How To Be More Mindful In Real Life Situations

My name is Jeff Bell Devaney and today I'm going to be talking about ways that we can bring our mindfulness meditation practice into real life.

I'm also going to be referencing some of the basic techniques that can help us build our fluency with mindfulness in both our personal practice and in real world situations.

I'd like to start by reviewing some basic principles related to the practice of mindfulness meditation.

And just to clarify,

While there are many different forms of mindfulness meditation,

Such as the body scan and mindful walking,

The one that I'm going to be referencing today is the focusing on the breath meditation,

Which is the first one that many of us learned when we were first practicing meditating.

And even if we've only just recently started meditating,

We've likely seen just how active the mind is and also how our inner world is full of an endless array of thoughts,

Sensations,

And emotions,

Many of which can be extremely difficult to sit mindfully with.

But regardless of what arises for us in any moment,

When we're meditating,

We just want to do our best to objectively observe whatever we're experiencing and continuously bring our awareness back to the breath.

If we become distracted by our awareness going to a sound across the room,

For example,

Or if we're tempted to become drawn into pleasant thoughts or perhaps experience really fearful ones that make us want to jump out of the moment,

We just have to remember to do our best to stay present.

We have to remember to breathe and soften and bring our awareness back to our breath and ground ourselves there.

You see,

When we're meditating,

It's really important to have an anchor and observing the breath at our nose or at our stomach can provide that anchor for us.

As we're building our practice,

Those anchors are really,

Really important because they help us train the mind to go where we want it to and to ultimately allow us to strengthen the power of our awareness.

You see,

Our awareness is like a muscle.

If we don't exercise it,

It tends to be soft and somewhat out of our control.

It constantly goes all over the place and gets distracted super,

Super easily.

But if we train it just like we can with our body,

We can start to get it in shape.

In a very real sense,

We can train the mind.

We can use the practice of mindfulness to build the power of our awareness.

By doing that,

Our mind starts becoming a tool for us and we become much less likely to be controlled or buffeted around by our thoughts and emotions.

Instead of being at their mercy,

We can begin mindfully observing them and learning from them.

Even five minutes a day of a mindfulness meditation practice is really,

Really profound.

Five minutes a day of being present with ourselves,

Of choosing to set aside time out of our super busy lives to just practice the art of observing and accepting whatever it is that we're experiencing in any moment can be extremely beneficial,

Even if it's only for five minutes a day.

But just like the body,

If we go to the gym for five minutes a day,

We'll get just a little bit of benefit.

But if we go to the gym for 15 minutes a day or an hour and 15 minutes a day,

We're going to see a lot more benefit.

And committing to exercising our body is in many ways similar to this practice of mindfulness meditation.

You see,

It's not easy to go and work out on a regular basis to exert ourselves in that way.

But many of us are aware of what the payoff for physical exercise is and we're willing to put in the effort to do that.

And mindfulness is becoming more popular too.

And many people are becoming aware of all the benefits of meditation.

And mindfulness meditation is not dissimilar to the practice of physical exercise in the sense that it's like mental exercise.

And what we have to remember is that just like going to the gym,

We have to be relatively diligent in terms of committing ourselves to a mindfulness practice if we want to truly experience the benefit of it.

But again,

It only takes really a little bit of time each day to begin experiencing all of the benefits of mindfulness.

And I'd argue that if I went to the gym for only five minutes a day,

I wouldn't really see much benefit.

But if I spent five minutes a day being mindful in a dedicated practice,

I'd definitely start seeing gains from that.

Much more apparent gains than from just five minutes of physical exercise.

Five minutes of training our mind,

Especially if it's something that's new to us,

Can be very profound.

It can be really empowering and strengthening.

So just as we strengthen and exercise our bodies,

We can also strengthen and exercise the power of our awareness.

And even if we've only been practicing mindfulness for five minutes a day,

We can start bringing that practice into our daily lives.

We don't need to be mindful only when we're engaging in our private meditation practice.

We can begin to bring mindfulness into all areas of our lives.

But before we begin talking about how to do that,

I want to stress that it's really important to have that individual practice at home.

