How Do I Outgrow Resistances And Repeating Patterns?

Anybody who's attending these satsangs is aware of the ego,

You know?

You're aware of how the ego grabs you or darkens your life.

And,

You know,

The ego has come from many lifetimes,

Not just this one.

And so when we're growing out of it,

When we're wanting to evolve,

Please remember some degree of patience and gentleness with yourselves.

Please,

The gentleness,

The gentleness with yourself,

You see,

Is coming from your soul.

It's our egos that are harsh with us.

It's our egos that are harsh with us,

Please.

So,

You know,

Sometimes when I tripped over the same thing within myself,

Like on the 500th time,

I would get so frustrated.

So,

I would turn and blast my resistance.

Do you know what I mean?

I would scream at my resistance.

I would like just throw a temper tantrum at my resistance,

Not at myself,

Okay?

At my resistance.

You can do that safely.

You know,

Christ would say,

Hate the sin,

Not the sinner.

So,

This with ourselves,

I feel the,

You know,

I know this work can be like surgery in a way,

And I feel like what can get lost sometimes is the value of your creaturehood,

Your human physical self,

You know,

Our bumbling humanity.

You know,

We're both divine and human,

And it's just like Shiva and Shakti,

They have to both be respected.

It's the male and female principles.

You know,

The male of the Shiva is the supreme principle,

And Shakti was the energy and creative force.

It's like we need both here on the earth.

Our humanity is as important in a way as our divinity here on the earth.

We have to give respect to both.

And when you give respect to both,

You can have patience with your frailties.

You can allow your frailties to be loved out.

You can grow out of your frailties.

We will all grow out of our frailties.

We are growing out of our frailties.

You are farther ahead today than you were yesterday,

No matter what you feel like.

And again,

I'm getting some tears going about how hard you are on yourselves.

I can feel it.

You know,

If beating ourselves worked,

The earth would be an enlightened plane,

You know.

I'm asking Amma to,

As a result of our time together,

That there's a shift into more of an ability to embrace yourselves.

It's really,

Really important,

You guys.

It is kind of why this one has become a teacher,

Because there is a level,

Like I was so sincere about wanting to embody my truth,

But I have been endlessly patient with my frailties.

If you guys knew how many frailties I've had in my time,

You'd go,

Oh,

She's worse than I am.

Really?

Please think that way.

Yeah.

The only,

You know,

The big ingredient,

Magical ingredient with me was I kind of endlessly forgave myself.

I don't know.

It was yeah,

I just kind of got over myself.

And I know you guys can do it too,

But we do it by feeling loved,

Okay?

Or actually,

In truth,

It's kind of like a mixture of self-acceptance and a little bit of self-hatred.

You know,

The self-hatred not aimed at the self,

But aimed at the ego's resistances.

You know,

It's like that again,

Hating the sinner,

Not hating the sin,

Not the sinner.

Yeah.

Okay.

There's a pause,

And I'm feeling a pause in all of you,

And I'm feeling like you can let more love in now.

Some of you are thinking about it.

It's actually a change in your cells,

Because your cells are made out of divine love,

Okay?

So,

You're made out of divine love.

This is what is so,

It's the theory of the absurd,

Because I'm talking to gods who've forgotten that they're gods.

And that's not a sin.

It's part of the game here.

Okay,

And I'm wanting to talk about this letting love in.

You know,

Amma says that there's some people who,

No matter how bad it gets here on the earth plane,

They do not turn to God.

They just soldier on endlessly in the dark world that their ego has created.

It is this point of turning to God that is so important when things are tough.

Really turn to Amma,

The creator,

As quickly as you can,

Okay?

Because sometimes we think that we're surrendering our difficulties,

But lots of times I talk to people,

And as they talk,

I can see that they're not surrendering at all.

They've got,

They're very boxed.

They're feeling like it's all on their shoulders,

And they have to figure it out.

And sometimes,

You know,

We might have a teacher who's saying,

Oh,

Learn to surrender.

So,

Then we put that on top of our shoulders.

Oh,

We have to learn how to surrender now on top of everything else.

So,

No wonder we get shoulder pain,

Which really,

If you've got it,

It will be that you're taking too much on your shoulders.

Okay,

So when we get that,

When we really get that that's what we're doing,

We shift into surrender because the stupidity of it starts,

We start registering how stupid it is to put everything on our shoulders and think that we have to figure it out,

Sort it out.

Yeah.

Okay,

Please don't do that.

Please.

