Deepening Presence - Day 4

Welcome to day four of Deepening Presence online meditation retreat here on Insight Timer.

My name is Tomek and like yourself I'm here to meditate.

I'm a seeker and explorer and very much interested in deepening and recognizing the life around me.

So welcome to day four.

How are you today?

Where are you tuning in from?

As always I will give you a moment to settle in.

Please say your welcomes.

For those of you who are here for the first time raise your hand.

This is our tradition and for those of you who are regulars please welcome everyone and make them feel at home.

All right let's see who's in here today.

Caroline,

Beautiful.

Good morning.

Jane from Scotland.

That's good evening.

We have a guest from Minneapolis.

Hello Mary.

Oh hello Diane.

Good to see you.

So all the familiar faces here.

Thank you guys for accompanying me in this journey over the past couple of days coming into Friday.

Tomorrow at least Friday here.

Hello Leslie.

Hello Jessica.

Nadine.

Sharon.

Dorothy.

Ale from Mexico.

Beautiful.

And Basia from Sydney.

We have Jason from Massachusetts and Joanne for the first time from California.

Hello Joanne.

Good to see you.

So as you.

.

.

Hello V.

Good to see you.

As you guys tune in and settle in let me just remind you this is five day meditation retreat during which we focus on deepening presence and first of all I want to thank you for all the sessions but in particular for the sessions we had yesterday which was absolutely phenomenal.

I felt that I went really deep within myself and I felt that real connection with you my listeners and fellow meditators and that's what this series is about.

It is about presence and how to get in touch with it on a deeper level and something that helps very much it is you being here.

I just watched a brief story of a company called WeWork.

