Dealing With Deadlines Live Talk & Practice 10/14/2022

Let's start to speak a little bit more about dealing with deadlines.

So with deadlines,

I mean this in the broadest sense possible.

We all have to deal with deadlines.

It might be an actual deadline for your work,

Like next to being a meditation teacher I also work as an academic.

So I have a lot of deadlines.

Deadlines where I have to have courses ready for my students,

Deadlines for preparing papers for conferences or for journals or reports that I have to write for the board of my institution.

Whatever things are going on there,

I have a lot of deadlines to deal with.

But that's of course not the only deadline,

Whether you are an artist who has an assignment,

You work in a corporate job or in a public organisation,

Deadlines are things that we have to deal with.

But it can also be something that you have put on yourself,

Like by that time I want to have done,

Achieved,

Succeeded in this or this or that.

Our lives are filled with things that we call deadlines.

When you think of the word deadline,

Just hear the word deadline.

I really resent using that word.

Why?

Because it indicates that if you don't tick that box,

If you don't reach that line,

That point,

That achievement,

That moment where something has to be done,

Then you are dead.

Just let that sink in.

What is a deadline?

That is the moment when the world stops turning.

That's the moment where you are going to be assessed and punished if you're not there.

That is what the word deadline tells us.

And I so disagree with that.

Because besides that small group of folks that loves deadlines,

That loves to have that feeling of pressure,

Getting there,

Need that even to get there,

And that's really,

Believe me,

A small group of people that really enjoy that pressure.

Because there are folks like that.

And if you're someone like that,

Then you're probably functioning pretty good in this world.

But if you notice that you have to adapt,

That you have sometimes to pull everything out of yourself,

If you have to put things on the side,

Even if you don't want to,

If you are pushing through,

Sleeping less because you're trying to meet your deadline,

Whatever it is,

Then you're trying to live up to expectations of others or yourself,

And those very often go hand in hand,

Which are not so pleasant.

And then you really feel that if you don't meet that deadline,

If you don't meet that deadline,

You will be dead.

Not actual dead,

But failing,

Not succeeding,

Being bad,

Being not worthy,

Not being successful.

So I've been supervising many students at the university to write up their bachelor thesis.

This is a whole process where bachelor students,

For the very first time in their lives very often,

Have to do an independent research where they start with literature that I give them,

But then they have to find their own research question and they have to find literature,

They have to find out how to build up the hypothesis,

How to make a research design,

Then conduct the research and then report upon it.

There are deadlines there.

There are even a few deadlines that I didn't make up because they are centrally decided upon by my institute,

Because there are more groups like I'm teaching and we all have to meet the same deadline so that no one will have a benefit from a teacher who has a different degree.

What I always tell my students is this.

I'm not going to call it deadlines,

Because I realize that the word deadline does something to you.

It can stifle you,

It can limit you,

It can really give you the feeling that there is some hill to climb,

Some bar to get,

Some box to tick and that stands in the way of that independent process where creativity and flow and thinking process need to feel free,

Need to be free to really excel at things.

So that's why I have changed the name of deadlines into lifelines.

Life line.

And you know what is a lifeline,

Like when you're on a boat and you drop overboard,

You know you throw something at someone and it's a line,

You get it and someone can pull you back or you can hold on and pull yourself back to the boat.

That's the meaning of a lifeline.

And I'm calling it like that because I say well,

You have to see it like this in such a process.

When there is a lifeline,

There is a moment where you will give in your work or whatever achievement you are going for,

But let's call it work for now,

But just understand that it might be broader than just work,

It can also be something really personal.

This is a moment where you are going to give your work,

Assess your work or have your work assessed,

Which will give you information how to proceed from now on.

And I hear you saying,

Yeah but Femke,

A deadline is very often the last moment and then it's done,

That's the only moment in time where I will be assessed or I will be assessing myself and there is no leeway,

There is no life after that moment,

So it's not a lifeline.

So if you feel like that,

And I understand it because our world works like that for a bigger part,

Our bosses expect us to work like that,

If you are in academia like me,

Deadlines are like that,

But ask yourself for a moment,

Is that really true?

What would be the worst thing to happen if you don't meet a deadline at that point?

What would be the worst thing that can happen?

And when you think of that question,

You might ask yourself,

Am I right to think that that is the worst thing that might happen?

So in the case of students who have a thesis to write and then there is that one hard deadline after which they will be graded,

Yeah that's a pretty hard one.

And that's why I speak with them already way in time and saying well,

We're going to create lifelines.

Those are moments where we will assess your work.

These are moments where you can give me your work and I can take a look at it and assess it,

But you don't have to.

These are moments for you to feel out if you want to have that work being looked at,

Assessed.

So of course,

If you have a deadline tomorrow morning and you have now only a few hours and you didn't start in time and you have to crash all night to just get something out there,

Yeah then that deadline might feel like a deadline.