You know,

You know,

The time came when I,

With the giving over,

I started to get a physical experience of giving it over,

But before that,

I would just give it over in my head,

And I would just give it over in my mind.

With the giving over,

I started to get a physical experience of giving it over,

But before that,

I would just give it over in my head,

Even if I felt totally attached to the various outcomes.

So,

You know,

Still heavy on my shoulders,

But with my thought,

I'd give it over.

That's all I'm talking about.

Just think I'm giving it over.

That's it.

You think that,

And what will happen is you will start,

Your psyche will start to maneuver you into an experience of giving it over.

It's like we can trust ourselves.

You can trust yourself.

The thinking,

Okay,

I'm giving it over,

It adds up.

It adds up and gets stronger and stronger.

You'll get more and more in the habit of doing it.

You see,

The ego,

You know,

Our conscious mind,

Our egos,

Don't believe love exists.

They were built on the experience of utter fear and sense of abandonment,

Of being alone in the universe.

You know,

There's a circuit now that the doctors,

Scientists have found that there's a brain circuit attached to ego and another brain circuit that's attached to soul.

So,

If somebody's in their ego,

Their brain lights up in a certain way,

And if they're coming more from their soul,

They've woken up more,

Their brain lights up another way.

So,

You see,

If we're in a situation where our brain has lighted up,

Lit up in the ego circuit,

Then that's what reality looks like to us.

So,

You see,

It takes a lot of patience and courage to come out of it,

Because our biology,

Our physiology is in it.

Okay,

So what gets us out of this circuit?

Okay,

I'll tell you.

Viktor Frankl said that,

You know,

He was the guy who went through the concentration camps,

And you know,

He fed people from his own little piece of bread,

And he made notes on little pieces of paper,

And after it was all through,

He wrote this book,

Man's Search for Meaning,

Which is just stunning.

Anyway,

He said,

Do you know who did the best in the concentration camps?

It's not the strongest people.

It was the people with the strongest imaginations that could imagine getting out of there,

Could imagine a future for themselves.

Okay,

It's this imagination of thinking,

Oh,

I'm not just a body,

I'm a soul.

I'm not just an ego,

I'm a soul.

What does my soul think and feel?

What's my soul perspective?

And being able to imagine,

You know,

It's like give space to that information,

Make space for it to come in.

Yeah,

You know,

The other interesting thing about this,

Amma says,

I heard her say this,

The strongest indicator of longevity,

The thing that most affects how long we live,

Is our ability to discriminate in our thinking.

Discrimination.

I was thinking about that,

And I was thinking,

You know,

That expression,

Only the good die young.

Well,

You could say only the naive die young,

Only the people that don't discriminate die young.

Yeah,

Which,

Again,

Is,

You know,

All the more reason to make room for your soul perspective,

And do the discriminating work between what is your ego and what is your soul energy.

Your ego and what is your soul energy.

You know,

This is the rub.

Okay,

There's some of you at a choice point here,

I can feel it.

You've got a choice point.

It's around taking a step further,

Or kind of being in a holding pattern.

It's very strong in some of you to take this step forward.

Okay,

It's just a very big need for love here.

Okay,

Lots of love coming to you.

Jana,

Alex,

Jenna,

Melinda,

Thorsten,

Ann,

Bethan,

Latipa,

Saskia,

Suzanne,

Lavani,

And Benjamin,

Phyllis,

Megan,

Ingrid,

Joanne,

Franka,

Bara,

Dara,

Jen,

Gabriela,

Shivamai,

Laura,

Laura,

Alicia,

And Michael.

Yeah,

Just receiving,

Sending you love.

I feel you're getting some help to receive this love.

Yeah.

It's the only thing that works,

You guys.

You know,

We're like three-year-olds trying to please mom or dad,

You know,

Trying to do some task to please them.

And mom and dad might watch with love in their hearts,

As the little kids struggle so.

But,

You know,

It's the child that pleases the parents.

The child's isness that pleases the parents.

It's,

You know,

A child might like pile blocks up to kind of impress the parents.

And the parents go,

Yay,

Good work.

But really,

The parents don't care if the blocks are piled up or not.

Like,

It's the way God is with us.

It's the way the Creator is with us,

You guys.

Like,

The Creator loves us.

Alma loves us.

It's like,

And would smile sweetly upon us as we're like trying to pile blocks and be a good spiritual student,

You know.

And all those things are good to be a good,

Good spiritual student.

But the Creator loves our isness,

Our beingness.

