Apologising.
Start by taking a moment to settle and relax before you begin.
Find a comfortable sitting position and listen to what the body needs,
Shifting position to be comfortable and balanced if necessary.
Begin by bringing attention to the body in relation to the space it's in,
Sensing the room and any objects around.
And shifting the attention to the entire body as it sits here.
And now move the attention to the breathing process in the whole body,
Breathing naturally,
Leaving the breath to find its own rhythm.
And now come back to the sensation of the entire body.
And bring to mind your reasons for doing this exploration on apologising.
What is motivating and inspiring you to engage with this process of inner development?
And finally,
Wish yourself success in this process.
This exploration is to help you understand why apologising is important and explore how you might put it into action.
It will also encourage you to question your life and open up to possibilities of change and fulfilment,
Helping you build a picture of what your potential might be,
What may be helping you develop your potential and what may be limiting you at the moment.
Apologising means to admit having done something wrong.
This might or might not open the other person to forgiveness and reconciliation.
But simply apologising and thereby letting go of feelings of guilt and shame are already an achievement.
There are many benefits to apologising.
Apologising can restore your own inner peace which allows you to move on and develop.
Apologising can allow you to widen your thought action repertoire,
In other words giving yourself a wider range of choices of what to think and do in a situation.
The act of apologising itself is a victory over disturbing thoughts and emotions.
It can open a space for reconciliation.
And as an act of kindness and compassion,
It offers the other person the opportunity to forgive,
Thereby restoring their inner peace and allowing them to move on.
The key to apologising is a feeling of genuine regret and remorse,
Based on a clear understanding of the negative effects of what you did on yourself and others,
And of the possibility for change which motivates an apology.
However,
Shame and guilt possibly prevent you from apologising and moving on,
Trapping you in a fixed self-image,
Especially if you see yourself and others as unchanging.
Until you recognise a possibility for change,
You cannot move on.
So the main method for apologising is differentiating yourself from your action or behaviour.
For example,
If you think usually,
I'm bad-tempered,
Try separating yourself from the action.
So in other words,
Instead of,
I'm bad-tempered,
Try,
I'm the person who lost their temper in that particular situation.
This opens up other possibilities of how you might react or behave.
However,
Apologising is not easy.
It is a process and one that takes time and cannot be rushed.
If the process is done too quickly,
Deeper emotions may arise again at a later date.
You may also go back and forth before you progress.
It is also important to consider that you may need to forgive yourself before apologising to another.
You may need to face your own shortcomings and wrongdoings.
You may also need to let go of any expectations on behalf of the other person.
For example,
You might want the relationship back or for them to forgive you,
But you cannot make this happen.
The process may also be painful,
Not just for you but also for others,
Being faced with reliving the experience.
But whilst apologising may not be easy,
Remind yourself it can really help to restore your inner peace and can allow you to move on and develop.
So start by recalling a person you would like to apologise to and choose a person or a situation you feel safe working with now.
So be clear.
Who are you thinking of apologising to and what for?
What does it feel like when you think about the situation?
Why are you considering apologising to them?
Is there anything you regret?
Why do you think you acted in this way towards this person?
Is there anything else?
Can you think of anything in your life,
For example health,
Family,
Money or work,
Which may have affected you at the time?
Could there have been anything else?
What was your motive in this particular instance?
Is this usual behaviour for you?
Would others close to you recognise this behaviour in you?
What is stopping you apologising to them?
If you were to apologise to them,
What would help you do this?
What will happen to you and the other person if you choose not to apologise?
What will happen to you and the other person if you do apologise?
What will happen to you and the other person if you do apologise?
If you do apologise to them,
How will you know if you have truly moved on or if it's merely superficial?
Would you talk to the other person about this and help them understand the reasons why you are apologising to them?
So how do you feel now?
Does it feel different from when you usually think about this situation?
What fixed view did you have of yourself as the person who had wronged someone?
Were you able to separate yourself from your act?
In other words,
Can you see that you are not your actions?
How fixed view did you have of the other person?
Were you able to open up your view and understanding at all during this exploration?
What did you uncover or learn about yourself,
The situation or the other person?
How did this widening of your perspective help?
Or how could it help in the future,
If not right now?
And remember,
We're using the image of the spiral to show how certain personal qualities build on and reinforce each other in an upward spiral towards positive potential,
A positive reinforcement spiral.
Likewise,
Certain personal qualities also build on and reinforce each other in a downward spiral,
A negative reinforcement spiral.
So,
Using your learning from the previous exploration on apologising,
Simply note what,
In your experience of apologising,
May be helping you develop towards the top of the spiral,
Or what may be limiting you towards the bottom.
And finally,
Taking a moment to reconnect with your posture,
Rebalancing,
Relaxing and gently releasing any tension if necessary.
And becoming aware of the body breathing.
And taking a moment to recall your motivation for doing this exploration.
And now,
Bring to mind what you have experienced and learnt in this exploration.
Have you discovered anything about yourself?
Have you begun to cultivate any helpful qualities,
Or overcome or let go of any unhelpful qualities?
How might this process be beneficial and meaningful,
And contribute to the welfare and wellbeing of yourself and others,
Your family,
Friends and those close to you,
Those who inspire and nurture your positive development,
And all living beings and the environment they rely on?
And as this exploration ends,
Try to carry this with you wherever you go,
By recollecting it occasionally.
