Episode 172: It All Starts Now Featuring Carmen Rosas

So many of us are,

You know,

We're kind of like trained people pleasers and it's,

You know,

Getting the good grades,

Right?

It starts when we're little and you know,

My four year,

She's four and a half,

But she'll say something and she's like,

Mommy,

Are you proud of me?

And I'm like,

I'm proud of you just because you tried,

Not because of,

You know,

What the end result is.

And it's using everything that I've learned and how we were,

You know,

Raised to shift that so that she knows like her just being her and actually trying is enough.

Well,

Hello there lovely,

It's Steph Prejamas and welcome back to the Beautifully Changed Podcast,

A place to discuss your journey to love and enhancing the love you already have.

Well hello,

Thanks for joining me again.

And if it's your first time,

I really appreciate you checking me out.

Man,

This quarantine stuff has been going on for a while and I hope you are doing okay and that you're finding ways to just listen and honor to yourself and doing whatever you need to do to help yourself still feel connected and healthy and just finding a way to de-stress and be in the present moment and not let your fears lead you.

Instead,

Let your peace find a place in all of this chaos.

And if you want any support with that,

Or you're feeling lonely or you're not sure what to do with all this stress,

Please reach out,

Send me a message,

A DM,

An email,

Whatever you need.

And I just want to share some,

You know,

Space with you and send some love to you.

And you know,

If you need to vent for a second,

I'm here to listen.

So with that being said,

I have such a great guest on today.

Her name is Carmen Rosas and she is a legacy coach,

You guys.

So she's also an attorney.

However,

She has two passions and that is really leading her to take on consulting.

And she really,

Really wants women to know that they can do life on their terms.

It doesn't have to look like anyone else's or be a certain way.

If they want to work their nine to five job,

That's awesome.

If they want out of the 95 job,

Do it.

You know,

Whatever is just,

It's amazing.

As long as they're figuring out who they are and living that life unapologetically.

So Carmen is really passionate about this.

She also has a book that she's released and I think you'll really enjoy this conversation.

And hopefully you'll get some tidbits that you can start using and applying today that you'll feel inspired to just show up as you are unapologetically and just embrace yourself fully.

So let's dive in and hear what Carmen has to say.

Carmen,

Welcome so much to the Beautifully Changed podcast.

I'm really excited to have you here,

Especially because you're really about helping people figure out their legacies.

I love that.

You're a single mom,

You love naps and donuts and empowering people and helping them find their legacy.

Because that is something we often want to know,

Like what legacy can I leave behind?

So welcome to the show and thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me.

Yeah,

Legacy is super important to me.

And sometimes I think people are just like,

Well,

They'll think about what they're leaving behind.

But what they don't realize is that it all starts with now and the way that they're living their life in this moment on a day to day basis.

I love that.

Such a solid point.

You don't have to wait till you're gone for a legacy to be created.

You're creating that right now.

You're living your legacy right now.

I love that.

Okay,

So before we jump more into that,

Carmen,

I'm wondering if we can start with something that has recently inspired you or empowered you.

Oh,

Recently.

Let's see.

Well,

So I just got back from doing a retreat in Greece.

So those are always fun,

Working with other women and just kind of seeing the shifts.

No matter how much work we've already done,

Say in the one on one space,

But just seeing the shifts happen almost instantaneous when we're working through something or when they have this aha moment.

In a sense,

Seeing the women transform and change is empowering to me because I'm like,

All right,

The work that I'm doing is important in this world and there's so many people that can benefit from it.

And it just helps me to even reflect on myself.

What issues am I still working on?

Because nobody is perfect.

And although social media and Instagram,

Facebook,

All of that makes it seem like everybody's got their ish together.

That's not the case.

People are all working through their own things.

And so it's almost as I come in as the teacher or the coach,

I am able to step back when I'm coaching and realize,

You know what?

I'm not on my – because it's easy to forget that you're kind of on the same journey or have been where these women have been and just kind of getting that connection again.

So yeah.

I love that.

And I think it's so cool,

Carmen,

How you're combining your legal knowledge as an attorney and using that to help coach people into living their legacies now.

And I just think it's such a creative and beautiful way that opens up a new path for people.

So I appreciate you doing that work.

Thank you.

Yeah.

It was – it's interesting.

So when I started my law practice almost seven years ago – well,

Actually seven,

September of seven years that I've been in law practice.

Oh,

Congratulations.

And thank you.

And it's – I've checked the boxes,

Started my business and I'm doing this thing.

I'm like,

There has to be more than just document preparation.

I'm preparing people for when they die.

And I said,

But what about – what are they doing while they're alive?

What are they doing on a day-to-day basis to feel like they're making an impact or that they're just to be happy?

Because it's so easy to get into autopilot and go from your eight to five,

You drop the kids off at school,

Pick up,

Dinner.

And you just kind of get set in this routine where especially as women,

As nurturers and caregivers and then as a mom,

You just kind of – you tend to lose yourself.

And so it's kind of like redirecting your attention back to yourself and realizing that you're also a priority.

So there's this kind of interesting – I was like,

There has to be more.

And I'm like,

How do I mesh the legal with almost like the self-care part of it?

I love that.

That's really unique and I think it's much needed.

So I want to know if you could define legacy and then define empowerment in your terms.

OK.

So legacy is essentially the imprint that you leave in the world.

So it can be monetary,

So the inheritance,

Right?

So like the dictionary defines legacy as inheritance.

But for me,

It's more than that.

Like I kind of work through this like mind,

Body,

Soul,

Like this three-pillar type idea of legacy where it's your soul,

Like what you are called to do in this world,

In this lifetime.

The body,

How you're taking care of yourself to extend your life on this earth.

And then your mind,

Which incorporates mindset type stuff,

But also like the thoughts and the things that you want to bring out into the world.

So for me,

Legacy is essentially the imprint that you leave in this world,

Whether it's monetary,

Core values,

The way that you impacted somebody,

Your neighbor,

Whatever it is.

So it's your imprint.

And then empowerment.

Oh,

That word.

It's really just stepping into your power,

Like completely owning who you are,

Being authentically you,

And not really giving a shit about what other people think of you.

Because it's this question that I always ask my clients.

Who were you before society told you who to be?

Right?

It's just coming back to the deep core roots and for me,

Empowerment is acknowledging that,

Owning it,

And stepping into that,

And being able to live life on your own terms regardless of other people's opinions.

And that is not an easy thing to do.

No,

It's not.

Yeah.

It's even as the coach and I have empower yourself where I have tools and things like that.

It's the self-doubt.

It's this ego.

It's all of these things that we've been conditioned to believe.

Our brains have been taught to think and do things in a certain way.

For me,

It's been 35 years that I've been working through this.

Some people,

It's been longer before they step into personal development.

And so it's like retraining 35 years worth of conditioning and just shifting those beliefs in the mindset.

Yes.

I love that.

Even when I think of myself and I hear you say this,

As a personal example,

I used to work as a marriage and family therapist.

And when I decided to shift from that more,

Air quote,

Prestigious type title to a relationship coach,

And I did that because we move around and it's just really hard to pursue.

And I wanted to be at home.

I didn't want to be working from an office and all of that stuff.

And it took work to be able to even shift from a title.

Do you know what I mean?

Because I was so caught up in what would people say or what would people think?