This is what is so hard for you to get,

Many of you to get.

And I understand why.

Believe me,

I get it.

I really understand why.

It can take years to get it.

But maybe,

Maybe quicker.

You know,

Some of you,

Like,

The yearning for the Creator,

Yearning to embody your truth and this love is the most powerful thing you can do.

Okay.

That deep yearning will move mountains.

Okay.

Okay.

And there's a story that I want to tell you that illustrates this.

So,

Before Krishna was born,

It was a very dark time,

Too.

You know,

You know,

Like ours,

Which is.

And there was a king,

There's a,

An evil king.

His name was,

I think,

Kansa.

Kansa,

Yeah.

And he had a sister called Devaki or Devaki,

I don't know.

And he was told,

He got kind of this announcement from the sky that the eighth child of his sister would kill him.

So,

He imprisoned his sister and her husband.

And they,

You know,

They gave birth and he kept killing the babies,

Which is just,

You know,

Be unbelievable.

So,

On the eighth baby,

The husband got a message from heaven that the birth would be allowed and that this child would kill the king and this evil king.

And indeed,

Just at the point of the birth of Krishna,

The jail gate opened for no particular reason,

No causal,

No linear mind causal reason.

So,

No physical reason.

And of course,

The guard was asleep.

So,

Krishna's father took him out of,

Escaped from the prison.

Okay.

So,

This is how it goes.

This is a beautiful story for what happens when the mind lets go or the ego lets go,

The door opens and our dreams come true or we shift into peace.

It's like Krishna is allowed to live.

Christ is allowed to live.

Amma is allowed to live.

Your soul is allowed to live here within your very human life here on the earth plane without obstruction.

What seemed impossible happens.

It's like a mental letting go and where you'd seen obstacles and difficulties,

They will start to be solved organically from like magically.

Now,

In the information,

All the stories around Amma,

This is what happens all the time around her.

And if you read about when they were setting up the tours in the U.

S.

,

There's a story of that they were driving this old,

Old van that was on its last legs and it finally dies just at their last stop,

You know.

This is my experience of life is that the jail doors unlock magically.

What used to bother us stops bothering us.

The people that we used to fight with,

We no longer fight with them.

We're more peaceful with them.

We just grow out of these things.

Now,

This is an experiential knowledge,

Like this is where faith comes from.

It's this experiential knowledge of these prison doors opening.

So,

Some of you try really hard,

But you haven't yet had the experience of these inner prison doors unlocking magically.

And the reason you haven't had this experience is you don't want it,

Okay?

Underneath,

You don't want it.

So,

You see,

This is what I would find in myself,

You know.

So,

What I would do is,

Very sincerely,

I would give all the parts of myself.

Like,

I would just think any part of me that doesn't want this shift,

I give over to the Creator now.

I would just checkmate myself into surrender.

And then there's a whole other level of the spiritual journey where,

You know,

It's already happened.

So,

Like,

It's not really up for discussion about what's going to happen in our lives.

So,

This is part of what makes it so unnerving in a way.

But,

You know,

The fact that it's already happened doesn't really help until very far in the journey.

Before that,

It's just kind of something that doesn't make sense.

Yeah,

That's it.

So,

There are two people particularly I'm speaking to,

And interestingly,

They both made shifts.

Both of you made shifts as I was just talking.

Yeah.

Remember,

The most resistant people become the most powerful teachers if they just never give up.

See,

The main thing to get is that our egos are not in control.

It's like we think we are in control.

But we're like little kids.

I've got to close the windows.

Hold on.

We're like little kids who,

Is this,

There's somebody mowing a lawn.

Is this interrupting the audio?

Is it bothering you guys?

It's okay.

Okay.

Okay.

We're like little kids driving a fake car,

And we think we're making the decisions,

But actually behind that,

Our soul is running the whole show.

Okay,

Please get that.

You're in like a fake car.

You think you're making choices.

Your soul is running the whole show.

That's why the quicker you go to surrender to your soul,

The easier your life will get.

But you can't surrender to your soul with the idea of it's going to make my life easier,

Because that is just an ego machination.

It's the surrender to the soul comes with utter sincerity,

Utter,

Utter sincerity.

And you know,

My experience,

Some of the most sincere people feel the most flawed and feel like they're not doing it right.

You know,

In my experience,

Women,

We just tend to think that whatever we're doing,

We're doing it wrong,

Or that we,

You know,

Really,

Really.

Yeah,

I hate to say it,

But it's true.