But even in that case,

It's not true.

Even in that case,

You always have the opportunity to see that moment as a moment where you turn in what you have and yeah,

You might be assessed.

But is it so bad if someone tells you that the work is not good enough?

Is it so bad if you assess it yourself,

That you realize that you didn't get where you wanted to be,

But that you got where you got?

Our world expects so much to be rational in our time,

Which means that we have to get to places with the optimal cost-benefit calculation based on the efforts that you make and this is the moment and then I give my thesis or then I give my work in and that is the moment where I have to excel.

But what is so wrong with failing sometimes?

And I'm really asking you that.

What is so wrong with failing sometimes?

And I'm not saying that because I want you to fail.

I'm not saying that because you could just start to slack and fail all the time.

That's not what I'm meaning.

What I mean is that when you start to allow yourself to the possibility that something might not turn out as good as you want it to be,

That something might be less or maybe even not so good or maybe not even good enough by the assessment of others,

That not so much is lost there.

It might feel like that if you use the perspective,

The glasses through which we in society look at how things have to be done.

But if you put on the glasses of self-gentleness,

Where you put yourself radically as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness,

Then something changes.

Because I also do know from my students that sometimes fail a thesis,

That they come back the next year with me or with other professors and that they find that they are so much better in what they're doing,

That they so much better understand the process,

That they can pick a topic that is way better for them,

Which is way more interesting to them and that they pull out something so much more than they could have done before.

And of course that's something that we always see in retrospect.

We never realise that when we're in the middle of that illusion of those demanding deadlines that we have to make.

And my own experience by calling it lifelines,

This is also what I do for my own deadlines in my work,

I also learned that these are not always so hard.

So when it comes to work,

When it comes to interactions with others,

There is always some room for an understanding that you cannot meet a deadline in the way that you were expected to do,

To do it,

That there is room for you to take some more time,

Or there is room for you to give what you have,

See it as a lifeline,

Get back feedback and then come back with the next run to take you to a further place.

Because sometimes in this process of meeting deadlines,

We also tend to think that we are alone in this,

While especially when you're working on something and you have that feeling that it has to be done by a certain time,

We very often lose that flow,

We lose that connection with ourselves to understand what we're doing,

Understand where we want to go,

To have that clarity to see how we want to do things,

How we can achieve things,

How we can get somewhere.

And when you lose that,

It becomes a struggle to meet those deadlines,

To meet those lifelines.

So everything I'm telling you here is trying to make you think a little bit about how you are dealing with a deadline.

So you could call it a lifeline and see it more as a moment in time where you or someone else is going to assess where you are at something and allowing yourself to be okay with that it might not be at the level or the position or the quantity that you want it to be,

To have it,

But there is a reason for that.

And that sometimes a reason is that when you come back to it at a later time,

It might be way better.

So another tip that I always give to my students who are working on their theses is that whenever you notice that you know you're working on whatever you're doing and you know there is that deadline and then you notice that it's a struggle,

You notice that you become fatigued,

You cannot think straight anymore or maybe your body just wants to rest or you're falling asleep or you're getting stressed or you notice that you're all the time looking at your phone and you're getting angry at yourself because you cannot concentrate anymore,

Then my advice is always stop.

Stop trying,

Stop pushing through.

You can push through for hours right now but you will not get where you are.

You might proceed but it's going to be way slower than when you now just stop and you're going to do something for you.

Tune in with yourself and feel what it is that you need right now.

Take a shower,

Take a nap,

Go to sleep,

Go sports,

Go meet your friends,

Go to the bar and have a drink,

Pick up one of the streaming services and start to binge watch something.

Whatever it is that you need right now to feel that you're doing something for you,

Something that feels like fun,

Something that feels good,

Something that feels like relaxation,

You will notice that when you return,

Getting back to your work on that deadline,

That there is room.

While taking your mind and head off what you had to do to give yourself some time to replenish in whatever way that feels good to you,

There unconsciously,

Not so consciously,

The process went on in your head,

Your head,

Your mind was processing what you were trying to do and you come back with more room to let it happen,

To get that flow back and actually make it happen.

But I know that's a really scary thing so I will tell you an example of what I went through.

When I was working on my dissertation,

My PhD dissertation,

At a certain moment I got in a real writer's block.

It was because I had some personal circumstances going on but more importantly on an academic level I realised that I had to create a narrative that I could reach different audiences who were not normally in communication with each other because my work was really interdisciplinary and I just couldn't find the right tone so that I could convince multiple audiences,

Very different audiences and it really,

Next to having some stuff going on about my own life,

I just got stuck.

I just got stuck.

So then I decided to just stop writing,

To stop thinking at all about my research,

To stop thinking about it.

