Childhood Trauma Shapes Your Ego Identity: Quiet Your Heart

Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough,

The podcast that empowers you to transform your life by awakening to your true,

Authentic self.

I'm Lisa A.

Romano,

Your host.

As an award-winning author and certified life coach,

I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible power of an organized mind.

I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false self.

My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening.

In this podcast,

I'll share insights,

Tools,

And transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery.

Namaste,

Everybody.

So today,

We're going to be discussing the majesty and divinity of a quiet heart and how using the concept of quieting the heart can help you on your soul growth journey and help you to detach from ego identity and will help you also understand the necessity for a sense of separation in a holy way.

For example,

When you look at your hand,

You know that you're not your hand because you can look at your hand,

You know that you're not your hand.

So although on the sacred healing path,

For those of us who are looking to merge with our higher self,

We must understand that in order to do that,

We must understand our false self.

We must understand the personality self.

We must understand how the personality self has been shaped by the perceptions of the five senses and that before our awakening,

We are all subject to the interpretation of our five senses,

Which is not always a correct interpretation.

For example,

You can be born to a very unpredictable household with narcissistic,

Emotionally neglectful,

Alcoholic parents,

Parents who are in and out of a jail situation,

Have been incarcerated,

Parents who get into trouble with the law or have some type of a drug issue or a mental health issue,

And you could assume that because you are unlovable,

That is why no one's paying attention to you,

Or it is your fault that mommy is drinking,

Or it is your fault that your father is detached and a workaholic,

Which would be actually the effect or the cause of the effect of feeling unlovable and unworthy,

Although that in the true sense of your soul and who you really are,

That would be a cognitive distortion.

So what I teach on the conscious healing path is how can I help people reemerge from this feeling of,

Or experience of childhood trauma,

Understanding they are not their trauma.

They are not the ego identity that rises from trauma.

And how can I help them find the separation in their consciousness that is necessary for integration of consciousness?

It is so miraculous and so amazing when you break it down and you understand the steps where you understand,

Oh,

I was whole,

I was complete,

And I integrated into a physical body and fell asleep.

I am not conscious of my true soul identity or my soul essence.

Oh,

I'm a character in a play.

And these experiences that have happened to me have shaped my ego identity that is asleep in this matrix,

That is asleep in this ego.

And wow,

If you're listening to this,

You are one lucky person.

You are someone who's beginning to attract information that could expand your consciousness.

That's the entire reason you've been incarnated on planet earth,

Dear one.

It is to awaken and to remember who and what you truly are.

So quieting the heart is a tool that you can use to help you develop the conscious awareness that allows you to create the space between you,

Your higher self,

Your authentic self,

And your false self.

There was a time that I was so below the veil of consciousness,

I was so in my programming,

I was so in my ego identity,

That there was absolutely no awareness that I was not the voice in my head,

I was not my pain,

I was not my codependency,

I was not my emotional dependency,

I was not my addicted to being needed,

I was not my fear of what other people thought about me,

I was not my emotions,

I was not my thoughts,

I was not my name,

I was not my gender,

I wasn't anything that the ego could identify with,

I wasn't even truly my mother and father's child,

I was so much more.

But depending on where you are on the scale of consciousness really determines your belief and your perception of who you are,

Who other people are,

What you're doing here,

Why you're here,

And what the heck is going on.

And the more below the veil you are,

The more obscene life can seem,

The more unfair life can seem.

And it's true.

So it's not like we're making things up.

I don't like using the word unfair,

But it's relatable.

I do now,

Being where I am now on my conscious healing journey,

I understand looking back,

All humans have the potential to awaken from the paradigm of the ego or the matrix.

All humans have the potential,

But not all escape.

I get that now.

However,

The human in me says,

Well,

I really don't know how fair it is from a human perspective that a child could be born.

Every child is innocent.

Every child is deserving.

Even you,

Even me.

Every child born anywhere in the cosmos is deserving of love and nurturing and feeling safe and having a mother who is aware and conscious and is healed,

By the way,

Because unhealed mothers,

They inadvertently,

Not on purpose,

They transfer the trauma onto their children,

Albeit subconsciously,

Through patterns and programs and unconsciousness.

There are some of us who do a better job because we come into this world trying to do better than our own mothers,

But we can still mess it up.

That doesn't mean we're evil.

That doesn't mean we're monsters.

It just means that that is indicative of whatever level of self-awareness we are at the time.

The wonderful,

Miraculous,

And I think sacred news is that self-awareness is something that can expand as long as the being is willing.

That's why I believe the Bible says,

Only the meek and the humble inherit the kingdom of heaven.

Certainly,

Self-awareness,

Integration,

Individuation,

Self-forgiveness,

Self-understanding,

To really,

Really know thyself and to accept that whoever I am,

It could have been no other way.