And everyone's a coach and people aren't going to take me seriously.

They're not going to understand that I have all this experience and education.

And I was just psyching myself out of it.

And then when I finally was like,

You know what?

If somebody wants to talk about me that I'm doing life coaching and make fun of me about that,

Then they're really not practicing what they're preaching in the therapy world anyway.

And I'm just going to do me because I'm the one who has to go to bed happy each night with my decisions.

And once I decided to let that go and stop playing that ridiculous game with myself,

Coaching is such an amazing fit for me because there's so much freedom in it.

And I love it.

And I get so excited about it.

And I'm just like,

You know what?

This is it.

Or even doing a podcast host,

I was like,

What if they hear me and they disagree with what I'm saying?

And then I was like,

Go for it.

Maybe it'll spark some conversations.

Do it anyway.

I got to live my truth and what feels good for me regardless of these other opinions.

So I hear what you're saying.

And that work was hard and it was almost kind of embarrassing to admit that.

Have you experienced that yourself with your own journey or when you're working with people that it's almost like a moment of like,

I feel so silly that I even care about this.

Oh yes.

Okay.

So I was in the,

I was the first in my family to go to college and then I went to law school.

So first attorney in my family.

So when I sat down about three or four years ago,

When I was contemplating becoming a life coach,

I struggled with,

Do I leave the law completely?

And part of me was,

You know,

And I have a coach,

Right?

So the coach,

My coach was like,

Well,

Are you attached to the prestige behind being an attorney?

And I had to sit with it for a minute and I was like,

I kind of am like,

I was,

You know,

On that.

And then as I shifted,

I realized I also really love the tools that I've received from being an attorney.

So like,

It's,

It's interesting.

So the way that,

Like,

Yes,

I'm an attorney,

But you know,

As we talked about,

Um,

I consider myself more of a legacy coach where I use my attorney skills,

Um,

As tools for my clients along with the coaching.

So I sat with that a long time.

And so I don't always say like attorney is part of my title,

Right?

Where it's like,

I'm a legacy coach,

But I include like,

I'm an it's,

You know,

It's kind of a mesh of things,

But I'm no longer attached to that.

It's more like my attorney title is a tool.

But at first I was like,

I can't go into life coaching.

That is not,

That's not a prestigious career.

You know,

People are going to joke about it.

Like,

And it's like,

You're an attorney and a life coach.

How does that work?

And it's the tone in which people say things and I'm like,

Wait,

Am I doing something wrong?

Because there aren't a lot of attorneys doing,

There are some like business attorneys who have shifted to business coaching.

Um,

But I do like mostly estate planning.

So it's,

You know,

Preparing for death and then getting into,

You know,

Life coaching.

They're like,

How does that work exactly?

And once they break it down,

Then it makes sense.

Um,

And so initially I was like,

Ooh,

It was like gut-wrenching,

Right?

Where I'm like,

I would get that comment and I'm like,

Maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Like maybe there's a reason why people aren't doing this,

But no,

Like it was just,

You know,

My own inner critic.

You know,

I like to call her the inner mean girl who was just like,

People are going to make fun of you.

And then it's the point where I'm like,

What am I teaching?

It's like,

Who gives a shit?

Like I really enjoy the coaching and I get to use my legal background and I'm creating a life that I love.

And why settle for,

You know,

Going to work for a big law firm or something like that,

Doing just the law,

Working 80 plus hours a week.

No,

Thank you.

And I was like,

My sanity and my happiness is way more important than what anybody else thinks,

You know?

And the other part of that is like half the time people aren't really even thinking about you.

That was the other thing I had to come to terms with.

I'm like,

They have their own junk,

You know,

Their own crap that they're dealing with that sometimes them asking a question in a certain way is really just projection,

Right?

Like them dealing with their own issues or I don't want to say being envious,

But being envious that they haven't been brave or courageous enough to actually take the leap to leave something that is quote unquote,

You know,

Like a career in the traditional sense.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you totally get it.

We're right there too.

Because I'm also like,

I was the first one to go to college and I went got my master's and I did all these things.

So when you do all that work and it looks so different than where you thought you could go,

It definitely is like some internal work,

But there's so much freedom when it comes with just like,

Okay,

I did accomplish that,

But I don't have to be married to it.

I can use those as tools to help me in other aspects of my life.

That's such a solid way.

Cause that's what I also feel like I'm doing and it really does just shift it for you.

I love that.

And it's,

It is hard work though,

Right?

You have to face it.

And I love how you said to like,

Usually people are just more concerned about themselves and if they are going to talk about you,

It's going to be for like a minute and then they're going to go back to worrying about what people are thinking about them.

And when it comes to people,

Like this is something I always remind myself of is people dislike puppy posts or baby laughing posts.

You know,

Like people down those and I'm like,

If people are going to like say mean stuff about like cute puppies on the internet,

Like I'm bound to have some people saying stuff to me.

And so it doesn't matter because they're in pain if they're going to,

You know what I mean?

So it just kind of helps you reground yourself into like,

It really doesn't matter if people aren't liking what you're doing and they don't get it.

It's just not for them.

Right,

Right.

Yeah.

It's,

You know,

It's funny that you say that and you know,

I joke and I say,

You know,

A great measure of success is when you have like haters,

Right?

When people are talking about you you're on their mind for one reason or another.

And it's just personal opinion,

Right?

There's things that we don't like and we won't necessarily go and like blog about it or engage in like an argument on,

You know,

A Facebook post or something like that.

Those people seem to have a lot more time and that's not what I'm doing with mine.

So that's right.

That's right.

I love that.

Okay.

So Carmen,

What is your vision?

Like what are you hoping to accomplish with the work that you're doing?

Oh,

Big vision.

So I have a book coming out actually in December.

And it's based off of my seven week coaching program that I do right now.

It's a group coaching.

But my goal is to kind of do workshops across the country,

You know,

Internationally working with women and kind of getting them to just look at themselves on a deeper level,

Right?

It's really just get them thinking about it,

Right?

Because I think for,

You know,

Being online and in the kind of coaching space,

We feel like there's,

You know,

Coaches everywhere.

But the reality is,

Is that there are so many people who think their only option is to go and to see a therapist on a traditional sense.

And there's obviously they have,

I'm drawing a blank right now.

They have these preconceived notions of what that is or what that means about them.

And so my goal is to essentially provide an intro to personal development and getting women to just pay attention to who they are,

Right?

A lot of my clients tend to be perfectionists,

Like high achieving women.

They're super ambitious,

But it's,

They've gone along kind of,

You know,

How you and I have done.

It's like they check the boxes,

They're doing all the things that they're supposed to do,

But there's still something that's lacking.

And it's,

My goal is just to kind of reach women and be like,

Wake up.

Like this is not the only way you have millions of options and it's just you figuring out who you are and what you desire at a core level and then doing,

You know,

Getting them to kind of open up and explore that even more while also allowing them and presenting them with tools on how to protect everything that they already have or the dreams and the visions that they want to create.

Because a lot of my clients too will be in the eight to five and then decide they want to start their own business because they want the freedom because they want to be able to do things on their own terms.

And so allowing them,

You know,

And helping them know that anything is possible,

Right?

There's nothing,

There's nothing that can't be done as long as they put in a little bit of work and have the right mindset.

