Letting Go Of People Pleasing

Stop trying to please everyone.

You'll lose yourself in the process.

That's a quote by Steve Maraboli that's a great reminder to me.

I'm Chibzo Karake and welcome to The Daily Coach.

Now if you're anything like me,

You've probably found yourself saying yes when you really wanted to say no.

Maybe it's because you didn't want to disappoint someone.

Maybe it's because you were afraid they'd think less of you.

Or maybe you're worried that if you said no,

You'd be seen as difficult or unhelpful.

But here's the truth.

Constantly trying to please everyone often comes at the cost of our own well-being.

Now it's really important to understand this.

Letting go of people pleasing doesn't mean we stop caring about others.

It means we start caring about ourselves too.

Today we're going to explore how to create space for our own needs,

Our own values and our own voice.

Let's start by settling into a comfortable position.

You might be seated in a chair or resting on a cushion or lying down.

Whatever feels most supportive to you.

If it feels right,

Gently closing the eyes or softening the gaze.

And if keeping the eyes open feels more comfortable,

That's perfectly fine too.

And let's take a moment to notice the surface beneath us.

Feeling the support of the chair,

The bed or the ground holding us.

Sensing the weight of the body gently sinking down,

Fully supported and safe.

And now let's bring our awareness to the breath.

There's no need to change the breath.

Simply noticing it as it flows in and flows out.

Maybe we're noticing the coolness of the air as it enters the nostrils and the warmth of the air as it leaves the nostrils.

Perhaps we're noticing the body expanding and softening.

And now let's control the breath for a few breaths.

We're going to slightly deepen the breath and slightly slow down the breath.

Let's breathe in through the nose and breathe out through the nose or the mouth.

Breathing in as the body expands.

Breathing out as the body softens,

Relaxes and let's go.

Another deep breath in and a slow breath out.

And now we can allow the body to breathe at its normal pace.

Noticing whether the breath is slower or deeper than before,

Just noticing.

If it feels good,

We might choose to gently place one hand over the heart or the stomach.

This simple gesture can remind us to connect with ourselves,

To check in with what we truly need.

And now let's take a moment to reflect.

I invite you to gently bring to mind a time when you said yes to something you didn't truly want.

Maybe it was a request from a friend.

Maybe it was a social event you felt pressured to attend.

Or maybe it was a last minute favor you took on for someone you barely knew.

Whatever memory arises is welcome here.

Now,

As you bring this memory to mind,

Take a moment to observe how it felt in your body when you agreed to that thing that didn't feel right.

Perhaps there was tension in the shoulders,

A knot in the stomach,

A shortness of breath,

Some heat in the face,

Or maybe even a heaviness in the chest.

Whatever you felt then and whatever you feel now is perfectly okay.

We're simply noticing.

And if at any point this feels too much,

Remembering that it's always okay to pause this practice and return to the meditation another time.

Okay,

Good.

Now I want you to imagine standing in front of a mirror,

Looking at yourself.

As we gaze into our reflection,

Perhaps we can ask ourselves,

What do I need right now?

What would feel good for me in this moment?

Taking a few moments to notice what arises.

Maybe it's rest,

Maybe it's the courage to say no,

Or maybe it's permission to prioritize your own needs.

Whatever comes up,

We're allowing it to be here without trying to fix or change anything.

And now,

Let's picture ourselves standing tall,

Steady,

And confident.

Maybe we can imagine speaking our truth with kindness,

But also with firmness.

Maybe we can hear ourselves saying,

With a kind smile on our face,

I can't take that on right now.

Or,

Thank you for asking,

But I need to focus on myself today.

Noticing how it feels in the body to honor our own needs.

Perhaps there's a sense of relief,

A lightness in the chest,

Or a feeling of strength.

Okay,

Good.

Now I want you to know this,

You are allowed to prioritize yourself.

You are allowed to set boundaries,

And you are worthy.

Not because of what you do for others,

But simply because you are you.

Now as a child,

One of the ways I learned to feel secure and stay safe was to make sure that everyone around me was happy.

If they were happy,

It meant I was less likely to get into trouble or face conflict.

It was a survival strategy that worked well for me as a child.

But as an adult,

I know how much of this habit of putting others' needs before my own has affected me.

I've realized that constantly bending over backwards for others left me feeling quietly resentful.

That hidden resentment sometimes came out as passive aggressiveness,

Or I'd end up beating myself up,

Feeling ashamed of myself that I couldn't simply set a boundary.

When we constantly prioritize other people's happiness over our own,

We risk losing touch with what we need,

What we value,

And who we truly are.

Now I've begun the journey of saying no and setting boundaries.

It's still very hard for me,

But I've noticed that it's helping me to show up for others in a way that feels more authentic and sustainable.

When I say yes,

It's a heartfelt yes.

Now as you move through your day,

I invite you to try this simple practice.

The next time someone asks something of you,

Pause,

Take a deep breath,

And ask yourself,

Do I really want to say yes to this?

Pausing and taking a breath can help us move out of autopilot and into a space of clarity where we can make choices that feel right for us.

If the answer is no,

Try responding with kindness and honesty.

You might say,

I'd love to help,

But I'm not able to right now.

Or,

Thank you for asking,

But I need to focus on other priorities.

This small moment of reflection can help you create space for your own needs while still maintaining kindness and respect for others.

And for those of you that find it too uncomfortable to say no on this spot,

You're welcome to use my trick.

The next time someone asks you to do something,

Enthusiastically reply,

That sounds like a great idea.

I've got a lot on,

But I'd love to help.

Let me check my calendar when I get home,

And I'll let you know if I can do it tomorrow.

That way,

You have a whole day to build up your courage to politely say no.

And gently opening the eyes if they were closed.

Having a little stretch if we need to.

And gently coming back to the room.

Thank you for joining me today,

And I'll see you next time for The Daily Coach.