What Is Beneath What You Are Not Willing To Feel? Day 5/365

Hello my friends and welcome to day number five.

So I'm getting comfortable here,

Getting ready for today's session.

And already by now I've had,

You know,

Quite a few interesting things happening to me in regards to this process and in regards to this daily reflection.

So it's a great start.

And today we're just going to be building on what I went through yesterday.

What am I not willing to feel?

But going beneath that,

What is beneath what I'm not willing to feel?

How can we look for that door that can open up to those convictions that eventually will set us free when we change them?

So we are live and yeah,

Let's just go for it.

Thank you for being here.

Good morning,

Good evening.

Welcome to this day number five and we are good to go.

I'm just gonna adjust my screen a bit here.

Hello Journey and all,

Sian.

I can see that Mark is out there as well and Sandy.

Good morning,

Good evening to all of you guys.

Hello Kathleen,

Good afternoon.

Wonderful that you guys are here.

And yeah,

Just getting ready for this day number five and the daily meditation.

Sometimes I'm a bit surprised myself because often I get the question,

Do you get anything out of guiding those meditations?

And the answer is yes,

So much.

So these meditations are just like for you something that makes me reflect throughout the day.

So yesterday I was in an argument with my wife and I was asking myself,

What am I not willing to feel?

In the midst of it,

Right?

What am I not willing to feel?

And I was like,

Just the mere thought of it brought me into a more clear understanding of,

This has nothing to do with her.

It's like only 10% of what happens with our spouses,

Our girlfriends,

Our relationships has anything to do with that person,

That particular situation.

So we're gonna be building on what am I not willing to feel into today's meditation and reflection.

So let's go for that,

Those 12 minutes.

So if you need to get a sip of water or anything like that before we get going,

So please do so,

I will.

Thank you so much for that donation,

Kathleen.

I appreciate that.

All right,

Let's get going.

So,

And you can see it already,

Right?

If you have your eyes open,

The small smile,

The calm breathing,

Just settling in,

Like snow slowly falling towards the ground,

Just gently breathing in and out.

Just you with your breathing and the rest of us,

Conscious about us all at this very moment,

Across borders and time zones,

All of us,

Eyes closed,

Calmly breathing,

Small smile.

Notice whether your shoulders are relaxed too.

And if not,

Then use the out-breath to lower them.

And as always,

Movement is very welcome.

Sometimes it could be a very good idea to roll your shoulders either forward or backwards,

Relaxed eyes,

Small smile,

Calm,

Calm,

Calm breathing.

Nowhere to go.

We're just here,

Just now.

Just really enjoy the soothing,

Calm breathing that you're doing.

Enjoy your smile,

The gracefulness,

The kindness of your smile.

Just really notice the quality of this connection with yourself,

With me,

With us.

Maybe you can hear or feel your heartbeat.

Now let's just take in a couple of deep breaths.

Not forcing it too much,

But just a couple of deep breaths.

And another one.

So moving into the reflection part,

Still calm breathing,

Small smile,

Relaxed shoulders and eyes.

Everything is good.

Everything is okay.

So just continue the calm breathing as you hear me sharing the reflection,

Which is building on yesterday's reflection,

Which is,

What am I not willing to feel?

In this very moment,

What am I not willing to feel?

So the question today,

Which builds on this is,

What is beneath what I'm not willing to feel?

And our mind can get really confused.

That's fine.

Because this question that I want you to ask yourself throughout the day,

If you do experience emotions that you can feel,

Creates contraction,

Which means you're not willing to feel it.

This question is just another step closer to understanding what convictions lay behind you not wanting to feel certain emotions.

So the calm breathing,

The small smile,

Relaxed eyes and shoulders,

Feeling your heartbeat.

And if you throughout today or tomorrow experience a situation like I did with my wife in an argument,

And you ask yourself,

What am I not willing to feel?

And then follow up with the question,

What's beneath this emotion that I'm not willing to feel?

