can't dispute when you practice in that kind of way.

And in the beginning,

It is kind of confronting.

I remember going to Goenkaji in 1998,

I think it was,

He was actually teaching the retreat.

So I got an interview,

Which is great.

And I said,

You know,

When this dissolving happens,

It's like,

I feel this sadness that everything I thought was true and real,

My family,

All my friends,

You know,

They're just actually,

There's nothing there,

Right?

It's just all slipping through my hands.

And he just said,

Yeah,

This is like,

Just a stage in the meditation.

This is just still some,

Some,

Some little bit of aversion there.

But as Ajahn Brahm said today,

I really picked up on that,

You know,

He said,

Can there be also some beauty to that?

And of course,

You do find that the more you practice with this impermanence,

The more you find there's a complete freeing.

It's really,

Really freeing to find that every emotion that's arising,

Even as it's arising,

Say anger,

Or feeling like affronted or offended,

It arises like,

And it hits you in the garter,

It hits you in the heart.

And as it's doing that,

You feel it like vibrating,

You feel it like,

And then just kind of dissipating as it's happening.

And you realise that whenever we think,

You know,

Someone's upset me,

I don't like that person anymore.

It's really not that person is the react,

It's the sensation that you don't like.

It's the way they've made you feel that you don't like.

But when we can develop patience with those feelings,

Equanimity with those feelings,

Accept them,

Embrace them,

See them as a learning curve,

You know,

It's got something to teach me something about how my ego still gets hurt or,

Or just how it causes me suffering when I try and reject it,

You know,

Or that I don't want life to be like this,

But actually life is like this,

There's something I'm still not accepting about life,

Then we can start to open up to those things.

And when we realise it's not the person who's causing this unpleasantness,

But it's our own feeling we're reacting to,

Then we know where to look to solve the problem.

And we actually are able to get along and find harmony and heal misunderstandings with all kinds of people to a degree.

Obviously,

If something's abusive,

You have to take a step back.

And I've done that in my life,

I've taken steps right back.

But I read something really nice about boundaries the other day,

It said something like,

A boundary is the distance from where I'm able to love you.

I thought that was so nice.

Because the idea isn't that you reject the person,

It's just that you take as much space as you can,

Or as you need,

In order to again,

Develop compassion,

Metta,

Opening your heart.

But this is your work,

It doesn't mean you have to engage with the person and be best friends.

But it's your work,

Because the point of metta,

The point of patience,

Of kindness,

Gentleness is to overcome our own defilements of the mind.

So there was quite a few more things I wanted to share,

But I don't want to overload you.

And also I want to give some time for Q&A.

And I always like to end with a metta meditation,

As well.

So we will do that.

But just to go through a few of the benefits,

Just to finish up.

I think with patience,

You know,

We become less irritated,

Less upset with life.

It becomes harder to kind of sustain resentments or feelings of ill will,

Because we realise everything's just revising and passing,

You know.

And then we also realize that we have this patience towards ourselves and our own process,

Patience with others,

Realizing we're all at different places on the path,

Developing at different speeds and also in different ways.

And I think one of the most important things about patience,

As well as all these beautiful right intentions,

Is that it gives our mind more spaciousness,

Our mind becomes expansive and able to accept much more of life.

So the more wider and encompassing we can be of experience,

The more we can learn from in our life.

If we can only have certain experiences,

We just,

You know,

Shut out other ones,

Then we're just choosing what we want to learn from instead of being open to learning from even mistakes.

And mistakes,

Ajahn Brahm always says,

Are the best places to learn.

Because the things that you already know are not going to be mistakes.

I mean,

If you're doing everything right,

It means you've already learned that bit of life.

But the mistakes happen in the bits of life we don't already know.

And you have to,

I mean,

I'm taking a massive step with this project.

I don't know what I'm doing in many,

Many ways.

But it's like step by step,

We just keep going and see where it leads,

You know,

And I've got a lot of good people around me,

Beautiful energies around.

And most of all,

It's coming from the right place.

And I think also that patience in my life really helps with commitment.

And I think without that patience,

With this project,

For example,

It would have been easy to give up before I even began.

That would have been the best place to give up.

Because once I start,

I am committed.

And that patience means that I give things chance to manifest,

Give things time,

Because you can't pull together all the people,

All the resources,

The finances that you need.

These things are like a web that you're weaving,

You know,

And it's gradually,

Gradually getting stronger until the time that the conditions manifest for a monastery to arise.

So,

Yeah,

The patience can really help,

You know,

To overcome the defilements,

The meditation,

The hindrances,

And also at the deeper levels to be patient enough to allow the process to unfold,

And also to go that little bit deeper in a counterintuitive way,

Because you're actually not going deeper onward,

You're going deeper inward.