Especially when it comes to,

You know,

Recovering our true feminine maternal nature,

Which is not just maternal to children.

It's actually maternal to all of life in truth.

We can feel like it's not allowed because it hasn't been,

But actually it's so needed right now.

And you guys,

You have a woman inside you who,

Boy,

When she gets her freedom,

What a man you guys turn into,

Really.

When a guy's got a functioning feminine side,

He's just magic.

Yeah.

Feel like I'm wanting a breakthrough for you all.

I can feel how much this heart wants this for you.

You know,

The spiritual progress is,

The reason it makes us wise is because it's so challenging and difficult at times.

You know?

I mean,

I think sometimes within our culture,

With our focus on,

You know,

Comfort and ease and,

You know,

Tell me the rules and I'll play the game,

That we try to do the journey from the ego and that doesn't work.

We just get really lost that way.

But then when we get really lost that way,

We might surrender then,

You see,

So nothing's wasted.

I want you to think about this prison door opening,

You see.

When you come to surrender,

That's what happens.

Inside you,

Deep inside you,

The old,

The prison door opens.

It's like the old vasanas or patterns from other lives release out,

At least to some degree,

So there can be this new inner freedom that emerges.

Hi,

Benjamin.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it.

Feel your feet on the ground,

Wherever you are.

Feel your feet on the ground.

You divine beings in human form.

Yeah.

You've got the full spectrum.

A lot of you are working on the observer,

Learning how to observe yourself with neutrality and hopefully some degree of compassion,

But first of all,

It's a neutrality.

First of all,

It's a neutrality.

So,

Many of us get caught in that where the ego grabs the observer and we're listening to a tyrant who is pretending to be our soul.

And this tyrant will say,

That's bad.

This is good.

You did horribly there.

Oh,

You're great.

Yeah,

You're great.

And other people are not,

You know,

They're wrong.

Or you're,

You know,

This tyrant is the ego as the tyrant pretending to be the witness can say things like,

It's all hopeless.

You never going to get anywhere on the journey.

That's just ego.

Give it over.

Give it over.

If you've got any judging in your witness,

Please just give it over.

You can smell the judge.

It's horrible.

Give it over.

And ask to be brought into a true witnessing.

You know,

You have to be a little bit non-attached in order to witness.

You have to be a little bit non-attached to your whole ego story in order to witness.

Some of you are feeling like kind of hopeless.

It's not hopeless,

You guys.

It isn't hopeless at all.

It's your divine being,

Your divinity is going to do it.

It will do it despite you,

Really.

Despite all your machinations,

You'll just make progress.

Truly,

You do just,

You make progress.

The thing is,

You know,

Westerners,

Like,

I don't know how many people I've talked to,

I've said,

Like,

Keep a journal,

You know,

Meditate,

See your mantra.

And so many people will talk to me and they won't do those things,

But they want spiritual progress.

Well,

It's kind of hard to get spiritual progress without doing those things.

But if you do those things,

And you don't have this deep yearning for God,

Or you think that you're so flawed,

You know,

That that interrupts your yearning for God,

Like you go,

Well,

I couldn't ever really do it.

I want God,

But I can't really do it.

You guys,

It's not going to help.

It's like,

You know,

The level where the prison gates open is a really deep level.

And this is what we don't realize,

That the depth that we need to go to inside ourselves is deeper than we might expect.

Actually,

This is the key to this group.

I'm just feeling this.

That's all that's wrong.

It's not even wrong.

It's not even wrong.

It's just the depth you have to go to,

To make real spiritual progress,

Is deeper than you might have thought,

Or deeper than your ego wants to allow.

So,

It's just,

You know,

Okay,

The prayer for,

Please,

Please,

Creator,

Amma,

Mira,

Amma,

Bring me into this depth at a pace I can handle with all the support I need.

There's a great deal of sincerity in this group.

You're enormously sincere,

Truly.

Unusually sincere,

All of you.

That's it.

That's it.

You accepted that.

Sincerity brings progress,

Truly.

You know,

It's what a teacher will respond to the most,

Is the level of sincerity.

All of you have it.

It's the most important thing.

And then you just need time,

And then this retraining to,

You know,

Love yourselves,

Forgive yourselves your human frailties.

I have watched myself make the same mistake 500 times,

Truly.

Over and over again,

The same mistake.

Do you know,

It's like the patterns come from other lives,

You guys.

So,

It's like all we can do is,

You know,

Give it over,

Ask for help,

And try to correct.

