Overcoming Overwhelm With The 3 Principles

Hello and welcome to the CalmCast,

A time to feel calm and think clearly.

I'm Clare Downam,

The Queen of Calm,

A Transformational Life Coach.

I was a burnt-out headteacher who finally made the journey to calm after years of trying,

And I want to prevent you from having to do the same.

The CalmCast is a series of short explorations gently guiding you back to your natural state,

Which is calm and clarity.

Just listen like you would listen to music,

With an open mind and curiosity.

There's nothing else to do.

Now let's relax into today's episode.

So today,

Overwhelm.

And it's such a topic really close to my heart because I really did used to suffer with feeling overwhelmed.

And still I can notice that I will go there occasionally now.

You know,

I too can look at my list of things that I think I should be doing and go,

Ah,

You know,

Oh,

It's big.

And I would definitely for a long time have said,

Yep,

The reason I feel terrible,

The reason I feel so overwhelmed is because I've got so much to do.

Of course,

Of course,

I feel overwhelmed.

But of course,

That's an outside in misunderstanding.

It's like saying that the outside world can make me feel anything.

How can,

You know,

I've got my list right next to me here.

And if I pick it up,

I can see there's things scrawled on it.

Some things are crossed out,

Actually.

But,

You know,

How can some black ink marks on white paper create an emotion in me?

Can you see how illogical that actually is?

When you really like just sit with that,

When you get curious about that,

How can words on a page be making me feel a certain way?

Well,

They can't.

That's the answer to that,

Really.

But of course,

The illusion of that is very,

Very persuasive,

Isn't it?

It really does look that way.

And for a long time,

I really thought it was my busy life that caused me to burn out.

But now I see that so,

So differently.

Because I understand better how this thing called the human experience really works.

And my experience of life does not come from things out there.

So what's really happening when we feel overwhelmed?

I don't know what the feeling feels like to you.

Perhaps you'd like to share with me how it feels.

But to me,

It feels like there's a pressure on my chest.

I often notice there's a shallowness in my breathing.

And when I notice it and become aware of it and let it go,

There's often a,

You know,

Like a big sigh almost as that passes on.

And I don't know if you've seen the cartoon.

I kind of wish I could flash it up on the screen now.

I'm sure there is a technical way to do that.

But there's a cartoon where you can see that there's a small picture close up of somebody with a boot on their chest.

Like it looks like somebody stood on the person's chest.

You know,

They're like,

They've got one foot on the ground and one foot on the person's chest.

The person's lying on the floor.

But then as it zooms out,

You see that actually the person's hand,

The person who's on the floor,

Their arm is inside the boot,

Holding the boot onto their chest.

What an absolutely brilliant,

Is that a pictorial metaphor for what I'm talking about?

Because it does look like the first picture,

Doesn't it?

It looks like the first picture.

That feeling is coming from the outside world.

And that is because I've got a lot to do and look at my list and look at my life and all of that.

But in actual fact,

It is self-created.

And really,

Like in its simplest form,

Overwhelm is thinking you've got to do it all now.

There's a lesson in one of my little audio things I made ages ago.

And I think it's called,

It's just called thinking you've got to do it all now.

And it's about overwhelm.

And it really is that simple.

That when we're feeling overwhelmed,

It's to do with how we're thinking about the things we've got to do and the fact that we will be thinking about or overthinking about lots of things at the same time.

And I recently did a live session on this.

And what came out a lot was people talking about feeling frozen as a result of that.

So we talk,

You know,

We talk about stress.

We talk about fight,

Flight or freeze.

Why they made them all.

I mean,

I like alliteration,

But it's a bit of a mouthful,

Isn't it?

And for a lot of people,

The freeze in terms of workload,

In terms of what we would like to get done each day,

The freeze is the biggest part of that.

The people just don't do anything at all,

Because that's what the stress response can do.

It can stop us from just moving in any direction.

We just become,

You know,

Still.

Because,

You know,

It's a bit like being a mongoose.

I think it's mongooses,

Mongooses,

Mongai.

I don't know.

I think it's mongooses,

Isn't it,

Who play dead?

And,

You know,

When they're those of you that listen to the audio didn't have missed a beautiful face I just pulled.

But they do that thing where they look like they're dead,

Don't they?

And then and then people,

You know,

Not people,

But predators will leave them alone because they look dead.

And that's what we do when we're very overwhelmed.

So what's kind of what the antidote for this is,

Is to notice,

Really.

And to know what's going on,

Because noticing is fine.

But often we become aware,

Don't we?

And then we beat ourselves up.

Well,

Why am I feeling like this?

And I should be able to do that.

We're not looking at that at all.

But what I'm saying is that when you start to feel that feeling,

Perhaps yours is like a foot on the chest like mine,

Is to know that that feeling is internally generated.

That's just letting you know.

It's just letting you know.

You're thinking about everything you've got to do.

It's not letting you know that you have to do it all now.

And I think for women,

I'm sure,

You know,

Let me know if you're a man and you experience this too.

But for women in particular,

This is huge.

You know,

It is.

You know,

I say a lot now to women,

We misheard the call to action.

We were told we could do anything.