So just really impacting like millions of women and getting them to,

To wake up and tap into like who they are in a deeper sense and break loose.

I love that.

And I love how you're talking about just like even an intro to personal development so that they can kind of see that it's not as scary as it can seem like it is and even though it does come with work,

But a lot of it is really fun in a sense also.

And it's really freeing.

Like you may not even know that it's something like just one little shift of something can really just start the ball rolling and have a snowball effect.

And when you're introduced to it in a way that,

And I mean,

I love your personality already.

I can see that women would probably really love working with you because you're kind,

You're approachable,

You're knowledgeable.

You have this like approachableness to you,

This friendliness,

This likability where it automatically makes it a safer environment to want to dive into that.

So thank you.

You're welcome.

And that's a huge thing,

Especially when we did say like the feels kind of feels oversaturated when maybe it isn't,

Maybe it is,

Maybe it seems that way because we're in it.

You know,

Like my husband used to always be like,

Actually having a master's degree is,

You know,

Not a high percentage of people have that.

And I was like,

Are you sure?

Because I feel like everybody has that.

And he's like,

That's just because you're around everybody who has that.

So if you're around everybody,

Then it seems like that's everybody's experience.

And I was like,

Oh,

That makes sense.

So I'm pretty sure it's the same for coaching.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Exactly.

And I want to know,

Okay,

So you really want to help women understand that they can do life on their own terms and however that looks.

And why is that important?

Why is that message even worth sharing?

Because we,

So just,

You know,

From personal experience and then also people that I've been,

You know,

In school with,

My friends,

It's so many of us think like if we do all the things that we're told that we're supposed to be doing,

Right,

We go to college,

We get the career,

We get married,

We have kids,

We buy the house.

And then that's it.

And you know,

It's,

You know,

From personal experience,

I,

So when I turned 30,

I had started my law practice.

And I said,

Okay,

Great.

I did all the things that I was supposed to do.

But what now?

Like,

I don't feel happy.

Like,

I didn't feel happy.

I was like,

It was just,

It's almost like there's this missing link.

And so many people go through their day to day.

And it's almost like it's normal.

I mean,

I guess it is normal for,

You know,

Everyone.

It's like,

We go into,

And we did the things and this is how everybody does life.

And we're doing it the same way.

And so just suck it up.

And that's it.

And it's like,

That's not the only way.

And it's just,

You know,

Shifting that thinking.

So when I turned 30,

I had,

You know,

Done all the things,

Was in a relationship for,

I want to say eight years at that point.

I was like,

Okay,

Next thing is like,

I get married and I have kids.

But then I was like,

Wait,

What if I don't want to get married?

What if,

You know,

So I said,

I need to know what's more,

What's happening.

And so I asked for a sign and then I ended up pregnant.

And I said,

Okay,

This is the route that we're going and sweet.

And that was a huge shift for me,

Right?

Where I was just like,

Okay,

I'm bringing this human into this world.

Am I living life the way that I would want them to?

And when I had that yearning in me where I was just like,

There's something that like,

It was just this like nagging feeling that I couldn't get rid of.

And I was like,

I know that people go through that and they just ignore it,

Right?

They suppress it.

It's like,

You know,

We suppress feelings like showing emotions are weak.

And I was just like,

Screw that.

Like,

This is not what I'm doing.

This is not how I'm going to be.

This is not the example I'm going to set for my daughter.

I want her to be completely and immensely happy.

And I needed to figure out how to do it.

And so that's why it's so important for me to show other women,

Like,

That's not how it has to be done.

You know,

Like there's another way and there's so much more freedom and joy and adventure in living,

You know,

Kind of getting out of that box.

And yeah,

Releasing that inner,

You know,

For me,

It's funny because like,

It's like an inner wild woman where I'm like,

I would just go run like free in the jungle and wanting to just like break the shackles and feeling like confined.

And so I know that sometimes a lot of women especially feel that way,

Right?

That they're confined.

They're stuck in this box or stuck doing something a certain way.

And so that's why it's super important.

I just,

I'm like,

Get out,

Let loose.

It's okay.

And you know,

You're going to be so much happier.

It's scary though,

Right?

And it's messy and you deal with emotions and things that you,

You know,

You know,

People joke about mommy and daddy issues,

But they're real things and they impact us on a cellular level and in our careers and our relationships much deeper than people realize sometimes.

Yes.

And so I love what you're saying.

And then you really,

Really support women in figuring out who they are and living that life unapologetically.

Can you share a little bit more about that and what that even means and how you even do that and where do you start?

Because it's a nice idea,

Right?

It's a nice concept.

It's like,

Yeah,

Who cares what anybody thinks?

I don't care.

But then you're like,

Wait,

I really do care and I'm not going to do anything.

I'm just like,

Bumper sticker,

But you know,

I'm going to not change anything.

That's a great meme.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So the first step in actually getting to,

You know,

And one kind of quote that keeps coming up for me is if you don't stand for something,

You'll fall for anything.

Right.

And so the first step when I'm doing work with women and even,

You know,

Just for people listening,

It's getting to know who you are,

Like really deep down,

Getting to know who you are,

What your values are,

What your beliefs are.

You know,

Even,

You know,

It's,

It's,

I did,

You know,

When I first started out and I thought about,

You know,

I think about runaway bride,

I don't know if you've seen it.

Yes,

I was just thinking of that.

And you know,

He asked,

You know,

The Richard Gere character,

I don't know his name in the movie,

But he asked,

How do you like your ex?

And I'm getting goosebumps,

But you go around,

Right.

And you're influenced by starting from a young age,

Your parents,

Family members,

Then it's your friends and it's teachers,

Guidance counselors,

Whatever.

You're influenced by so many people,

What you see on TV,

The cartoons,

That you almost are just kind of flooded with,

I guess,

Information and noise.

And for me,

It's asking my clients,

Like,

How do you like your eggs?

Like if you really sat down,

It sounds like a simple question,

Right.

But it's legit,

Like,

How do you like your eggs?

And if you sit with that rather than like,

You know,

Getting poached and maybe it changes based on like your mood,

But whatever it is.

And so it's that idea,

Like getting to know what you like,

What's good for you,

What feels good,

Right.

In our physical bodies,

We are able to,

And so some of that is getting out of our head,

Right.

And getting into our body and really just going with how that feels.

And you know,

A lot of times clients will get stuck and I'll,

You know,

One exercise that I use with them and I'm like,

Stop for a moment when you start freaking out,

Like stop for a moment and ask yourself,

What would feel like love right now?

To love on yourself,

To like,

It's been,

It's basically,

You know,

And I have like a whole chapter of this in my book,

But it's self-love is your superpower.

Once you learn to love yourself,

Which requires work,

It's not,

You know,

Like you wake up one morning and I am like,

You know,

I love myself so much and nobody can stop me.

It doesn't happen overnight,

But it's the idea that you build this foundation where your foundation is so unbreakable and you're so in love with who you are and who you've become and are excited about,

You know,

Growing because we're always changing and evolving,

But it's being so in love with this foundation and having this foundation.

And once you know what that is,

Then you're just unapologetic about it.

You're like,

This is what is true for me.

That can be true for you and we can disagree and still be in the same room.

And so it's building the foundation is what helps you to live unapologetically as yourself.

I love that.

It's so funny.

