Acceptance - A Series On The Attitudes of Mindfulness (Week 2)

Last week we looked at non-judging and how interpreting everything as good or bad,

Pleasant or unpleasant,

Can often make us unhappy and lead to feelings of frustration,

Disappointment or anger.

This week we are looking at acceptance which goes hand in hand with non-judgment and is the second attitude and stance we learn from practising mindfulness.

Jon Kabat-Zinn says,

Imagine you are trying to sit quietly to meditate and your neighbour has decided he is now a DIY expert and starts his new gardening project,

Noisily.

You would probably judge that noise as unpleasant,

Bad and unwanted and therefore you won't accept it and this leads to an absolute focus on the noise and the neighbour and the feelings that have now arisen which can spiral out of control leading you to quit on the meditating and leave you with feelings of resentment and anger towards your neighbour.

This is an amusing example but typical of elements in our lives that we just can't accept.

Often our non-acceptance is about control.

We get upset when things are not how we want them to be,

How we imagine things should be.

But is it possible that we can be with these things and not turn away?

Does our resistance change the noisy neighbour?

We don't have to stop appreciating our life just because everything is not perfect.

Imagine if you walked into a beautiful meadow with pretty flowers all around,

Beautiful colours everywhere,

Bees and butterflies flitting around,

Birds singing in the trees and a gentle breeze lightly moving the long grasses.

And then you notice at the side of you is a large pile of cow dung.

Does this mean that the meadow is not still beautiful?

That we cannot still enjoy it?

No,

Just that it has flaws.

It is imperfect.

We can still savour and appreciate it.

There is a Japanese philosophy called wabi-sabi which is the act of seeing the beauty in the imperfect and the flawed.

Is it possible for us to do this in our imperfect lives?

If we acknowledge that this has happened or is happening and it is real and stop resisting and fighting it,

We suffer less.

It's not about denying how you feel,

Even if you feel I don't like this and I don't want it as that could be harmful to your mental health.

It is merely acknowledging the feelings and changing your relationship to them.

It is noticing our present moment experience with less resistance and struggle which creates space for what actually is.

Is it possible for you to move past the thought of something being an obstacle?

Must every disturbance,

Discomfort and unease be your enemy?

What would it be like if you could sit with that noise,

That disturbance,

That annoyance and just be with it?

Be in your life fully.

Fully experience all of it.

Loosen the grip on the way things should be and experience what actually is.

Being fully present right now.

Being present in spite of life being what I consider flawed right now.

I love the original meaning of the Indian Sanskrit word dukkha.

This is a Buddhist term which now means anything that is uncomfortable,

Unpleasant or difficult and that causes pain or sadness.

The Aryans,

A group of people who invaded India and introduced their language,

Were a nomadic race who travelled by horse or oxen drawn vehicles.

The prefix du in their language meant bad and the word ka meant the axle hole of their carts.

So dukkha meant having a poor axle hole which would have led to a bumpy ride.

So our resistance or non-acceptance and judging of things is dukkha which leads to an uncomfortable ride.

Eckhart Tolle the author says,

All you really need to do is accept this moment fully.

You are then at ease in the here and now and at ease with yourself.

Sounds simple but it is not that easy to actually do.

So how do we practice acceptance?

Today we are going to do a breathing practice which is excellent for reducing anxiety and relaxing the mind and body.

Generally we would practice with lovely relaxing music playing in the background.

Today will be different.

This will be a chance to practice acceptance.

For this practice you will need your nose to be clear so please press pause on this recording and take some time to blow your nose and clear your airways.

Get yourself in a comfortable seated position and allow your eyes to close.

Take a couple of deep breaths and allow your body to settle and relax.

This is a poem by the Sufi poet Rumi.

It's called The Guest House.

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy,

A depression,

A meanness.

Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all.

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture.

Still,

Treat each guest honourably as he may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought,

The shame,

The malice.

Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

And so see if you can practice inviting whatever thought,

Feeling or sensations arise for you during this practice.

And see if you can notice where the tendency is to judge and to avoid anything that is considered faulty or uncomfortable.

And maybe you can now attempt the practice of non-judging and acceptance being fully present in your life in this very moment with whatever is here.

Cup the right elbow in the left hand and place your thumb on the right nostril,

The ring finger on the left nostril and your index finger on the top of the nose between the eyebrows.

Allow the hand and the arm to be comfortable.

Now block the left nostril with the ring finger and inhale through the right nostril,

Imagining the breath to reach the index finger,

The point between the eyebrows.

Pause here,

Then block the right nostril with the thumb,

Release the left ring finger and exhale down the left nostril.

Pause and now inhale up the left nostril.

Pause,

Block the left nostril,

Release the thumb.

Exhale down the right nostril.

Pause,

Inhale right.

Pause,

Block the right,

Release the left.

Exhale left.

Pause,

Inhale left.

Pause,

Block left,

Release right.

Exhale right.

And continue this practice,

Remembering to inhale through the same nostril you have exhaled from and pause at the end of each inhale and exhale.

Can you make room for any discomfort or unease you might feel right now listening to this sound?

Can you invite the thoughts,

The feelings,

The labels,

The sensations and just accept this as part of your life's experience?

Must this be your enemy?

Ask yourself,

Do I have to struggle with this?

See if you can now lengthen each inhale and each exhale as well as each pause.

Is it possible to just acknowledge what is there without judgment and just experience it?

And keep breathing in and out.

Accepting this moment fully.

Being fully present in your life.

And now allow that practice of breathing to fall away.

Drop your hands comfortably to your lap and let your breathing go to your usual rhythm.

Notice how you feel right now.

Maybe you observed that you were fully immersed in the breathing and that you couldn't hear the noise after a while.

Maybe that wasn't the case for you.

Maybe you were only focused on the sound.

This is part of acceptance and non-judging to just acknowledge what was there for you.

Accept it.

Invite it all.

But ask yourself,

What can I learn from this?

What can I take from this?

Just bring your awareness now to your feet on the ground,

Your bottom on the seat.

Become aware of the space behind you and the space to the left and the right of you.

And the space above you.

Become aware of the space in front of you.

And when you are ready,

Slowly and carefully open your eyes.

Thank you.