In this guided meditation,
We're going to be taking a deeper look and introspective
exploration of what comes up for us when we struggle to set boundaries with people in
our life,
Or frequently what goes hand in hand with that,
When we make choices based
on fears of being rejected and fundamentally resulting in a sense of self-betrayal.
You see,
As we know,
Our friend Amy the Amygdala loves to tell stories,
And her stories are
always based on survival,
And her stories tend to have doomsday outcomes,
And those
doomsday outcomes are primarily based in,
Are we going to be safe with other people?
And when we violate our sense of safety or self in relationship with another person,
It usually means Amy's on board,
Chiming in and saying,
Don't set that boundary,
Don't
be assertive,
Don't take care of yourself in this moment,
Because if you do,
You're
going to be kicked out.
Now we're fundamentally weak as a creature,
Our organism does not do well in isolation,
And our brain is hardwired to be in connection with others,
So those fears of being rejected
or kicked out are very,
Very strong,
And they're also unique to each of us in our story.
So I'd like to invite you to begin to apply that gentle,
Mindful touch,
Inviting your
brain and your body into a state of self-soothing,
Open exploration.
Notice a time in the past where your brain or your body started to feel uncomfortable
in a communication,
In an interaction,
It could be email,
It could be text,
Face-to-face,
Zoom,
Whatever,
Just a moment where you notice that your brain or your body started kicking
up some dust,
Saying,
We don't like what's happening here,
And once you found that moment,
Invite your mind to start playing through the movie reel of what happened.
Did you listen and pause and change course?
Did you give in to what the other person was saying,
Even though you knew you were right?
Did you acquiesce your own boundaries and self-sacrifice?
Did you make up a story about how they are wrong and you're right?
All of those behaviors are possible.
And of course,
The one that we yearn to have be the go-to behavior is that immediate self-check-in
of,
Hmm,
My brain is telling me that we don't like something that is happening in this moment.
But for the moment,
Let's return to your identified experience and move into deeper relationship
with yourself as you notice the discomfort arising.
Invite your mind and your body to share with you what that feels like.
What do you notice?
Is there a tension in your shoulders?
Your palms start sweating?
Perhaps a tightness in your jaw?
I will often get a tension headache that starts right here,
And then my chest will have a crackling energy.
Really powerful signs that somebody is stepping across a line that I am not okay with them stepping across.
Invite your mind and your body to share with you what your warning flags are
for when somebody starts to cross your boundary.
This is such powerful information for us to hold for ourselves.
Remember our amygdala is so wise,
Amy is so powerful.
Before she takes over,
She will always send up a warning flare,
A yellow flag saying,
Hey,
Pay attention.
And if we ignore those flares,
We get into trouble.
So noticing yourself in that interaction,
What does your warning system feel like?
Does it have a color or an energy,
A motion or a movement?
Rather than turning down the volume on those warning flares,
Invite them to be turned up.
Create a louder,
More vibrant experience of them.
We want to hear those experiences.
Invite them to be front and center.
And then see if you can extend gratitude to your warning system.
Say,
Thank you for letting me know that you're concerned that this person is stepping across a boundary.
Thank you for protecting me.
We just simply want to turn into this information,
To invite it to be a part of our mental awareness,
To be mindfully present with it.
It doesn't mean that we change what we're doing in the present moment.
It's simply our third eye.
Think of it as another version of yourself back here that's hanging out going,
Hmm,
This is good data.
I may continue my current course of action,
But I'm going to file this away
so that I may change or redirect at any point in time.
Being in partnership with our mind and body is critical for healthy relationships.
As we know,
90% of our past stampedes into the present moment,
And it's this outside experience of self that we'll frequently be able to say,
Hmm,
That doesn't belong to the right here,
Right now,
Or ooh,
That definitely belongs to the right here,
Right now,
And we need to be assertive.
But when we're not in relationship with that greater perspective,
That bigger mindset,
We're at the whim of our amygdala,
And old patterns persist,
And frequently we will continue to treat and engage with people
in a way that doesn't help us be our best selves,
That keeps us stuck in the past rather than in the healthy,
Vibrant here and now.
As you wrap up this little guided exercise,
I invite you to take a moment and write down
what it feels like when your mind or your body sends up a warning flare.
Make a note,
Feel that,
Welcome that energy,
So that next time that energy becomes present,
You can extend gratitude to yourself for your deep knowingness of self,
And also take a look at,
Do you want to be different in this moment?
Is there something else that you could do
to best honor you and the life that you're building?
