Be Grateful Whatever You Have

Hello and welcome to the Calmcast,

A time to feel calm and think clearly.

I'm Claire Downham,

The Queen of Calm,

A transformational life coach.

I was a burnt out head teacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying and I want to prevent you from having to do the same.

The Calmcast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state which is calm and clarity.

Just listen like you would listen to music with an open mind and curiosity.

There's nothing else to do.

Now let's relax into today's episode.

So today I'm talking about gratitude.

I'm talking about gratitude in a very,

Very different way to how I would have talked about it in the past.

So I spent a lot of time completing gratitude journals and when I say a lot of time I mean every day and doing catch-up days as well because I can be a bit like that or I could be a bit like that in that if I missed a day I had to kind of do two days in a row and sat on this over and I did,

I kept a gratitude journal I think for six years.

I would have to just go back and check exactly but at least probably five to six years.

And even when I was actually really ill because I started my gratitude practice before I burnt out.

Not sure what that says about gratitude practice but it was,

I was already on that path of trying to fix myself even before I burnt out.

So I was keeping a gratitude journal and I was doing it every day for six years and then I met Bruce,

My fiance,

At some time in that six years and I engaged him with doing that as well.

So we both would sit on this over doing our gratitude journals and we would do our individual gratitude journals but then we also kept a mutual gratitude journal and that was where we wrote gratitudes for each other.

So we kind of thank each other for things during the day.

So that was,

You know,

And we're talking about like a little A5 notebook about that amount we would write every day.

And as I say we would also do backdating if we missed a day for whatever reason.

So when we were away from each other because he was sometimes travelling for work,

When we were away from each other we would do,

He would like write them on a bit of paper and then stick them in when he got home and send little screenshots of them for me and photographs of them.

Anyway.

And that fell away not long into my journey with this understanding that I now share.

Probably about six months in,

I think,

Again I'd have to check the exact date but probably about six months after Bruce and I came across the principles.

We were sitting on the sofa one day and I kind of said,

Or one of us said,

Why are we doing this?

Like do we need to do this?

Because it had got to the stage where,

And I don't even know when it got to that stage,

Probably quite a long time before that,

Where it was we must do this to maintain our wellbeing.

If we don't do this we are going to,

You know,

We're not going to be well,

We're not going to be happy,

We're not going to be feeling content,

We're not going to be feeling gratitude.

So there was a sense that we had to keep doing it all the time.

It was almost like,

You know,

In order to be grateful for what you have you must be writing it down all the time.

It was,

It had got to that stage quite a time before that before we both just let it go.

We literally then never did it again.

We've never kept Gratitude Journal since then.

So what I think happens or happened to us was that we just noticed that we felt okay most of the time and we just couldn't see the purpose anymore.

We didn't feel like we needed to fix ourselves.

I think that was one of the things and I think gratitude is a wonderful thing.

If you are doing it because you absolutely love it,

It's your most wonderful point of the day whether you're doing it in the morning or middle of the day or the evening,

Whenever you're doing it and you sit down and you're like wow,

You know,

I'm in the,

This is just such a lovely thing.

I love it,

You know,

Doing it and that's the reason for doing it,

The joy of the moment of doing it.

Wonderful.

If however the practice has,

Is getting to the stage where it's like,

Oh well the guru kind of says I'm supposed to,

I've read lots of things about it apparently,

It helps you to rewire your brain.

So I best keep doing it but it's really getting to the stage where it's you're dragging your feet through treacle then maybe it's not for you.

But really,

Really it's worth reflecting on that because I'm not saying do a Gratitude Journal or don't do one,

I really couldn't care less and I don't have anything for or against them.

I just know that,

So this is what I know about gratitude now is that when we're quiet,

When we're in the present moment,

Gratitude is one of our natural states,

It's part of the essence of who we are.

And I think when we're completing a Gratitude Journal,

Anything that's pulling us back into the past,

Because that has to,

It has to,

Unless you're carrying a Gratitude Journal with you all day and you're,

I mean there are apps where you can do that and you're recording it all the time but do you need to record it?

I don't know.

But anyway,

For most people it's a reflection of that day,

You know,

The day before,

Although it's coming to mind that maybe some people do record something,

Things they're grateful for right now in that moment but I do suspect there's like a looking around for things or looking back into the past for things.

And it really came to mind,

It's come to mind more and more for me over the last year or so.

Bruce and I do a lot of walking together and it's a miracle I'm actually standing doing this because we walked 12 miles in the end yesterday,

Not intentionally,

About 10 we were fancying but anyway we ended up walking 12.

So I'm a bit stiff today but I've noticed more and more as we're walking I'm just like a little kid in a sweetie shop,

There's a really good metaphor and I'm just oh look at that,

Look at that,

Isn't that beautiful,

Isn't that,

Oh look at that,

You know I'm just noticing things and that I am grateful for.

And Bruce and I sat off for a walk yesterday morning,

It was very early,

Before eight o'clock I believe,

Excuse me,

We walked part of the Leeds Country Way,

I think it's called yeah the Leeds Country Way,

We walked part of the Leeds Country Way which is really,

I never knew it was there.

So we just right from the start of the walk we found where the walk started and we set off and we were walking on paths we've never walked on before,

We couldn't believe it actually that all during lockdown we'd never found this walk.

The Leeds Country Way is actually a walk that is about 60 something miles long,

It goes all the way around Leeds and mostly on country paths which is amazing when you think of Leeds being such a big city and you never move them sort of seven miles from Leeds which is amazing.

So there was that we were just so grateful for being together,

For walking,

For chatting,

For seeing the first frost,

We saw the first frost I've seen this year on a car and on some nettle leaves,

You know we saw spider's webs with little drops of dew on them,

Shimmering in the light that was coming through the mist and lots of occasions when we could just see the light shafting through the mist.

Of course was it mist or was it smoke?

I think it's probably post bonfire night smoke that we're actually experiencing not really mist.

I have noticed actually after bonfire night it's usually really foggy the next morning,

That's probably not fog,

It's smoke.

Anyway so we noticed squirrels,

We noticed other we met some donkeys,

You know just little moments,

Little moments of joy,

Little moments to be grateful for,

Little things that because we were so grounded in the present moment we just were really really aware of those things that were there in the moment and I just don't know that we would have got anything more out of it if we'd written it all down.

You know the moments later in the day were beautiful too,

You know we watched England get beaten at rugby,

Although Bruce cheers that and I don't,

And then we you know I fell asleep,

Had a nap in the afternoon,

We had a lovely tea,

You know just every moment can be filled with joy and can be a moment to be grateful for if you are in the present moment and that there's only ever one thing stopping us being in the present moment and that's thinking and that's the thing about a gratitude journal is that it's more thinking,

It's more thinking in terms of a thing to do and remember and think about and it's more thinking in terms of us pulling ourselves away from the present moment and off into the past which is not why we really operate best.

So this is not about stopping your gratitude journal if you do one.

I do encourage some reflection on why you're doing it and how you actually feel about it really because that feeling of gratitude is just available to us underneath,

Underneath what's often a noisy mind for many of us and a lot of noisy thinking but underneath that,

That gratitude is always available.

So it's just something to consider because that's all I ever put here is things for you to consider,

Things for you to contemplate and see whether they make sense to you because that's all we can ever do.

So yeah,

Lots of love today and stay grateful I would say.

Thank you so much for listening.

There's nothing to do now but bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life.

Listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm.

This has been The Calm Cast with Clare Downer,

Queen of Calm.

Take care and keep listening.