You know,

Now I just know some things I do,

I'm just going to do.

It's like,

Yeah.

For me,

It's like I've been like a very stubborn child for myself.

Like I'm always working with this stubborn child.

For years,

It was like that.

That's it.

Good.

You're feeling a little lighter.

That's it.

You know,

When you make real progress on the journey,

It's like the darkness comes up pretty intensely.

It's like almost as,

You know,

If you sweep a floor,

You just,

You know,

You think it's clean,

But when you start washing it,

Then you start really seeing that dirt.

And this is what happens to us,

You know,

You see the dirt.

Yeah.

You know,

There are still the ups and downs,

Like coming back from seeing you all in Germany,

And working with so many in India and Germany.

So,

When I came back,

I went on a fast.

And I've had about like five days,

It's like very intense kind of clearing inside,

Kind of experience of darkness and clearing inside for just clearing,

You know,

Stuff from maybe all the people I worked with,

But,

You know,

Also,

I wouldn't have picked anything up from the people I worked with.

Maybe if I didn't have the darkness too,

Do you see what I mean?

So,

I'm not saying it's caused by the people I worked with at all.

Anyway,

The result is today,

I feel like a million dollars.

And I've made a leap.

I've gone up.

It's like,

That's how it is.

I mean,

It was pretty uncomfortable going through the,

You know,

When I was on this fast and I was not particularly a happy camper.

But I'm feeling like,

You know,

Dawn's breaking again.

So,

It's like this over and over,

Over and over.

You know,

We're on the earth plane.

It's like,

You know,

In the old days,

Amma used to vomit,

You know,

She'd hug people and then she'd vomit after,

You know,

Take time to vomit and then come back and hug people.

Well,

On the earth plane,

There's always movement.

There is never total perfection,

Like almost perfect.

But,

You know,

If you're on the earth plane,

You're growing.

That is to be celebrated.

You're growing.

It's uncomfortable,

Sure,

But you're growing.

And all of you,

You know,

You will be,

If you're carrying any light at all,

Which all of you are,

Your presence here on the earth plane is really helping.

It's really helping the whole world.

It actually helps the whole world from falling more into chaos.

You see,

The more of us who are doing this,

It helps hold the vibration of the whole world steady.

Right.

You don't know the full value of what you're bringing here.

Please,

Think that way.

Remember,

Remember about the people who got through the concentration camps.

Like,

Think this way,

That you're bringing light,

That you're helping.

Please,

This is the stuff I was really good at doing.

It's kind of like that leap of faith that this whole thing has enormous meaning and that you're off the charts valuable.

And,

You know,

If you think that way,

What will happen is if you do something not so enlightened,

You'll notice it right away and correct.

Do you see?

Because you'll be running.

I'm bringing light here.

My presence helps,

And it will help you act in ways that make that true.

You'll live it out.

Yeah.

Right.

This is what this one was very good at,

And the reason I got very good at it was I got totally abandoned.

I had nobody else to turn to.

Do you see?

So,

It was just between,

Like,

It was all up to this one to figure it out.

That's it.

It's just a leap of imagination,

A leap of faith,

And you don't have to tell anybody you're doing this.

In fact,

Don't talk about it.

Just do it.

We dissipate so much energy.

I'll tell you,

If we talk about,

You know,

Our journeys too much,

We can dissipate it,

You know.

I noticed,

You know,

It dawned on me that sometimes clients would tell me something,

And then they'd think that they'd done it because they told me it.

Do you see what I mean?

Like,

But it's just words.

It's just words.

Don't play in the world of words.

Play in the world of your heart and what you're setting your heart on.

Right.

What are you setting your heart on?

Really think about it.

Really do think about it,

You know,

And it's the wild heart that goes,

I'm a divine being here on earth.

I'm making the world a better place.

It's my deepest desire more than things or anything else.

That's what I want to do.

That will manifest.

The prison doors unlock,

And it becomes true.

And the other thing in that story is when the degree of suffering gets intense enough,

The prison doors unlock.

Okay.

So,

They lost seven children.

They had seven babies in prison.

They were all,

All these babies were murdered.

That just has to be the most horrible,

Horrible thing for parents.

Unbelievable.

But the prison doors locked,

Unlocked,

You see.

So,

It's two ways.

We can do it through horrible,

Horrible suffering.

The doors will unlock.

We can also do it through kind of a leap of faith where we just start siding with the creator.

It's like,

You know,

Hanuman,

The god,

He's kind of a figure in the east,

And he is a figure of devotion,

The monkey.

