You Don't Have To Fix Your External World To Start Your Internal Work

Welcome to Life,

Lessons and Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hey everybody,

Welcome to the show.

So today we are discussing a bunch of stuff.

We are.

We are.

We're discussing a bunch of external stuff and a bunch of internal stuff.

Right.

And why they are not mutually exclusive.

Nicely done.

Thank you so much.

So yeah,

We're talking about how you don't have to fix your external world before you do your internal work.

Because generally,

You know,

That's kind of a mentality that when people are really frustrated,

You know,

They'll come to me as a life coach or they're,

You know,

Just talking in general and they're like,

Oh my God,

I have to do something.

My life is a mess.

You know,

I hate my job.

My kids are out of control.

I don't even know who my spouse is anymore.

I just can't take this.

I'm broke.

I can't.

You know,

So like all their external and then you start talking about the internal and they're like,

Yeah,

That's nice.

I'll,

You know,

I'll do some work on myself.

But like you got to fix my kids and you got to fix my marriage and you got to,

What am I supposed to do about my job?

Everybody's so focused on the external that they want the external fixed and then they think they're going to be happy and then like everything will settle down and it'll be relaxed.

Then they can kind of do the,

Um,

Do the internal work like that.

That's,

It's like a luxury,

You know,

Like once I get all my external world straightened out and everything,

My life is okay.

Then I'll have the luxury of sitting around doing the internal work.

Yeah.

And it's the opposite.

It's not how it works.

You know,

Like the external world being all messed up is just a reflection of the internal world.

And you know,

A lot of people understand that concept to some degree until they're faced with a life that they find unsatisfying.

Then they're like,

Yeah,

Yeah,

That sounds good,

But fix that.

You know,

So it's,

We actually have to take these,

These concepts and understand them and implement them into our lives.

Like we have to all work is inside work.

I mean,

How many times have I said that then?

A gazillion.

Yeah.

And a half.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's,

Yeah,

All work is inside work.

And I'm not saying that,

You know,

It's,

It's ridiculous to,

To get intoxicated from the outside world.

I get it.

I mean,

You know,

I can still get sucked out and start looking at circumstances and go,

What the heck,

You know,

We are,

We are so conditioned to have our attention captured by things.

You know,

That it's external,

You know,

Using our,

Our site and our,

Our senses to determine what's going on in our life.

And that's everything external.

You know,

We have to pay attention to the internal.

It's like,

You know,

It's,

It's like looking at the stars and everybody's like,

Oh,

Look at the stars.

Aren't they beautiful?

Yeah,

They are.

But what's in between them?

You know,

Nobody slows down to look at what's in between the stars.

And if you get still and look what's in between the stars,

You can feel this connection with the universe,

This,

This,

This peacefulness,

This love,

This enormity.

And it's,

It's really special.

And the reason that we can connect when we feel that when we look at the space in between the stars is because our attention isn't focused on a thing.

It's focused on no thing.

It's focused on nothing.

You know,

So if you take the attention off the stars,

The things and focus on nothing,

Then all of a sudden you start feeling that connection.

That's where that connection,

The connection lies within the space.

And that's just one way to get it.

So if we turn,

If we turn inside and focus on our internal space and we take care of what ourselves from the inside,

We can,

As we do that,

The external world is going to start reflecting the self care.

And that takes a lot of different views.

I mean,

Believe it or not,

I have seen time and time again where when people start focusing on themselves and working on themselves,

All of a sudden this coworker that's been giving them a major hard time for years,

All of a sudden starts interacting with them differently.

It's amazing.

It's like,

And you don't do it for that reason because that's manipulation.

And it's inconsistent.

You never know when a coworker is going to start shifting and feeding off your energy in a different way and when they're not,

When their blocks are too high up.

So it's inconsistent and it's manipulation when you're doing something for yourself to affect somebody else.

You have to do it for you,

To you,

For you,

Period.

And if you do that,

Then it doesn't matter if that person changes.

