It's one thing to talk to a loved one,
A friend,
Or a professional about a recent event that was difficult.
It may be a traumatic event that you simply need to share,
To not feel completely alone in.
We all perceive events differently.
Trauma for one person could be the experience of a breakup,
And for another,
A breakup could be a relief that after careful consideration and in realizing that it wasn't the right relationship for them.
As you learn how to heal past traumas,
You become more resilient to life's stressors,
Emotionally stronger and self-confident,
And you are able to better recognize and overcome challenging and stressful life events,
Including dealing with difficult people,
Using the right tools and practices so that you are less inclined to perceive new events as traumatic.
If you or if someone you know is continuing to tell their trauma stories,
In casual conversations,
In inappropriate settings,
For example,
A phone call that you make to check in and say hello that within minutes becomes a retelling of a negative or traumatic experience.
The psychological term for this is acutely accurate.
It is called trauma or emotional dumping,
And it's typically a manifestation of deeper issues,
One of which is a lack of emotional regulation and respectful boundaries.
Someone may struggle with managing intense emotions such as sadness,
Anger,
Anxiety,
And a lack of understanding of what healthy interpersonal boundaries are.
Instead,
They overshare and at times vent,
Creating an uncomfortable experience for the listener.
In their inappropriate and one-sided sharing in casual conversations,
Whether in search of validation,
In attention-seeking,
Or to acquire sympathy.
If you are someone who does this,
What you are also simultaneously doing is exposing another person to your trauma so that now you've brought that person into your trauma experience with you.
This is also an indication of having unprocessed trauma.
When someone repeatedly talks about a traumatic event,
Especially without making sense of it or feeling relief,
This indicates that they have not fully processed or integrated the experience into their life narrative in a way that holds understanding,
Some form of healing,
Acceptance,
And forgiveness.
Instead,
The trauma memory remains fragmented and active,
Leading to the urge to share it repeatedly.
And this cyclical occurrence inflicts the open wound and reliving the pain of what has happened.
There is a difference between talking about a difficult and traumatic experience to a trusted person,
To receive empathy,
Guidance,
Even validation and support.
And if it's a trained professional,
The ability to critically examine the situation from a vantage point in which you feel safe and supported,
And in learning the right tools that help guide you towards a helpful resolution,
Based on the facts of what is true and from where you can move forward in a way that is productive and empowering,
And retelling your stories as emotional dumping that you put onto others that is not helpful nor kind.
If you struggle with someone's continual trauma dumping,
There are a few things you can do.
You can,
At a neutral time and in which you have some distance,
Such as in an email or a kind voicemail,
Explain what this is they are doing,
And how it impacts you and your relationship with them.
You can ask them to be mindful of what they are bringing to the conversation,
And to encourage them to talk with a professional about their traumas,
So as to learn how to be best supported.
You can also share this audio with them as a way of explaining what they are doing.
Most people,
When they become aware and they understand what they are doing,
Will make an effort to find a better route for helping themselves.
They will realize that repeating their trauma stories doesn't make them feel better.
And should this continue to happen,
It will give you options for what new boundaries you place around this relationship,
And your willingness to proactively address the other person's continued behavior with these questions.
What would help you to feel better?
And what can you do to help yourself feel better?
You only need to open the door to the possibility that this person has choices that they can make to feel better.
The rest is up to them.
And if you would like my help in creating and enforcing the new boundaries of this relationship,
And in being proactive to protect yourself from being the recipient of emotional dumping,
Please reach out to me.
Let me help.
Thank you so much for listening.
This is Dorothy Sonari Juno.
Namaste.