WeWork it's a co-working space where people gather people like-minded people starting their own businesses to come together and to work on their own projects and somehow someway the idea behind WeWork is that even though you focus on yourself and your own business being in the presence of people that are united by the same idea of working on something when you do it together there's extra energy there's extra inspiration and motivation to do so and I believe that's how I feel when I meditate by myself certainly it is important and I make effort to do my best but with your in front of me so to speak it feels much easier it feels like there's extra energy again that motivation inspiration to do so and deepening presence is fundamentally everybody's project there's not a single person on this planet that doesn't want to connect with him or herself on a deeper level so everybody is your fellow meditator everybody is your fellow business partners to speak I'm curious to know what you think about it hello Nima hello Sue oh hello Sharon good to see you we have Tamara from North Dakota okay so as you as everybody comes in I just continue the story of our retreat and particularly something I want to focus on today so as I said before this session and all five sessions are about presence are about something that is in each and every one and in my opinion it's something that it's something that it's very much undervalued and not emphasized because it goes without saying that our life revolves about achieving about pursuing goals and all in all about doing and it seems to me that we are very often identified I was we are they identified with the very doing and forget where does the doing come from and the active ingredient of the doing it's always the self so if the self is forgotten or mistreated or what's another word for it it's not given enough attention then the doing that we so rely on will suffer too so I choose to kind of change the tactic a bit and see how what happens when I bring my attention and then attention being the mental currency the most important currency that you ever have it's not what you have on your bank account it's the attention that's what all the companies by the way want they don't want your money they want your attention if they don't get your attention they can they cannot get anything else however if they capture your attention the mental currency everything else just flows so we focus our mental currency and investing in the self to see how you're doing and everything else flows from it and my personal experience even during this five-day retreat here on inside timer I see that every time that I explore and tune in into that self and explore the presence within things start aligning things are start flowing easier more spontaneously and it is interesting to see that because my ego identity everything I learned throughout my life and all the things I'm being constantly reaffirmed with points out words no get another project publish another meditation another course do more lives do do do perform perform perform achieve achieve achieve and every time I catch myself that part of me that identity and belief that it's deeply rooted in me that makes me want to strive more for more for more and never satisfied finally I say stop what is happening have I really chosen this path and very often the answer is no I am running on automatic automatic pilot which is the identity that I cherished and trained for so long unconsciously that no longer serves my better purpose no purpose of people around me and to give you an example when I feel stressed when I am disconnected from myself this very session I'm having with you will suffer you will feel it you will see it and doesn't matter how hard I try again the trying is the the part that comes from the intellect it tells me I have to try harder I have to push through it will make no difference before because you as a human being you are a detector of emotions through empathy you will see that there's a dissonance there's discrepancy between what he says and how he acts so rather than doing that I as you could notice I take a deep breath and ask myself am I within myself right now as simple as that and if the answer to this question is no that's absolutely fine but everything starts with awareness of what there is everything starts with presence and hence we focus so deeply on the presence of the past four days and this is my invitation to you to change the tactic to change business model of how you do things and see if that's going to influence the outcome of how you feel of the success whatever that means to you how the success of this kind of approach changes as a scientist I'm a strong believer into systematic pursue of truth doing it in a systematic way finding out for yourself for yourself in a systematic way create a protocol if you're a meditator and you are a meditator because you are here you sit for I don't know 20 minutes twice a day this is a protocol you have a system for it and then within that system what do you do you trying to be yourself and along that way within the moments of presence there are also the moments when you discover that there are roadblocks that all those things that you don't want to feel don't want to think and the question is where do they come from awareness arises because all those things will come when we start meditating in the next in the second part of this session you will notice there'll be thoughts there'll be emotions and they'll be thrown at you all the time and as they're being thrown and you bring awareness to them you recognize huh maybe this no longer serves me this autopilot that I've been on for so long is no longer valid and as I said change of tactic switching to different business model if you will I pun intended maybe change of tactic is needed and deepening the presence is the tactic putting yourself first not selfishly but on the contrary if you want to help others you have to help yourself first classic example of of the announcement that you always get when you get on the plane right when you with uh with a child a mother is always told I know you care for your child but if the oxygen mask drops put it first on yourself right because if you are not taken care of if the inner self is not taking taking care of your child will suffer as well all right this is the approach and I think everybody knows it by now and by the way I always encourage you to put your questions or comments in in the comment section I'm always happy to answer particularly that we it's day four so we're coming towards the end so if there are any questions that arose during that time this is a great time to to ask them and I'll be more than happy to have a shot at them and maybe together we can come up with something of of value the thank you so much for your kind donation and for your support and thank you carline as well that's so nice when it comes to when it comes to donation as I said yesterday some of those donations do not show up and insight timer is apparently aware of that this is most likely a technical problem what I want to say is whether you support me mentally or through donating money the both are equally important to me it is the most important part of it is your presence you already invested your attention in this session and as I said this is the biggest payout one can get the attention thank you I want to thank you and express my gratitude for your attention because this attention will feed my presence inspire me to be more present and I hope that in return I can hold this space for you and in return I can be by your side to assist you in on your own path again is the example of co-working space we co-working here we collaborators not competitors this is an important distinction Nima says I think in my case it's a requirement to feel needed so I do too much for others the feeling of belonging and feeling of being respected and feeling of being appreciated it's one of the most fundamental programming that every human being has it's actually Abraham Maslow the famous author that is known from the pyramid of needs puts that at one of the basic needs feeling that everyone feels like it's being belong somewhere that it's needed right that has its purpose but again I'm asking myself every time there's that feeling in me it's like am I doing enough where does it come from is it really required to work work work work through entire life in order to be accepted who does the accepting I'm not saying that working and performing and doing is wrong absolutely not my question is where does it come from does it come from some superficial identity that was imposed on us on you on me throughout your life through your upbringing through how society works or is it a true need that comes from within and this is a question that we asking here that we try to discover by deepening the presence go within and ask that question throw it in there why am I doing it does it come from the true self whatever that means by the way I don't have answer clear answer to you you have to discover it for yourself and find those answers for yourself my job is only to inspire you to catalyze