If they do,

Cool.

If they don't,

That's fine.

You're going to learn to set boundaries and they're no longer going to be able to affect you the way they used to affect you.

So it's not going to really matter either way.

The solution arises.

You start living differently.

You start interacting with the world differently by changing your inside and your circumstances start shifting.

I love it.

So do you think that it's an effect of everything that we do,

Like prescription drugs and stuff,

Like treat the symptoms and not the cause and retail therapy.

And just everything that we do is like quick fixes,

Like weight loss pills and 10 different ways to change your life today.

Everybody's got a course and everybody's got a book and everybody's got a pill and there are very few people that are like,

It's simple.

You got to work on you first and then everything else follows.

Right.

And we are so addicted to looking at the symptoms and not the cause.

I just posted something this week that said something about,

I think it was Jim Carrey talking.

I think it was a quote from him.

I think it had his picture.

God only knows if he said this or not,

But you know,

With all the stuff out there,

You never know.

But it said something,

You know,

That depression is real.

But if you don't eat good food,

Get some sun,

Take in some vitamin D,

Exercise,

Work on yourself,

Then you're not giving yourself a fighting chance.

And it's true.

It's like we have to do these things.

I heard many years ago that exercise is the number one most underused antidepressant in the world.

And it's true.

Like,

Well,

I don't have,

I have a hormone imbalance.

They tested and found out that my hormones are out of balance.

I don't have enough of the good ones.

Yeah.

Why?

See,

We always stop there.

Oh,

So give me a pill so my body makes more of those good ones,

You know,

So I'll be in balance.

Well,

Why don't you just figure out why your body's not making the good ones?

Maybe it's no exercise because that releases endorphins and hormones in your body.

You know,

Not getting,

Seeing the sun,

Not putting your feet in the ground and touching earth.

Like,

I mean,

You know,

Not socializing and laughing with your friends.

Like,

You know,

Laughter is a wonderful medicine.

There's things that we can do and we're not doing any of that.

We're living an out of balance,

Unhealthy life and then we go,

Well,

I should take a pill because there's something wrong with me.

No,

There's something wrong with you because you're living an unbalanced life.

Start living a balanced life,

A healthier life,

And you'd be,

You know,

Maybe your body will start producing those hormones,

You know?

So yeah,

It's the,

It's always wanting to,

You know,

Take the easy way out and we need to do the inner work.

And it's,

You know,

When,

Whenever I say stuff like that,

I,

You know,

I know,

I know what people are going to say.

Like people are depressed.

I've been depressed.

I get it.

I know what it's like.

And whenever you say you take the easy way out,

You don't understand.

It's not easy.

It's torturous and not baloney.

I do understand.

I've been there.

What I'm saying is it is the easy way out because you're not actually doing the work to change it.

You're just taking a pill.

And I'm not saying that we can't lean on pills sometimes.

You know,

There,

There can be times in someone's life where,

You know,

They're so down that they can't function.

And taking some sort of mood enhancement drug can help them,

You know,

Help you get out of a dark place and all that stuff.

You know,

I,

I think that there's places where prescriptions can help,

You know,

So this,

These aren't blanket statements,

But we have to start living a balanced life and we have to take responsibility for our own lives.

And,

And do what it takes to live a happy,

Healthy life.

And we might be surprised that there's one once we start doing the inner work.

There's one to have.

Do you think that there's like,

You talked about a lot recently,

Or,

You know,

I don't know when this is going to come out.

So recent is subjective.

But,

But,

You know,

We've had a lot of content go out about perfectionism and,

And wanting things to be perfect as a,

As a method to stall and to not do and everything else.

And do you think that,

Like,

There's,

There's a huge tendency to want to get all of your ducks in a row before you,

Before you do something else,

You know,

Like,

I need to,

I need to,

I need to have everything perfect before I can propose before I can have a child before I can,

You know,

And then a lot of those things like,

Yeah,

You should,

You should have some stuff together.