And that patience can help you to stay where you are long enough for the mind to turn more deeply inside,

Inside the moment,

Inside the mind,

Inside the calm in the eye of the storm.

So,

I seem to have talked longer than expected,

So I shall give you a couple of minutes break.

And after that,

We'll have a few more Q&A.

We've had quite a lot today,

But we'll have a few more before the final meditation.

Okay,

So just a couple of minutes.

You might want to stretch or go to the loo,

Or just type in a question if you have one,

Although I'm sure that all your doubts are now completely,

What do you call it?

Allayed,

Is that the right word?

That's allayed,

Pacified.

I'm speaking from an invisible screen now,

But just to say that the questions will happen the way they did before,

So if you can send them to Q&A,

Derek,

That would be marvelous.

If they have come to me,

It's fine,

I can still read them.

Okay.

Okay,

I think I'm just going to make a start because we might not get many questions,

But we only have 20 minutes,

So I'll go,

I'll start.

So the first question,

Could you please talk about how to be patient with anger?

At the moment of anger,

You don't want to meditate or do anything about it.

How to deal with it?

Yeah,

So certainly,

I mean,

We have to learn ways to deal with our emotions in daily life because they don't only turn up on the cushion,

Right?

And this is,

Of course,

Where practice can help because the meditation that you do practice in your,

On the cushion,

So to speak,

Or on the bed or the chair or wherever you practice,

That will start to infiltrate into your daily life if it's going deep enough,

Right?

For example,

With the meditation I used to do with the arising and passing away of sensations,

That would start to be present with me during whatever activity I would do.

So it wasn't something that only happened on the cushion.

And my teacher was always saying,

You know,

That continuity of awareness is the secret of success because these things can happen anytime.

And so we do have to guard the mind in our daily life as well.

But at that moment,

When you're angry,

It's not the right time to go and sit down.

You're quite right because the mind is just overwhelmed.

And so if it arises in relationship,

In relation to something that happens in the day,

Especially another person,

I would say the best thing to do straight away is to try to remove yourself from the situation,

Somehow or the other,

Because when we're angry,

Our speech,

Our actions,

Our judgment is very distorted.

The Buddha called these five hindrances obscurations of the mind which weaken wisdom,

And also nourish delusion.

So that means that as long as there's anger and craving very strongly in the mind,

We're not seeing things clearly,

We're not seeing the situation in an objective,

And certainly not in a kind way.

So the first thing to do if you're in a confrontation with somebody,

I would say is to try to remove yourself from that situation.

Just say,

You know,

I can't deal with this right now,

I need to take a break,

You know,

Maybe we can talk another time.

Even just go and I mean,

The classic sort of old fashioned example of just drinking a glass of water or counting to ten,

You know,

This is just a very coarse kind of restraint,

But it's really worthwhile rather than doing or saying something that you'll later regret.

And then after a while,

You know,

When you've been able to just maybe pace it out or something,

Go on a walk,

That's also a good thing to do,

You can just contact your own emotions,

Contact your own heart and ask yourself how you're doing,

You know,

Because when you're angry,

You are the first person who's harmed by that anger,

It's like you're carrying a hot coal in your heart.

So go in that heart and just ask yourself,

How are you,

You know,

How are you actually feeling?

And you might find that underneath that anger is actually sadness,

Or maybe a deep sense of hurt.

I think it's the same thing,

Sadness is more like the emotional side,

Hurt is more still about blaming the other one.

So see if you can get to the underlying emotion and the feeling of that emotion in the body,

Because the problem with like observing anger as a mental phenomenon or observing kind of too much of the way you think about it is that you're focusing on the kind of object of the anger,

And that will just increase the anger inside of you.

Whereas when you actually come into an embodied experience of the anger,

You can see that okay,

There's an experience here,

And there's also the awareness that knows that experience.

And that gives you a little bit of kind of wiggle room,

Because between the mind that's aware and the actual experience,

Embodied experience of anger,

There's an opportunity to add a bit of kindness there.

Yeah,

That's what Arjun Brown calls the relationship between the knower and the known.

But I prefer to say the knowing and the known,

Because the knower is not a person,

It's not like an ultimate consciousness or kind of some kind of enlightened awareness,

It's just,

You know,

The fact that you can know it as a phenomena.

And as soon as you know it,

You're not in it in quite the same way.

So it starts to put the brakes on,

If you like.

But,

You know,

Again,

You can't control that anger,

You can't make it go away,

It will just,

You know,

Start to calm down when the conditions for it,

The impact of whatever happens,

Starts to cease.