My husband and I were just talking about this yesterday.

He was saying how,

You know,

It was really frustrating when he was dating before he met me because he would ask whoever he was dating,

He was,

He would ask like,

Well,

What do you want to do?

And they're like,

Whatever you want to do.

And he's like,

No,

Seriously,

Like,

What do you want to do?

Like,

I want to get to know you and the things that you like to do and add that to like our little,

You know,

Just getting to know each other.

And they would always,

He's like,

And they were just adamant of like,

No,

Really whatever you want to do.

And he was like,

That was so boring and hard to date.

So he was like,

That was one thing that really stood out when he met me is like,

He's like,

You had opinions or you're really independent.

You want,

You knew what you wanted to do,

Or,

You know,

You knew what you liked and knew what you didn't.

And I was like,

Oh,

That's really interesting because I never really thought of that from like a guy's perspective.

But I know that I used to be one of those agreeable people because when you get in that perfectionist and that people pleasing type mentality,

It is hard to really take that time for yourself.

So I love how you're talking about like creating those experiences and asking yourself those questions.

And maybe you have to do like how Julia Roberts character does and is she's right in the run right by like all the different types of eggs.

And she like sits there and tastes each one and then decides,

Right.

So I love that you're bringing these questions because they're just,

It seems so simple,

But it's really a practical way to figure out what you like and what you don't like go have those experiences and then make your decision.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's because,

You know,

And so many of us are,

You know,

We're kind of like trained people pleasers and it's,

You know,

Getting the good grades,

Right.

It starts when we're little and you know,

My four year,

I she's four and a half,

But she'll say something and she's like,

Mommy,

Are you proud of me?

And I'm like,

I'm proud of you just because you tried,

Not because of,

You know,

What the end result is.

And it's using everything that I've learned and how we were,

You know,

Raised to shift that so that she knows like her just being her and actually trying is enough.

She doesn't have to get,

You know,

You know,

Get first place or succeed or,

You know,

Whatever it is,

But it's the fact that she's doing her best and that's all that matters.

And so we,

It's so easy for us to kind of get into,

Well,

We'll do,

You know,

Be super accommodating,

Especially as women.

I feel like men are so much less,

You know,

Accommodating sometimes,

But as women,

We're,

You know,

You know,

And it's just historical,

Right?

There's just so many things that go way back.

We're used to like,

You know,

Just kind of going with it.

Well,

Whatever you say or whatever you're interested in.

And so it's like kicking that people pleaser to the,

To the curb,

But also requiring it requires practice and know in and knowing yourself,

Right.

The idea of self-awareness and really like knowing who you are and what you want.

Yeah.

And I think it's like,

Let's talk about the self-love aspect a little bit.

So in my opinion,

And I'd like to know yours is that self-love doesn't mean that you don't think you have anything that you can improve upon or you don't have anything that you're working towards.

It's just,

It's in a sense of appreciating and loving yourself where you are right now and allowing yourself to continue to expand into what feels really fulfilling for you and allowing yourself the opportunity to enjoy life in a new way without these expectations that you're putting on yourself of how you have to be like,

You don't have to be flawless to everybody you ever meet in the entire world in order to love yourself right now.

You know,

I was thinking like we really create our own flaws by what we decide are our flaws.

Right.

And so it's like,

You can sure give yourself those flaws,

But you can still love yourself through them and still continue to grow.

I don't know.

What are your ideas on that?

Yeah,

No,

Absolutely.

It's not this idea that,

You know,

I love myself.

You know,

I feel like I'm completely perfect because,

And that just gets kind of,

You know,

A tricky subject,

But it's that you love yourself just as you are right now and you are allowing yourself to grow.

So say for example,

So I'm looking at pictures right when I'm in Greece and I'm like,

Oh,

My arm looks a little chubby.

I don't like it.

And it's like,

You know what?

That's what I am right now.

But also acknowledging that,

Okay,

Maybe we do a few more pushups.

Maybe we meal prep and we're more consistent.

But it's this idea of knowing that if that's how I want to feel about myself,

Not necessarily because of model or societal standards as to what body images,

You know,

Et cetera,

But it's just me feeling good within myself and what feels like what makes me happy.

Right.

So if I want to work on a flaw or an area,

It's actually taken the time to work on it.

Right.

So the self-love is prioritizing yourself being like,

Okay,

This is what I absolutely love.

These are my flaws,

Which I love because it's a growing experience.

Right.

It's just basically accepting all of yourself as you are right now,

But knowing that you have the power to also change those things so that you love yourself even more or that you accept,

You know,

The flaws just as they are.

So absolutely.

It's not this idea that we think that we're perfect because I think everybody,

It's just in the human experience that we're going to have doubt and we're going to have,

You know,

Based on fashion and things like that as to what our flaws are.

But we are able to grow through it and expand and up level our lives.

And so,

Yeah,

This idea of perfection.

This idea,

It's like we're perfectly imperfect.

Right.

And this is the concept,

Right?

Is that we're perfect just as we are flaws and all.

But loving that and nourishing whatever it is that we feel that we need to continue nourishing and not beating ourselves up for it.

Right.

Being gentle with ourselves and being kind and compassionate and just loving ourselves just as we are because there's so many times where I have clients,

They'll start saying things and I'm like,

Stop.

Would you say that to me?

Would you say that to your best friend?

Would you say that to a child?

If not,

You need to stop saying it to yourself.

And it's recognizing and again,

The self-awareness.

And so just being kinder and more compassionate to ourselves as well.

I love that.

I love that because we can have flaws and they don't have to hold us back.

They can just be a part of our existence.

And,

You know,

I love also how you said that sometimes you can see a picture of yourself and be like,

Maybe I will hit the gym more.

And that doesn't mean it's because of what society wants you to look like.

It's because of how you feel most confident and more like yourself.

And so that's completely fair.

Not everyone wants to be toned,

But if to you feeling tone feels like your best self,

By all means,

Then put in that the action steps to that.

And I love that every person,

And I'm sure if you're working with women and their legacies,

It's gotta be really fun to see all the different paths that can take people down.

Can you share just some like random ideas of what that could even mean for people as they're like starting to explore this for themselves?

Like what could a legacy or living your,

You know,

Figuring,

Living life the way you are without apology,

Like what does that actually look like?

Yeah.

There's so,

I mean,

There's so many.

I'm thinking of my client,

You know,

The clients that I've worked with.

And a lot of it is just,

It's,

You know,

This like deep sense of just self-awareness.

A lot of,

You know,

Some of them decide that they don't want to work the eight to five that they've been working.

They don't even want to be in the careers that they're in.

They start businesses,

They leave shitty relationships.

Relationships improve because they realize that a lot of the things that they're projecting or that,

You know,

People are projecting don't have to do with the other person.

It's an internal job,

An internal work.

But it's just like huge shifts in mindset,

Perspective,

Like how you view the world.

It just changes because you're just so much more self-aware and you are making yourself a priority.

When you are focused on living your legacy,

You're not worried about what the next person is doing.

You know,

It's this idea of staying in your own lane and,

You know,

Doing what makes you feel good and staying happy.

People find so much more joy out of like,

You know,

The regular,

You know,

Day to day things like I get to clean my house because I deserve to live in a clean home.

Like I deserve,

You know,

An organized atmosphere.