But,

Yeah,

If you can,

I mean,

You know,

Like,

I mean,

It's,

There's,

There is,

There's no one path for everyone.

I mean,

So it's,

You know,

Like,

If I needed to wait until my situation was right to do something,

I never would have done anything.

I mean,

Really my,

The way I've done things is completely backwards,

You know,

To,

To the way you would do them.

That's why,

Like,

I've gotten business advice from business professionals and I've completely thrown it out the window.

And these people know way more than I know,

But what their business professionals,

They understand the proper way to do business.

And I understand completely if I could say $50,

000 and you know,

And then do this step and then do this step and then do this step,

That would,

It would probably make things go very swimmingly.

I understand how it was going to work,

But I wasn't in a position when I started my business to sit around for 10,

15 years,

Saving $50,

000.

It wasn't going to happen.

Like,

You know,

I was a single parent.

My son had just moved in with me and the time I,

I was able to collect unemployment and work part time.

That is a perfect opportunity to start a business because I have free time.

Whereas when I'm working full time and being a full time parent,

I don't have any free time.

So I could work part time and be a,

And be a full time parent and still have some hours in the day where I could actually put towards starting my business.

So when I started my business,

I was collecting food stamps,

You know,

And in the middle of a custody battle with,

And my son just having moved in with me.

Like if there's a time to not start a business,

That's probably it,

You know,

In,

From an outside external perspective.

But when I was doing it,

I didn't think twice.

It was because it was just,

It was just time.

Like,

You know,

I,

Well,

I,

You know,

I have time to put towards a business and I'm,

You know,

Now I did this and now I'm doing that and it just,

You know,

So,

So I did it.

So it's,

You know,

I didn't wait until the external circumstances were correct before I started my business.

And most of the time,

You know,

We're not going to get our ducks in a row and that it definitely is.

It's easier to stay stuck than it is and say,

Well,

Yeah,

But this isn't right.

Yeah,

But this isn't right.

I mean,

Like you said,

If,

If you can do those things,

Oh my God,

Please,

Yes,

Do them.

You know,

If you have the ability to save a bunch of money or if you have the ability to do this or that,

That to get the external stuff,

Absolutely get them in a row.

And some of the stuff you're,

You're going to have to do,

But look for other ways.

Don't,

If you,

If you,

If your inner heart desires something,

If you're yearning towards something,

Then find a way to get it done.

What about,

What about judgment of others?

Because a lot of times if you're,

If you're,

You know,

Trying to do something big or trying to do anything at all,

You know,

But you don't have your ducks in a row or things aren't exactly perfect before you even start.

A lot of judgment comes in from other people.

You know,

I specifically,

I can think about like,

You know,

Getting married or having a child or something like that,

Or starting a business when you're,

You know,

On unemployment and food stamps.

Having a child is a good example because if anybody thinks they're ready to have a child,

They're out of their mind.

Like nobody is ever ready to have a child ever,

In my opinion.

I mean,

You can be ready internally and it can be the light of your life.

Don't get me wrong.

My son being born and being a father to my son was probably the biggest highlight of my entire life.

But I wasn't ready.

Like I wasn't prepared.

I wasn't like all set and capable.

Because you're walking into something you have no idea.

Like it's,

It's going to affect your life.

Can you hear that?

You're good.

Not bad.

Okay.

I hope there's some landscaping being done.

I didn't want it to affect the audio quality.

So yeah,

But stepping into a situation like that,

Like there's no way that you can be fully prepared.

It's,

You know,

You're,

You're on the fly just kind of learning as you go.

So that's,

That's such a good example of that.

But yeah,

You're,

You're,

We're never going to be fully prepared for most things.

And,

And it's,

It is very important who you talk to and who you surround yourself with when it comes to this type of stuff,

Because you need support.

You need people there that are capable of supporting you.

And I say this often,

Just because somebody has been in your life for 20 years or is part of your family does not mean that they are capable of being emotionally supportive to you.