And the more you're aware of how you're feeling,

And you're noticing the energies of that in your body,

Also noticing how they change,

The more quickly it will dissolve.

But yeah,

Really,

There's nothing you can do but accept it and try to learn from it and take care of yourself in the process.

So I hope that gives a little bit of advice.

So,

I hear in Burma it's possible to do temporary ordination,

Is it possible to do it with me?

Well,

First I need a monastery,

This is the thing.

First I need enough support so that I don't have to be on the internet all day engendering that support and bringing about that support.

And when we have enough support,

That is something we could consider.

I am not sure at this point in time,

Because we're not in the Burmese tradition,

We're going more with the Vinaya.

So there's the normal process in the Vinaya.

Well,

Actually,

I'm not sure if that's really part of it.

But traditionally,

There would have been like an eight precept layperson.

And these days,

We call that the anagarika training.

So somebody comes into the monastery and takes the white robes and lives on eight precepts,

Maybe for a year.

And this is really good,

Because this actually supports the monastery,

They're able to do duties that the monastics can't do,

Like cooking or driving,

Handling money,

Etc.

And so this is a,

You could see that as a possible sort of temporary ordination.

But normally,

That would then lead into the training as a novice.

And if somebody wants to continue and the community agree,

Then the training is a bikini.

So I haven't really thought about this.

That's the that's my honest answer at this point.

And I think it'd be more inspiring if you're going to do temporary ordination to do it where there are lots of monastics,

And lots of other people also in robes,

Temporarily or permanently.

I actually did three months ordination in 2004,

Before my final ordination in 2006,

Because I just couldn't wait,

I'd been waiting 10 years.

And finally,

I heard about my teacher,

And I just couldn't wait.

So I had a break between my studies at that time.

And so I spent the three months,

It was actually the rains retreat,

Because it was the student holidays.

I spent that in robes for three months,

And it was very powerful.

And later on,

One of my closest Dhamma sisters who's,

Who I studied in India with,

We studied Pali together for a year.

She had wanted to ordain,

But then she met someone and now they're very lovely teachers,

Meditation teachers,

But they still came,

They came to Burma,

And they ordained temporarily while I was there.

So they were there in the monastery with me as my Dhamma brother and sister just for two weeks.

Yeah,

They just did it for two weeks,

But it's powerful.

I mean,

If you really have a deep aspiration and a feeling like,

Like a love for the Sangha,

Like an understanding of what renunciation is about,

It's incredibly powerful,

It's incredibly powerful.

And it connects you to lineage,

It connects you to the,

You know,

The chain of maybe teachers.

I mean,

In my case,

It was a chain of teachers coming through Burma.

But more than that,

It connects you back to the Buddha's day.

And it's very powerful,

Especially when you take the full ordination,

Because you know,

You're just standing in the footsteps or what do you call it,

Like the after steps,

I suppose,

Of the great bhikkhuni foremothers that went before,

You know,

It's very,

Very powerful.

And,

You know,

I could just sit here and contemplate it out loud and get quite,

Quite inspired,

To be honest,

You know,

Whenever you think about that.

That's the difference,

I think,

With a bhikkhuni ordination,

You have this same training that the Buddha himself laid down.

I better hurry up here.

Okay,

So some questions.

Which part of a person gets reborn?

The delusion gets reborn.

The delusion.

It's not that there's a part of you that gets reborn,

It's more that craving,

The fact that there's still craving,

There's still thirst for existence,

Finds another body,

Finds another body,

It finds another form to take up,

If you like.

So from delusion,

In paticca samapada,

There is,

Hang on,

A vijapacaya sankara,

So then there's like will,

Intention,

Paticca,

Vijapacaya sankara,

Sankara pacaya vinyana,

And then because you have that intention,

That volition,

You kind of create consciousness,

That creates the next conscious moment.

It's like wanting to know,

Right?

You want to know,

So consciousness arises,

Turns on,

And then you get the sense apparatus.

Yeah,

First you get like the mind,

The matter,

Right?

Then you get the senses,

The five,

Six senses,

And then because of the six senses,

There's contact with feeling,

There's contact,

And then there's feeling,

And then the whole process just continues.

I mean that's a very,

Very quick,

It's basically a process is my answer to that.

It's the process that's conditioned by delusion,

And then again craving for a future birth.

So you know,

The person that gets reborn may carry certain qualities that are similar to the qualities you have in this life,

Because each conscious moment will lead into a similar conscious moment next time.

