How To Handle Your Emotions In A Difficult Relationship

Hello,

My beauties,

How are you all doing?

So today,

I want to talk about how to deal with,

You know,

Being in a relationship,

You know,

Maybe this,

Whoever this person could be in your life,

And maybe you have to spend a lot of time with them.

You love them dearly,

They love you dearly,

But,

Or,

You know,

Or however the relationship is,

They can,

You know,

Just just by the way your interaction is,

Maybe you're very different from each other.

Maybe you have different styles of communicating.

And there's always misunderstandings,

There's always crossed wires.

And what happens in the long run is because there's this consistent,

You know,

Energy of like disagreements,

And,

You know,

It can start to make you feel not good about yourself.

Like,

Even though nobody means any harm,

In some cases,

People do like because they are,

They have toxic toxicity within them.

So sometimes that just pours out onto others.

But in situations,

Like,

I mean,

There could be,

Like I said,

Different types of situations.

One,

It could be a toxic relationship,

When it could be that you're well meaning,

But you just don't communicate well,

You know,

Maybe that person's a good person,

You're a good person,

But you just have such different styles of communicating that there's always like this,

Yeah,

You don't feel heard,

You don't feel understood.

And it's like,

You're,

It's like,

It's rebounding off a wall,

And your message is not going through and their message is not coming through.

And then you end up getting annoyed,

Or you end up like feeling frustrated,

Because you haven't been able to communicate and or people end up getting angry or upset or whatever it is.

And,

You know,

Over a long period of time,

That can wear you down.

And that can make you feel not good about yourself,

Like you might start feeling like I'm a terrible person,

Or,

You know,

Like,

I'm just,

You know,

I'm not good,

Because you're constantly in that energy of feeling like you did something wrong,

Or you didn't,

You created a bad result,

You know,

Or like you create a disharmony.

And it's important,

If you want to manage your life and yourself in that circumstance,

Sometimes we're in circumstances we can't get out of,

Like,

You know,

It could be financial,

It could be for various reasons,

You're,

You're kind of with that person,

You know,

It could be a parent,

It could be your partner,

It could be your children,

It could be anybody.

And so how do you manage that?

You know,

How do you manage that feeling of always feeling like you're not a good person,

Or you're just like,

You're just bad,

Because no matter what you do,

It's like,

You know,

You are somehow being you're wrong,

Or you're unfair,

Or you're whatever it is,

You know,

You know what I mean,

Right?

So you,

You can start feeling pretty shitty,

You know,

About yourself.

And what's important is to detach,

Completely detach,

Like,

If something like that happens,

Just get away,

Wherever you have space,

Just go or go outside for a walk and regain your individuality,

Your own sense of self,

It's important to give yourself that dose of self help at that moment and not take it in and not let it define you and not degrade you,

You know,

Even though nobody means any harm,

We're human,

And we get annoyed with each other,

Or if you spend a lot of time with somebody,

They can get on your nerves,

Or they can,

Like I said,

Just communicate differently.

So just understand that,

Like,

Just become clear about that,

And be logical about it,

You know,

Be practical about it.

Like,

Ask yourself,

Why is this happening?

Like I said,

It could just be different styles,

Or you're under a lot of pressure,

Or that person is under a lot of pressure,

Or they're ill,

Or they're struggling mentally,

Or I don't know,

Whatever situation.

So be practical about it.

Don't let it seep inside of you.

Don't let it become your identity.

You know,

You've got to protect yourself from that.

Because if you do that,

Then,

You know,

You can go down a really very depressing and unworthy path.

Because if you start believing that you're not a good person because you don't get along with somebody,

Or you just,

There's always,

Like,

It's always uncomfortable,

Or always,

You know,

It turns out to be some sort of argument,

Or some sort of fight,

Or some sort of like,

Just annoyance,

You know.

If you don't check and keep yourself in check from letting that become something that defines you,

You know,

That's going down a very,

Very,

Very deep rabbit hole,

Which you don't want to start dealing with and climbing out of.