It was really hard,

Really hard to do it and I also decided next to it not to explain myself because if you try to explain something like that,

Not many people will understand what you are doing.

So I just decided to stop working on that,

To just focus on the teaching that I was doing and then for the rest to allow myself room to do nothing.

And that was really scary.

It was in the winter,

I think I told it here before I have a wood burner and I would just sit in front of the wood burner,

I would put it on,

I would sit there,

I would watch the fire,

Meditate and just be there.

And a lot of thoughts were coming up,

You are crazy,

You don't have so much time anymore,

It has to be finished in time,

People are waiting,

Your supervisors are waiting for a new draft.

But I managed to calm myself and say well,

I am going to trust this process.

I am going to trust that the moment will come that I will know what to write.

Because if I am going to sit now and try,

I will frustrate myself.

I will try to write and it will not come.

It will be days of 8 hours in which I am going to struggle and feel so bad about myself that the next day I will repeat,

I am not going to do that.

I am going to allow myself to find rest,

I need this for multiple reasons.

And it was really scary sometimes but I managed to do that,

I even managed to start to relax into that,

To enjoy that time,

To start to trust that process within me.

Because I had this intuitive sense that,

Because I knew for myself that if I got in a flow it would be there and I could work really fast.

But I just had to find that flow again and I realised I couldn't get into that flow by willing myself into it,

By pushing myself into it.

So I just trusted that process.

And it wasn't easy but I succeeded in it.

And about 3 weeks,

3 weeks it took after that,

One day I suddenly felt,

I feel like writing.

And I took off my laptop and then I thought,

I am going to start to tell my story from scratch.

I know what I want to say but I am going to stop trying to please all the audiences,

I am just going to tell it like I want to tell it.

And I sat down and I started to write and 3 days later I had written 3 chapters,

The very first 3 chapters which are the theoretical part and really important for my argumentation.

And it really worked.

And then I think the rest of my dissertation went so easy because I had the beginning set up,

It came from that flow,

I found my own voice but I didn't find it by pushing through,

I didn't find it by thinking and having to find my own voice and pushing out all those voices of those audiences that I wanted to please.

No,

I found it by allowing myself to rest,

Allowing myself to not have to perform,

Although deadlines were there,

I allowed myself to let it start to exist.

Now,

For me that was a profound experience that till today I still rely on that.

So as you might know,

I have a full time job but at a university I am doing a lot of things for insight time,

I am teaching meditation,

Teaching self gentleness,

I am asked for talks here and there in the country and sometimes online.

I have so many plans,

Books to write,

Articles to write,

So many things.

And I was speaking with a wonderful young person who was trying to help students to be able to meditate in universities and he asked me how are you doing that,

So many different things.

And then I said,

And I was really proud that I realized that I was speaking the truth in that,

I said I am following my flow.

There are things that I have to do,

There are some deadlines due to my work,

Due to agreements that I have with insight timer for instance,

Agreements that I have with myself.

But I try to follow my flow,

So sometimes there is room for this and then I go for it and I let it come to fruition and then I notice ok now for now I can let it go and I focus on something else.

And of course it doesn't go for everything,

I mean it's an ideal situation and also I am not that free.

There are things that I sometimes have to do.

I am not,

You know,

I am telling you this from my own experience but I am not the master yet,

I am in the process of mastering it,

Acknowledging that I will never fully master it because it's life and things happen,

You know.

Please hear that nuance also.

But for most part of my life now I manage to allow that flow in,

To allow myself to let that flow come to me and then when it is there to surrender to it and that things come to fruition.

So there is for instance a course,

A 30 day course for insight timer that I agreed with insight timer already one half year ago that I would make for them.

It's about letting go of conditioned biases and I love this topic and you know if you've been here more often you know you can see how this belongs to self gentleness and gentleness to others in the world and it's a really important topic for me to make this course about but it's really slow in progress and that is because the topic is really important,

It's also really sensitive,

It takes a lot of nuance,

It takes a lot of discernment so I take it easy with that.

When the flow is there I create it knowing and trusting that when it will be done it will be beautiful,

It will be so worthwhile for everyone who takes it but I'm not going to rush through it because it will take something from its quality.

Hearing myself say this it also reminds me that I'm a previous perfectionist,

You might recognise that.

A previous perfectionist is someone who used to be a perfectionist,

Start to understand that with being perfectionist you can hurt yourself and sometimes others pretty strongly and it's better to become a previous perfectionist which means is that you still have the strive to be perfectionist,

Sometimes that's really helpful but when it's not helpful you recognise it and you are gentle to yourself so I'm a previous perfectionist.

And this sentence and I never made this up,

It's a beautiful sentence that I hear a lot from Americans,

It's in English,

Saying don't let good spoil being,

Don't let,

No sorry,

Don't let,

You see the fact that I'm having some troubles remembering it,

Don't let perfect stand in the way of good,

I always mix it up.