It's like if you're meditating and you're practicing a lot of metta,

And the metta's getting really,

Really strong,

It's like a current that pulls you in that way,

Then the next moment that arises is likely to be a moment of metta,

Right?

But if there was some deep kind of stuff down there,

Maybe some buried anger or something,

That might arise all of a sudden and kind of change the whole process.

But it's more likely that if you develop wholesome intentions,

Then the next intention that arises is also wholesome.

So you carry those things through,

Those things are carried through.

But it's also a good,

You know,

Reminder and encouragement to try not to bury any of those defilements,

Because they'll still be there too.

So we have to keep on purifying our mind.

Someone's asking about universal mind,

And I have no idea what that means or refers to.

It must be in a different tradition.

It could be to do with some Mahayana ideas of like interconnection,

Possibly.

I'm not quite sure.

I mean,

To me,

Universal mind means that the mind is the mind,

And all of us have very similar range of experience that we can have in our mind.

I mean,

There's a certain spectrum of things we'll experience as human beings,

A certain spectrum of emotions.

There's nothing really extraordinarily beyond that.

And my years of experience,

You know,

Serving,

Managing retreats,

And seeing hundreds,

Sometimes many hundreds of people from every walk of life,

Like in India,

From people who are illiterate coming from the village to people who are like in high flying jobs.

There's like 400 different languages in that country.

And I've also served on retreats all over Europe as well.

And they all,

Everybody goes through very,

Very similar processes.

You know,

There's slight differences.

But really,

It's the same kind of spectrum,

Because the human mind is the human mind.

So universal mind,

I'm not quite sure.

It might be slightly different doctrinal term than what I'm familiar with in Theravada.

But to me,

It's helpful for generating compassion to see that basically,

We're all conditioned.

And that,

You know,

Our conditioning changes.

And that might mean that we manifest in slightly different ways.

But ultimately,

There's not that much difference.

You know,

The human mind is the mind is,

As someone asked earlier,

We all have the capacity for awakening,

Maybe not at the same time.

But given the right conditions,

It's possible for anyone.

So how do I develop compassion and patience towards a neighbour who has bullied us for over 20 years,

And is now spreading malicious lies about us?

Hell,

Yeah,

That's so difficult,

Because there's also a feeling of injustice there,

A feeling of like,

That you're not really safe,

That you're being targeted,

That this person is most probably not very well.

The Buddha talks about different ways to deal with resentment.

And normally,

I consider that as how to deal with resentment that you feel towards someone else.

But it could also apply towards resentment that someone else is generating towards you.

And the first step is to practice metta,

Loving kindness.

But I feel that in this case,

That's probably too difficult,

Because metta is a kind of more generalised sense of benevolence and non ill will.

And in this case,

There's also quite a lot of suffering involved.

So I think compassion is his next is the next step.

And compassion is always connected with seeing suffering.

So the way to develop compassion towards such a person is just to learn about your own mind,

First of all,

And to realise that,

You know,

When you're happy,

When you're peaceful,

There's no way you could ever harm another person.

You know,

When you're really aligned with your path,

When you know what goodness is,

What,

What ethics,

What virtue is,

There's no way you can spread malicious lies.

So this person obviously doesn't experience that virtue,

They don't experience that peace,

They don't experience the same goodness inside themselves that you do.

And that's already cause for compassion.

I mean,

What I also realise when I'm meditating a lot,

And,

You know,

Especially sometimes you go through everything in life,

Right?

I mean,

My practice has been with me for 25 years now.

So it's been there through all sorts of things,

Heartbreak,

Even long,

Long,

Long,

Long time ago.

And,

You know,

You just have to kind of sit it out in a sense.

But you,

I realise it's when I'm suffering that I'm more likely to have negative thoughts towards another.

It comes from an unhappy,

Unbalanced mind.

And you see all this in your meditation.

So then you realise people who behave this way really are suffering.

So that can be one way to develop compassion.

But I also feel that too often,

In a sense,

In Buddhism,

We are taught or we think that we have to be so sort of compassionate and so wonderful and towards everyone else,

Right?

And even put this person who's bullying you almost like as very important in your life.

And actually,

I think,

As the victim or the person who's being attacked here,

It's you who's most deserving and most in need of your compassion right now.

So I think rather than focusing too much on them and trying so hard to develop compassion,

It may be that you're missing a step,

Which is compassion towards the suffering that you're going through.

So I would start there.

You know,

Yeah,

Sure,

You can sort of understand that they're suffering and all the rest,

Which,

But it's even more helpful to just address the pain in your own heart.

And obviously take as much distance as you can from this person.

I don't think it's worth trying to reason with them or trying to be engaged at all.