The only way that my life could have been different is through an awakening.

So much shame dissolves,

And then you also understand other people too.

So as your heart quiets and you begin to move more fluidly in the direction of love and understanding and surrender and humility,

Which takes tremendous courage,

You suddenly start to understand other people as well because everybody is in a pattern or a program that they did not create.

Everyone gets plopped into a pattern,

A program,

A frequency in quantum tools to help you heal your life.

Now,

I call it an emotional vibrational set point.

And what I teach is that all children must attune vibrationally in their thoughts and in their feelings and their perceptions and expectations behavior to what is happening outside of them.

If they do not,

They implode.

And so yes,

An adult child of an alcoholic who is experiencing emotional neglect will develop codependency,

People-pleasing behaviors,

CPTSD,

A fear of abandonment,

A fear of criticism,

And will abandon the self in an attempt to try to acclimate and gain some shred of connection to the people who may or may not realize that they are not connecting to their children because abandonment is akin to death.

Now,

That is not your fault.

That is not my fault.

That's not your neighbor's fault.

That's not anyone's fault.

Our judicial system,

Our jails,

Our prisons are filled,

Even mental hospitals are filled with people who have been traumatized and are acting out the trauma.

And by the nature of cause and effect and momentum and momentum quantifying and picking up speed as it goes,

Things get worse for people who are unhealed.

And that's why I really would hope that at one point in time,

We're teaching people who continue to get into trouble,

Whether it's drugs or violence or whatever.

These are trauma responses.

And not that these people should be let off and let out into civilization and wreak havoc on civilization or a society.

I am saying that it would be beneficial to the whole of humanity if within these judicial systems,

Some teaching was happening behind barred walls,

Where there was some understanding of self that was happening.

Do I think it would happen quickly?

No.

I think it might take generations to shift the energy within a prison system.

Because if you take someone who has done something wrong,

Let's say something minor,

And you plop them into a lion's den,

Then that person,

Again,

Just like little girl,

Little boy born to unfortunate circumstances at home,

They have to equal the energy of that environment.

And so we might be taking people off the street,

But we are not releasing better,

Healthier people in most cases.

And so teaching this idea of separation between my higher self and my false self and relying on the concept of a quiet heart would and could help people understand what is a tool or process that I can use to help me better detach from my false self and observe it from a higher state of consciousness.

So quieting your heart would consist of you recognizing that your ability to grow consciously and spiritually lies in,

It could be,

It's just one tool in developing the ability to quiet your heart.

So what that would look like is you carving out time every morning,

Or maybe throughout the day,

Where you just stilled your energy.

And so you would sit in a quiet place,

Preferably,

But not always.

You don't have to close your eyes,

But sometimes closing your eyes to stimuli is very helpful.

Putting yourself into a situation where even what you're hearing is lessened.

So using headphones,

Noise-canceling headphones.

So depriving your senses of external data,

And that will allow you to tune more effectively to your solar plexus and your heart.

So you find a quiet space,

You close your eyes,

You make sure you're wearing comfortable clothing,

You make sure that your phone,

All the notifications are turned off,

You will not be disturbed.

And with this reduction in external stimuli,

You turn your nose towards,

Just slightly towards your heart space.

And you breathe in gently through your nose,

And you exhale also gently.

And every time you inhale and you exhale,

You are stepping into the conscious desire to be more of an observer.

And so as you're quieting your mind,

You are quieting the energy in your heart space.

And the more you quiet your mind,

The more you can consciously attune to the energy of your heart.

And in this detached space of awareness,

You are recognizing that you are not your thoughts,

You are not your emotion.

And as thoughts,

And they will rise up,

The most silly,

Ridiculous thoughts are going to pop up into your head,

Only because the mental field is designed to do that.

The mind is meant to remain active,

Although it can be slowed.

So if you think about a little girl or a little boy who's running around,

Running around,

Running around,

Running around,

They're supposed to do that.

But when they have a really centered,

Grounded parent or mentor or adult or teacher in their life who is really present,

You can get a child to slow down because that child will naturally want to attune to you.

But this idea of slowing things down and not resisting the thoughts is very important.

So rather than resist an ornery three,

Four,

Five-year-old little girl or little boy,

You kind of become non-resistant and you accept that that's their energy.

So when you're going into this quiet heart space,

You go in from a really conscious plane and you say,

It's normal for my conscious mind to notice these thoughts coming up from the subconscious mind.

That's the mental field.

I'm learning to observe it.

I'm learning that I am not my thoughts.

I am learning that I have the ability to not attach to thinking,

To not attach to my emotions,

And not freak out anymore when I see a negative thought or a fear-based thought.

I can literally watch it float by like I'm observing fish in a large fish tank.

There it goes.

Just don't attach to it.

We don't realize that we fish.

