Be Kind To Yourself - Advice For Those Struggling With Meditation And Spiritual Practice

Hi this is Kanan Bracey and I wanted to talk about something that I have struggled with personally myself,

Especially in recent years,

In my own practice of meditation,

And that is being too hard on yourself.

Especially because with all the wonderful people who are on Inside Time or practicing themselves,

I'm sure that there's someone across here that can relate to to what I mean.

And this is thinking that you're not meditating correctly or blaming your chastising yourself for missing a day or for not meditating as much or for being stuck and not knowing which lineage to pick and just feeling lost.

So hopefully these points that I have considered and have come up with and that I've heard from other people or even through my own practice have just come to realize will serve as some benefit to you.

So starting off,

The first thing that I have written down here is that the practice doesn't define you.

Neither does how often or serious you are about the practice.

And the next thing is that in fact nothing defines you.

You are the person that you are and will continue to become.

And no singular practice,

Person,

Doctrine,

Or lineage can ever limit your inherent potential.

And what I mean by that is that you are the type of person that wants to meditate,

That wants to sharpen their mind and to open their heart or whatever it is you're trying to achieve through meditation.

You are that person.

Meditation is not the thing that defines you.

How often you meditate,

How long you meditate.

And in fact when I say nothing defines you,

We often say you know this relationship just doesn't define you or this one mistake doesn't define you.

When really if you look at most things in life,

Nothing defines you.

You define you and and through meditation that notion will be challenged of how well you truly know yourself.

But that being said,

No one or no thing,

No practice or doctrine or amount of practice can ever shake or change just how you you are.

So I hope that makes sense.

And the next thing I have is learning from other people is not the same as comparing yourself to them.

I'll say one more time for the people in the back.

Learning from other people is not the same as comparing yourself to them.

So we can learn from people that are more advanced in their practice than we are and that we hope to be and we can respect that aspiration.

But it does not do well to compare yourself directly to them.

If I were to compare myself to the Dalai Lama you know of the the many accolades that he's received as a much more than a meditation teacher but just as someone who practices and is a world leader and you know has accomplished so many things.

That doesn't,

That's not an act.

I can't do anything with that.

There's no action that I can take to better myself by making that comparison.

However I can learn from him as a teacher and how he has taught his students,

Many many students,

How to meditate and how he has acted as a leader and choose to embody some of those qualities because I see that the benefit or I see the benefit that comes from that.

So it's important to make that distinction and and it comes with the same thing.

Anyone that you find yourself comparing yourself to,

See if it is possible to learn from them instead.

Whether it's someone at work who has a higher position than you or has a pay raise or friends that you see on Instagram living their life you know.

Not only learning from their successes but also learning from their failures and when you do that and you see people in this light it takes them off of this infinite pedestal that you may have of them.

The next thing I have is meditation is like any other practice or exercise in that the effort or time you exude depends on the benefits you receive.

And what I mean by that is that,

Take the gym for example.

People go to the gym for many different reasons.

People go to lose a few pounds,

Some people go to lose a lot of pounds,

Some people go to gain muscle,

Some people go to feel better about their self internally,

Not necessarily their physical appearance.

Some go for serious heart problems or serious health problems.

People go there to become professional bodybuilders and to compete and there is no one-size-fits-all for any one person and none of those options are wrong.

Take Inside Timer for example.

There are people on this app right now who are just starting to find meditation and they may be even kind of shocked or anxious at just how much meditation is out there on this app for them.

I think it's what like 20,

000 meditations available now or something like that.

Maybe 6,

000 teachers.

I'm just throwing out numbers out there but it's in the thousands.

There are people that meditate,

Set their timer for meditation for two minutes whenever they need it,

Whenever they're stressed or overwhelmed and that works for them.

There are people that are super invested into meditation and will meditate for three hours a day.

There are people like me that are content creators on this app.

You see what I'm saying?

There's so many different avenues and there's no one right path with that.

It's the benefit that you are seeking,

The level of benefit that you're seeking,

And then you put in the effort or time or the way that you go about it is dependent on that outcome that you're seeking.

When I say outcome,

It can be kind of a dirty word to some people because like,

Oh shouldn't there be no outcome in meditation?

When you are in the act of meditating,

Yes,

It is best to not have a specific outcome because if you do,

You may have too much attachment to it and say,

Oh I failed as a practitioner in this regard and put too much pressure on yourself.

But in the general sense,

There is the outcome of wanting to be more compassionate,

The outcome of wanting to not stress out about the outcomes.

I don't want to get too complicated here,

But I hope I hope you understand what I mean.

The next thing I have here is that,

And this is,

I am being serious here,

This is a serious thought that I have had in my seven or eight years of meditating,

That there is no authoritarian meditation guru judging every breath you fail to notice in your meditation or to snap on you for meditating for only a minute or for not meditating at all that day.

At the end of the day,

Your own tuition,

That compassionate,

Wise voice within you,

Is your true teacher.

And that is not to say that everybody is better off being self-taught.

If you find a teacher or a resident or a lineage that responds well with you,

Reflect on that and see why that is and then seek out more of that.