As a matter of fact,

A lot of times it means they're not because they care for you a lot more.

And what that does is triggers fear.

So they don't want you to suffer.

So you go,

Hey,

Should you,

Should I do this?

And they go,

Oh my God,

They see the possibilities of it failing and they want to protect you from that out of love.

So it triggers their fear and they start trying to protect you through their fear and going,

Yeah,

But what about this?

Oh,

Watch out for that.

And so a lot of times those are the exact people you don't want to try to get support from because they're just going to be filled with fear for you.

So yeah,

You have to be very careful of who you're sharing your,

These,

These broad ideas with.

So I,

I recently did something that I was a little unprepared for that I just was like,

I'm going to do it.

We do a podcast for a local business association.

That's like a,

It's,

It's a beach and it's really popular in Rhode Island.

And,

And the,

And the podcast has been cool.

We've talked to like,

You know,

Celebrities that come to the beach and senators and stuff like that.

But in general like the local businesses actually at the beach haven't been super enthusiastic about being involved in the show themselves,

Which is weird.

So yeah,

Yeah.

So I,

But like they,

They themselves didn't really want the publicity,

But the other,

Like the bigger,

You know,

Whatever did.

So I this year,

Because it's beach season is coming up,

Got the email list and nobody responds to these emails ever.

So I just figured I would send it out real quick.

So instead of like getting all of my ducks in a row of going like,

Okay,

Who am I sending?

You know what I mean?

I just CC'd everybody on the list and sent it out from my email address,

Like whatever.

And I expected literally nothing,

No response.

Like I was just like,

I'm just going to do it.

In the last five days,

We have gotten emails from people I didn't even realize were on the list of big businesses in the New England area.

Like the director of marketing for Foxwoods casino,

Which is a huge globally known thing,

Like email me back and whatever.

Some woman from a small company on that list just emailed me before we started recording,

Reaming me out for the email etiquette that I didn't send it from a professional.

Like I sent it from a Gmail account instead of a professional web address and I didn't have a professional signature on it.

And she literally sent me the full list of etiquette of all of the ducks that I should have had in a row before I even dared to send her an email.

And I was like,

Okay,

I mean,

Whatever.

So that story is so not that.

And I mean,

Don't get me wrong,

Like I actually do try to do things professionally and stuff.

I mean,

You know that.

But like in the way that I work,

It's so shut my brain off and just go and you know,

And information flows and it's joyful to me and the,

The,

The less I try to control it,

The better it goes and it's authentic and all that stuff.

So anything that has worked for me in any way,

Shape or form and what I do is completely hands off.

And when I'm talking to other people that do it different ways,

Like that have trained under for sometimes years and years under particular people to learn processes and life coaching and follow these in-depth structures and things like that.

And they start talking to me.

I'm so not that,

You know,

Like there is no structure.

Like,

I mean,

There is,

But it's divinely ordered.

Like I,

Like I don't follow that type of stuff.

And people like,

I think if people's brains can't wrap themselves around how hands off I am in my work,

They're like,

I don't,

I don't understand this guy,

You know,

And I can feel it.

I know that they don't usually say that to me,

But they'll,

They're just kind of like,

Okay,

I,

I make them uncomfortable because I'm so hands off and they're so hands on.

So yeah,

It's,

It's,

It's interesting.

But that,

That is what works for me,

You know,

So we,

We,

We have to find ways of doing it and I have,

I have plenty of structure and professionalism in a lot of ways,

But it's just when I'm doing my work,

I have to just do it my way and let it flow.

So it's not trying,

We try to control things.

We think our actions determine the results and it's more the energy in which we're doing things.

You know,

I know that and I still fight with that because having my own business,

I try to do a lot so,

And I can get caught up in the doing and then nothing comes of it.

And then I relax and I go,

Well,

I,

I'm not sure.

I just gotta,

I gotta relax.

And then all of a sudden things start coming in,

You know,

We have to allow stuff to come in.