You can be anything,

Do anything,

Etc.

And we heard you can do everything.

Like do everything now.

Do it all now.

And,

You know,

I talk to so many women who are caught up in perfectionism and imposter syndrome and feel like they do have to do it all and they have to do it all now and they have to do it all well.

But,

You know,

Even as I'm saying that,

I can feel the energy of that.

You know,

If you're going through life thinking you've got to do it all now,

You have to do it all absolutely perfectly.

And really,

You don't have to do it now.

You have to do it yesterday.

And you've got everything to do.

So you must do all the things in your business and your life and your work and your kids and,

You know,

The things to organize.

It can be the smallest thing that really feels like it's going to tip us over the edge.

Just,

You know,

Well,

Actually,

We need some bread and milk.

Ah,

You know,

Like then you just that's it.

I can't buy bread and milk because I've got all these other things.

But really.

We've got one thing to do.

My one thing to do right now is to record this and talk to you.

Now,

When I finished.

I'll have something else to do.

And then there'll be something else to do.

And I was doing a live the other day on Insight Timer and I said,

Somebody in the comments said,

You know,

He picked up on something that was quite helpful.

How do you eat an elephant one bite at a time?

I wouldn't eat an elephant,

To be fair.

But,

You know,

How do you eat a massive cake one bite of it a bite at a time?

It'd have to be a gluten free,

Dairy free,

You know,

For me.

But,

You know,

It's all just one thing at a time.

And when we start to notice that our thinking is going off into its multiple things,

It's got to be all done now.

It needs to be done yesterday.

That comes with this beautiful warning.

Like the feeling isn't.

The feeling isn't letting us know about out there,

It's letting us know about us.

So our thinking,

Our stirred up overthinking,

You know,

Our overwhelm inducing thinking comes with a warning.

You're thinking a lot about things that you think you've got to do right now.

But what do you,

What could you do right now?

Can you pick up your list?

And can you just do one thing?

And then one more thing or half a thing?

I remember,

You know,

When I was I was designing my Constant Calm coaching programme and I got really,

Like really like caught up in.

I was quite overwhelmed by it.

I think I was waiting for some beam of inspiration to come and help me.

And then one day I just opened it and I started,

You know,

I started reading it and then I started moving it,

Moving bits of it about and saying,

Oh,

That doesn't really belong in that section.

I want that in that section.

And I started gradually tinkering with it and playing with it and creating something.

And it didn't.

It didn't have to be all done at once.

Just bit by bit.

And it is not the stuff we've got to do.

It's how we're thinking about it and thinking that it's all imminent right now and has to be perfect and has to be wonderful and,

You know,

Has to please everybody as well.

Ladies in the room.

So just awareness is always awareness.

It's always noticing.

It's always seeing,

You know,

Experiencing the feeling.

Feelings are not dangerous.

They're just a warning.

And then what makes sense for you to do might actually be what makes sense is to get up and take a breath.

Or it might be that what makes sense is to do one little thing.

Cross it off your list.

It might be that what makes sense is to go make a cup of tea and take a breath.

It might be that what makes sense is to put your feet on the floor and take a breath and go.

Have a little mantra.

I don't have to do it all now.

I don't care.

It doesn't matter what it is.

That's your thing.

That's not my thing.

What I'm providing is the awareness,

Is the understanding of what's happening inside you when you are feeling overwhelmed.

And that you don't,

You don't have to do it all now.

And thinking that you do have to do it all now is the only thing that's creating overwhelm.

You don't have to even think about it all now at all.

Just do one thing.

Take one action.

That's all you need to do,

Really.

You don't have to do anything,

Really.

You can go and sit on the sofa and watch Netflix.

But,

You know,

If you want to move forward in your business and in your life,

You might want to go do some stuff.

And feeling overwhelmed,

Really,

Just getting in the way of that.

So I hope you found that helpful.

This month,

I've been exploring productivity on Insight Timer.

And it's been great.

There's been some great conversations.

And the last day will be tomorrow on Insight Timer,

Exploring productivity.

I've got loads and loads of free tracks now on Insight Timer about productivity.

And I've also done quite a lot of Lives.

And I've got a lovely course there as well called Stress and Success,

Which is all about a three principles perspective on effortless productivity.

And then starting on Monday,

We're going to dive in with relationships.

And for me,

That's cool because I've seen a lot about my relationships through this understanding.

So you'll be able to catch up on courses and free tracks.

If you're listening to this in and around August 2023,

You'll be able to actually catch some live sessions too.

So I hope you found this helpful.

I've loved exploring productivity from this three principles perspective.

I think it's really helpful.

And that's been really impactful for me as well over the last couple of years.

So,

Yeah,

We'll have some fun exploring relationships next.

So thank you so much for listening.

Take care and hopefully I'll see you somewhere out there in the world of Insight Timer.

And you'll join me for something soon.

Take care.

Lots of love.

Thank you so much for listening.

There's nothing to do now but bring some awareness to how this is working out in your life.

Listen regularly to experience longer and longer periods of calm.

This has been The Calm Cast with Clare Downam,

Queen of Calm.

Take care and keep listening.