I would probably just cut that connection completely and yeah,

See if over time they may just run out of steam.

I would tend to myself,

To my own feelings,

First of all.

And then if you do feel there's a safe distance between you and this person,

And you can,

You know,

Put that really strong boundary there,

Then you might find some space for compassion to arise towards them.

But it doesn't mean you have to be with them.

It doesn't mean you have to reconcile with them or have them in your life.

It's very hard if it's a neighbour.

And I would say if it's really that hard and nothing can happen,

I don't know,

Maybe sometimes you have to find a new place to live.

I mean,

I just put that out there because who knows,

And I don't know your situation,

But hopefully you can start with yourself.

Okay.

Oh,

I don't like missing anyone's question,

But I don't think I can do everything here.

Let's see,

Just quickly.

Okay.

So somebody's mother is trying to get a new place to live.

Somebody's mother is trying to interfere with their meditation,

And they don't know how to handle the situation.

Yes,

That's really difficult.

Yeah,

It's really difficult.

I mean,

The way that I would probably handle that is to continue meditating anyway,

But to up the love.

So I would continue to practice my meditation,

But I would give her extra,

Extra reassurance that I'm doing this for myself because when I do this,

It makes me a much nicer person.

It makes me feel more loving towards her.

And the more I contemplate,

You know,

My mind,

My life,

The more I realise how grateful I am towards my mother,

Because without a good mother,

Without good parenting,

I probably wouldn't have had the opportunities that I do.

I might never have come into contact with meditation.

You know,

These were things I realised quite early on because I left England at 18 and I just went,

You know,

It's just like,

See your mum,

I'm travelling,

You know.

At 19 I was in India with like 200 pounds and a one-way ticket as a 19 year old English girl.

This is in 94.

And it's not that safe,

Especially then,

There were like no other women around even in the streets.

It was pretty crazy and I didn't know where I was going to.

So my mum was pretty,

I don't know,

Probably really,

Really,

Really worried most of the time.

But as soon as I started to meditate a couple of years later,

I just remember feeling this overwhelming sense of gratitude.

And I realised that although I had to be rebellious as a teenager and almost kind of break myself free to find my own way,

I actually wouldn't have been able to do that unless I'd have been quite balanced and grounded and had a pretty decent,

Stable childhood.

So I wrote to tell her that and she actually was really moved to tears because of course as a mother you think,

Wow,

Why have they just disappeared like that?

Did I do something wrong?

And it wasn't that,

It was just this existential sense of like needing to know why I'm here,

Like really needing to know to the point that I was willing,

I mean,

I had no choice but to take risks.

I mean,

Now I look back and I think,

Crikey,

I'm really lucky that nothing went really wrong.

So I would say just try to keep going but reassure her as much as you can.

Maybe even ask if she wants to try it with you or play her a guided meditation so she can just listen without making it obvious,

You know,

Without saying,

Right,

Here it is,

Listen.

Just have it there in the background,

She might feel some peaceful vibes.

Quite often I think with mothers they're afraid to lose us.

It's the attachment that's the issue.

So you can assure her that she's not going to lose you,

You're actually going to find more love in your heart.

Okay,

Someone's asking more about boundaries and loving others and oneself.

Can we talk,

Can I talk more about this please?

Yeah,

So boundaries,

Yeah,

It's something I still work with,

It's something that I'm not really sure about but I think it often comes down to just recognizing longer term whether a relationship is helping you to develop the wholesome qualities more than the unwholesome ones.

So if a relationship is harming you more than it's helping you to grow then that's probably,

And check it over time,

Right,

Not just oh this couple of times it hasn't helped me and then kind of analyze the whole relationship due to that,

Not like that but if that's continuous and you find that maybe you're giving,

Giving,

Giving and you're really not getting the respect,

The valuing that you deserve and that's in the long run causing you to feel,

You know,

Worthless or exploited or then of course the first thing is to try and talk to the person,

To try to,

You know,

Kind of say what it is that you need but if you're just not getting that and it's actually causing you to have low self-esteem then I think over time sometimes we have to move away.

The first step usually is just knowing what your boundary is and being clear about that and I think it's a really shifting thing,

It's not like you have a particular,

What do you call it,

Like formula each time because each relationship is also different but do take time out,

Especially if you're not sure about the boundary,

Take time out to let your mind settle and to make sure you're okay and then go back into a particular dynamic or relationship or communication when you're feeling a bit clearer about where you are,

Yeah.

So sometimes the boundaries blur because our emotions get kind of caught up with another person to the extent that whatever they feel we feel,

If they're in a bad mood we feel terrible,

Guilty etc and this is also a lack of emotional boundaries seeing where your emotion ends and theirs begins so sometimes stepping back a bit and doing some regrounding in yourself can be helpful.