And he jumped across an ocean to save Sita,

Who was Rama's beloved wife who'd been kidnapped.

His devotion enabled him to jump over an ocean.

Our devotion enables us to make these huge leaps of faith into this wild territory.

It's like,

You know,

With my son with the leukemia,

I made this wild thing of holding the space for my son to live.

And afterwards,

You know,

When I heard about Hanuman,

I thought,

Oh,

That's an example of kind of leaping over the ocean.

It's like just making a huge leap beyond the linear mind.

And making this huge leap into more faith and trust and belief that you're a divine being.

Then that,

In this case,

It saved Sita.

And also,

It unlocks the prison door inside you,

Inside your heart,

Coming from your beliefs,

This life,

From your conditioning in this life and other lives,

Which is not your fault,

Okay?

It's not your fault.

You might have to,

Like,

Clean up the mess.

You're responsible to allow the mess to be cleaned up,

But it's not your fault.

You weren't there in other lives,

Like your human self wasn't there in other lives.

And you didn't have,

You weren't fully capable,

Zero to six,

When all this stuff happened.

Yeah,

So you're really off the hook of blame,

Okay?

Remember what I said,

Like,

Blame is lame.

Blame is be in front of lame.

Like,

Self-blame and blame of others makes us lame on the spiritual journey,

Really.

It just disempowers us.

Just need to give it all over to God.

You know,

If somebody's hurt us,

Maybe we did it to them in another life.

Who knows?

There's somebody in,

Who really needs to be showered with golden energy,

So I'm just showering this person with golden love.

It's funny,

I got this,

Like,

She needs to be showered with this golden love.

Yeah,

Yeah,

And now I'm going to shower all of you with it,

Okay?

Yeah,

Yeah,

Right,

Right,

Yeah,

Right.

You all deserve it.

You all need it,

Especially this person,

Who I began with.

You know,

The other thing that's really important is when you make progress,

When you feel the Creator come in and help you,

Or you have a tremendous insight,

Or something gets a lot better,

Just remember to notice it,

Okay?

Because when you notice it,

You receive it,

And if you express gratitude for it,

That will open your heart to receive more.

Gratitude softens our hearts,

You guys.

We're like a little kid who feels really safe in life,

And is just grateful because mom brought them an apple,

Or an ice cream,

Or thanks mom,

Thanks.

The child feels safe and taken care of.

So,

That's why,

You know,

Spiritual teachers talk about gratitude so much,

Because if you steer your mind to gratitude as much as possible,

Your heart will soften.

Do you get it?

Your heart will soften.

So,

You will let love in more.

And you will give love more.

I used to have enormous trouble with gratitude,

Horrible,

Horrible trouble.

I mean,

I just didn't think I had anything to be grateful for,

And I look back now,

And I see how well the universe was taking care of me every step of the way,

And how much I got,

How much I received.

And at the time,

You know,

It was never enough,

Whatever.

Whatever.

I mean,

Actually,

I'm gobsmacked by my lack of gratitude,

And that's probably why it took me four decades.

I'm not kidding.

I am dead serious.

Slowest student on the block.

Really,

You know,

But,

You know,

I had enormous drive,

Too.

I really love the creator.

So,

You know,

I spent a lot of years putting on the gas at 90 miles an hour,

And putting on the brake really hard.

Do you see?

So,

I lived like that.

Some of you will know what I'm talking about,

What that's like.

You really want to make progress,

But then it's really hard for you to just do simple things like,

You know,

For you to just do simple things like keep your journal,

Or feel gratitude,

Or,

And just let it be a push-pull.

Let it be that way,

And give it over.

Just be with everything.

Like,

I let myself be brought down after returning from seeing you all.

I let myself be brought down because I knew that if I just let myself be brought down,

I would be brought up again with a new,

Clearer understanding.

Yeah.

You know,

This is,

You know,

Being on the journey is like being in,

Living out heroic literature.

Do you know?

It is heroic.

It is a heroic task.

Everything's intensified.

Emotions are intensified.

Conflicts are intensified.

But it becomes very meaningful and very rich.

And you know that you're helping here on the earth plane.

You'll just get the increased data that your presence helps here.

Okay,

I want to open up for questions.

Some of you,

It's 1030,

So some of you may have to go,

But if,

If others want to stay for questions,

I mean,

At least 20 minutes,

Maybe half an hour I mean,

At least 20 minutes,

Maybe half an hour for questions or observations.