It's really important to have that knowledge and experience because,

As I mentioned,

In many ways,

Just like when we go to the gym or do other activities to strengthen our bodies,

So too do we need to have that personal meditation practice in order to strengthen the power of our awareness.

And once we've done that,

Once we've been practicing for a while and are familiar with the basic principles of mindfulness,

Then we can start bringing our practice into real life and we can start taking it with us wherever we go.

And then we're really going to start seeing how mindfulness can bring benefits to all areas of our lives.

And we're truly going to become mindful people because our individual practice and the life that we live will become one,

In the sense that every moment will become a moment in which we can practice becoming more mindful.

And in order to become more mindful in our daily lives,

We simply need to use those same tools that we've learned in our individual meditation practice.

No matter the situation,

Just as we did when we were meditating by ourselves,

When we're in real life and we're experiencing challenging situations or difficult thoughts and emotions,

We simply have to remember to do our best to bring our awareness back to the present moment and anchor it within ourselves at the breath.

The specific techniques that we use in our personal meditation practice can be directly applied to any real-life situations that we encounter.

In many ways,

It's the exact same process.

The only difference is that when we're in real life,

There's a lot going on around us and we're in motion.

We're not just in a quiet room with our eyes closed like we are when we're meditating at home.

There's way more external stimulation around us.

And because of this,

It can be a lot more challenging to be present.

You see,

When we're practicing meditation at home,

Our one job is to sit with whatever we're experiencing and to bring our awareness back to our breath whenever it drifts away.

But in real life,

There are a lot more distractions.

Our job is exactly the same,

But there's just so much more going on to be present with.

But the more experience that we have in our personal meditation practice,

And the more that we can understand and become familiar with how to be mindful in that environment,

We're going to be able to bring those same techniques into real life,

No matter what we're experiencing.

And then our entire lives will become an opportunity to practice becoming more mindful.

And we'll grow in our ability to do so much more quickly than if we just limited it to when we were practicing alone.

So when we're bringing mindfulness into real life,

We have to remind ourselves that it's in many ways the exact same process that we use in our private meditation practice.

The only difference is that we're not in a still and focused and secluded environment.

In real life,

There are many more distractions for the mind.

But at its essence,

In the specific ways that we negotiate the interplay between our thoughts and emotions and our environment,

And the ways that we work with the craving and the aversion that we experience in reaction to them,

They're exactly the same in real life as they are in our meditation practice.

The way that we bring a sense of mindfulness to both real and imaginary situations is very much the same.

For example,

The cupcake that pops into my mind when I'm meditating can literally be a real cupcake when I'm trying to be mindful in real life.

And just as I would when I'm sitting meditating,

And an image of a cupcake pops into my mind,

And I think,

Oh my god,

A cupcake.

Jeez,

I'm so hungry.

Man,

I'd love to have one.

And then when I recognize that I'm getting drawn away by all of that imaginary yumminess,

Rather than hanging out there in cupcakeville,

I mindfully and gently bring my awareness back into the present moment by grounding myself at the breath,

And I just soften and continue to stay present to whatever might arise next within my field of awareness.

And so when we're in real life,

And we're in a bakery,

And we see a cupcake,

And we become flooded with real senses,

When we literally can see and smell it and can practically taste it,

We can still be just as mindful.

We can still observe the mind and the craving in a mindful way,

Just as we did when we were meditating at home.

It just takes a little more practice to be able to do it effectively when there's actually a real cupcake in front of us,

Rather than just an imaginary one.

In some ways,

It's like practicing martial arts and competing in martial arts.

When you're practicing,

It's a controlled environment.

When you're competing,

It's much more fluid and real.

And this is just like our meditation practice.

When we're practicing being mindful in our individual practice,

It helps us,

In a very controlled environment,

To grow in discipline.

It helps us to strengthen the power of our awareness and become more familiar with how the mind operates and how it can so easily lead us astray.

But unlike when we're meditating,

And our only job is to stay focused and observe the mind,

And to bring our awareness back when it gets led away,

In real life,

Especially somewhere like a bakery,

It's going to be even more challenging to do that.

