Day 6 ~ Journey Out Of Depression

Hi everyone,

My name is Colleen and I'm the voice of Gabriel Free.

The following is an audio journal of my journey to move out of depression and back to feeling good.

I've worked for quite a few years on self-healing and most of it I've done through journaling.

This is the first time I've used an audio journal but I'm really hoping that if I put it out there I know that through the years I've figured out certain things that I need to do to start to pull myself out of depression and I thought maybe I'd share it and maybe it might help someone or encourage someone else to share their journey because we all know that with depression it's not talked about half as much as it should be.

So that's it,

Hope you enjoy it and I'd love your feedback.

Thanks so much.

Okay it's day six of this turnaround,

Standing up,

Moving out of depression journey.

Okay so I just finished my walk.

It was particularly nice today because the Sun was out so I did my 20 minutes and of course there's nothing like being out in nature.

Anyway for me it's inspiring,

Always brings some perspective and healing for me.

Okay so where am I going now today?

I did my walk I'm working,

I'm gonna be doing my journaling here in a minute but I thought I'd do this audio and I'm gonna share kind of something that's been kind of moving through me since yesterday,

An awareness.

Okay so yesterday I had huge doubt,

Doubt coming in.

Okay and that doubt was not about what this journey is for about me and and my three magical things because like I have done this before okay and I know that it works but I feel like I'm just digging down in some deeper layers and what I started doubting because this is something that I want to share and you know when you share a personal journey you know it kind of makes you a little bit vulnerable and what kind of sunk in yesterday for me or was sinking in that I observed and and kind of became aware of was that you know I was kind of like saying things to myself like oh my god no one's gonna want to hear this it's kind of useless like whatever just you know all of these kind of things which of course you know my solar plexus like kind of like ringing that bell of self-worth and and purpose and all of those things for myself so I did struggle a little bit with it I I'm not gonna say I'm totally over it but I'm working my way through it because what I found was that I was extra sensitive because of it there was things you know that even my family members were saying or whatever that I was feeling hurt I was feeling hurt and I was like okay why am I so extra sensitive about this but obviously I I feel like these things are attached and I was I'm kind of working through this energy in my body and trying to kick it out and you know I'm going down the layers right so so my my self-esteem right now is kind of you know down a little bit and I'm doubting myself and all of that stuff but as I did my walk this morning you know I'm looking at this because you know I've done a lot of self-healing and self-reflection and for as much as you know I feel like I'm God these things are coming up clearer clear as day right now but my main role for this is once again just like on day one how I was sitting in that puddle I feel like things like this bring me to sitting in a puddle like where everything that I've done everything all my intentions all you know using my intuition to follow this path and all of that stuff is I'm kind of like almost ready to throw it out the window but you know think further call think further than this why is this coming up for you why are you doubting this all of a sudden whenever you know it happens so naturally and you felt so strongly and purposeful about it and I think that I'm gonna go back to the vulnerable thing because you know yes when you put yourself out there you become vulnerable people can pick on you for all kinds of reasons and and you know judge you for stuff and and whatever you know ultimately my whole reason for doing this intuitively I was like I need to share this I need to share what my journey is and I'm hoping that you know other people out there that are having journeys like this will be open to share too or maybe it can inspire someone to share for as much as it is hard to do because you are putting yourself out there but you know the other thing that I've learned with energy and that is that you know what people put out there like someone throwing judgment out there and I don't want to judge anyone I just I I want to understand I know for myself that whenever we're you know not too sure of ourselves we tend to throw judgment up just like I'm throwing judgment at myself right now anyway I'm gonna I'm gonna keep working with this because I need to say some different things to myself I recognize that I was saying you know oh god this isn't gonna work who wants to hear this all that stuff okay I need to change what I'm saying to myself okay I need to say nope you're following this intuitively you were led here it's felt purposeful for five days now and you still see the purpose in it because I do still see the purpose in it so we're just gonna go we're gonna turn off that fear of judgment light that little ding ding over there yeah no see you later gone not listening to it anymore here comes some more boundaries but you know the thing is is that you can see how whenever you allow these things in they can just basically drown all your plans and your self-esteem and everything and then you're like what you know it stops you in your tracks if you allow it to I'm not gonna allow that to happen I'm hoping that in the long run you know this could help someone else to find their own path we all have to do it for ourself it's not it's not something I can do for anybody else but I can share my experience and hope that maybe it inspires someone to move on their path possibly it is what it is I have no it is I have no expectations from it ultimately when it comes down to it I just think it feels like part of what I need to do and so I'm gonna do it you know the other thing that okay let's move off that vulnerability that I've kind of run into that I'm working through I have to think further and and I will get there I have no doubt about it actually because I've just built up that boundary now the other thing that I want to look at today day six of walking and journaling and meditating and all the few little things that I've added in there very naturally without a thought like my water and my tea and I have to mention today that the past couple days after my walk I've been taking a few minutes just to stretch not like a big full routine of stretching that is gonna make me go oh my god I don't want to do this today no a few stretches and I'm recognizing in that moment that it feels so good it's like massaging my body after that after that walk so all good other things that I notice in my body I noticed that I'm not so bloated you know my eating right now is not still I haven't even you know started to kind of work on that yet I mean I'm always trying a little bit to avoid but I'm not making it my focus right now but my eating has changed and you know it's funny that you know since day one when I knew I was in a kind of funk with this perception and all of the emotions tied up with it and the habits and the numbing and how I'm spending my time how I'm spending my time whether I was like you know watching videos or you know on my phone or whatever first of all I'm filling those spaces with some really purposeful things that are affecting me in a great way and it's freeing up space in my mind because I put up these boundaries for other natural things to just kind of fall into place you know it's like it's like when do you have a whole room and yet full of stuff and you got to kind of walk around it you have to create your own path where this one the room is empty you could dance in there if you want okay yeah that's an analogy leave it at that anyway so looking more at the benefits I see how it's benefiting me in my body I feel better I see how it's benefiting me in my mind because I'm seeing things clearer and I'm building up boundaries and you know kind of giving myself some positive affirmations and taking away those those negative thoughts and in my spirit I've definitely seen in my in my meditations and in my purpose and what I feel purposely that I should be doing and trying to think if there's something else you know that I can add on to this mostly today it's about building some more boundaries to hold my own I am thinking about adding in you know my schoolwork here before the week's done on this journey and I think that I'm gonna add it in you know really carefully because I have to remember that it was the sabotaging thoughts being in there six days ago that were you know taking away my focus to it so I need to find the refocus on that and you know kind of the whole reason that I'm doing it and I love it so I'm still working on that I think as we go along here so but anyway otherwise everything else falling into place cutting away this doubt right now I actually have a Reiki session tomorrow so that's gonna contribute I've still been doing my myself Reiki which you know you don't have whoever you are and whoever you whoever's listening you know we all have our own things that we're gonna go to that are self-care okay so I don't want you to think that the Reiki is like yo you gotta run no you do what you do you know it might be going to sit on your backyard swing for it might be going for you know a trail walk or a ride in the country or whatever it is whatever brings you peace and that's in your body and your mind and your spirit that's what you're choosing and the things that bring you joy you know and so I want to leave you with that if that's one more thing that I can add to this is that you know for as much as I'm giving my I'm sharing my experience we all have our individual experiences and we have our own individual things that make us happy and bring us joy and give us peace so you know basically you can take this experience but plug in your own things anyway I'm gonna leave it at that today I've talked this is probably the longest I've talked but anyway this is day six in the books well I got a meditation and my journal left to do today but it's almost there and I'll be back again tomorrow have a good one