And why is that?

Because this is something that I have to remind myself of,

Don't let perfect stand in the way of good.

And it's true,

You very often put the bar so high for yourself,

Especially when you're a perfectionist but I think this goes for almost everyone,

That while that bar doesn't have to be so high for many,

Many people and that is also something that you have to learn by trying,

By seeing what you can do,

How to divide your attention,

How to divide your energy and all those things are really important.

So how can you deal with deadlines in a self-gentle way?

I think that many of the things that I told you are not weird to you,

Are pretty familiar,

You might have thought of those yourself,

Well done if you did.

So I'm just telling you these that you are reminded that we sometimes believe in an illusion that things have to be perfect,

That we have to meet all expectations but that sometimes expectations are too high,

Our own expectations,

The expectations of others and that with having at least a touch of self-gentleness means that you have to tune in with yourself and to really fill out these deadlines.

Can I meet these?

Can I meet these while still enjoying my life?

Can I meet this without depleting my body,

My mind,

My soul,

My relationships with my family,

With my friends,

With my loved ones?

Can I do the things that I want to do while meeting these deadlines?

And if the answer is no,

You have all the right to revisit those,

To see if you can change them,

If you can see if it's okay to alter the expectations,

Maybe even your own expectations because I know that we often think that expectations of others are really,

Really high but sometimes we've so internalised expectations of others that we project these on others while when we are open and transparent in our communication,

Well I know I said that is the moment that I would give you that and that and that but you know,

I notice that I'm not going to make it,

I'm only going to make it if I'm really going to squeeze myself out and I don't want to squeeze myself out,

I want to get there with a fresh mind,

With a relaxed body because I know my work will be so much better.

So I suggest a different moment or I suggest that I will give you only this and I will come later with the rest.

And when it's a deadline that you put on yourself because you want to achieve something in your life at a certain moment and always keep tuning in,

Is this realistic?

Is this something that I can impose on myself right now or can I change it?

So for this whole process,

There it is,

That self gentleness.

I'm a teacher of self gentleness.

Everything on Insight timer you find from me has at the core self gentleness,

Whether I teach you a meditation technique so you can tune into yourself and there are thousands of meditation techniques and they're all suitable for you to tune in if you find the one that fits you,

That you like,

That you enjoy,

So that's why I have so many different ones that you can pick and choose that one that's really good.

But I also have particular self gentleness practices.

I have also a lot of lives that I record and I put out there which at the core,

Whatever the topic is,

At the bottom line always stands you being gentle and kind to yourself.

So I'm going to give you the definition of self gentleness again.

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently receive your own gentleness.

And why?

Consistently,

So also when you fail,

Also when you do something wrong,

Even that you feel that you are right to beat yourself up because you didn't do something right,

Then still practice that self gentleness,

Practice that gentleness towards yourself.

Why?

Because it changes something.

You start to create more room for a different perspective in which you're not only kinder to you,

But you also start to be kinder to yourself.

When people are harsh for you and having expectations really high,

It very often has to do with the harshness they use for themselves.

So the more people become self gentle,

The more easy it will be to get along,

To get in our flows,

Whatever the work that you do.

I know I spoke a lot about writing and being academic,

But this really goes for any job,

Any deadline,

Any expectation that you have out there and that you want to meet.

It goes for everything.

So radically in this definition means that you also keep yourself,

That gentleness towards yourself vis-a-vis others that might be harsh to you,

Might expect you to go over your boundaries,

Might expect you to just give in to their expectations and deplete yourself.

In those instances,

It is always okay to listen to yourself,

To honour what you find within and to be kind to yourself.

So I see that a lot of people have written things.

I'm going to see if there's some questions that I can answer now and then I will guide you in a few practices that will help you to relax your body,

Your mind,

To tune in and to find that flow within.

Because the truth is meditation or mindfulness offers so many different practices that you can use to let go of all the worries,

All the expectations,

Everything that's going on and to really land with yourself and to connect with whatever's going on.

I just read today on LinkedIn that one of our members of parliament in the Dutch parliament got in a burnout and decided to resign,

To give a receipt to someone else from the party because being in a burnout,

This member of parliament realised that it was too tough to go back.

I applaud those kinds of decisions when you are in an environment where you are burned out and you feel that wanting to go back makes you panicking,

Makes you anxious.

It's good to take care of yourself first and to feel out what you need and to listen to those needs.

And that's a scary thing to do.

It's a difficult thing to do.

And sometimes also,

You know,

If you're in a country where social security is hard,

You cannot always allow yourself those things.

So yeah,

Then you will have to find different ways,

Different means.

But there are openings,

There are solutions,

But for that you first have to get back to yourself and really acknowledge what is important for you right now.