You need to not fall in it now,

Like,

Just bring yourself back to your own being,

Forgive yourself for your behavior,

Forgive the other person for their shortcomings.

And sometimes,

You know,

It's something very practical,

It's just,

It's not something that's your fault or their fault.

It's just,

It's something just,

It's a technical thing,

You know,

It's just different references,

Different generations,

Sometimes,

Or different upbringing,

Different way of looking at things,

Or everyone has their own paradigms,

Which they're stuck in.

So just remove yourself from that situation,

And give yourself a break.

And just say,

I'm human,

It's okay,

It happens,

And it doesn't define me.

My identity and who I am,

And my worth is still intact.

I am still a loving,

A lovable,

A worthy individual.

And I'm not going to allow anybody to define that part of me,

You know,

Regardless,

I am always,

Always worthy of love,

Worthy of respect,

Worthy of abundance,

Worthy of everything good in my life.

It's so important to protect yourself like that,

Like you would your own child,

You know.

So your inner child needs to be protected.

You need to come back in that moment and say,

No,

I'm not going to allow that to destroy me.

And I'm going to keep my identity intact,

I'm going to keep my sense of love for myself intact.

And at the same time forgiving the other person,

Like I said.

That's how you manage,

You know,

A relationship that is difficult.

And you don't have an out like you have,

Like,

There are reasons why you can't be out or you live in under the same roof,

Because you have to,

You know.

So manage it like that.

And don't let it get inside of you and start like,

You know,

Start undermining who you are,

Because life is like that.

We all have different areas of difficulty.

We all have our own short sightedness,

Our own,

You know,

Prejudices,

Our own and it can lead to these things,

But don't let that become who you are.

And don't let that take away from who you are.

So I hope I've been able to express this clearly.

I just feel like it's a very important message,

Because I mean,

If you're human,

Most likely you will have some sort of relationship like this.

So be more logical about it rather than emotional.

And yeah,

And don't let it define you.

Just just walk away from it and gather yourself and remember who you are a worthy,

Loving,

Loved individual,

Even though even if you're not getting it from that other person that does not make you any less worthy.

The only person who does that is you.

So if you make that something,

If you take that on basically,

And you say yes,

Because I don't get along with this person,

I must be bad and I must be nasty and I must be unworthy.

That is you.

That is up to you.

And you don't need to do that.

You can just choose the other or the other way of responding rather than internalizing.

That's the word.

Don't internalize anybody else's like issues.

Just become aware of like who you are,

Yeah,

And be practical of how you may contribute to that or what is it?

What part are you playing?

But all the while remaining detached,

Not being not berating yourself for it,

Just saying,

OK,

This is how I behave.

This is what I did.

This is what they did.

And yeah,

Initially,

You may not feel that way,

Right?

If you've been in an argument or you've been like upset with that person,

You might not feel that way because your emotions surge up.

But keep a check of your emotions because you do have control over them and you can just check them and say,

Do I need to go to this degree of like emotional involvement in the situation or or get so upset?

Or can I just talk to myself and say,

Calm down,

Because it's not worth it.

Just stay calm and go,

Go somewhere where you don't have to handle that situation anymore.

And yeah,

That's my message for all of you today.

Let me know if that helped you.

Let me know if it made any sense.

I mean,

I hope it made sense because relationships can get challenging,

You know,

And within a relationship,

We start to believe something about ourselves because we hear it so often,

Like that person's like,

You know,

They could say many different they could define you in different ways.

They could like put labels on you and you could do that to others as well.

So check the labels you've put on other people and and maybe examine those as well,

Like and be a little more compassionate towards why they acted that way or what why are they doing that or saying that.

So labels,

You know,

Just like saying they're like this,

They're like that,

Or,

Oh,

I'm like this.

So that person's like,

You're you're mean,

Or you're you're so impatient,

Or you're so whatever.

