How To Not Be Overwhelmed By Other People's Problems

Okay,

So from Joanne,

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a problem but trying to be kind I get involved in their problem and all I think about is that.

How can you get out of the thoughts?

So it is interesting how we get on a theme here on these talks.

And so Mary,

Yeah,

Mari's saying the same thing,

You know,

Being being empathic that that you get too involved in their problems.

And I would suggest compassion practices,

Because compassion,

True compassion,

Is being able to move towards someone's pain and suffering,

Whether they're physically suffering,

Whether they have a problem they're suffering around,

To be there 100% with it,

To not fear being there with it,

But not to take it with us afterwards.

That is the wisdom of compassion,

That we don't take it on afterwards.

And so because we don't practice a lot of compassion in the West,

And it is a part of our practice that I do think gets neglected a lot.

So I would recommend,

Joanne,

I would absolutely recommend and Tonglen or compassion,

Compassion,

I'm saying the practice of compassion,

Where you're,

You're imagining different groups of people and that are suffering.

And you can just,

You can do people that,

You know,

Only go as far as you feel comfortable,

It might just be people that are having a tough day.

You know,

We all know what it's like to have a tough day.

And you just imagine those people,

All the people driving home,

And they're stressed,

Or they're upset,

And they're tired,

And their energy is low.

And you can just,

You know,

You know,

I feel your pain,

I care about your pain,

I wish for your pain to be to you,

For you to be relieved of your pain,

Right?

To be thinking these thoughts,

To be sending these thoughts about their pain,

Like you're seeing them with their pain.

And you're saying,

I care about your pain.

I care about your suffering.

You know,

May you know that I care about your suffering.

May you know that I care about your pain.

Right?

So you're looking at people's pain and suffering,

Not something we do,

We,

We are much better at practicing indifference to people's pain and suffering.

When you walk past a homeless person,

If you're practicing indifference,

If you can't look at them,

And practicing indifference,

Right,

That's remember,

There's always an alternative,

Alternative practice that we're doing.

We always forget that no one wants to be practicing indifference.

And so it,

It's a practice to look at a homeless person to look at someone that's in the,

In the,

You know,

On the streetlights,

When they're at the intersections,

When people are,

Have a sign and they're asking for money,

To look at them,

They are a real human being.

That's how you practice like,

Not to,

For exactly what you're talking about,

Joanne,

Where we,

You know,

We get involved in people's problems,

And then we can't take,

You know,

We can't let it go or where we're more empathic.

And I think someone else,

I think Monica.

Yes,

You're saying the same thing,

You can relate to that.

And I would imagine a lot of people here do,

Can relate to this as well.

So we think,

How can I not do that?

Because then,

You know,

If we take it on,

Then our protective mechanism becomes our ego trying to protect us say,

I can't look at it anymore.

It's just too overwhelming.

I can't get involved.

I just,

I'm too spent.

Because we,

If,

If we go to help someone and we take their problem with us when we leave,

Then we,

We are draining all of our energy.

We don't have any room for anyone else.

Because we're,

Maybe you help one person in the morning,

Another person in the afternoon,

And now you're filled with all of their problems,

Right?

And then in the evening,

You go home and your partner needs something,

But you're filled.

You can't take anything else on.

Your compassion and your empathy is gone.

Because you can't take anything else on at that point.

So the practices of compassion,

Or I would strongly recommend because it is my favorite Tonglen.

I think it is the most powerful of practices.

Being able to look at people that are suffering.

You know,

Again,

Imagining just people that are having a tough day,

Someone that made a mistake at work and got reprimanded,

Because we've all had that happen.

You know,

We acted out in ways that weren't particularly kind.

We have all done that at one time or another.

So we can imagine people that are experiencing that right now,

Taking on their fear and their worries,

Sending back healing white light,

Right?

We're transforming their pain and suffering.

By imagining,

I can see their pain and suffering,

Taking on exactly their fears and their worries and their concerns,

Send them back healing white light.

That is how you build the capacity to be with others when they're suffering,

When they're dealing with their problems.

And then when you walk away,

You don't keep it with you.

That is how you build your capacity of compassion,

To be a compassionate person,

So that then when you move on,

And there's another friend who's going through something,

The room is there for them too.

I can be here with you,

Be fully present for what's going on,

And I can feel 100% with you right now.

And I can cry with you.

And my heart can quiver for what you're going through right now.

And when this is over,

I leave it here.

I don't carry it with me.

I take a little space,

Maybe some kindness for myself,

Because maybe it was a particularly difficult interaction.

Maybe you're with someone who was really sick,

Or they're dying or something,

And it's like,

Okay,

Now I need a little bit of compassion to be with what's here,

Just to let it go through me,

So that then when I meet the next person that needs my help,

My heart can be open to them too.

So Tonglen,

Tonglen practice.

And as you,

So again,

I'd recommend everyone have a couple classes on Tonglen.

I have a Tonglen meditation all on my teacher's page.

I know there are thousands of Tonglen,

Or hundreds at least of Tonglen meditations on Insight Timer as well.

So doing Tonglen,

Doing it as a formal practice,

As your entire practice,

But then also at the end of your practice.

So at the end of my practice,

Every single time I meditate,

At the end of my practice,

Right,

I can be doing self inquiry or Vipassana or Samatha,

Whatever it is,

Actually Samatha and Vipassana really go together,

But whatever my practice is,

At the end,

After I dedicate the merit,

I spend a few minutes on Tonglen.

So every time I'm adding Tonglen into my practice,

For anyone that was unkind to me,

For someone that I know that is suffering,

For someone that I know that is just they're kind of a little bit of a challenge to be around,

And I don't want to start building up those thoughts of judgment and resentment.

And so I just imagine breathing in their suffering and pain and sending them back healing white light.

Continuously keeping this,

Keeping your heart open.

Tonglen.

Joanne,

Tonglen.