Alright,

I'm going to take a look at those questions if there are,

There are a lot of things written here.

Let me see.

.

.

So,

Yeah,

Here's a good one.

I usually like deadlines as it helps me plan and organise what to do when.

But if it's not possible,

Then I'm not doing it.

I've rearranged my personal deadlines as I was going to write a book by Christmas and I haven't written it.

So I really love this comment.

Why?

Because deadlines are working here.

Deadlines are a focal point,

Knowing this is the moment where I want to do something.

And so I'm going to plan all steps to get there,

But at the same time acknowledging that if you don't get there,

There's room to change.

There's room to allow yourself to take it in a different way.

So in that sense,

Deadlines or lifelines,

Let's call them lifelines,

Are no bad things.

That's actually why I call it lifelines.

If you see it not as a moment to die,

But as a moment to live forward to,

Then you can make it useful for yourself.

You need to plan,

To structure.

I mean,

I'm speaking to you with my way of working,

Which is really finding a flow,

But that works for me.

You might be someone who really loves structure,

Who really loves that idea of a deadline.

I know when I tell my students at the university that I want to call it lifelines,

There's always one or two who says,

No,

No,

No,

I will call it a deadline.

It helps me.

By all means,

That's really,

Really great.

But that's what I mean.

Let it work for you.

Use those moments for you and get to know yourself,

To understand how to deal with it,

How to get where you want to be,

Allowing yourself to fail,

Allowing yourself to change things,

Allowing yourself to do it in your way.

So my story about the flow doesn't have to work for you.

It's just my story.

What I want to convey is see lifelines for what they are,

Focal points to be used for you in a way that suits you,

That you like.

And for understanding what it is,

You need to tune in,

You need to become silent and relaxed,

To really feel what is going on and how you want to work with these things.

So here Angela shares,

In elementary school I had a teacher tell us to study the week before an exam,

Stop the night before and go out and do something else the night before.

That's a beautiful advice.

If that works for you.

So the good thing in that advice is,

Yes,

Be prepared,

Know that it's there but also take the time to have that fun,

To have that moment to be open and trust that it is there.

If you did the work,

It is there.

Yeah,

I really love that advice.

And here Mel says that you were given a deadline at your new job and that you said no because you can only do half by that day.

And in the past you thought it would have scared you to say it.

I really love it that you did that Mel.

So Mel is someone who has been with me in the lives,

In my workshops,

Self gentleness workshops already for quite some time.

And she is really getting it,

That self gentleness and this is such a beautiful thing,

You know,

Because you can say no.

You can come with a counter offer of what you can do.

And the beauty of it is also if you don't bring it as something that you need to explain or that you apologise for,

But if you tune in and feel this is what I can do,

That you can bring it with so much more certainty and self dependence that the other party cannot differently than accept that.

Because you,

Your voice,

Your understanding of what it is that you need is so much stronger.

So that's really great.

So Peter says it's stellar advice,

Especially for my daughter doing her dissertation between procrastination,

Avoidance and perfectionism.

Yeah,

You're most welcome.

Yes,

Those things are hard.

Procrastination is very often seen as something bad.

And it can be if you don't use that procrastination to tune in,

To feel what it is that is going on.

But if you feel that you're just tired and you need rest or you feel that you know it's on the tip of your tongue but you cannot get there.

So it means you have to divert your mind to think of other things.

Then procrastination is a message from your being that you're not ready to be there right now.

So by tuning in you can find out what it exactly is.

And I know because a lot of people then don't do that and they keep procrastinating,

Being angry about themselves because they're procrastinating.

And then it seems like a perpetual thing.

But that is very often because you start to blame yourself.

But if you are acceptance of yourself,

Well,

I'm procrastinating.

Apparently I need to pause.

So what do I need to do?

I need to sleep.

Do I need to shower?

Do I need to go on vacation?

Do I need to do something else?

Do I just need to do nothing and stare at my wood burner?

You know,

Then you can make it work for you.

So,

And it's not easy,

Especially when it's about dissertations or deadlines from bosses.

It's sometimes really really hard to find that space.

But if you start doing this,

You know,

Start with the easy ones.

And then you'll start to see how much benefit it will give you.

And also that when you come back,

That you will work way way quicker than when you would have pushed through.

Because yeah,

With pushing through we can do a lot.

But you can do way more when we are getting into that focused flow that feels so good that you know what you're doing,

That there is clarity,

That there is fun,

That there is enthusiasm.

And then you're getting somewhere so much more faster.

And you will not even notice the time flying by.

So Victoria says being a perfectionist myself,

Settling the bar very high doesn't mean to me that I don't have fun while working on it and meeting my deadlines.

Having passion in all the things that I am doing whilst having fun and doing it as perfect as I can,

Doing my best in the process.

