Meeting Fear With Compassion And Curiosity

In this session,

Let's talk a little bit about fear,

Specifically why fear often spikes in the aftermath of a traumatic event,

And how we can begin to understand it with more curiosity and compassion.

Before we go any further,

I want to clarify how I'm using the word trauma.

I'm speaking in a broad sense.

Trauma doesn't have to mean a catastrophic event.

It can be something big and life-altering,

Or it can be something that seems smaller from the outside but that left you feeling alone,

Overwhelmed,

And unsupported.

Trauma can be acute,

Like a sudden accident,

Or chronic,

Like ongoing verbal abuse from a parent or a partner.

Try not to get too caught up in the definition.

When I use the word trauma,

I'm simply referring to the painful experiences or circumstances you're in the process of working through.

Let's start with what's happening in the body.

When we go through something traumatic,

Whether it's personally,

In our community,

Or in our workplace,

The brain and the nervous system go into protective overdrive.

The part of the brain that acts like an alarm system,

The amygdala,

Becomes hypersensitive.

It starts to perceive danger everywhere,

Even in neutral or safe situations.

You might notice that you startle more easily,

Or that you feel jumpy or on edge without fully understanding why.

That's because the nervous system is stuck in survival mode.

After a trauma,

We can get locked into patterns of fight,

Flight,

Freeze,

Or fawn.

That might show up as anxiety or restlessness,

Feeling numb or checked out,

Getting irritable more easily than usual,

Or feeling like you're walking on eggshells around others,

Always cautious not to upset anyone.

Your system is doing its best to protect you,

But it's probably reacting to the past and not necessarily the present.

Over time,

This can become overwhelming for us.

And when we're overwhelmed,

Our thinking brain,

The part responsible for logic and communication,

Starts to go offline.

It gets overridden by the emotional brain.

And this can make it hard to respond calmly or to make sense of what's happening,

Especially when emotions are high.

All of this becomes even more intense when there's no clear resolution or closure.

The mind starts filling in the gaps with the worst-case scenarios,

A completely normal and human response.

When fear feels overwhelming,

Most of us try to manage it in ways that seem logical but often backfire.

Let's talk briefly about why our usual approaches don't really help.

One common strategy is rationalizing or trying to talk ourselves out of fear.

We tell ourselves,

There's nothing to be afraid of,

Or I should just get over this.

But fear isn't just a thought,

It's a bodily and emotional response rooted in the nervous system.

Trying to logic our way out of fear can leave the body feeling unheard,

Which may actually amplify the fear response over time.

Another approach we often use is trying to be strong and overcome fear.

And this sounds good on the surface.

If we're afraid,

Then being strong and courageous should be the antidote.

But when we try to push through fear or conquer it,

We send the message that fear is bad or unacceptable.

And this creates inner conflict,

Where parts of us feel unsafe or invalidated.

Even if this approach seems to quiet our fear on the surface,

It may just be hiding it underground,

And leaving it to show up instead as procrastination,

Or perfectionism,

Or other forms of avoidance.

Which brings me to our third common strategy,

Avoidance,

Which is pretending it doesn't exist,

Or distracting ourselves from it.

Distraction can offer temporary relief,

But it doesn't address the root of the fear.

Using avoidance or distraction doesn't actually get rid of the fear,

It simply pushes it beneath the surface.

And once the distraction ends,

The fear often returns,

Sometimes even stronger.

When emotions need to be felt,

They find a way to the surface.

Unacknowledged fear often shows up as physical symptoms,

Like a tight chest,

Or shallow breath,

Or sudden emotional reactivity.

If our go-to tactics don't work,

Then what can we do?

Well,

Instead of seeing fear as a weakness,

We can lean into curiosity,

And create an opening for understanding this deeply felt emotion.

When we get curious about the ways fear might be trying to protect us,

We can also begin to understand fear's wisdom.

Oftentimes fear is trying to shield you from hurt,

Warn you about danger,

Keep you vigilant,

Prevent embarrassment,

Or keep you from taking unnecessary risks.