Okay I'm going to say one more and then we're going to do some meta meditation to end the day because there's no end of trying to figure the answer out in our head right,

But really it's about coming back to the heart.

Okay I'm at work,

I'm constantly thinking about and planning the future and reflecting about the past,

How can I leave this in work without affecting my mind?

My mind is always planning.

In my work I'm constantly thinking about the past.

So does that mean you're planning while you're at work or when you're not at work you're thinking about it?

I'm not quite sure but I think sometimes it's because we're not putting enough joy into what we're doing you know so it might be that when you're at work you're not really able to focus enough on what you're doing because you don't value what you're doing enough and actually if you can connect with the meaning of what you're doing you know maybe it's social work,

Maybe it's advocacy work,

Maybe it's you know mental health or who knows what teaching work,

There'll be something in that work that is really beautiful and aligned with the path.

I'm hoping you're not like creating like nuclear subatomic nuclear missiles or something,

I'm sure you're not.

So see if you can notice what it is about your life and what you're doing and what it is about your livelihood that actually is a factor of the eightfold path because one of the factors of the path is right livelihood right,

Another one is right action,

Right speech.

So if you can start to relate to your work in that way and think great I've got a chance here to really practice the path,

I can't meditate but I can you know put my energies into what I'm doing then perhaps you'll be able to kind of let the thoughts about the past and future fall out of the center of the mind.

Sometimes they come in because we're bored,

We're distracted,

We don't really appreciate what we're doing in the moment.

So that is one way.

I mean you could also sort of talk to yourself like give yourself a little bit of a lesson like oh come on you know that the future never works out the way you think it will,

You know that the past happened before and it's probably not how you think it happened,

It's probably not quite the way you remember it.

Do you really want to think about that right now?

I mean sometimes I think it can be helpful to actually overcome thought by engaging thought and that's what the Buddha talked of as substitution,

Substituting one thought for another because the thoughts that you're talking about this tendency to go past and future it's like it's like such a strong energy habitual energy of the mind that it's almost like a steam train that's kind of just going because it knows how to go so it's just whatever it does and it's just going to keep going unless there's a kind of you know what do you call those things like the barrier comes down and somebody says hang on steam train are you sure that's the right way or have you gone off track there?