But it's the self-awareness that comes up and then people just making themselves more of a priority and they get excited about it because it's a new feeling and it's that,

You know,

Fire essentially being lit under them to start moving and making changes.

And then it's almost like a snowball effect,

Right?

They start with the one something small and then it just kind of continued into like other and bigger things and their goals are getting accomplished and yeah.

I love that.

So is it fair to say then it could be something so simple as the color of outfits you choose to wear to quitting your job,

Living in a van and traveling the world and doing it because that's what brings you joy.

And it fits your idea of what your life could be.

And so you do that regardless of the people who are cheering you on or kind of throwing rocks in your path,

You know,

Trying to pop your tires or get you to do it.

So is that kind of fair to say it can be something?

Yeah.

So,

You know,

I give the example a lot of times,

You know,

When people are like,

I want to end world hunger and it's this big idea.

And I said,

You know what,

That could be as simple as you going to your neighbor's house and giving them food,

Packing a bag lunch and visiting homeless people in the park.

It can be as simple as that.

Or it could be starting a nonprofit that is,

You know,

Shipping meals,

Collecting them,

You know,

Worldwide.

Like your legacy is whatever it is that you want it to be in.

You know,

Your one neighbor who eats alone every day or,

You know,

Doesn't,

You know,

Isn't always cooking.

You're leaving such a huge imprint on that one person.

Like it can touch one person.

It can impact one person or it can,

You know,

Impact millions.

So yeah,

Absolutely.

Like it can be as big or as small as you want it and you get to decide what that looks like for you,

Not based on what other people think about it.

I love that so much.

And that's a fantastic example too of wanting to end world hunger and then just you could start an organization or start with your neighbor next door.

Like that's such a solid example.

And would it be fair to say then you kind of are led by how you feel inside by what you're doing?

Yes.

It has a lot to do with feeling.

A lot to do because I find that a lot of like,

A lot of people are run by their brain,

Right?

Like it's,

I mean,

That's kind of how it works,

But sometimes it's learning to shift the mind,

But then also tapping into like what you're feeling inside.

It's going with your gut,

Tapping into your intuition and just knowing without even thinking about it,

Right?

It's going deeper into that because so much of our mind is filled with,

You know,

Just noise and conditioning.

So until we can completely like reshift it and retrain it using our body and our gut instincts,

You know,

Women are very intuitive.

It's like we have these gut feelings that we suppress and we ignore because of what we think that we're supposed to be doing.

And so it's going with that feeling and it's like,

What feels good?

And sometimes I'll do like an exercise where we,

And Martha,

I don't know if you're familiar with Martha Beck,

But Martha Beck does it where it's,

You know,

Like you tap into your body and you get a physical response to the most exciting day,

The happiest day of your life.

And it's feeling what that feels like.

And then you go to the worst day of your life and feeling what that feels like.

And then looking at your day-to-day activities and what you're doing and see if it's closer to the happiness or closer to like the worst and without thinking about it.

Right.

And there's also other things like muscle testing and there's ways to kind of practices to kind of get out of your brain and then into your head.

I mean,

How do you bring it into your body to go with that instead of overthinking?

Because what happens is we overthink and we're like,

Are we making the right decision?

Are we,

You know,

Is this the,

You know,

Am I,

Do I go with one or two?

Do I go with Airbnb or do I go with C?

What if this happened?

You know,

What if this,

And it's just,

It just becomes like so overwhelming that people end up in,

You know,

Like paralysis,

Right?

It's the analysis paralysis and getting stuck and not taking any action and really screw it.

I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing.

So getting out of the head,

Into the body and really feeling into.

And I think,

Is it Daniela Port?

I'm not sure if you're familiar with her,

Daniela Port does a lot of like kind of core feelings and desires.

So focusing on how you want things to feel.

I love that.

And that's a great exercise for anyone who's listening.

If you want to try that,

Like go ahead and do that.

You know,

As you said,

Carmen,

Figure out,

Think about your best day,

Your worst day.

What does your typical day look like?

What's it more towards?

What can you do to add in to make it look a little bit more like your best day?

You know,

Cause there's going to be like,

We got a dust,

Right?

Which some people love that.

That's part of their best day.

For me,

It is not,

But it is something that still needs to be done.

So I make sure to add some,

You know,

Of that good stuff in there for the day.

Can I ask you to share like,

I guess a personal example of how you live this yourself?

Is there any example that you can think of that you'd be willing to share with us?

On a daily basis?

So I am huge on kind of like leading with energy.

So I do have like a schedule.

I plan and I'm very much a rebel by nature.

So if I have too strict of a schedule,

I know for myself that that's not going to work for me.

Like I have to have wiggle room.

I know that there's some tasks that I have to get done.

And so what I typically do is,

You know,

I'm like,

Okay,

What are three things that I have to get done today that I have,

You know,

Sometimes it's coaching calls.

Sometimes there's more than three things that I have to do.

But in addition to like,

You know,

Client meetings and things like that,

What are the three things that I have to do?

And then I regularly am asking myself,

What would feel like love right now?

Like,

You know,

And I brought this up before.

It's like,

What would feel good?

Sometimes it's taking a 20 minute nap,

Which we've talked about this.

I love naps.

I'm all for it because they reset.

They are really,

You know,

Even if it's like a 10 minute they really can shift your energy.

Maybe it's sitting outside in the sunshine.

Like maybe I take lunch and I eat outside.

Maybe it's going for a walk.

Maybe it's going to get my nails done.

You know,

It's kind of like whatever that means.

And sometimes if my energy isn't there with clients where I feel like something feels off about my energy,

Then I also know that I'm not going to show up for my client and I'll reschedule or we'll talk about an alternative because I always want to show up as my best self.

So it's really just tapping into the moment.

What's really,

Really big for me is staying present because we can think about the argument that we had last night or the things that we didn't do two years ago or,

You know,

Well,

If we would have done X,

Y,

And Z.

But that's not going to accomplish anything,

Right?

Because that's in the past.

If we focus too much in the future on,

I want to start this nonprofit and I want to impact millions,

What can I do?

There's you know,

It's like,

Okay,

Well,

What's the one step I can take right now in this moment?

And for me,

It's really just staying in the present regularly.

Do I have moments where I get anxiety because I have all these goals and I'm like,

How do I get to like,

You know,

All the way over 10 years from now?

Absolutely.

But it's redirecting my attention and being like,

Okay,

We're right here right now.

What would make you feel really good?

Sometimes it's just taking a break,

Right?

We need to take a break.

We don't want to burn out.

And it's just recognizing that and acknowledging where we are in the moment and what that feels like.

So I'm very much an energy person.

And so just kind of going,

It's really in what when you,

As you start doing the work and you become more self aware that that feeling that intuitive,

Like the intuition,

Your ease,

It's easier for you to kind of stay in that and live life the way that you want to and on your terms.

But it's the key is just kind of bringing it back to like right now,

Because that's all we have,

Right?

We're not guaranteed an hour from now,

We're not guaranteed two minutes from now.

And so it's staying right here and what would feel good,

You know,

And something that I ask at the end of each day is if I die today,

Will I be happy with the way that I've lived?

And every day,

If I say no,

Right,

There's any part of me that has said no,

Or I'm like,

This was a really shitty day,

Like,

What can I do different tomorrow?

