Before this reflective meditation begins,
I want to promise you that this is a safe space in which I hold for you to reflect and review.
There is no judgment,
Only questions,
There is no guilt,
Only reflections.
It is seeing where you've been and where you want to go.
It's drawing a line under what was and allowing what is to be.
Anger is not worth you,
It does not deserve to tear your world apart.
So let us begin.
I felt so angry once.
I felt as though I could have ripped the world apart.
Within me was a rage like the waves of a wild tsunami.
I couldn't calm the storm within me.
The worst was exposed and I hated it.
I hated feeling this anger so deep inside,
But I couldn't stop it.
It was as though it had been freed and the rage I'd held down for years had ridden to the surface and exploded like a volcano that hadn't erupted for a thousand years.
The seal had eroded and it felt as though my anger was never going to be hidden again.
It scared me.
I had become someone I didn't recognize or like.
It had become so bad that I had to reflect upon why I felt this way.
I had to find a way to understand it.
When I did reflect,
I didn't find a monster.
I just found me.
And I realized that I wasn't so scary.
After all,
I was just lost.
Do you feel an anger like this?
Do you feel you could smash the moon into a thousand pieces?
Do you disappear into the redness of rage?
Does a burning fire take hold of you when nothing can disperse it?
Then when the anger within you calms,
Are you interlaced with shame and regret?
Maybe you were alone when these feelings were felt.
Did you hurt yourself?
Or what was the people hurt?
Was someone else the receiver of your wrath?
Sometimes when anger escalates,
People can get hurt.
You can break them with your anger.
You can push them to breaking point.
You can even stop their whole world from going round.
When this happens,
You will live with your actions for the rest of your life.
You will forever be known as someone who broke them.
Don't do it.
You must learn to calm the storm.
No one likes anger.
No one enjoys a rage when they are experiencing it.
It can feel scary and lonely and you can feel a victim of your own emotions.
And maybe you are.
Maybe you are a victim.
And maybe you have never had the chance to see a different side of yourself.
A different way of responding to life and what it brings to you.
Maybe anger is the only way you've learnt.
Only what you've seen.
The only way you know how to deal with conflict.
But now you're listening.
So perhaps it's time for you to be shown compassion and care for yourself.
Let me help you.
Let me show you a different way.
Let us draw a line under what was.
And let's look together at what's next.
But first,
An internal reflection.
So what is a reflection?
Visually,
It is where you can see yourself looking back.
For a moment of reflection you can see everything.
The good and the not so good.
An internal reflection is the same.
Yet we do not see with our eyes.
Instead we must feel with the whole of our soul.
It is a moment of deliberation upon your actions and behaviours.
Where you see openly the good and the not so good.
And accept it all without judgement or fear.
So don't be afraid of your internal reflection.
It is not scary.
You do not need to lie to yourself.
You do not need to look away.
You just need to look within.
We all need to reflect upon ourselves and that's okay.
Everything's okay.
But sometimes you need to look deeper than the surface.
I am far from perfect.
And over the years I have had to reflect many times upon my feelings.
When I have reflected upon anger,
I have never found someone who is horrible.
I have only found someone who is lost and confused.
Perhaps you'll find the same.
And you may be expecting to uncover a monster.
But you will not find that.
You will not find that monster.
You will only find yourself.
And sometimes we find someone who is lost and confused.
Someone we were not expecting to find.
You see that you may not be the way you want to be.
And that's okay.
Many of us are not.
All we want to find is you.
The real you.
The one who resides under anger.
Under the rage.
And see that all of that is just your armour.
You see anger can become the armour you wear.
It is saving you from feeling something much deeper.
Do you think it is?
Is it stopping people from accessing you within?
Is it stopping you from accessing you within?
Is it saving you from feeling something you fear?
Is anger the armour of your sadness?
Were you taught that sadness is weakness and that tears are for those who break?
This is not true.
Sadness is not weakness.
It is for those who feel safe within the feeling and that know it's okay to be there.
Sadness is a release of pain.
Physical or emotional.
And those tears are tender.
Yet sometimes unfelt for years.
Emotions trapped within become a raging bull.
Pushed so far down that the eruption can be catastrophic.
Yet anger is not bad.
We all feel it.
Even if we hate to admit that.
But anger can become dangerous when out of control.
When unaddressed.
When it's the first emotional reaction and escalates like an explosion.
It is dangerous.
And you must see that clearly.
Your feelings are your responsibility.
Your feelings belong to you.
No one else.
Anger hides something.
Something so much deeper.
Vulnerabilities,
Fears,
Sadness.
Perhaps you feel betrayed.
Rejected by those around you.
You may worry about losing control.
Perhaps you fear someone else.
Perhaps someone leaving you.
Maybe you feel unworthy,
Unloved,
Alone.
Maybe you feel a grief so deep inside that you cannot bear to touch it.
Unmet emotional needs can trigger anger.
But perhaps you are not the anger.
Perhaps instead,
You are suffering from it.
You are a victim of the anger.
But you do not have to remain the victim of anger.
You have the power to step beyond it.
To unearth what lies beneath and tend to it with compassion.
So take a breath.
Feel the weight of your anger.
Acknowledge it.
And then set it down.
You do not have to carry it alone.
Instead of letting the anger consume you.
You can reflect upon it.
And let it guide you.
Let it show you where you are hurting.
Where you need your healing.
So as you reflect,
Sit with it.
Listen to it.
Feel it.
And ask yourself what you truly need.
Is it love?
Is it understanding?
Is it the simple act of being heard?
Is it even allowing yourself to feel vulnerable?
What would happen if you didn't feel the anger?
See those you love.
Without anger.
Without fear.
Love them with every ounce of vulnerability you have to offer.
Show them the real you.
Show you the real you.
They will accept you.
And remember.
You are worthy of being loved.
You are also worthy of loving yourself.
You are not lost.
You are not beyond saving.
Beneath the fire.
Beneath the storm.
There is you.
The real you.
And you are worth your peace.
You are worthy of love.
From yourself and from those around you.
So today.
Draw a new line.
Not just under what was.
But under the anger itself.
Let it rest.
Let it go.
And as you do.
Step forward into the life that is waiting for you.
One where you are free.
Namaste.