Because maybe when we're in that bakery,

We've had a long day,

Or we're stressed,

Maybe we're hungry,

And all of a sudden,

Rather than just in our mind,

Right there,

Only two feet in front of us,

Is the most amazing Boston cream pie donut we've ever seen.

And that's when our mindfulness practice becomes a lot more challenging,

Because we're not in that same controlled environment that we're in when we're meditating.

There's so much more going on.

Maybe the store is crowded or loud,

And we're tired after a long day at work,

And we're in motion,

Of course.

Perhaps we're rushing around to get some groceries before we're heading home to make dinner.

And then we see and we smell that awesome donut.

And in that moment,

We're likely going to be flooded with thoughts about how great it would taste and how we deserve it after our long day.

And in that moment,

It's going to take a lot more willpower and presence to implement those exact same tools that we've learned in our meditation practice.

But it is entirely possible to do so.

It just takes more practice,

But we can eventually become mindful enough that even something as tempting as a delicious Boston cream pie donut doesn't lure us into submitting to the unconscious desire that we're experiencing.

But there's something else about mindfulness that I need to clarify.

You see,

The goal of mindfulness isn't simply to become proficient at resisting all of our unconscious urges,

Necessarily.

But rather,

It's to really get in touch with ourselves and to be able to make empowered choices from a place of greater self awareness as to why we're making them.

So it's not wrong to choose that really awesome Boston cream pie donut.

But it's really helpful to be able to have a say in the matter,

Which,

If we're not being mindful and aware of our inner urges,

Is much more difficult to do.

You see,

Mindfulness isn't necessarily about just saying no to things.

In fact,

I believe that it's a lot easier to walk on a path that's a little bit wider than a super narrow one.

So in my opinion,

If you want to eat that donut from time to time,

It's okay to do so.

But the fact of the matter is that when we encounter something that creates a strong desire within us,

Like a donut at the end of a long day,

Perhaps,

That's when we can start to bring our mindfulness practice into real life and begin truly responding to what we encounter,

Instead of just reacting unconsciously to it.

By bringing mindfulness into our daily lives,

We can learn to respond to every situation with a greater degree of presence and awareness.

And maybe after considering the situation,

We'll end up saying to ourselves,

You know what,

I'm going to treat myself to that donut,

And we can go ahead and do that.

Or we might instead say,

You know what,

Buying that donut probably actually won't make me feel any better.

I'm probably going to feel kind of sick if I eat it,

And I may not sleep well tonight.

But in that moment,

Regardless of whether we end up buying it or not,

By simply mindfully recognizing the desire that arises within us,

We begin to drive a small wedge of awareness between that previously unrecognized desire and the purely unconscious action that would have resulted from it.

And this is one of the true gifts of mindfulness.

It helps us find a greater degree of clarity and control in our lives.

It allows us to start making decisions that are more informed and empowered and conscious,

That aren't so mindless.

And yet,

Even if we bring our newfound sense of mindfulness to the situation,

We still may be overpowered by our desire and end up buying that donut,

Even if we don't really want to,

Even if we know it's not good for us and that we'll regret it later.

But no matter our decision,

We need to be very gentle with ourselves and remember to congratulate ourselves for the degree of mindfulness that we were able to bring to the situation.

We need to thank ourselves for putting a small stop gap in between the mind and the action that resulted from the desire.

This is just like we did when we were practicing meditation and we had thoughts that were creating desire or aversion,

And instead of just instinctively being drawn into them or running away from them,

We inserted a certain degree of presence in between those thoughts and our actions.

We stayed present with them and ourselves.

And this is the power of mindfulness.

This is how we can bring the exact same process that we learned in our meditation practice into real life.

So when we're in that bakery,

We can do the exact same thing that we do when we're meditating,

Okay?

And even if we're able to watch the mind and the desire arise just for a minute,

Just for a second,

And even if we watch ourselves buy that donut and on some level know that we don't even really want it,

That it's simply in that act of mindfully observing ourselves and truly noticing in an objective manner how our mind and emotions want to draw us into craving and aversion,

And how we can just notice that happening without being drawn into it,

That we can become more mindful people.

It's in this act of observing our previously unconscious behaviors that true liberation and empowerment can be found.

And the more that we can practice doing this,

The more that we're going to be able to understand how the mind truly works and begin freeing ourselves from its unconscious hold on us.