So it's,

It's,

You know,

It's not external.

It's not trying to control it.

No,

And there's the other piece on this subject I want to touch on is it's the,

It's,

It's kind of like an energy of feeling sorry for ourselves.

So like,

And,

And I saw this in recovery a lot and it's actually addressed in the program of recovery about,

Cause a lot of people are going,

You know,

Struggling with addiction and they're going,

Well,

You know,

Yeah,

Yeah,

But you don't understand.

My wife just left.

I just have to get her back.

And then,

You know,

I can focus on myself.

I mean,

She,

I love her,

You know,

She took my kids.

I just,

I can't function.

It's like,

No,

You don't need to get your wife back to get sober.

You know,

You don't have to get your job back.

You don't have to get your house back.

You don't have to get anything back because that's all external,

You know,

And this is why I,

You know,

I say the program of recovery works because it's a spiritual program.

This is spiritual law.

And this is why,

Like once I woke up,

I started looking at the program of recovery and I would get so excited because I'm like,

Oh my God,

That's spiritual law.

Oh my God.

This,

And when I saw how much spiritual law was in that program of recovery and how everybody could benefit from these types of mentalities,

I was like,

Oh my God,

You know,

Like everybody needs to know this stuff.

And this is one of those things that you see because there's lots of addicts and alcoholics running around going,

You don't understand.

I have to get this back.

I have to just stabilize my life a little bit and all this stuff.

And most of the time that of course with that mentality,

They don't get sober.

Right.

So their life dramatic continues to get worse.

And then like,

I've seen this many times where people are like their wife and kids leave and,

But they're still working.

They still have their house and they still have their car and they're like,

I have to get the wife and kids back or else I can't.

And they struggle and then they lose their job.

Then they lose their house,

Then they lose their car.

Next thing you know,

They're completely broke,

Homeless,

Sleeping at the salvation army.

And all of a sudden that's when they get sober.

You know?

And so,

So it's like,

You know,

You,

The elevator is going down.

If your life is not where you want it externally,

You,

You think it sucks now?

Hang on.

I promise it'll get worse.

The elevator is going down.

And the reason the elevator is going down is because it's trying to capture your attention.

It's because the universe loves you.

It's because God loves you and it's trying to capture your attention.

It loves you so much.

I will do anything to help you find the peace and the joy and the love that you desire.

And you're not,

You're looking in the wrong place.

You keep thinking it's external.

And so it's going to go,

Okay,

You think it's external?

All right,

Well we'll just take that from you.

And you go,

Oh,

I have to get that back.

Then I'll be happy.

No,

Still doesn't get it.

Okay,

Now we'll take this.

Oh,

I have to get that back.

I have to strain that out.

Then I'll be happy.

No,

Still not getting it.

Still looking at the external.

Okay,

We'll take this.

Eventually you're going to have nothing left to look at.

So the elevator is going down.

It just depends on what floor you want to get off.

And as soon as you understand you have to start working on yourself,

That's the floor you can get off.

Turn around,

Press the up button and start going back up.

So it's all about working on yourself and you can get everything back.

I was there.

I had absolutely nothing.

If I needed to wait until my external situation straightened out before I could get sober or get my life back together,

I'd be dead by now.

I had to fix the internal first and then the external.

And it's like that for everybody.

It's law.

Fix the internal first.

You do not have to fix anything outside of yourself before.

And that includes even like disease.

You don't have to recover from a disease.

That's still body.

We're talking internal as far as your spiritual world.

You can start working on your spiritual life no matter where you are,

Your inner life.

And once that gets straightened out,

Everything else starts to get better.

So there?

So there.

If you have questions,

Send them in at glennandbros.

Com.

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Glennandbros.

Com has everything from your book to how they can get in touch with you for life coaching and blogs and all sorts of stuff.

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Sign up for the email list.

Stay in touch.

And that'll do it for today.

We will talk at you soon.

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