Meditation For Loneliness

Hi and welcome to this meditation on loneliness.

The feeling of disconnection from others,

Whether physical or emotional,

That we also call loneliness,

Is part of the human experience and it's perfectly normal to feel it at times.

But because humans are social animals who need connection to survive and thrive,

When loneliness is too present in our lives it can become a significant obstacle to our well-being.

One of the mistakes we make is to equate the state of being alone and the feeling of loneliness.

Indeed,

It's possible to physically be in the company of others and to feel lonely and it's also possible to spend time in complete isolation from others and to feel joyful and connected to the rest of the world.

When loneliness is upon us,

In order to relieve ourselves of the unnecessary weight that it can place on our moment-to-moment experience,

It's important to differentiate between the feeling of loneliness as it manifests in our bodies and the story we tell ourselves about our loneliness,

Which can make the experience hard to bear.

To do so,

We practice focusing on the physical sensations of loneliness with curiosity,

Without identifying to them,

That is to say,

Without mistaking them for who we are,

While remembering that,

Like everything else,

These sensations are impermanent.

We can also learn to use loneliness as an opportunity to become aware of some of the ways in which we make our happiness dependent on others and to practice recognizing the needs that hide behind our sense of lack,

Such as attention,

Understanding or affection,

So that we may become better at satisfying these needs ourselves.

In this meditation,

We'll use the feeling of loneliness as an opportunity to strengthen our ability to give attention and love to ourselves,

And we'll then extend this kindness to others.

We'll see how being alone can be an opportunity to remember that we're always intimately connected to others,

Even when they're not present in our immediate physical experience.

Start by finding a comfortable seat,

Making sure you're in a position that allows you to stay both alert and relaxed.

Allow your spine to naturally lengthen without exerting any strain or effort.

Now take a deep inhale through your nose that fills your entire body and slowly exhale.

Again,

A deep inhale and slow exhale,

Allowing any obvious tension to be released.

Close your eyes and close your mouth,

Breathing slowly through your nose.

Apart from the movement of your breath,

You are entirely still.

Now choose an anchor for this meditation,

Perhaps the sensations of the breath at the entrance of your nostrils,

In the rise and fall of your chest,

Or in the movements of your belly.

If at any point during this meditation you're bothered by distracting thoughts,

It's perfectly normal and it's part of the practice.

When you notice these thoughts,

Simply refocus your attention on the sensations of your breath,

That is to say on the present moment.

Observe your breathing as if your consciousness was discovering your body for the very first time.

For the next 30 seconds,

Still as if you had just arrived inside yourself,

Scan your body to notice if you're experiencing any particular sensations today.

Observe your breathing as it naturally slows down.

Feel the softness that enters with every inhale.

While remaining focused on your breathing,

Bring to mind a current or past situation that makes you feel lonely,

That is to say a situation where you experience a painful sensation in the body,

Accompanied by thoughts such as I'm alone in my suffering,

I'm misunderstood,

Or I'm not loved or lovable,

And see if you feel this loneliness in a particular area of your body.

While remaining focused on your breathing,

Observe the sensations that are present with your full attention.

Observe these sensations without trying to change them,

With curiosity,

As if they were totally separate from who you are,

And you were simply trying to feel them more precisely.

With each inhale,

Send your breath into that area in order to give the sensation as much space as possible to exist in your body right now.

Now imagine that this part of your body is communicating with you,

And listen carefully to what it has to say,

In particular whether it needs anything.

Perhaps this feeling is calling for your own reassurance,

Understanding,

Or acceptance,

And see if you can offer it a gesture of tenderness and understanding in response to what you've heard,

Perhaps by saying gently to this feeling,

I see you,

I'm here for you,

Or by placing your hand affectionately on your heart or belly.

Now visualize someone you know who might be feeling that same or similar sense of loneliness right now.

Visualize their face and posture when they're lonely.

Imagine that you could go up to them,

Take them in your arms,

And give them a big hug.

With every inhale,

Call to your inner body the feeling of comfort that you receive and give to someone when you hug them.

Visualize this person,

And notice how their face and posture change as a result of this moment you've shared together,

And feel the effects on your body here and now.

If it feels good,

Take a moment to bring to mind other people you know who might be feeling lonely,

And send them all the love that you can.

The philosopher Seneca said,

Only the tree that has endured the assaults of the wind is truly vigorous,

For it is in this struggle that its roots,

Put to the test,

Grow stronger.

We're now going to focus on seven affirmations to help you weather the assaults of the wind and make your roots stronger.

Try to receive the words contained in these affirmations while remaining focused on your breathing.

First affirmation.

When I feel lonely,

I turn my attention to the physical sensations of loneliness while remembering their impermanence.

Second affirmation.

I have the ability to give myself what I want to receive.

Third affirmation.

I give myself love by taking care of my sleep,

My nutrition,

And my body's need for movement.

Fourth affirmation.

I give myself love by breathing consciously,

And by practicing gratitude,

And by focusing my attention on healthy content that makes me feel good.

Fifth affirmation.

I give to others what I want to receive.

Sixth affirmation.

Even when isolated,

I'm always intimately connected to others.

Seventh and final affirmation.

I have the power to remind others that they are not alone.

Before finishing this meditation,

Take a moment to observe your current mood as if you were inspecting your emotions from the outside looking in.

And when you're ready,

You can slowly come out of this meditation and start noticing the weight of your clothes on your body,

The surrounding sounds,

And of course all the colors around you.

I hope this meditation felt good.

When we notice recurring thoughts that create a feeling of loneliness,

It may often be beneficial to contemplate them in writing so as to better understand them and see which ones are true and which ones are not.

It can also help to find one or more concrete examples that contradict our narrative that we're alone in our suffering.

Remember also that one of the keys to happiness is to give to others what we want to receive.

And so if someone you know may be feeling lonely or disconnected,

You have the ability to remind them that they're not.

I hope you have a beautiful day,

And I send you lots of love.