To Grieve Or Rejoice: That's The Question

Hey there,

This is Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call number 306.

Hello everyone.

We've been exploring the first chapter of the Dhammapada,

Which is called the Dichotomies,

Named that way because each of the teachings explains how if we point one way,

One thing happens.

If we point another way,

Another thing happens and it's ours to choose.

We've looked at the opening lines,

Which talk about how suffering follows as the wagon wheel follows the hoof of an ox when we speak with a corrupted mind,

And happiness follows like a never departing shadow when we speak with a peaceful mind.

And then we've looked at the teaching that many do not realize that we here must die for those who realize this quarrels end,

Meaning life short.

And knowing that quarrels with one another and with each moment are a waste of that precious time.

Today I want to talk about some lines in the first chapter that present another dichotomy,

The first line is,

One who does evil grieves in this life,

Grieves in the next,

Grieves in both worlds.

Seeing one's own defiled acts brings grief and affliction.

The second is one who makes merit rejoices in this life,

Rejoices in the next,

Rejoices in both worlds.

I know when I do something evil,

Or it doesn't have to be evil,

Let's just say unkind.

I do grieve.

I do regret what I've done.

I had to call Comcast.

It took me four representatives to get an appointment.

And by that fourth person,

I might've said Comcast was the most ridiculous company I've ever dealt with.

And I regret that.

A friend was expressing doubt about the worthiness of their opponents.

And I joined in and I grieve my lack of kindness.

So if you can right now,

Think of something that you said or did recently that was unkind and check in and see if you regret it.

See if it brings you grief.

I think when we're paying attention,

Especially on a somatic level,

How does this feel in my body?

We do feel grief.

There is that affliction.

We want to go back and say something more thoughtful,

Something wiser,

Something more compassionate.

We want to unring the bell.

And all of that is happening in real time,

In real life.

But the text says one who does evil grieves in this life,

Is one who does evil grieves in this life.

The text says one who does evil grieves in this life,

Grieves in the next,

Grieves in both worlds.

So what does it mean to grieve in this life and the next and in both worlds?

Maybe from a classical perspective,

It literally means reincarnation.

But I think about it differently as well.

When I'm paying attention moment to moment,

One of the things I can see is how many identities arise and pass away over and over throughout my day.

Sometimes I daydream that I'm in a different place in life than I am,

Or that I'm in a different life altogether,

Different location,

Different history,

Different body.

Sometimes I'm in,

Quote unquote,

Professional mode or teacher mode,

And then I close my screen or I walk out of a conference room and I know I'm not that person anymore.

I'm in a different mode,

Different identity.

I might be visiting with my daughter,

With my dad,

And I'm a mom or a daughter,

And they're both so natural that I barely notice those identities dying when I'm no longer with them,

Then being reborn when I call them.

Each identity we have has a life arising or being born when we think of ourselves as such and such,

Or because of circumstances,

Like when I'm visiting my dad,

And then passing away or dying when the thought dies or the circumstances change.

This idea that the identity of parent is born and dies dozens of times a day,

As does the identity of lawyer or teacher or friend or partner,

That's the way I think about the teaching that one who does evil grieves in this life,

Grieves in the next,

Grieves in both worlds.

When I do something evil,

Something unkind,

It doesn't just evaporate.

It doesn't just stay in the past.

It kind of follows me throughout my day,

It dogs me throughout the various identities that are born and die.

It's not that I think about it every moment of every day,

But for example,

Even if I'm no longer in confidante mode with my colleague who was discussing their opponent,

And my identity has shifted completely to say,

Friend out having dinner with friends,

Right?

Inside,

If I check in,

If I'm honest,

I'm still grieving that I didn't have the presence of mind to say something kind in that situation.

And the grief follows me from incarnation to incarnation throughout my day.

In fact,

If I'm really being honest,

I'm still grieving a few things I said 10 years ago,

30 years ago in law school,

Maybe even I said a few unkind things in middle school.

And it's shocking how much that stuff follows from one life to the next.

Right?

One identity in life to the next.

But the good news is,

The dichotomy,

The good news is one who makes merit rejoices in this life,

Rejoices in the next,

Rejoices in both worlds.

Meaning,

If we pay attention and we're intentionally kind,

Meaning if we make merit,

As the text says,

We can feel it in our bodies in the moment,

Right?

And you all know that you do something kind.

And if you take a breath just as you do it,

You can really drop into,

Oh,

That feels nice that I did that.

And that's a good thing to feel,

Right?