The good news is that when fear is listened to,

It often softens.

Just like a person,

Fear doesn't want to be ignored or dismissed,

It wants to be seen,

And heard,

And respected.

We may not be able to make fear go away completely,

But we can build a relationship with it.

One where we are in the lead,

Not the fear.

So in this session,

I invite you to stay curious about the role fear is playing in your system.

Not to fight it,

But instead to get to know it.

You might be surprised what it's trying to teach you.

So if you're ready,

Let's go inward.

Take a moment to find a comfortable position,

Sitting down or lying down,

And allowing your body to settle.

Let your hands rest softly.

Let your eyes close if that feels safe,

Or keep them gently open with a soft gaze.

And begin by noticing the rhythm of your breath.

There's no need to change it,

Just follow the inhale,

And then follow the exhale.

Let your breath remind you that you are safe here,

And that this moment is safe enough to pause and to listen.

Breathing gently in,

Say to yourself,

All is calm.

And breathing gently out,

Assure yourself,

I am safe.

All is calm.

I am safe.

And now gently bringing your attention inward,

And asking yourself,

Where do I feel fear in my body?

There's no right answer.

It might be tightness in the chest,

A knot in the stomach,

Tension in the jaw or shoulders.

You might not even be sure where you feel fear,

And that's okay too.

Just take this moment to notice what's happening in your body with kindness and compassion.

If you're having trouble locating fear in your body,

See if you can be curious.

If fear were to live somewhere in your body right now,

Where might that be?

Now,

If it feels right,

You could gently place a hand on or near that area where the fear is living.

Or simply bring your awareness there,

Like shining a warm light.

And imagine breathing compassion in and out of that spot for just a few breaths.

Breathing in love and compassion.

Breathing out love and compassion.

Not trying to change the fear or to make it go away.

Just seeing if you can be with it as it is.

Turning towards it,

Not to fix it,

But to meet it.

To listen.

To say,

I see you.

You are welcome here.

If this feels too intense,

You could imagine taking a few steps back from your fear.

Or talking to your fear from a distance.

Take whatever care you need to maintain your feelings of safety.

And you can always come back to this meditation another time if you need to.

But if it feels okay to be with it,

To be curious about it,

Then let's lean into that curiosity a little more to get to know it better.

What if this fear isn't here to hurt or limit you,

But is instead here to protect you?

Let yourself wonder,

What is it trying to keep me safe from?

Maybe it's trying to shield you from disappointment.

From failure.

From rejection.

From being hurt.

What does your fear want you to know right now?

And how do the answers to these questions make sense with what you're processing right now?

Now I invite you to imagine your fear as if it were a small child.

Maybe even yourself as a small child.

How old is this little one?

What does he or she look like?

How does viewing your fear as a small child change your perception of the fear?

What does it feel like to be this child?

Now imagine yourself expanding around the fear,

Around this child,

Like you are wrapping it in a loving embrace or a soft,

Warm blanket,

Offering comfort to this scared little one.

Let it know,

I'm here with you.

I can take care of you.

You are safe.

Notice what happens when fear feels seen and feels safe.

We're almost done with the meditation.

But before you open your eyes,

Take one more moment to let yourself know,

All is calm.

I am safe.

And if it feels right,

Maybe setting an intention to draw upon this compassion as you move forward today.

Thank you so much for taking that journey with me.

Give yourself a pat on the back for your bravery and for your beautifully loving heart that has the capacity to hold so much,

So tenderly.

Before we end,

Here are some further journaling prompts if you feel so inclined.

Where did you feel fear in your body?

What signals does fear use to let you know it needs attention?

What is your fear trying to protect you from?

How did your perspective shift when you imagined your fear as a small child?

And lastly,

What does your fear need to feel safe?

I encourage you to take your time processing everything that has surfaced during this session and to practice offering yourself compassion when fear shows up.

If you find yourself unsure of why you're feeling afraid,

Try approaching it with gentle curiosity.

It may help you uncover the clarity you're looking for.

Until our next session,

Take good care of yourself.