So that's another way and I think also just meditating you know having some time to meditate every day and if the thoughts are coming up in your meditation learning to relate to them wisely so don't make them a problem don't fight with them just simply wait and let them settle because they will you know I mean for years in in the Vipassana tradition we were never taught told anything about how to work with thoughts we were never made to think it was any problem whatsoever because the whole practice was just to observe things as they arose you know I never had the idea that this kind of sensation of emotion is better than another one and so you just meditate and you'd kind of observe what was happening with interest and after a while the longer you sit those thoughts just seem to dissolve they just go away but sometimes you don't even notice they've gone away because it's just not that important your mind is actually focused on something else so I think that's easier with things like body scanning because there's a bit more to kind of get stuck into so go through the body do some body scanning you know get grounded and if the thoughts are there just just let them be there but carry on your meditation just carry on and over time those thoughts just start to affect you less and when they affect you less that tends to be when they start to disappear it's almost like they're little children trying to get attention mommy mommy mommy or daddy daddy daddy and then when you just kind of you know leave them alone for a bit they get on and go play somewhere else okay so I hope that has answered the questions I could get to in a way that can give you a little bit to work with and more than anything to reassure and assure everyone here that you know you're all very much on the path we're all very much on the path that's why we're here and yeah and really it's wonderful that we can practice together gosh that was a lot of questions and the day has gone really quickly somehow so we're actually going to end with a meta meditation if you haven't yet had a stretch please do because it's particularly important for meta practice to be comfortable and at ease and it's part of the meta practice to take care of your body as well so for those on Facebook I know that a few people have been asking for some guided meta and to think about the people in Burma so we will share our meta with all those especially those who are in any kind of danger for their lives right now so we will practice towards ourselves and all beings suffering everywhere and as with all meditation we're not invested in outcome we're not looking for a certain result we're invested in our intention in the motivation of our heart so just reflecting on what meta means meta loving kindness the possibility of meta rising in our heart how would that feel what would that look like to you how would it feel to be completely accepted completely welcomed in perhaps by another who you trust who personifies safety non-judgment compassion loving kindness to you imagine being in their presence right now maybe someone who's alive for you a teacher a parent a friend or maybe an ancestor perhaps all the way back to the Buddha himself imagine being gazed at with the kindly eyes of a Buddha who has absolutely no concern no worry at all for you who trusts fully in your potential who can see goodness in your heart that you haven't maybe fully appreciated in yourself how does it feel to just sit in that presence for a moment or two drinking in that loving kindness as though being bathed with a golden light the sun shining soaking your whole body and mind from head to toe relaxing you soothing any pain physical or mental so in this moment everything is just okay so your whole body starts to glow with this golden energy you may imagine it visually like a golden light or if you're more a feely feely kind of person it may appear like subtle pleasant tingling sensations in the body and mind just imagine now these tingling sensations this golden light starting to spread from your body to everyone sitting here in this zoom room and as it spreads it touches the heart of all of us multiplying as it goes so imagine all the people you've spent the day with relaxing feeling comfortable and at ease as we all bathe together in this golden light of loving kindness so and soon that intensity of power of our combined loving kindness starts to flow beyond this virtual room to all corners of this globe in every direction as though your body and mind were emanating light love and our loving kindness we're just spreading like a blanket across the whole globe to the people in Myanmar peaceful protesters non-violently courageously protecting their own life and the lives of others so they may live in peace and freedom from oppression may they all be happy may they all be free from all suffering may they be safe and protected may they realize unshakable peace and to all beings everywhere who suffer from any kind of oppression marginalization discrimination abuse all beings may they be safe may they be free from suffering may they be at peace imagining this golden light healing all kinds of suffering of people who are oppressed and our loving kindness also goes to all beings who are harming others intentionally or unintentionally through their own delusion hatred greed or fear make all beings inflicting harm on others which all of us do from time to time may they all be happy may they all be free from all kinds of physical and mental suffering may they develop loving kindness know the beauty and the power of love may they lay down their weapons may their hearts be at peace so and our loving kindness also flows to all beings who are comfortable and at ease those who have enough to eat who have happy homes may they too be free from suffering may they not be parted from their gains may all beings be at peace just imagining from a moment that our loving kindness reaches all beings human or non-human far or near visible or invisible and from a moment their hearts are free so i'm going to end this meditation with a blessing for everyone so just allow this loving kindness to keep flowing from your heart the source of that loving kindness wherever it needs to go carried with the words of loving kindness that i'll now chant in Pali so Sābhaityou,

Sābhaipuṛṣa,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaipuṛṣa,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaityou,

Sābhaityou,

Dukkha Mujantu,

Yadalada Sābhati To,

Ma Vigajantu Kama Sakkal.

I think we'll wait for the three big sadhus because we have a few more things to share.

And we will do the three big sadhus right at the end.

But I would like to invite one of my co-hosts if she's there to say a few words.

And after that,

I'll just say another few words about a few events that we have coming up and there's a special one that is not published anywhere.

And I thought maybe it's nice to give you all the first chance to get to that if that's something you'd be interested in.

So it's an email address you have to write to to ask for like,

Registration,

But I'll share it with you after that.

So I'm going to invite Vinnie if she's there to say a few words to close the day.

Hello.

This is my first time.

I was just like thinking,

Like overall this day,

Like,

What is it like?

Yeah,

It's about Dhanah,

But yeah,

But then what is the purpose of it?

What do I get out of it?

So.

But I feel like I just feel it's kind of a joyful thing to do that.

And I just feel like.

If everybody can do it,

Maybe they can get the joy of giving as well.

So I think that's the main purpose of doing the Dhanah itself.

So far,

Like everybody in this spiritual journey,

And then we kind of help each other in a way like the monastic is like helping us to progress in our path.

They also progress in their path as well.

So along the way,

We kind of help each other.

So so it's kind of joyful thing like this kind of interaction,

I feel so.

So if you are feeling joyful in kind of like giving Dhanah.

So there's a link on the chat box you can go through and you can also support as well.

I mean,

Beno and the team and the project to kind of establish the bikuni in UK,

Which is very,

Very much.

Yeah.

What we are supporting right now.

So,

Yeah.

Just see the chat box and donate.

Thank you.

Yes,

I have to unmute myself.

I was thanking you,

Venni,

For your very heartfelt,

Authentic sharing.

Yes.

Thank you for that.

It is very joyful to give and I've definitely enjoyed giving today and anything you are able to give.

I think it's all written down there.

It will be for all of us,

Hopefully in the long run,

You know,

Because it's not only about sharing the Dhanah in these online sessions.

It's also about creating spaces.

You know,

We all need safe spaces where we feel we can be.

Relax and we can go a little bit deeper spaces that are dedicated to silence,

Dedicated to the Buddha's path.

So please be a part of our community.