Yeah,

Okay.

It may even be true in that moment.

But that is not your stamp for life.

And that is not something you're going to say,

Oh,

My gosh,

I'm,

I'm terrible.

I'm,

I'm mean,

I'm impatient,

We're all these things at different times in our lives.

So just chill,

Just like,

Give yourself a hug,

Give yourself some love,

Give yourself some compassion.

And,

And the same to the person who with whom you just can't seem to see eye to eye or with whom there's this cross connection all the time,

You know.

And like I said,

Sometimes it can be some people who are really close to you.

And most of the time,

It is people who you're really close to a parent,

A child,

A partner,

A colleague,

I mean,

Colleagues,

Yeah,

I guess you spend a lot of time with your colleagues.

So all these relationships,

Just maybe see it from that perspective.

And don't let it erode your identity,

Your soul,

And how beautiful and amazing you are just the way you are with all your flaws.

And in turn,

Just just the same for the person with whom you have all these,

You know,

These disagreements or difficulties with.

And that helps us to stay calm and to stay centered and not to lose your entire day because of your upset emotions or not to lose like,

Valuable time,

You know,

I'm giving you this.

I'm giving you this wisdom that's come through for me,

Because I just experienced that.

And instead of continuing to engage in that energy,

I took I came aside.

And I sat down and I started doing my work.

And I started involving myself in things that matter to me that,

You know,

Give me value.

And I chose not to allow that energy to perpetuate and to just curb it and and to say,

OK,

Do I need to get to that degree or can I just watch my emotions and say,

No,

I don't need that right now.

And having said that,

I don't this doesn't mean like don't express your emotions,

Don't feel things.

I always say you must process your feelings first,

But don't let them take you away.

Process them.

But there's a balance between,

You know,

Getting completely swept away by your emotions where like you have no control and you have completely lost yourself or you can just feel the feelings and then become practical about it and say,

OK,

I felt this way because of this,

Because of that,

Whatever.

Feel it,

Process it.

Why you felt that way?

What happened?

And rather than give yourself permission to let it go so that you are more productive in your life.

But I don't want you to get confused thinking,

Oh,

Should I just like not feel things and should I just,

You know,

Suppress it?

No,

Absolutely not.

I'm talking about having a mature response to your feelings and your emotions rather than just going with it.

I just feel like this or I am just this angry or.

Always check with your logical mind,

Like what is actually going on.

And with practice,

If you do this,

You will find you save much more time of your own day,

Of your own life.

And you don't let that energy like go into every part of your life.

And then it,

You know,

Then it's like a catalyst.

You know,

It's like what's the word?

You know,

The word is not coming to me,

But it's like it's it's just like it it happens to you.

Then you take it on somebody else and then something else or you mess up your work or you whatever it is,

You know.

Don't let that ball start rolling and taking everything out with it.

You know,

Curb it when you can.

And that's about claiming your power.

It's about holding your own and saying,

No,

No,

No,

Not going to let this destroy the rest of my day.

I'm not going to let this destroy my sense of self.

I am going to be quite higher minded about this.

So bring your higher mind to the situation.

And when you do that,

You no longer spend most of your time perpetuating that same energy over and over again and then creating an environment of anger,

Of hatred,

Of discomfort,

You know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's that's it.

So let me know your thoughts.

Let me know if you're dealing with anything like that.

And how do you deal with it?

I love to hear your comments.

You know,

I love to hear how you feel.

And yeah,

What are your thoughts on this subject and any tips you can share?

I love to hear them.

I love to learn from you,

Like I always say,

As well.

So thank you all for listening,

My darlings.

Take care of yourselves.

Stay calm,

Stay centered and yeah,

Be aware of why,

How you're feeling the way you are and don't let it define you.

It is fleeting.

It is passing.

And it is not as important or as severe.

You know,

It's up to you how you make it out to be like it's totally up to you.

OK,

My darlings.

All right.

Take care of yourselves.

All my love.