And I do recognize that there is a lot of,

There are some less effective teachings,

I'll just say,

On the internet or even in person that you'll find people that make things up when it comes to meditation or speak out of a whim and other personal practice and it may be damaging or just not very effective for practitioners.

And if that's the case and you don't know who to trust in that situation,

Trust yourself and your own intuition and through that you will develop your practice further.

Meditation will always be there for you.

Meditation to me,

Speaking as an agnostic,

I was once a Christian,

Meditation for me is sort of like a Jesus figure in that there's always this supreme being or entity that is there to love you no matter what that you can always depend on someone who's not there to judge you but to guide you.

Because I don't know if you can relate to this but I'll pass up my meditation cushion sometimes and feel a bit of shame that I walk past it instead of sitting down on it.

And that's only pushing me further away from the practice and you can probably relate as well.

I mean look at dogs even.

If you spank a dog multiple times and call it mean names and yell at it,

How likely is it for that dog to love you and to respect you and to depend on you?

If anything you'll be pushing it further away.

And so in the same way knowing that that meditation cushion is always there for you or that chair or that bed or wherever you meditate in,

It's always there for you.

It's not going to leave you and it only wants you to become more successful and happy.

Meditation is there for you when you are going through a rough patch in your life,

When you don't know what your next move is or why you feel a certain way or if you simply want to become more present.

Meditation is there for you and in so many different instances.

So respect it as such,

Nothing more,

Nothing less.

The next thing I have is you may not travel the world in this lifetime but it will always be there for you to explore.

And when I say you may not travel the world,

I mean that you physically cannot place your feet in every square inch or square foot of this earth within your lifetime.

It's actually impossible.

Even with restroom breaks and everything you know included.

However it is there for you to explore.

You can discover new ways of meditating.

You can discover new things about yourself.

There's never a point in your meditation practice or anyone's practice where it's like,

Oh I've reached the cap.

I no longer need to meditate.

I reached the total amount of hours that I need and I don't need anything else.

There's always something new to discover in your practice and this is this is what keeps it fresh and interesting not only for me but for many other people.

You know the breath changes every time you focus on it.

Your mood is different.

Meditation is like a snowflake and one is not ever the same as the other.

So that being said,

Don't judge yourself for not traveling the world in its entirety in this lifetime.

Be thankful and grateful and proud of the bit of the world or the bit of this meditation lineage or lineages that you have practiced and that you will continue to practice.

And you can be proud and assured in that.

The next thing I have is blaming yourself for not being a perfect practitioner is like a caterpillar blaming itself for not being able to fly.

A baby blaming itself for not being able to walk or carry on a full coherent conversation.

We know just as the caterpillar and the baby know that is only a matter of time.

Now this might seem very simple and silly to someone.

Of course caterpillars can't fly.

They have to become butterflies.

Of course babies can't carry on coherent conversations.

They have loose lips and baby teeth if they have them and don't know how to use those yet.

And we don't judge them for that.

And they don't judge themselves for that.

They might get frustrated that they can't get their point across but at the end of the day they are aware that they are a baby.

And they don't put pressure on themselves to become anything more than that until the time is right.

For you it may be that this lineage or practice that you've been holding on to for you know a number of weeks or months or what have you may not be the practice for you that there's something out there better for you.

Maybe it's you just need better guidance whether that's from someone else or just listening to your own intuition and feeling free to stray from the beaten path and to create your own if that helps you and if that works for you.

Like I said there's no invisible authoritarian teacher looking over his shoulder saying that's not the right way.

The right way is what makes you happiest.

Alright so the last and final bit of advice I have for you is to set SMART goals for yourself in meditation.

SMART is a mnemonic device if you aren't aware it means specific,

Measurable,

Achievable,

Realistic,

And timely.

And just as we set goals for ourselves in our career or work or what have you we can set goals for ourselves like this in meditation.

Easy example I would like to be able to meditate for a minute without having a single thought or to meditate for a minute the entire time being aware of when I stray from my thoughts or stray from my focus and meditation to other thoughts.

Another goal may be to do a mantra meditation and to repeat a mantra meditation for five minutes a day for a week.

That is specific,

It's measurable,

It's achievable,

It's realistic,

And timely.

So by doing this it makes it more grounded in reality and even if you don't make the time margin that you've set for yourself it's made it something that you are aiming to achieve and it's it's not so lost and easy to forget.

So those are all of the things that I have written down.

These are my Ten Commandments if you will for not being so hard on yourself.

And please please please if you were able to relate to this at all and have any wise words or if you're even able to just relate to it please say so in the comments because I am certain that there are people that would love to hear your reflections and any advice that you would like to share or any insights or jump off points that you've gotten from any of the points that I have mentioned.

This is not a complete list.

I'm sure that there are more things but this is this is an ongoing journey you know and we are all on a path of our own and mostly it's not a straight and narrow.

It can curve,

It can take random twists,

It can go up,

It can go down,

It can go through,

But at the end of the day it is your journey.

So I hope that was helpful for you.

Keep meditating on.

Have fun with your meditation.

Make it your own practice.

Make it something that you can be proud of.

Something that you will be so excited to live through and would like for it to shine through in your day-to-day life.

So all right I'm gonna leave now.

Thank you so much for listening.

Bye.