And if it doesn't work like this every time,

Then I am learning to be self gentle and kind with myself,

Learning for my past mistakes or work that didn't meet my own expectations so that I can understand myself much better.

That's beautiful.

That's exactly what I'm speaking about.

Yeah,

You use those deadlines,

Lifelines as a focus to get where you want to be but you keep in touch with yourself,

Feeling what you need,

What you don't need and allowing yourself also that failure.

That's exactly what I was speaking about.

That's really,

Really beautiful.

Thank you for sharing that.

So Tim says I listened to your leadership workshop and very much liked it.

Very well done.

Will donated.

Well,

Thank you so much,

Tim.

Thank you also for listening to that leadership workshop.

Tim means my becoming an authentic leader.

That's one of my courses here on Inside Timer that you can find under the tab of courses.

Happy to hear that.

Yeah,

I think that's a core,

That's a course that connects also with what I'm saying here.

Becoming a leader not according to the idea or expectations of what a leader is,

But really going within and finding out what kind of leader do I want to be?

What are my values and how do I want to translate these in the way I interact with others?

Because leadership,

Being a leader just means interacting with others.

Whether you are CEO of,

You know,

Thousands of people or you are the leader of a family,

You know,

Like that's an opposite but it's all about interacting with others and how you want to shape it and that course is exactly about that.

If you are this perfectionist or previous perfectionist or you're dealing with deadlines,

You might also want to check out my course here on Inside Timer which is called Peak Your Performance with Less Stress and More Ease.

It's a course which is about how you can continue to perform at the level that you want to perform but without depleting yourself.

It's filled with practices that will help you to relax,

To let go sometimes,

To tune in and to feel what it is that you need but also how to find that flow and how to inspire yourself.

So those are really great courses that actually fit pretty good with this topic today.

So thank you for reminding me to tell that Tim.

So the courses you might know if you're an Inside Timer is totally free,

All the lives,

All the guided meditations,

150,

000 of 15,

000 meditation teachers worldwide.

It's so beautiful,

All for free thanks to Inside Timer.

But if you take a premium and subscription,

You'll pay around $60 for a year and then you will have also access to more than 1000 courses of many of these meditation teachers including mine.

And with getting a subscription then you support Inside Timer,

You support the teachers here because those are mostly the means to which teachers can be paid for the work that we do here.

So if you love Inside Timer and if you have the means to pay for it then take a subscription,

Support us and start listening to all those great courses including mine.

Alright,

Let's see.

Denzel says,

Never strain yourselves out loves because it's never a good thing to come across.

That's wisdom I cannot compete with.

Thank you for sharing that Denzel.

Rose says,

When I find myself procrastinating it always points out that I have to change something or even not to do something at all.

Still finding my balance there but it's much better than just being in survival mode.

Yeah,

I like that.

I like that that is exactly what I was speaking about just before,

That tuning in that when you notice that you procrastinate rather than saying,

Oh I'm procrastinating,

Oh I'm so lazy,

I cannot do a simple thing that I have to do,

That you ask yourself,

So why am I procrastinating?

I'm not lazy,

I know that for myself,

I can call myself lazy but it's not.

No one is ever lazy,

Really,

No one is ever lazy.

You can say,

Oh I'm going to take a lazy time.

That way you can use the word lazy.

It's fine.

But never,

Never tell yourself that you're lazy with an angry voice even if it's only in your own head because you're not.

It means something else is going on and you need to examine that and you need to honour whatever is going on within you.

I know it sounds radical,

Right?

It sounds plausible,

But radical,

It sounds plausible because you feel I'm right but it sounds radical when you think of your actual life.

Hey,

But I cannot do that,

It doesn't fit.

I understand,

It doesn't always fit but it starts with tuning in with yourself so you become aware of what is there and then if it doesn't fit right now,

Then you can honour it at a later moment.

So if you have a deadline tomorrow morning and you just have a few hours now and still a lot of work to do,

I can understand that it's really scary now to not do it or to tell tomorrow the person that is waiting for it that you didn't make it.

And if you feel and everything that that is not your rogue right now,

Then don't do it.

Then push yourself there but acknowledge that something is off and that after meeting this deadline you will revisit yourself and feel what you need.

Mary says I love your words about procrastinating.

I get so down on myself,

I compare myself to others who are super energetic.

Yeah.

Comparison is never the right thing to do because you never know what's going on in the lives of others.

You don't know how well they're taking care of themselves so that they are in that flow or maybe they have different energy levels,

Maybe they have different things going on,

Maybe they don't have those caring tasks that you might have.

You don't know.

Sometimes you might be in that flow and someone is seeing you and thinking oh I wish I was like Mary.

But you know,

We're all individuals doing it in our own ways.

Never compare with those others,

Especially not if it makes you feel bad.

Tim says I'm curious to know your background and how you put together mindfulness and leadership.