And the more that we're able to continue to bring a sense of presence of mindfulness into our daily lives,

The more we're going to continuously grow in a deeper sense of awareness and connection and curiosity and wisdom.

And it's the mindfulness meditation that we do in our private practice in a controlled environment that enables us to practice and improve and become more mindful.

You see,

Our individual meditation practice allows us to become more adept at the art of mindfulness.

And then when we start bringing those same mindfulness tools into real life,

Everything that we've learned in our meditation practice comes into play.

It's just a little bit different though,

Because when we're being mindful in real life,

We're in motion,

And so is the world around us.

But as we become more practiced with this,

We're going to be able to be mindful,

Even when we're in super challenging situations.

No matter our experience,

We're going to be able to remember to check in with ourselves and drive a wedge of awareness between the mind and how it wants to react and the actions that would have resulted had it been allowed to do so in an unchecked and unconscious manner.

And when we can begin to do this,

When we can bring a degree of presence and awareness to all of our real life situations,

That's when our degree of wisdom and the insights we gain really start to blossom.

It's going to take some time and practice to be able to be as mindful in real life as we are when we're meditating.

But the main thing to remember is that we simply have to bring the same tools that we use in our meditation practice into our real life experiences.

We just have to remember to bring the same degree of presence to every situation and remember to ground ourselves at the breath when we're feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated.

This is especially important when we're in real life and the experiences that are creating the craving and aversion that we feel are much more real than the ones that we experience when we're just at home meditating.

But as we continue to bring a degree of mindfulness to all of our real life experiences,

We'll grow in our ability to do so.

The more that we're able to practice being mindful,

The more mindful we'll become and the more we'll begin to realize that all of life is an opportunity to practice becoming more mindful,

Whether it's at home on our meditation cushion or in real life situations,

Because the process between the two is exactly the same.

And the more time that we practice being mindful in a dedicated meditation practice,

The more effectively we'll be able to be mindful in real life and vice versa.

But again,

This takes practice,

So we need to be patient with ourselves.

It's just like someone learning a martial art in the dojo.

It isn't until they've understood and mastered some of the techniques that they can have any success with it in a competition.

People don't start competing right away from day one because they haven't mastered any of it to a relevant enough degree.

They're all in their heads with it in the beginning,

But the more that they practice,

The more it becomes second nature to them and the more that they can get into a flow with it.

And it's just like this with meditation.

We're not likely going to have as much success staying present in the real world initially as we may have had with our meditation practice at home,

Because it takes time to get used to bringing our meditation tools to a variety of new situations,

Especially when they don't offer the solitude and structure that our private practice affords us.

Yet that's something to be compassionate with ourselves about.

You see,

It takes practice to be adept at bringing mindfulness into real life,

But the learning curve on this is quick and the benefits come quickly.

So don't be discouraged,

Okay?

This isn't like something where you need to study for 10 years to get a black belt in,

Okay?

The rate at which we learn and grow is different for each of us,

But it's safe to say that we're going to be experiencing the profound benefits of mindfulness and be able to bring them into real life to take them from the dojo into a tournament much sooner than we would with a physical experience.

We're dealing with the mind,

Which can be really tricky,

But we're also dealing with our own awareness and the power of that,

Which is profound.

Once we start bringing our meditation practice into real life,

All of life becomes an opportunity to become more mindful.

And when we can start seeing things in that way,

Our practice begins to grow at a much faster rate than if we'd just been meditating at home.

When we start bringing our meditation practice into real life,

Our ability to be mindful grows at an exponential rate and we start to become truly mindful people.

And as we continue doing this,

We'll become better able to accept whatever we're experiencing in any moment and begin learning from those moments in ways that help us become more insightful,

Conscious,

And authentic people.

And that's the beauty and the gift of mindfulness.

It allows us to become more honest and vulnerable and compassionate and real with ourselves and with other people.

Mindfulness is really quite a simple practice at heart.

It's just one of remembering.

It's one of coming home.

It's one of tending to the breath of owning ourselves again and again and not being lost in the mind.

It's about being present with ourselves and with life over and over and again and again.