Episode 2: The Monkey Mind With Tracy Brady

Hi,

I'm Curious Cass and this is Curiosity Junkie.

Today's guest is a sought after speaker and leader.

She is a psychotherapist who meets her clients at the intersection of spirituality,

Psychology and science.

She's also a very dear friend of mine.

Please welcome Tracy Brady.

Hi Tracy and welcome.

Sorry,

I should have done that.

We met in Texas through the Insight Timer app.

I kept seeing her face come up at the same time that I was meditating and I reached out and said,

Hey,

I'm new to San Antonio.

Would you like to have coffee?

And she was like,

Absolutely.

And we just hit it off and we've been friends ever since.

And she invited me to join her book club and they were doing the Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.

I got to tell you,

That's a deep book,

But it was just completely,

It really did open my mind and kind of woke me up.

The one thing that I learned was that my brain talks constantly and everyone's does.

It's learning to quiet the mind.

So right.

So let's talk a little bit about brain chatter.

What is it?

Why do we do it?

Help us understand it a little bit.

It's great to be back.

I know.

Yeah.

I was so glad.

Thank you.

I'm glad you have me back.

I love talking about this stuff.

And just a disclaimer,

I am not the only source on any of this stuff.

This is all my opinion and all based on what information that I have run across and what I believe works in my practice and for myself.

So the way I like to look at the brain chatter is the brain is an organ.

It's not who we are.

Our thoughts are not who we are.

Our thoughts are part of what the brain does.

And we are separate and can direct our thinking.

But a lot of people have problems with what they call monkey mind,

Obsessive thinking.

The brain went off on tangents that are harmful,

That are distracting,

That are not what we intend.

And the part about that that seems to really affect people is that they don't feel like they have control.

But part of that is true.

Think of any other organ.

Think about your lungs,

For example.

They exchange carbon dioxide for oxygen all the time at the cellular alveolar level,

Always doing that without any help from us.

I mean,

If you try to stop breathing,

You will pass out and eventually start breathing again.

You have no control over that.

And so would you like for your lungs to stop doing what they do?

No.

I don't want to stop any of my organs from doing what they do because they serve a purpose.

It serves a purpose,

A divine,

Lined up purpose.

It's all part of the deal.

And so the brain's purpose is to think,

To provide thought,

To provide rationale,

To warn us.

We've got the amygdala part of the brain,

Which is the fight,

Flight,

Or flee part of our brain,

Which a lot of people nowadays live in,

Which is kind of hard.

But anyway,

The brain is designed to protect us.

It's designed to warn us.

It is designed to think pretty much nonstop.

Even you see that in sleep.

We're still going on and things are getting shuffled and thoughts and things are.

.

.

But in our waking state,

In our current awake state,

It can get to be almost like a.

.

.

I'm an analogy junkie and sometimes they work.

I love it.

And sometimes they don't.

What popped into my head was the idea that if at some point in your life you got caught in a rainstorm and it was bad and it soaked all of the whatever you had,

It couldn't get soaked.

So now every time there's a cloud in the sky,

Your brain thinks you need to carry an umbrella.

And so not only does it think you need to carry an umbrella,

It tells you you need to have it open.

It not only thinks you need to have it open,

You need to have a huge one and you need to wear a raincoat and a hat.

So you walk around in the sun with a raincoat and an umbrella all the time,

Just in case.

And that's kind of what the brain does.

It gets on a roll thinking that it's helping us.

And sometimes it gets very annoying.

Yes,

It does.

Really.

But,

You know,

When you talk about self-care and self-love,

One of the barriers,

I think,

To that is our brain's kind of way of motivating us.

It'll motivate us in whatever way it can to protect ourselves or to defend what we think is or who we think we are,

You know,

That kind of thing.

I like that,

Who we think we are.

Who the brain has told us we are.

Exactly.

You know,

It tries and people like to use the term ego.

So and that's,

I'll use it because people are familiar with it,

But it has a negative connotation.

People like that because the brain is designed to protect us and help us.