Not making it too difficult,

Just exploring yourself,

Just understanding yourself a little bit better.

So if right now,

Continuously breathing calmly,

Small smile,

If you go back to a situation maybe yesterday,

If you have a fresh one like I did,

Or maybe to another experience,

Not a heavyweight one,

Just a lightweight,

Something that frustrated you,

Something that annoyed you,

And just going back to that memory and asking yourself that question,

What am I not willing to feel?

And let's say that just for practice sake,

That you will not be able to have that holiday that you were really longing for,

Really needed.

There's a contraction,

There's something that I cannot get,

And I'm not willing to feel that emotion of missing out,

Not getting what I want.

And the next question is,

What lies beneath this emotion?

What lies beneath?

So there's not an answer for me to you here,

It's exploration of your own body,

Mind,

Emotions.

But what this does do to us,

It presses pause on the victim role,

On the drama,

And it creates a conscious creator that wants to understand,

That's asking,

You know,

Show yourself,

Let me understand.

And by doing that,

You are present,

You are in the here and now.

When we tend to not do that,

But just blindly be blown away by the adrenaline and the feeling of being abandoned or betrayed or we are what I call below the line in drama,

In either a victim role or a villain role.

So now slowly,

Gently,

Opening your eyes again.

So we're about to finish off for today,

Day five.

And if you've just come in and this is something new to you,

There's a good chance that you will be able to,

You know,

Pick up where we started.

This is a 365 commitment from my side.

And already by now I can see that a lot of you have taken that to heart and that you are committing yourself to showing up here meditating.

Also,

If you have not listened to the other days,

If you search for me and Carlos Circle,

I will upload the link for the playlist on SoundCloud every day with this recording.

In regards to this type of meditation,

If you are new to meditation,

Just do it in your own pace.

You know,

When we do start reflecting on questions like,

What am I not willing to feel?

We can get really confused,

Especially if I ask myself too fast what's beneath that.

So just take the one step,

Use some more days on that.

A really good idea,

As I'm mentioning every day,

Is to,

You know,

Journal.

This is from the previous days.

So I will be writing day five and I will be writing day six.

I will be writing day five and I will be writing what is beneath what I'm not willing to feel.

And for me personally,

With my wife yesterday,

I was like,

I don't want to feel dominated.

I don't want to feel angry.

I don't want to feel,

You know,

As if she's bossing me around.

So I was really going into my victim role and my villain role because I was,

You know,

I was not just letting it go.

And I was like,

What's beneath this?

What is beneath these emotions that I'm not willing to feel?

And there was just such an,

You know,

An immense feeling of vulnerability.

I didn't want to feel vulnerable.

I did not want to feel vulnerable.

So even now talking about it,

I can feel it stirring up emotions.

So there's definitely something for me to look into.

And that's the beauty of these meditations,

Because they also become very practical.

It's a very,

You know,

It can become a very deep relationship process with yourself,

Understanding yourself better.

So guys,

That's it for today.

It's approximately those 12 minutes when we meet.

I will be doing longer sessions in the weekend.

I was talking yesterday about wanting to do,

You know,

Let's explore together what happens when we meditate 40 minutes together,

Straight,

60 minutes,

80 minutes,

120 minutes,

And so on and so forth.

So thank you so much.

If you're up late,

I hope that you get a good night's sleep.

If you're up early,

Have a beautiful day.

And I'll see you back tomorrow.

Again,

Kathleen,

Thanks a lot for that donation.

Thank you,

Sean,

Claudia,

Lisa Nada,

Filomena.

Thank you,

Mark,

Karina,

Sandy,

Journey.

Thank you everybody for showing up,

For participating.

And thank you as well,

Linden.

See you back tomorrow.

Take care,

You guys.

Have a beautiful day.

Bye bye.

So that was the end of day five.

I've got to rush off now,

Leaving in 10 minutes,

And the family is about to come down.

So thank you so much for being here,

Guys.

See you back tomorrow.

Bye bye.