We don't need to turn away from that and think,

Oh,

I shouldn't feel good about having said or done a nice thing.

We want to feel that goodness.

And it's a kind of rejoicing.

Right?

And then as we move from incarnation to incarnation throughout our day,

Throughout our lives,

That rejoicing also really does stick from life to life,

Incarnation to incarnation,

Identity to identity.

So my favorite example of this that I'll just share with you is Miracling People on the Golden Gate Bridge.

So the toll on the Golden Gate Bridge right now,

They're about to raise it on July 1st to almost nine bucks,

Which is completely amazing to me.

But long ago in a galaxy far away,

The toll used to be a dollar.

And you had to have a dollar.

There were no electric counters and the toll takers certainly didn't make change.

Although I'm wondering,

As I wrote this,

I was thinking maybe they did when I was a kid.

Anyway,

I lived in Sausalito,

Which is just over the Golden Gate Bridge,

First town over,

And I worked in San Francisco and there was no such thing as traffic.

So I'd drive across the bridge to work every day.

And it was also possible to pull up downtown and park,

Which is a thought for another day.

So I was making decent money as a baby lawyer.

I was making $35,

000 a year.

And one of my favorite things to do was to prepare $2 and hand them to the toll taker and tell them that the second dollar was for the car behind me and then zip off down Doyle Drive and into the city before the car behind me could catch up and wave thanks.

And the term miracle,

In case you're not familiar with,

It comes from an old custom of giving away any extra tickets at a Grateful Dead show instead of charging people for them.

It comes from the song I Need a Miracle.

So anyway,

Every time I miracle someone at the Golden Gate Bridge toll plaza,

I would get this surge of rejoicing.

You know,

Rejoicing in giving someone a completely unexpected,

Joyful moment in their otherwise mundane Tuesday morning commute.

And also rejoicing that I could actually afford that extra dollar.

Right?

And the thing is,

All these years,

All these decades later,

And all these lives later,

Really,

Just the recollection of those miracle moments is a rejoicing.

And the telling of the story to you is a rejoicing.

So,

One who makes merit rejoices in this life,

Rejoices in the next,

Rejoices in both worlds.

Let's sit.

So finding a comfortable posture that is also upright.

And maybe even thinking about being kind and making merit in relationship to yourself right now,

That this brief sit that we are doing here together is really,

It's really a blessing.

You're kind of miracle-ing yourself.

We're all miracle-ing ourselves.

Giving ourselves this time.

See if that proposition is resonant.

And if it is,

Let it rumble around in the body a little bit as you settle in.

You can bring your focus to your breath or to sound.

Or you can keep your focus on that joyful feeling if it's arisen for you.

And even if it hasn't arisen,

Even if it's already arisen,

Call to mind,

If you can,

A moment when you were kind to someone in the past day or week or month.

And the simplest thing can be the simplest thing.

Paid someone a compliment.

Smiled at someone when they needed a smile.

Forgave someone.

By now you might even be giving hugs,

So maybe you gave someone a hug.

And even all these lives later,

Even if this was something that happened early this morning,

The lives that have been born and died in your experience between then and now,

And if it was a week ago or a month ago,

So many identities,

So many lives born and died.

Even though all these lives later,

You can think about this meritorious,

This kind act or the kind words.

Rejoice in them.

Let that rejoicing just fill your body.

Let that rejoicing just fill your body.

Let that rejoicing just fill your body.

Let that rejoicing just fill your body.

And then think of another time when you were kind,

When you said or did something really nice to someone,

For someone.

And allow yourself to rejoice in that.

And let that rejoicing just fill your body.

And then think of another time when you said or did something really nice to someone,

For someone.

And let that rejoicing just fill your body.

And then think of another time when you said or did something really nice to someone,

For someone.

And let that rejoicing just fill your body.

So this is the way mindfulness works as a kind of incentivizing us.

So now that we have spent a little bit of time rejoicing in how it feels to be kind,

To make merit,

We can feel incentivized to do that a little bit more.

And as you flutter your eyes open,

Just a suggestion to not try and go back and check out the evil,

The unkind things,

Because the mind will naturally remember those things.

And you can just note and then move off to something else.

So I wouldn't spend too much time when those come up.

Just to notice that it causes grief.

And then when something positive comes up,

Notice that it causes you to rejoice,

If it does.

Okay,

Everyone,

Thanks so much for being here.

Take care.

Have a good Thursday.

Have a good weekend.

See you next week.