Then I'll make note of that and just be bring it back to the self awareness and present.

Okay,

Well,

What can we do differently tomorrow?

Assuming we wake up,

Right?

I talk about death so freely,

I think because I work with it,

And it's one of those things that's inevitable,

Right?

It happens.

But yeah,

It's just if I die today,

As scary as you know,

Not that I want to because I have a daughter that I want to raise and they have big goals and dreams,

But if I die today,

Will I have done like,

My best and will I be happy with what I've accomplished,

Right?

And for most of the time,

It's yes.

On the days where I'm just like tired and exhausted,

I'm like,

You need another nap.

That's always my solution.

You need another nap.

So then we'll squeeze in a nap the next day.

I love that.

But those are really good point.

And actually,

I really appreciate that you are real with it because death is a reality and we aren't guaranteed anything and we do have this present.

We do have the presence,

Like you said,

And I love how you talked about how,

Yeah,

Sometimes you do get caught up in the anxiety of thinking of the big picture and if you live in that,

It can get away from you.

And so you bring yourself back into the present and that's how you know that works because you know what it feels like to get lost in the big picture and to feel like,

How's this ever going to happen?

I'm so far away.

I'm like a million steps to go and I don't even know all the steps.

And you could really get the snowball that way and instead you're like,

I'm going to rein that in.

I'm going to fill it for a moment.

That's big.

And then I'm going to come back right here right now.

And I love,

Carmen,

How you're talking a lot about taking action and taking steps and finding out what you can do today to bring you through there and how you even said that you'll think of three things that you have to do today.

Three things can be big and also having grace for yourself if you don't get those three things done.

Like maybe something else happens in your day and that's okay.

You got two out of the three or one out of the two,

Whatever.

You know,

Like being able to be realistic and that's when that compassion comes in for yourself that you talked about earlier too.

So I love these examples and I love what you're talking about.

And also you give so many examples of the different things that you can do.

It just really like nails in that point of you have to listen to yourself every day.

And just because yesterday you wanted to have lunch in the sun doesn't mean you have to do that today.

What feels good today in this moment?

I love that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That was one thing.

You know,

It's kind of,

You know,

There's all these,

These,

The books,

Right?

Where it's like,

These are the five things that successful people do every single day.

And I'm like,

That doesn't apply to me.

Do those people have like a kid under four,

Like four years old?

Like,

Do they have a toddler running around their house?

Do they,

You know?

And it's realizing that just because,

You know,

And there's this whole idea of like time blocking and setting a schedule,

Right?

Really putting it on your calendar.

And then sometimes it's just overwhelming,

Right?

It's just like,

That's just way too much.

And maybe yesterday I worked out in the morning because that's what I felt called to do.

And I did like a fasted cardio or whatever else.

But tonight I want to do a really gentle yoga and I want to skip the morning cardio and that's okay too.

It's like,

It doesn't have to be,

Your day does not have to be exactly the same every single day.

Is it good to have routine?

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

Yes.

But it's,

You know,

You don't have to do the exact same things every day.

It's just really tapping into what feels good because a lot of that time,

A lot of the time that's the problem.

It's like,

I didn't work out today.

I didn't do this.

I didn't do that.

And it's like,

Maybe body just needed a break.

Maybe your brain needed a break and that's okay too.

You don't have to do it every day.

You don't have to be so stuck on the routine or,

And I don't want to say monotony,

But basically you don't have to be so stuck and committed to that and rigid.

It's allowing yourself to be a little bit more flexible and kind of just go with the flow.

But that's hard,

Especially for a lot of my clients who are perfectionists.

It's the releasing of the control,

Right?

Gets into that,

Like let go of control and kind of just kind of go with it.

And they find that once they do that,

They have more freedom.

Like they can come up for air.

Yeah.

So I love that because I would say,

Yeah,

Exactly.

When we,

If we're so rigid with ourselves,

It's going to be much harder to tap into that self-love.

And I mean,

I really think when we have that perfectionist mentality,

Cause I'm a recovering perfectionist,

I can admit that.

And I think when you have this idea of controlling everything,

It's if I control everything,

I'm less likely to feel pain,

I'm less likely to feel the hurt of other people,

Disappointments of life.

And it's trying to control an aspect of emotion.

And it's that,

It's another way of like,

So,

Anxiety,

This guy,

Matthew,

In a training that I did for my hypnosis,

He was saying that anxiety is the fear of certain emotions.

And I feel like perfectionism is the same,

Right?

It's like trying to control your life so tightly that nothing can get in that feels uncomfortable or where you feel embarrassed or all of these things.

So when you're learning to let go of those ideas and let the self-love come in,

That perfectionism doesn't have to be a shield anymore.

You can lay it down and live your life and breathe.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

It's almost like putting on,

I don't know.

I've never really worn like a technically like those garter things that you see women wore a long time ago,

Where like,

Succumbing and breathing.

Yeah.

It's like really tight though.

It's like,

That's kind of what perfectionism reminds me of.

It's like,

You're succumbing and you can't breathe.

Yeah.

It's like,

Yeah,

You have like this death grip on everything in your life,

But it's like,

You're not even enjoying it,

Is what it comes down to.

And that defeats the whole purpose of living life,

Right?

You want to enjoy it.

You want to feel joy.

But if you're too busy trying to like maintain control and keep like this death grip and not allow anything in,

Then you don't lose all purpose,

But you lose the joy out of it.

You literally squeeze the joy out of everything because you're trying to control it,

Right?

Yeah.

And it might look pretty from the outside,

But inside it's the ring.

You know what I mean?

Right.

It's like a little scary.

So,

Yeah.

Okay.

You mentioned a couple of times,

Carmen,

That you're writing a book.

So tell me,

When is this book coming out?

What's the title going to be?

Do you know this stuff yet?

Yeah.

So the book is coming out December 6th.

I'll be doing a little launch party.

So December 6th this year.

And the title is The HBIC's Guide to Creating a Lasting Legacy.

And basically it's figuring out,

It's a,

I guess,

A self-help kind of workbook where we go through some of my coaching exercises and tools.

I have examples.

And it's based off of my seven-week group coaching program that I offer.

But it's more of like a do it on your own,

Like a DIY kind of a setup.

And then I also include like legal documents for starting a business,

A checklist,

Estate planning,

What's important if you have a child,

Some things that you should consider if you're married,

If it's a second marriage,

Some things that you should consider.

So it's essentially,

You know,

So the HBIC is the head bitch in charge.

And so it's basically you becoming that for your legacy and for your life.

Like you are the one person that's like leading the way.

And so we do kind of this,

Like this,

You know,

The first,

I want to say four weeks are getting to know yourself,

Doing a deep dive and stepping up and into your power.

And then now that you're in this place where you're like,

I'm going to get my stuff like organized,

What from the practical side of things needs to actually get lined up and done to protect my legacy.

Oh my gosh.

I love that.

I'm definitely going to get that book.

I love it.

This sounds really,

Really good.

And okay.

So you mentioned you have a seven week program.

Tell me a little bit more about that.

Like,

Is that online?

Is it year round?

Will people join anytime?

Let me know a little bit about that.

I'm still playing with it.

So I've been kind of playing with the idea of having it as a,

Like a rolling program where people can kind of hop in.