If there's anybody,

You know,

Who's going to volunteer or anything because you guys are sometimes very monosyllabic.

Hi,

Prima Suda.

I'm glad that you are here with us.

Thank you for that.

So,

So I just came back from the retreat I went to and I even had some back pain before.

It's my second day now being back.

I have an enormous back pain.

So maybe you referred to it already by sharing what happened to you after coming back from Germany.

But still,

I wanted to ask for help,

For your help.

Where's the back pain?

It's in the,

In the middle,

In the middle compartment,

So to say.

And it's a tiny little bit better now.

Yesterday,

It was not so bad.

But today I could hardly walk,

You know,

Every movement was so painful.

Is it behind your heart?

Well,

It's wandering.

Sometimes it's here and sometimes it's there.

But mostly in the middle area.

Sometimes it's more the right side in the middle.

Sometimes it's in the very center in the middle.

But it's,

I would say it's heart and third chakra and a little bit second.

Mostly third and heart,

I would say.

Okay.

So it's a complex in your unconscious that's coming up to be healed.

It involves your heart chakra,

Your sacral and the solar plexus chakra.

So this sounds like a,

You know,

Significant block that's coming up to be cleared.

Do you see what I mean?

It's affecting,

It's right around your,

Yeah,

I can feel it.

It's right around your,

It's an old,

It's an old block to prevent you from embodying your divinity.

See,

From just living it,

Embodying it,

Expressing it,

Feeling part of everything.

It's just an old,

Old,

It's interesting,

Old misunderstanding.

And I can feel that it's siphoned off your energies,

Like it's made you feel tired and kind of weak and helpless.

It's what it's involved with and it's clearing because you're a big powerhouse,

Atiba.

Sorry,

You can't fool me.

You're just a big powerhouse,

You know.

And what was so frustrating,

And I want to be honest with that,

I was so resisting the pain.

I was really angry at the creator because it was so painful.

I thought I cannot bear it and I was shouting and screaming.

And I said,

Please,

More I cannot take,

You know,

Please,

Please,

Please help.

And then for sure the help didn't come immediately,

You know.

And I really got impatient and frustrated in relation,

In relating to the pain.

And finally,

I mean,

I almost never do this,

But finally I took a painkiller to at least get a little rest,

You know,

Because it was constant with every movement.

It's really,

I'm big on painkillers,

Truly,

If you,

Really,

You know,

Because the body gets,

It starts getting used to the pain and,

You know,

A painkiller can help prevent that.

And I was really sort of crawling to the grocery store because I had to buy something for the holidays,

You know,

I had nothing here,

You know.

It took me like a snail,

You know,

It took me enormous time,

Like a hundred-year-old woman,

Something like this,

And then had to sit on a bench and rest again and then come up and really,

I mean,

It has been a very long time that my back was as bad as now,

So.

Yeah.

Well,

What did I say to you about what the pain meant?

Yeah,

About being a powerhouse and not,

And I don't know if you said I'm not willing to be one with everybody or everything,

Or I'm on the threshold of opening to that.

Yeah,

It's coming up to be cleared.

Sweetie,

It's coming up to be cleared.

I'll tell you,

I mean,

You know,

I have to say,

Sweetie,

I know it hurt,

But I'll tell you,

Giving birth is the worst.

So,

The great thing about having given birth is everything is so much less than that.

No,

It's true.

It's true.

I know,

I mean,

I don't know,

I'm not a mother,

But I take it from you.

Yeah.

I do.

Yeah,

I think,

Again,

I want to say that you're a lot stronger than you know.

It's kind of,

What comes up as you talk is kind of your resentment that you're being put through this.

Right.

Right,

And actually,

I think that is what weakens you.

It's the resentment.

It's like,

You know,

You play with just embracing the experience and embrace your resentment,

But know that,

Like,

Getting angry at God,

Like,

Sure,

It's understandable,

But just put your arms around the whole thing,

Because getting angry at God,

Like,

Splits you away from it a little bit.

Like,

Just see that it's your homework to have this experience and embrace it.

I'm not catching you yet,

Teba.

It's a kind of,

It's a kind of,

You know,

Sweetie,

You're going to have to change the way that you process this stuff if you want to become the light that you were born to be.

Okay.

Do you understand this?

You're going to have to make a wild embrace of stuff as coming to help you.

Did I understand you right,

That this is coming up to help me,

Right?

Yeah.

Yes.

Just as you're going through all this,

You're just embracing yourself with this.