The ego gets involved,

Which is always involved,

But when it takes over,

We run into problems and people try to fight that.

And they say,

I've got to stop that.

I've got to stop that chatter.

I've got to,

It's becoming harmful.

You know,

It's not helpful.

It drives me crazy.

And when we resist those thoughts,

What do you think happens?

Well,

You're kind of,

It's that same thing.

You're pushing it down.

You're ignoring it.

It gets stronger because the brain senses when we say stop thinking about this,

It senses that that's a dangerous thing to do.

Oh,

Right.

So anytime you resist something that your brain is trying to do,

Rather than accept it,

You say,

How can I possibly accept these horrible thoughts that my brain is giving me or these less than helpful or drive me crazy kind of things,

Or it wants me to hurt myself or it wants me,

It's telling me to drink more.

It's telling me how am I supposed to accept that?

Those are horrible things.

Well,

The first way to get through that is not to push them away because you're going against everything that the brain,

You're like,

You have to accept that the way the brain works is to protect you.

And if you're given it something that you think that it sees as fearful or harmful,

It's going to buck up harder and stronger.

I mean,

Think of a physical resistance.

You know,

If this is a wall and this represents my thinking and I don't like it and I push against it,

The pressure that I feel between there,

Depending upon how hard I push,

Is the suffering that I cause myself,

The pain that I sense,

The pressure,

Right?

So the harder I push,

I could push so hard I break my fingers off.

Right.

Okay.

And the way to relieve that is not to push against it,

But to allow space for that.

And Tara Brock does a great job of that with her reign.

And after the reign,

I would encourage people to look at that.

We have to allow space for things.

And this running away from,

When does it ever work forever?

Right.

Eventually we run into a place where it stops working and we have to find another way.

So we're always searching and we're never,

Or our sense of feeling at peace is so fleeting that we're constantly,

Okay,

Now when this ends,

What am I going to have to do to get it back?

Oh my God,

That just makes my heart break,

John.

Like,

I'm thinking about it.

Right.

Yeah.

One of the things I think that I discovered in recognizing that there is the brain chatter is the self-talk.

For me,

It was what I was telling myself without even realizing I'm telling myself these things that kind of kept me in a cyclical pattern.

And until I really woke up and heard that voice and what it says,

And like you said before,

When you say,

I love you,

It feels weird and awkward.

But if you really,

If I sit with that for a second,

It sounds dorky.

I know it does.

I know it sounds dorky,

But it truly has power because you can feel it.

You feel that shift in the negative to a more positive,

Just internal feeling.

And it always makes me smile.

Whether I'm smiling at,

This is a quirky thing to do,

Either way,

It makes me smile and it brings me a little piece of joy.

So it comes forth from you.

And what you're doing is you're retraining your brain to know that you're safe and okay and you're accepted.

And so from that perspective,

The brain is less likely to want to protect and defend and warn.

You know,

When there's not a lion coming to eat you.

But it's just your hair is out of place or something,

You know?

But the way it feels inside yourself is very scary.

One thing you mentioned was when you talked about,

You said,

I hear myself say.

I think that's what you said.

And I would encourage you to see or view the thinking as a separate,

As separate from yourself.

So I noticed or I'm aware that my brain is creating thoughts about my hair needing to be different.

I notice that I am experiencing some anxiety because I,

The thinking is negative or detrimental or and we can question those thoughts,

You know,

Is that really true?

Well,

Maybe it is.

Maybe my hair is out of place or maybe it is gray or whatever.

Can I be okay with that?

You know,

The brain is a great record of the past.

Basically a computer,

You know,

And it's very regimented.

And so if at some point I believed or the brain decided or I had an experience where if I had,

I used to have dark hair and blue eyes and all of the complexion and everybody said how wonderful that was and how rare,

How beautiful.

Well,

I got that into my head.

So when I started turning gray,

It was like,

There's something wrong.

I'm not going to be as attractive.

I'm not going to be as unique.

I'm not going to be and what does that mean in my brain?

My brain tells me that that's unacceptable.