But I also really like the order because it's,

You know,

I feel just in the work that I've done for myself and with my clients,

It's,

There's some things that need to happen before we can get to the end.

And so the way that I've been running it now is it runs every like once a quarter.

So about four times a year and it's all online via zoom.

We have a Facebook group,

You have access to me.

And it's seven weeks.

Sometimes we extend it into eight just depending on,

You know,

Holidays and things like that.

But for the most part,

It's seven weeks of content.

And it's really doing a deep dive.

My clients,

They do get into it and they're like,

Oh my gosh,

Like what did I do?

Because they're like,

I see shifts instantly,

But they're also like,

Holy crap.

Like I didn't realize like how well this stuff works.

When you actually start getting into,

You know,

The personal development and getting to know yourself,

Like things change,

It gets messy.

Like there's going to be big ugly cries because there's things about yourself that you realize you like get upset.

Like there's all kinds of things that come up,

You know,

The emotions that you've been suppressing for so long,

All of those things come up in this program.

And you know,

But the great thing is,

Is you have a group of women and myself to support you through it and that are going through the same things or have been through the same things.

And so many of the women,

You know,

They're like,

I felt like I was doing this alone and the program helps them,

You know,

Just open up and know that they're not alone.

Right.

And so many women were just like,

We'll just go through it,

We'll deal with it and not say anything,

Or maybe we'll go to a therapist to help them work through some things.

But so many times they feel like they're alone.

And so we do the group program and then I do offer one-on-one coaching.

So after the group program is done you can either go through it again because you're a different,

You're essentially a different person when you come out of it.

And so doing it all over again is,

You know,

You have big,

You have new shifts and it's,

You know,

This idea we're layers,

Right?

We're like an onion and we just are peeling back layers and layers.

And so every time you go through,

You're peeling back more layers.

And sometimes they just end up wanting more of like a deep dive,

More intense.

And so we do one-on-one.

I'd love that.

Okay.

So how do you address regret?

Because I'm sure people while they're going through this program,

They're like,

Oh my gosh,

I'm already 36 and I haven't done any of this stuff.

And like,

I waited too long and now it's gone.

Or like,

You know what I mean?

Like that regret,

I'm guessing has got to show up at some point in this process.

So how do you address that?

Oh yeah,

A lot.

It's just,

You know,

One of my clients in my last group,

I think she was almost 50 and she was in a group with,

You know,

Younger women who are kind of mid thirties.

And she was like,

I regret not starting this when you guys,

You know,

At your age,

Because if I would have known what I know now 15 years ago,

My life would be so different.

And I'm like,

It is all in right timing,

Right?

Like everything is happens the way that it's supposed to,

Because if you didn't go through and do the things that you have been through and have experienced,

You wouldn't be ready to do the work now.

And so I advise my clients,

You know,

It's this idea,

Right,

Where we're focused too far on the past that we can't enjoy the present.

And it's like,

Forget about that.

We can't go back and change anything.

And it's bringing it back to the present again,

Right?

What can we do right now to change it?

And it's being present,

Doing the work and moving forward.

But does it come up?

Yes.

And it's,

You know,

Sometimes we have to do like we do one exercise is like a forgiveness letter where we write a letter to ourselves,

Our old,

You know,

Our 20 year old,

35 year old,

Whatever age it is that you want to talk to.

And it's writing a letter and letting,

You know,

Basically spilling out all of our guts and what we feel and all the like anger and regret and resentment that we have towards ourselves.

And then essentially burning it or,

You know,

Ripping it up.

And it's the symbolic part of just releasing that.

So the regret comes with forgiveness and forgiveness of ourselves of the decisions or mistakes that we think that we made.

But also reminding ourselves that all the decisions and things that we have done have brought us to where we are now.

And if we hadn't gone through it,

We wouldn't be able to move forward and make the change.

I love that.

I love that so much because like I do the forgiveness exercise with my own clients,

But through mere work.

So I have them look themselves in the mirror and apologize to themselves first for holding them back and for not believing in themselves and whatever it is they need to do to have that space.

And it's like a really raw and vulnerable,

But it just like,

And there could definitely be ugly crying that comes with it.

Especially with your work.

Very intense.

Yeah.

But it's a game changer.

So it's such a release though.

So I love how you also have it in the letter of like forgiving yourself because there's just something so therapeutic about writing,

Like actually getting pen and paper and writing it out and taking the time to really think about what you want to say and what's in your heart.

And you know,

Whether it takes you five minutes or two hours to write that letter,

It's such a beautiful piece that you're adding to that.

I mean,

You've got to see people just like release after that.

Yeah.

And it's great because it's this idea of like it's unedited,

Like not filtered,

Just write whatever's coming out.

Like don't try to like overthink it.

And so it's just the emotions just kind of come and it's great.

I had even one of the women on the retreat,

Excuse me.

She did a forgiveness letter to her,

To her dad because they had a very difficult relationship while she was growing up.

And when she did it and we did it with a full moon ceremony type thing and she did it.

And within like a week she said that she felt the shift in energy between her and her dad.

They were communicating even while they were on the retreat while she was on the retreat.

And she was like,

This feels so new and weird.

She's like,

But this is what I've been wanting for years.

And so once they're able to release some of that and like,

And it's,

That's forgiveness of another person,

But even like forgiving herself for whatever it is that she felt in that relationship with her father.

But the release is,

The shift in energy is like instantaneous.

It's yeah.

Yeah.

And I feel like it's a lightness that comes over you.

Like literally it's like,

Well,

How do I feel lighter?

You know,

I really don't change anything physically,

But like inside mentally,

Emotionally,

That can really add some like weight that's invisible,

But it's like really heavy on you.

So it's really cool.

I love this.

I love what you're doing,

Carmen.

And so,

Okay,

So now I just have like a couple of fun questions for you.

So what do you,

What would you say is underrated?

In general?

Yeah.

Just whatever comes to your mind.

Naps.

Naps.

Yeah.

Like I,

It's so funny because my brother was like,

You know,

He says that like a sloth is my spirit animal.

And I'm like,

That's not true.

I just like naps.

I just think that people are like,

Oh yeah,

You're just going to sleep your life away.

But I just,

There's such a huge energetic shift and I swear on everything that a 10 minute power nap will do wonders for your energy.

Like literally.

No,

I hear you.

I love,

Love naps myself.

I'm always like,

That was one thing I was so excited when I became a mom and it was like,

People are like,

Well sleep when your kiddo sleeps.

And I was like,

Well,

I can't always do that.

But sometimes when you can get a nap in and they're like sleeping,

I'm like,

Yay.

It's like so good.

And even today I always joke.

I do like,

Well,

It's not really joking.

I actually did them,

But it's like my husband and I joke around about it,

But I always do like meditation naps.

So I'll put on like a meditation in the background and like,

I'll be so tired where I feel like a zombie and then I'll do like this 20 minute meditation nap.

And then I'm like,

I feel completely energized,

But if I can't get a nap in,

I'll do a headstand.

But other than that,

So I hear you.

I am also a huge fan of naps.

I think they are so wonderful.

I love them.

Yeah,

But I definitely think they're underrated.

I get it.

I love it when like you hear companies that have like a nap room or something,

Or they let you take a nap if you need to.

So you can be more productive.

Yeah.

Really cool.

Okay.

