Using mindfulness as a means of self-healing is beautifully explained by Thich Nhat Hanh in No Mudge No Lotus.
The work of mindfulness is first to recognize the suffering and second to embrace it.
A mother taking care of a crying baby naturally will take the child into her arms without suppressing,
Judging it,
Or ignoring the crying.
Mindfulness is like that mother recognizing and embracing suffering without judgement.
So the practice is not to fight or suppress the feeling,
But rather to cradle it with a lot of tenderness.
When a mother embraces her child,
That energy of tenderness begins to penetrate into the body of the child.
Even if the mother doesn't understand at first why the child is suffering,
And she needs to take some time to find out what the difficulty is,
Just her act of taking the child into her arms with tenderness can already bring relief.
If we can recognize and cradle the suffering while we breathe mindfully,
There is relief already.
So as we close down our eyes,
Or if you prefer leave them open in a soft gaze,
We get into a comfortable position.
Let your body breathe at its own comfortable rate as you begin to rest.
And as you relax your body,
Breathe into the areas of tension and let your muscles go just a little bit more.
Breathing,
Relaxing,
Breathing.
I feel sad,
But I'm not a sad person.
I feel anger.
I'm not an angry person.
I'm not my thoughts.
I have thoughts.
Can you think of a blue circle?
Now think of a red square.
You can control your thoughts.
You are not your thoughts.
Rain,
The rain of self-compassion,
Helps us to recognize and acknowledge and feel these thoughts and feelings.
We are often our harshest critics,
Our harshest judges.
We have so many demands on us.
We're pulled in so many directions,
So many opinions and articles giving us advice about how we should be,
How we should get things right.
I speak to so many people who have feelings of not being enough,
Not being good enough.
Not a good enough mother,
Not a good enough father,
Not a good enough partner,
Not doing a good enough job.
Do you feel you could have done something better or should have done something better?
Sometimes we need to offer ourselves self-compassion.
We need to learn to soothe ourselves,
Embrace ourselves,
Remind ourselves that we are in fact enough,
Just as we are.
We should always be the best version of ourselves,
But that begins with accepting ourselves just as we are.
Most of us are doing the best we can.
Rain of self-compassion helps us do this.
R is for recognize.
Recognize and label what's happening.
What beliefs are you holding that are holding you back?
I'm not good enough.
I can't do this.
Or emotions that feel all consuming.
I'm depressed,
I'm overwhelmed,
All consuming anxiety.
Sometimes just saying it to oneself works well.
Label it anxiety,
Sadness.
Allow.
Allow what's happening to happen.
We so often judge our thoughts and feelings instead of just experiencing them.
So allow it to be present with you.
Allow your emotion to speak.
Allow it to release.
Let it flow through you.
When we hold onto the energy in our body,
It becomes illness,
Pain.
When we resist,
They persist.
When we feel them,
We heal them.
We have a choice not to judge.
To mindfully accept the emotion.
Kristin Neff says,
Become a compassionate mess.
We need to go to the depth of our feelings.
Go to the mud.
Remember,
No mud,
No lotus.
I is investigate.
What's going on with concern and care and curiosity?
Imagine you are your best friend.
No story,
No explanation,
No excuses.
Can I identify the specific emotions?
Anger,
Sadness.
Am I disappointed,
Lonely?
Do I feel shame,
Hurt,
Regret,
Neglect,
Isolated?
Where am I feeling it?
Is it in my chest,
My throat,
My stomach?
What thoughts keep reoccurring?
I'm not enough,
I shouldn't,
I should have,
I couldn't,
I can't.
Remember that emotions serve a purpose.
What has the emotion or thought come to tell me?
N is for nourish.
How can you offer that pain,
Care and kindness?
When we acknowledge the pain,
The emotion,
The thought,
Self-compassion and care,
We offer comfort and safety.
For me,
Self-soothing and healing works best as a hand over my heart's centre.
Take your right hand and place it gently over the centre of your chest.
You can place the left hand over your right.
Breathe slowly in and out.
You may want to rock slowly.
You can rock themselves to soothe.
As adults,
We forget how to do this.
Rock slowly forward and back or side to side.
Self-soothing at first may feel awkward.
Keep at it.
Whisper to yourself,
I hear you,
I'm listening.
To heal,
We need to be heard,
To be acknowledged,
To be validated.
You may want to add your own line.
I'm okay.
I am enough.
I am worthy.
I am safe.
Remember you can come back to rain any time.
Recognise and label,
Allow without judgement.
Investigate what is going on with curiosity and care.
Nourish yourself with kindness and compassion.
Breathe and remind yourself,
I am here.
I hear you.
I am listening.
You are enough.
Invest in your healing and protection.
Continue to nourish yourself.
Find what brings you joy.
Offer joy to others.
Maybe through acts of kindness.
Practice gratitude.
Journal.
Listen to music.
Dance.
Move through swimming or walking.
Resign from things that leave you depleted.
Stop people pleasing.
Surround yourself with people who water your soul.
I hear you.
I'm listening.
I am enough.
I am ready.
I am ready.
I am ready.
I am ready.
I am ready.
I am ready.
I am ready.
When you are ready,
Stretch your arms wide above your head.
I am ready.