That's like a lion coming to eat you.

So I start pouring all sorts of color on my hair,

Trying to make sure that I'm accepted,

You know.

And the reality of it is that even if I am accepted externally by the masses because I conform to whatever the masses say I'm supposed to do in order to be accepted,

If I don't accept who I am,

I'm still going to feel unacceptable.

Yeah.

And I think a lot of people,

Male,

Female,

I don't think there is,

I think it's a human condition that do kind of get caught up in that and what other people think versus what really is important to you.

So yes,

And thinking about the brain and its manner of controlling us,

It can only go with what it has been exposed to.

And so if I were exposed to a childhood where certain things were acceptable,

Certain things were unacceptable and I told myself or I made this vow or my brain created a rule when I was five or seven or twelve or something like that,

That might have helped me at that time.

It was likely something that my brain needed to create for me to protect myself.

At 30,

40,

50,

60,

Unless those belief systems are brought to the surface,

We become aware of them,

We examine where they came from and make new decisions about them,

They're going to run on automatic.

One of the things that I like to say to myself and I encourage other people when they say I'm hearing this thought or I'm believing this or something,

Whatever thought is causing suffering,

I say who is saying that?

Oftentimes it's a caregiver or a parent.

It's not something that's coming from the depths of our knowing.

And often we can trace these back to conditioning and then we get to make a new decision about whether or not that's serving us at this time because remember the brain is all about protection.

And if we decide or tell ourselves or tell the brain or acknowledge that yes,

This was a time where we did need you to think that way and we appreciate that,

But now it's not so helpful.

But still appreciate the effort that you're giving me,

Brain.

Talk to it like it's a friend because it really is a well-intentioned friend that sometimes just doesn't have the whole picture.

And it's,

You know how you'll talk to a friend about something going on in your life or your relationship and it's almost always something bad that we need somebody to talk about,

Right?

Talk to.

And so they'll remember six months down the line how your partner said something ugly to you.

Well,

Six months has occurred and you guys are way past it.

You don't even remember it,

But they're still on it.

They're like that.

Sure.

You know,

Or yeah,

He's still being so mean.

And you're like,

What are you talking about?

That's the way the brain thinks.

You know,

It's got your back all the time.

So when you hear these,

You know,

When you stop and become aware of what is running in the background,

And usually that the only time people stop and pay attention to that is when they're physically noticing something.

My heart's racing.

I'm nervous.

I'm anxious.

I'm having PTSD.

I'm having an anxiety attack.

I can't sleep.

I have trouble eating.

My guts are messed up.

I have psoriasis.

This is usually,

I mean,

Your brain,

Your body is a very informative tool.

But if we pay attention to what messages we are allowing ourselves to believe,

Allowing ourselves to run on automatic,

A lot of those things can be cleared up.

Yes.

The thing you said that kind of stuck with me is your brain is your friend.

I don't think I've looked at it that way.

I think I've been looking at it more like it's telling me things that aren't necessarily good for me.

Because I'm only noticing it when it's saying something negative.

Instead of appreciating,

Like you said,

That's a great,

Like,

Why would you why would I say that?

And who is saying that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

How is it?

How is it?

How are you trying to protect me by saying this?

What what are what automatic programs are running in the background of my experience and my subconscious that's informing my cognitive expression that I'm hearing today?

Right.

Do you think some of that has to do with the stories that we tell ourselves?

And we we tend to start that story,

Kind of like what you were saying,

Start that story when you're young.

And in the time it served you and over time,

Maybe it's changed.

And the story's gotten bigger or it's,

You know,

Developed into a full blown movie.

And you're that story's constantly running in the back of your head.

So when something does come up from the brain,

The story kicks in,

Or even in life,

That story kicks in.

Is that the brain also then that storytelling that you've held on to?

But what is that piece?

Well,

You know,

You're reaching into what I consider the brain's part in creating our reality.

And as long you know,

The brain,

The brain's a file system.

And it expects like when you're two years old,

And you know,

You learn what a ball is,

And you learn that it's round.