Carmen,

What is something you wish everyone knew?

That you're enough just as you are.

And I know that that kind of gets tossed around enough,

But it's really that you are enough just as you are.

There's nothing that needs to change or happen and that you're deserving of everything that you want and desire.

Yeah.

Yes.

I love that.

You are enough right now.

And do you have like a book,

So besides your own,

Which I really sounds like people need to get your book when it comes out December 6th.

So besides your book,

Is there a book or a TED Talk that when you read it or you watched it,

You were like,

Ooh,

That's good.

That gave you a shift of some sort.

Yes.

Warrior Goddess I think is the name of it.

I don't have the author's name.

And I'm really actually,

And the reason why I love this book so much,

But I lost it.

It's like it disappeared.

And so I've been like looking for it everywhere on my bookshelf in my books,

But it really has to do with tapping into this idea of like this warrior goddess that's within all of us and really stepping into your power and owning all of it.

And it's basically like if I would have wrote another book,

That probably would have,

It would have been something like that.

And so it's Warrior Goddess.

And you know what,

Let me just,

I'm going to double check for you,

But I'm pretty sure.

Yeah.

And it is by Heather Ash Amara I think.

Yes.

Warrior Goddess.

Heather Ash Amara is a fabulous book everybody should read.

Okay,

Cool.

I love it.

I'll have to check it out.

I don't think I've heard of it or read it.

So I will definitely add it to my list.

I love reading.

So I love this question.

It's like my own like little personal reading and that,

Okay.

So we talked about your seven week program.

You also offer one-on-one coaching.

Do people have to go through your seven week program first to do the one-on-one coaching?

Or if somebody wants to just go right into the one-on-one coaching,

Can they do that?

Yep,

Absolutely.

They can do it depending,

You know,

And it's because I'm kind of a person where I prefer one-on-one coaching,

So I'm very much a one-on-one.

I will just go straight to the one-on-one.

But the group coaching is a nice,

You know,

Again,

Little intro to kind of working with it and knowing that you have people like a sisterhood and community that is there to support you.

You get the deep inner work,

But then you also have the support,

But they can absolutely just jump in one-on-one.

And I also do just legal.

So sometimes clients come to me for just the legal,

But we do,

I always incorporate a little bit of like coaching or consulting because I have questions that I need to kind of get and understand.

So there's a few different ways to work with me.

I love that.

And if somebody is really resonating or if you're really resonating with them,

How and where can they find you?

Everywhere.

So I'm on Facebook as CaramrosaESQ,

But I also have a free Facebook group that I just launched and it's becoming the HBIC.

So it's,

You know,

Kind of the way that they can kind of explore.

And then on Instagram,

I have empower yourself,

Which is the community Instagram,

Empower yourself Facebook page.

I have,

If you just type in Carmen Rosas,

California,

You will find me.

And then Instagram,

I have my own CaramrosaESQ.

So short for Esquire,

Right?

Everywhere.

So if you type in Carmen Rosas ESQ,

You'll find me.

Okay,

Wonderful.

And I'll also anybody who's curious that I'll be linked in the show notes.

And okay,

So Carmen,

Last question,

What is a piece of advice that you've received that is kind of,

You know,

Just playing in the back of your mind and you can tap into it whenever you need to?

That's a great one.

The only thing that you know that I mean,

And I do it regularly is.

So one piece of advice actually,

Is if it won't matter in five years,

It doesn't get more than five minutes.

So this idea of if something's bothering you,

And you it's this,

It's just the idea that don't dwell on something so much,

If it's really not going to matter in five years,

And working through that,

And it's that whole idea,

Right of coming back to the present.

And so it's if it doesn't matter in five years,

Don't give it more than five minutes.

And so I have to ask myself that question.

That's something that one of my coaches said,

I was like,

Well,

It's gonna is it gonna matter in five years?

Like,

No,

But it's like,

Well,

Scratch the butt and move on.

Feel it,

Right work through it,

But you don't get more than five minutes or,

You know,

Pick a time but it but you get the idea is,

Is and it's just that a whole idea of coming back to the present.

And what you can control and where you want to focus your energy and be intentional with that.

I love that.

I love that I practice that myself to not necessarily in those words,

But definitely like,

I'll think,

Okay,

Is being mad at this all day going to give me the day I want?

Is it gonna you know,

Is it providing the relationships and the goodness in my life?

And am I feeling joy in this state?

No.

Okay,

Philly,

I'm frustrated.

Why am I frustrated?

Can I solve this situation?

Or do I just need to be like,

Okay,

It is what it is.

I can't change it.

You know,

Like,

Definitely.

And then like,

I mean,

I feel like I'm a genuinely really happy person.

And I feel my feelings.

However,

I don't allow myself to marinate in the ones that like the sucky parts of life.

Do you know what I mean?

Yep,

Absolutely.

Like,

I feel the same way.

I feel like I'm like,

Like,

I feel like I'm genuinely happy every single day.

And I think it's just kind of coming back to it.

But it's also the idea that once you are in a place and I'm sure you are,

You know,

You feel your feelings like rather than suppressing all of the feelings that we've been doing for like years,

Or that people do.

Because when you suppress them,

Right,

It becomes like anger and irritation and all these things.

And then people just have shitty days like every day.

And I just,

I don't understand.

But I also get they're in a different place.

And so,

Yeah,

I get that.

It's like feeling the feelings,

But not marinating in it and moving on if that's what needs to happen or figuring out where the shift needs to what needs to be done.

So then the thing that pops up,

It's like five years,

Five minutes is basically like what's in my head when it happens.

Five years,

Five minutes.

I love that.

And then I take it once and just do it.

I love that so much.

It's such an easy way to think of it too.

Five years,

Five minutes.

And start applying it today now.

Maybe that person needs to start for like five hours.

Do you know what I mean?

Like you just are mad for five hours that day.

Now I would say just as a disclaimer for everyone,

Just because there's always that one person who wants to be like,

Well,

What if someone dies?

Well,

Yeah,

Then fill your grief and that's going to be longer than five minutes.

Do you know what I mean?

So like.

.

.

Yeah.

Well,

And the other thing I was going to say is that you may release it and you may move on,

But it'll trickle back in because that's just human nature.

And it's like,

Okay,

It's back.

What are we going to do about it?

But essentially it's the whole idea of being present and not marinating in the crappy feelings because who wants to do that anyways?

But sometimes there are parts of life like death or ending of a relationship or something like that where it requires us to kind of sift through and grieve and mourn and feel more emotions a little bit longer.

Absolutely.

Yes.

I love that.

Oh,

Carmen,

This has been such a delight.

I have loved talking with you.

I just really appreciate it.

So okay.

Just thank you and I love your work and you may have to come on again sometimes.

We can just keep talking about this stuff.

I loved it.

I would love it.

I would love to.

I know.

I mean,

We can go on for like,

I mean,

We can even go into like the legal side of things on how all of that works,

Which is not super exciting,

But important.

Yes.

We might have to plan that.

That actually might be a good idea.

If you like have a protocol or something that you want to go through,

Like if you want like a certain,

I don't know,

Topic or steps or something like that that you think of,

We could definitely plan another one.

That would be really cool.

Thank you so much for spending some of your time with me today and make sure to share this episode with someone and leave a review and remember you're worthy of incredible love.