I know many of you already are.

So and it's lovely to see all of you here and many people who have perhaps not been with us before.

It's lovely to have you here as well.

So for those who haven't especially been here before on one of our retreats or to any of the things that we do when Ajahn Brahm is not here.

We do have quite a big programme of events.

I'm sure the co-host will probably add the events page in here as well.

And tomorrow we have a sutta class.

So every Friday evening now we're having sutta classes,

Which they're not really classes,

They're more like discussions.

But we use this really wonderful book.

So if you want to join,

You don't have to buy the book.

But if you want to join regularly,

We're going to be working through this.

And we've only done like two paragraphs in two sessions because it is a discussion group.

But bit by bit,

We will go through this and we're opening up the meaning,

Applying it to our lives,

You know,

And it's so far been very,

Very rich.

So that's on a Friday evening at 7pm or 7.

15pm I think UK time GMT,

Which will change soon on the 28th.

And then on Saturday we have a Metta meditation that's every two Saturdays.

On Sundays,

Every two Sundays,

We have a Dhamma talk and guided meditation.

And also every Wednesday we have a chanting where we do the Metta Sutta,

Karaniya Metta Sutta,

And we send Metta to any particular people who we feel we'd like to dedicate it towards.

So you're welcome to that as well.

And we take names,

You know,

We take names down,

We read names out and then we send this lovely,

Beautiful chanting.

So I'm trying to find different ways,

You know,

That we can be of benefit to different people.

But I hope that we're creating a very friendly,

Diverse and safe space.

And you can help us with that,

You know,

Please.

And feedback is also always welcome.

So I promised special events.

So on the 10th,

It's already been announced,

10th of April,

I think,

We have what's called Hard Questions to a Soft Teacher.

I think I wanted to call it something else and that was Ajahn Brahm's suggestion.

He identifies as a soft teacher,

Which I think is true.

So that will be,

I think,

On the 10th of May.

The link is in our newsletter,

So you have to get on our website to go to the archive newsletter.

And the reason we do it this way is just to make the link secure so we don't get zoom-bobbed.

Shouldn't say that live on Facebook.

Anyway.

And then the special event.

I'm going to pop the email address into the chat box now.

OK,

So it's come out with a G separate,

But anyway,

It's.

Org.

So there's going to basically this group,

They're called New Buddha Way and they're in Surrey or Sussex,

I forget.

To me it's the same place,

It's sort of south.

Anyway.

So they're going to do an interview with myself and Ajahn Brahm.

And that's quite interesting because they've called it My Life as a Buddhist Nun.

So I'm not sure if Ajahn Brahm is going to talk about his previous lives as a Buddhist nun.

Or if we're just going to talk about my life as a Buddhist nun.

But the fact that he's there and they want to interview us,

So to speak,

Suggests that it might be quite probing.

Perhaps it might be controversial because gender equity in Buddhism is still very progressive,

I hear.

Even after 2600 years when the Buddha was straight ahead 2600 years ago.

But still,

It seems that there needs to be a little bit of education about this,

Because so far I'm the only fully ordained Theravada bhikkhuni in the UK.

So we do want this to change because,

You know,

All people are different and everybody will have something different to share.

So the more bhikkhunis,

The more opportunities for people to walk the path,

Including the aspect of renunciation,

I think the better because it is that renunciation that's not only a boost on the path,

But it's also a sign that the path is working.

It's taking you in the right direction of letting go.

So yes,

Hard questions for a soft teacher is 10th of April.

The other link I've put in retreats at newbuddhaway.

Org.

This is a email address.

And if you write to them and say you'd like to join the interview,

And that's on the 1st of May.

OK,

1st of May,

I think one o'clock.

One till two thirty,

Something like that.

OK,

So you're getting first off the press now.

So if you're all right,

Then it will be full.

But it might appeal to some of you.

And otherwise,

I'll see that it hopefully gets recorded and we can put it on our YouTube channel.

So maybe we can add our YouTube channel link also,

Co-hosties,

Into the chat box,

Because sometimes people don't find these talks again.

But everything we do here has been live streamed.

It's also been recorded and later will upload it onto Anu Campa Bikuni Project YouTube channel.

OK,

So you can find all that wisdom from Ajahn Brahm.

You can do all the meditations again until you're enlightened,

Because until then,

The path has to continue.

So I think that's enough for me.

It's been really wonderful to be with everybody today.

And thank you for being here.

You know,

It's a delight to to be in such lovely company and to share the Dhamma.

It's a privilege.

And I'll see you again somewhere soon.

So we will probably unmute you.

We'll stop the recording.

Yeah.

And then.