Just in a nutshell Tim,

Because then I will still do a practice with us.

So after a career as a professional actor I decided to study again.

I became a political psychologist,

Did a PhD working as a professor at the university where I teach and study leadership,

Belief systems,

International relations,

But also the impact of meditation on political behaviour.

And in 2018 I followed the train to become a meditation teacher because I was a meditator by myself and I really wanted to teach this to people.

And over the years these things start to blend into one mix where I combine my knowledge and expertise as a professor in political psychology,

Leadership,

With my understanding of meditation and especially meditation as a tool,

An instrument to help people to be kinder to themselves,

To take care of themselves and through taking care of themselves also of the world.

Because it's that social aspect that is still really important for me.

But I firmly believe,

No I firmly know that people who learn to give themselves some slack,

To be compassionate,

Forgiving,

Gentle,

Loving of themselves will become this also towards others.

And because of that interactions change.

It doesn't mean that everyone needs to meditate,

It doesn't mean that everyone has to be self-gentle.

I mean it would be lovely but I'm realistic that is something that I will not live to see.

But the more people start practicing that the more it will be there,

The more it will spread.

So in a nutshell.

Alright,

Almost one hour I was speaking a long time but I think it was a really important part so we will just keep the practice briefly today.

What I'm going to do is a practice with you where we're going to relax our body and our mind and then we're tuning in.

Because I think that is a really important practice to learn,

To understand what's going on within you.

Because when there is such a deadline,

Or lifeline I hope you call it by now,

You need to know how to tune in.

So what I'm going to guide you now,

It will be also on Insight Timer published later,

But you will find also really short practices of self-gentleness in my tracks of guided meditations.

There is self-gentleness in evening practice,

There are morning practices which are also short,

Which are also part of the self-gentleness project and there is also one called self-gentleness tuning in.

So it's really important if you resonate with this principle of tuning in,

Finding out what is within,

Starting to listen to it first and then later on honouring it,

Then you start to shift something.

Alright,

Let's meditate.

So,

Most important is,

Let me first take another zip,

That you're going to sit or lie down comfortable.

Just make it easy for yourself.

You don't have to sit up with a straight back,

Holding yourself up,

Unless you like it,

Then you do so.

But you can just lean against the back of your chair.

Try to sit up straight,

Because that's helping you not to fall asleep quickly.

But you can lean against something,

You don't have to work hard.

And if it's hard for you to fold your legs,

You don't have to,

Just put your feet on the ground.

And while your feet are on the ground,

Just spend a moment,

Bringing all your attention to the feet on the ground,

Feeling all those different touch points at the bottom of your soles,

Or the side of your soles if you're sitting cross-legged,

And you're touching the ground.

Now close your eyes,

It's easier than to feel what's going on with your feet,

Connecting with the ground.

And while you're doing this,

Try to sit still,

As still as possible.

But if you need to shift,

Then it's okay,

And if you have an itch somewhere,

Then just scratch.

But besides that,

Try to sit still and calm.

And have all your attention on your feet.

And it might be good to realise for a moment that your feet are connected to the earth,

To this beautiful planet earth,

That is supporting you,

Carrying you,

With an enormous speed,

Carrying you through the universe,

Spinning in perfect orbit around the sun.

And you feel this connection with your feet.

It gives a sense of support,

Trust,

The earth will never let you drop,

It will carry you,

It will support you,

It is there for you.

Feel your feet on the ground and know that earth is supporting you.

Now bring your attention to your buttocks,

The way you're sitting,

Your thighs,

The seat of the chair.

A lot of touch points here also,

Resting,

Relaxed.

Notice how your back,

Your spine is leaning against the back of your chair,

Or the back of the sofa,

The wall.

A sense of support is important to notice.

You're always carried,

Whatever worries are going on in your head about things that have to be done,

Just realising that you are here,

Supported.

There is some sense of power in that.

By simply bringing your attention to your feet,

To your buttocks,

To your spine,

Feeling the connection with how you're sitting,

How it feels like support.

Now see if you can feel the air on your skin,

Like on your face,

Your cheeks.

Maybe you feel it on your shoulders or your hands.

A really gentle slight touch of air around you,

Touching your skin.

Now when you bring your attention to your nostrils,

You might notice the air flowing in,

And a little bit later it's flowing out,

Slightly warmer than how it came in.

Just see if you can keep your attention on your nostrils for a bit,

Where you observe the air flowing in and out.

And you don't have to change your breath,

Let it be natural,

Let it be normal.

Flowing in,

And flowing out.

In,

And out.

And if your breath is short,

Let it be short,

That's ok,

Don't change it.

If it is long,

Let it be long,

You don't have to change anything.

Just let it come natural,

Flowing in through your nostrils,

And flowing out through your nostrils.