This is horrible.

I'm in pain,

But it's coming up to help me.

And yeah,

Like,

This is sweetie,

I can't see how you're going to move into more truth without doing that.

Yeah,

I'm probably in the,

Underneath,

I still believe that I did something wrong,

Probably.

Yeah,

I think so.

Because,

You know,

Yesterday,

I mean,

I had some back pain,

But the whole body was light and vibrant.

And a girlfriend of mine asked me about the retreat,

And I was sharing,

I was full of joy.

And then this morning,

This came up,

What I'm just describing.

Of course it will.

This is my point.

This is the yin and the yang.

This is the light and darkness.

Right.

Yeah.

Like,

Sweetie pie,

Like,

You know,

This is what I mean,

Like,

Underneath,

Some of us just don't want to do it.

Like,

You have to think,

Do you really want to make the step into this,

Becoming the true Atiba,

Or do you want to keep splitting off like this?

You mean,

By embracing the duck when it comes the next step?

Yeah,

Just embracing it.

Like,

I'm in agony,

I'm in pain.

Yes,

Right.

This is clearing.

Yes,

I understand that.

Yeah,

Atiba,

I think you can do this.

I mean,

I'm,

In fact,

I'm going to keep saying this to you.

So you're not going to,

If you want to spend time with me,

You're going to keep getting this message.

I don't know.

I'm grateful.

I mean,

I got already a little answer when you shared about yourself with the fasting and that it came up.

Yeah.

So I thought,

Oh,

Maybe it could be similar now for me after.

Totally.

Yeah.

Totally.

And stand with the empirical evidence of what you see in your life.

I mean,

The relating to other people was still joyful.

I just went to the grocery store finally.

And even with strangers,

There was an open heart and beautiful feedback came back unexpectedly.

So this is still there.

So I'm not putting my pain in front of anybody.

That's not what is happening.

And still when I just tell you,

Will you keep working with sending love to the part of you that doesn't want to grow because you are so subtle and you.

You avoid it like you.

You receive what I say and then you will avoid it like just what happened last time.

This you'll you'll talk about,

Oh,

You were doing it.

You know,

You talk about that you're in this horrible pain and then I speak and then you say,

Oh,

Yeah,

I was doing it already.

OK,

So I can't do it for you.

You're going to have to give over your resistance to the creator to Amok and ask that.

Yeah.

I mean,

Really think about whether you want to do this or whether you really want to give your light this life.

Right,

This is the 100 million dollar question for you,

Atiba.

By giving the resistance over,

Right?

Yeah.

Yes.

And with and then ask for all the support and help you need.

But you have a lot of light,

Atiba,

You know,

And it's so close to the surface now.

It's not that much to give over anymore.

You've come so far.

Thank you so much,

Prima Suta,

Because the last prayer I did to Amai in this respect shortly before the satsang was indeed that I asked for the right attitude towards the pain.

And I guess you just gave me you just were the answer to the prayer there.

Do you see how how supported you are?

Bless your heart.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good.

Good.

Well done.

Thank you.

Well done.

Yeah.

Thank you.

And you see this because sometimes I felt with especially with Amma devotees that they hold what I say like.

Like,

Like they don't.

It's like Amma's the Pope,

You know,

And it's like any of us can express the love that Amma is expressing.

Do you understand?

Yes.

At a smaller level.

Indeed.

She's like a million of us,

But we can tap into it.

And that's what I see you doing,

Atiba,

Doing Atiba over your life.

Just keep going.

It's a beautiful outcome.

So just keep going.

Thank you very much.

Encourages me and shows the direction.

Thank you.

Sweetie,

You've been so brave.

Truly.

Yeah.

Really brave.

Yeah.

Badger Bonner.

Yeah.

Okay.

Anybody else?

This is thrilling.

You know,

In kindergarten,

You go,

Any questions?

Does anybody have any questions?

And then there's and then there's like,

They just sit there.

Yep.

Yeah.

Some of you are scared of getting in trouble.

You're all beautiful.

You're all beautiful.

It's like,

You're all beautiful.

And remember,

I'm just the way I am with you guys is just the way I am was with myself.

Yeah.

Actually,

I was far tougher with myself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Last call then.

Otherwise,

We'll,

We'll complete.

I want to thank you.

Thank you all for coming.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're Yeah.

Yeah,

You're beautiful.

Yeah.

And may you're Oh,

May you just feel how beautiful you are.

Please.

Yeah.

Please.

Yep.

Okay.

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.