We fish all day long.

There is a fish.

We catch it.

It gets on a hook and we wiggle,

We wiggle,

We wiggle,

And we're holding onto these thoughts and that's just not necessary.

And I can tell you as someone who's tried to master my consciousness,

It is worth every moment that you invest in trying to manage your thinking because the thinking is what's separating you from divine intelligence.

So divine intelligence is a stream and it's always streaming towards you,

But you don't know that.

And your thinking interferes with your ability to access the wisdom,

The healing,

The joy,

The love,

And the abundance,

The compassion,

And the oneness of infinite intelligence.

And so what we can do today is use this idea of quieting the heart,

Going into a space where you are creating the scenario in which you are alone,

You are quieting your phone,

You are quieting distractions,

And you are observing the thoughts in your mind without attaching to them.

And your goal then becomes watching your heart.

And what I mean by watching your heart,

It's simply observing the majesty of the rhythm,

The divinity of the beating of your heart,

The rising and fall of your chest.

And once you develop the ability to allow the thoughts to come without attaching to them,

And then your main focus is quieting the heart,

You are developing brain and heart coherence.

The hemispheres of your brain are sinking.

You are relaxing.

Your nervous system is becoming more quiet.

You are overriding the amygdala and the hippocampus,

Which is telling you there's a lion in the backyard,

Or an alligator or a snake waiting to get me,

Or the next shoe is about to drop.

You're overriding that.

And the more you go into the silence,

The more you tap into the silence of your heart,

Quieting your heart,

The more you do that,

Then what happens is you find more and more spaces in which you can flow your conscious mind now and develop gratitude.

So it's like at layers or an elevator where the ground floor is,

Okay,

I'm going to quiet my mind.

I'm going to reduce distractions.

And the goal is to quiet my heart.

And so now that I see the thoughts,

Level two,

I see thoughts,

Nope,

Not attaching to them.

Let them go.

Breathe through that.

It might take you five,

10,

15,

20 minutes,

But you stick with it.

As you allow thoughts to come and go,

Level three,

You're on another floor.

Now you can observe the majesty of your heart,

The holiness of your heart,

Which is source flowing through your heart.

Now you get to the next level,

Level four,

You can connect with source more consciously.

You can integrate more consciously.

And throughout these levels,

Throughout this,

You moving up this elevator experience,

You,

Whether you realize it or not,

Are detaching from your ego identity.

And this is your conscious mind,

And that's what spiritual growth is.

So your spirit isn't growing.

Your mind is expanding to accept your spirit self.

So healing is a conscious journey.

We can talk about emotional healing journeys and spiritually healing journeys,

But we really have to accept that spirit is whole.

What is not whole,

What is not fully integrated and aware or intelligent is consciousness.

And consciousness can expand.

And that's what I'm all about.

Consciousness is teaching you the tools for how to get to a point in your consciousness where you recognize how you can more fully detach from ego identity,

And you continue moving up this elevator experience floor by floor,

Moment by moment,

To where you are developing the ability to push past or actually transcend ego identity to fully embrace who and what you truly are.

So going into the heart space and quieting the heart is you developing the mental skill,

This is mental science,

To be able to observe what's happening in the mental field from a detached plane of consciousness,

Which allows you to find the space to acknowledge that you are not ego identity.

And I promise you,

Dear one,

That if you stay on this path and you keep practicing quieting your heart,

Eventually what will happen is you will develop integration.

You will understand that you are and always have been whole.

Your true self always have been whole.

What has hurt you is believing in the story of ego.

And as valid as that story is,

It's a very small,

Almost,

I don't want to say inconsequential,

Because where there is big trauma,

That can seem invalidating.

And I don't mean to do that,

Because trauma is real,

And people are wounded,

And there are predators out there.

I'm only trying to help people who want to escape the matrix of trauma,

Which is real,

Who want to ascend the patterns and programs of childhood,

Past,

Faulty,

And adverse childhood experiences,

Childhood experiences that have shaped their ego identity and personality,

Regardless of how valid.

I want to,

Hopefully,

Inspire people who recognize that that is a very limited perspective of who they are,

And that is not the only story of who and what they truly are.

I'm someone myself that I really want to understand my higher self and my spiritual self as much as possible before I transcend and become only spiritual self.

Because obviously,

When we croak,

When we are no more physically,

We merge completely with spirit.

I think those of us who are on this conscious healing path and who ache to better understand and know thyself,

That's the experience we want.

We want to be as fully conscious of our wholeness and our oneness,

Not only with source,

But with our spiritual self,

Or the facet of source that flows through our being,

And also with others,

And also with the earth,

And also with all of the cosmos,

Because we truly are a reflection of the cosmos.

Namaste,

Dear ones.

Until next time,

And as always,

Stay conscious and stay aware.

You are enough.