All your attention to your breath,

Flowing in,

And out.

And if you notice that your mind is wandering onto your nostrils,

Your thoughts are sensations,

Memories,

Emotions,

It's ok,

Your mind is made to think it's just doing its job,

It's ok.

The moment you notice it,

You gently bring your attention back to your nostrils,

To the air flowing in,

And the air flowing out.

All your attention to your breath.

And if you notice that your mind is returning to the thoughts out there,

That's ok,

Your mind is just used to doing that,

Used to work hard for you.

But isn't it lovely that you can just ask it to return to this really peaceful motion of breath,

Flowing into your nostrils,

And out through your nostrils.

All your attention to your breath.

And if you notice that your mind is wandering onto your nostrils,

Your thoughts are sensations,

Emotions,

Emotions,

Emotions.

All right,

Now you can let go of your attention of your breath,

Keep your eyes still closed.

And just enjoy this relative silence,

Relative to how you started.

It's more peaceful now,

Calmer.

There might still be some thoughts hanging around,

But that's ok.

You don't have to engage with all those thoughts.

But if you notice that those thoughts take over,

Then just bring your attention back to your nostrils,

And stick with that breath for some time.

All right,

Now I would like you to bring your attention for a moment to your heart,

Your heart space in the middle of your chest.

It can help you to put your hands there if you like,

But you don't have to.

And if you find it hard to actually see your heart there,

Bring your attention to that place,

Then imagine that a light shines in your chest.

And that can be as small as a candle,

And as big as a spotlight.

And everything in between,

Just what you prefer.

You can even give it the color of your liking.

Just let your attention hover on that light there.

Can you feel that you create a focus?

That there is a clear connection now that could be established because you find some peacefulness,

Some silence within,

Some relaxation in your body.

Now while you have this focus on that light in your chest,

On your heart,

I would like you to ask yourself,

What is it that I would like to do right now?

And let the answer come in whatever way it comes.

Maybe you hear a sentence,

Maybe you see a picture,

Maybe you have a memory,

Maybe you smell something,

Maybe you hear a song,

Maybe you see a symbol and you don't have any clue what it means,

But it doesn't matter.

Don't overthink it.

Just be open to the very first thing that pops up in your awareness,

Whether it's an image or a sensation or a knowing.

Just be open.

What is it that I need to do,

That I need right now?

And don't overthink it.

Whatever it is,

This is it.

This is it.

Now,

If you don't really understand what this means,

Maybe you see a bird flying and you don't have any idea what that means,

Then trust that it will come.

Trust that later today or later this week,

Here we will be walking outside and you will see suddenly that bird and it will be sitting on something that will let you know what it is that you want.

Be open for the answer to appear to you later on.

But maybe you have a really clear message what it is that you need.

Maybe you just feel now,

I need a good cup of coffee,

I need to sleep,

I need to speak with my loved one,

I need to send a letter to my boss and tell them how I feel about this deadline.

Whatever it is that comes up,

Just acknowledge it.

Acknowledge that this is something that is important to you.

It is not something that is expected from you by others,

It's not something that you must do.

No,

This is something that you feel that belongs to you.

This is something that you want to do right now.

So I invite you that after this meditation,

That this is exactly what you are going to do.

And I hear you,

If you have different obligations or plans or you don't feel the room to do it right now,

Then that's ok.

In that case,

Promise yourself that you will come back to this later today,

Later this weekend,

Later this week.

Just tell yourself that this is important to me,

I will acknowledge this and I will gratify myself by spending some time to allow myself with this later on.

But if you have the room,

If you have the time,

Then allow yourself to move forwards and do exactly what you felt now that is good for you to do.

By honouring yourself every day for a few minutes,

By tuning in to listen what is going on there,

What the needs are of your heart,

Of your body,

Of your mind,

Of your soul.

You start to acknowledge that you can be gentle for yourself,

You can feel what is going on and you can feel when you need to slow down and you can feel when you can speed up.

You can feel when inspiration is flowing is there to follow up and to just move with it longer hours than you would have dreamed before but the flow is just pulling you through.

But also the other way around,

When you feel you need to rest,

When you feel you need to binge watch,

You feel you need to sleep,

You feel you need to have fun with your friends,

That's also important.

So let's set the intention together that from today on you will carve out a few minutes every day to just tune in,

Just to feel what is going on there,

To honour that,

To acknowledge that and maybe start living that.

So let's say it together,

From today on I will tune in every day for a few minutes and I will acknowledge what I find there and I will honour those needs right then and otherwise later on.

Alright so you can relax your attention,

Keep your eyes still closed,

Just feel like you are getting back to your body,

Wiggle your fingers and toes,

Stretch your spine and then in your own time you can start to slowly open your eyes,

But take your time,

Take it easy,

Make it comfortable,

Make it easy.

.