And so every time the two year old,

You have a grandson,

Right?

Yes,

Sam.

He's adorable.

I know,

I know.

And so when that little guy learns to say ball,

And he knows what a ball is,

You may take him out to somewhere,

And he may see something round and say ball.

It's not a ball.

Right.

But to him,

Everything round is a ball.

And so the brain is very similar to this.

And it will say,

Oh,

It looks like somebody's being ugly to me.

Because it has the same kind of characteristics in my experience from when I was 13 or something,

You know,

And so we get very defensive,

And we get very on alert.

And we say this person or this thing is bad,

And it's trying to hurt me and stuff.

When in fact,

I mean,

They may be,

They may be,

You got to pay attention to that.

But more than likely,

It's a call and a mirror for us to examine what we're carrying,

As far as defenses that may or may not still be helpful.

A lot of these things that we carry with us,

And he said about the brain being a friend,

A lot of these messages and bowels and programs that that our brains continue to perpetuate,

Were coping mechanisms that got us through some very difficult times.

And so in that regard,

We really do need to be thankful for the way our thinking has gotten us through some of these difficult times.

But they don't always need to continue.

And sometimes they don't always need to continue at the same fierce,

Fierceness level,

You know,

We're not always getting eaten by a lion.

You know,

When I was in school,

I was eight years old and third grade,

And everybody had on bell bottoms,

You know,

And I didn't have any bell bottoms on them.

And so I felt very much like I was not accepted.

And so that feels in my body,

Like a threat.

And you know,

Humans are are the only creatures that we're aware of that I know of,

That our brains don't know the difference between what is actually happening in our experience or something we're imagining.

Right.

Let's think about it.

You can imagine yourself at the beach,

Hear the ocean,

And you can smell the breeze and the salt air.

And you can feel the sand and the sun,

The heat of the sun warming your body and even the cherry cloth of your towel.

I mean,

You can really experience being there.

So if you think about it,

If your brain is creating these or coming from a scary scenario,

For example,

That we've experienced in the past,

Because it's a record of the past,

And it says this is also a ball.

It's really a very interesting concept.

But one that starts with awareness,

Awareness that we are not our thoughts.

We do have some ability to work with our brain,

Although we cannot stop it and nor should we want to because it's the only thinking part that can carry messages down to my fingertips when I touch a hot flame.

So we don't want to shut that thing off.

It's important.

Right,

Right.

I think that's amazing in that I,

During this time together,

I've just had a complete mind flip.

I don't know what you want to call it in that I really from reading that book,

And recognizing the mind chatter,

I was really kind of almost in a battle,

I think,

Over the last few years with trying to not really turn it off,

But to quiet it instead of being able to accept it,

Which I think speaks to how I have always dealt with things.

Push it down,

Quiet it,

Don't talk about it,

Ignore it,

Everything's going to be okay.

Which I don't know if it's just me,

But I feel like a lot of people do that.

We are not taught to deal with our emotions,

With our feelings.

And so it's easier just to ignore it.

So I'm so glad you said that you really have to look at it,

But it is your friend,

You wouldn't want to turn it off.

It's like your lungs,

It does help you breathe,

It keeps your body moving.

It does protect you and that is its sole purpose is to protect you.

And I think now that I look at it that way,

It'll feel more like a team effort instead of a battle and working together,

Which is fantastic.

This is why I love talking to you because I always get something super powerful out of it.

I think I have shit figured out and then I go,

Oh,

Wow.

Well,

I'm happy for you.

That's good.

That's awesome.

Well,

I hope somebody else out there got something out of today's episode.

Anything else you would love to share with the world?

I was very grateful that somebody like you will allow me to have somewhere to speak this stuff because I really believe that it can help a lot of people be more at peace with themselves and then bring more peace to the world.

Absolutely.

And I'm so grateful that you want to be a part of this and share your knowledge with me and the rest of the world.

I think it's phenomenal.

So thank you.

Thank you.

And thank you all for tuning in today and we will see you next week.

Have a great day.