I'm a catalyst to catalyze this exploration I use Jason says I use that analogy all the time in my mindfulness practice I began almost three years ago if I don't take of myself first meditation walk on the beach then I'm not good for anyone else like my family thank you Jason I like this comment not because it is something that I can say and you may just smile and wave and nod because this is what I'm inviting you to this is a discovery a personal direct experience of it and that's what why what we are here for sure the way I talk and the content of it has its purpose but it's just an inspiration for the self-exploration that will come in the second part which is the meditation so ask me if I ask a course in miracles and what is your view on that of course of course it's one of the most fundamental fundamental books that once again indeed put you puts you in the center of everything that happens you are the creator of your reality that's what course of in miracles teaches you not somebody else not the beliefs that were imposed on us you and the discovery starts with who is me how often do you ask yourself the question who am I am I my job am I my bank account am I a parent who am I this is in the center of all spiritual work and also in the center of that in course in miracles because if you don't know who you are everything that you do will come from in some some false belief system or belief system that is not you and that that takes time that comes from the presence you ask those questions you explore and you find answers for yourself thank you sue for that question um maybe two more questions before we start meditation i try to finish this session within 45 minutes jason and then what we were just saying resonates with me like why am i doing something is it for something i need to feel or is because someone else i'm going through something now uh where my parents are definitely in the clergy category and it ties into the four agreements with the book of law as to why am i doing something kind of thing lots of awareness in this right now my life thank you jason for agreements another very thin and important book that i recommend to everyone it's about that in the work asking yourself the questions and obviously uh as a everybody has been has been a child and has been a child to a parent so that dynamic between us and our parents whether they are here or whether they're deceased it doesn't matter it's always it's that connection is always there it's one of the most fundamental things that we as children and everybody has been there have to figure it out and bringing awareness to it again putting that into meditation into the presence is a fundamental thing how you answer those questions to yourself that role that you play is it something simply imposed by your parents or is it something as you grow up and mature is it part of you is it come from you thank you jason for asking that um christiana is here thank you for being here um okay okay i think now it's time to put everything that we talk about into practice and practice is the simplest of all not necessarily the easiest it's deepening the presence we will sit together and we simply allow the presence to arise and you will what you will find as i remind you of during every and each session you'll find that there is presence is always there however it is obstructed there's obstruction to it thoughts emotions body sensations scenarios that come from the future or relate to the past the usual thing and our job is not to deny them to destroy all those belief systems that get in our way to not instantaneously detach from everything but rather include it and recognize this is just a part of the journey it might be not you entirely but it's something that you experienced so when you feel when you feel anger doesn't mean that you are an angry person it means that you frequently experience emotional anger if you're anxious right if you feel anxiety doesn't mean that you're an anxious person it happened that you experience emotional anxiety frequently and perhaps perhaps you may ask yourself a question this case why is that happening to whom is it happening is it happening to me or that mental or that mental construct that i created unconsciously sometimes very often because nobody wants to be consciously nobody creates a consciously a persona that that is anxious by choice but anyway i ask you every and every in each of you have their own challenges their own thoughts and set your own intention for this part of practice so the meditation has already started because you are here it is as meditation teachers would say it's now o'clock and it's time to be present and to deepen that presence is that simple and you recognize an only place you can start right now with your physical body with your thoughts with your emotions and since this is not our first trip we never have to go around it begin with allowing your eyes to close and that instantaneously draws your attention more inside and you start perceiving engaging your inner senses that usually are disengaged because your focus is on six physical senses that bring the external inside but now you working from inside out not from outside in so we always begin this journey with recognizing what is happening now if you feel and discomfort and unease maybe you may shift into position that is more comfortable if you feel tension in your throat in your chest in your stomach taking a breath helps if you have thoughts coming right now to your head am i doing it right am i worthy is it me put all those questions in front of you be present without judgment without trying to rephrase anything without further engaging your intellect this is not an intellectual process even when i'm talking to you and formulate those words i allow the presence in me to arise and this is reflected in the way i speak and in what i say and i ask you to do the same allow the presence to arise and see how the presence acts through you through you every emotion every feeling that comes to you recognize it through the lens of the presence and affirm in your head that i choose to be present to everything that comes to me and you may experience and each and every of you may experience this present in a slightly different way because presence it's a multi-layer phenomenon right now i experience the rise of presence in me presence in me as slowing down of my breath as dropping of my shoulders away from my ears i experience it as a viscous substance that starts in my stomach and dynamically shifts across my body there is a softness there's fluidity there's a sense of going within and there are thoughts that try to come to that space my intellect is still switched on on but no longer gets in the way i allow it to work side by side and i include the headspace in the presence as well you deepen the presence not by resisting but by including it the presence or awareness infuses thoughts bodily sensations emotions it's not separate from them but we choose to make the presence a part of it all it's a slow process of deepening going within and we allow it for some of you it may come easy for some of you it is going to be difficult a lot of thoughts but that's the path sometimes it's easy sometimes it's difficult difficult yet for this short period of time we chose to walk this path and the agreement that we make is to accept all of those that come our way and infuse all those thoughts all those emotions with the presence and see how they transform how they no longer have the destructive power of irritating you of triggering you doing all the damage that they normally do when you unconscious presence puts all of those above in a different light when true self arises and you be playful with all those qualities of presence however you experience them in your unique individual way and now begin to return and expand the presence that you feel within to the space around you and you do that by start being aware of the environment around you penetrating the layers of your physical body recognizing the boundaries of the physical self moving outside towards the room and space recognizing the chair underneath you on the surface underneath you and staying present to that and now adding gentle movement starting with your toes and then moving gently your fingers still being very present to that simple action gentle tilt of your head to the left feel the heaviness of your head and how the muscles in your neck stretch tilt your head to the right back to the center and take one deep conscious breath in through your nose and out through your mouth when you're ready open your eyes welcome back thank you so much for meditating with me another special experience much presence and i could feel almost your thoughts your emotions that expression of a collective consciousness and it's my job to hold a space for you there and as i'm holding space for you i also include myself and recognizing that the better job i do with my presence the more benefit it is for you it is not selfish act this act that have also in you in mind so i always ask you how in one word if you could describe how do you feel right now let's start engaging that cognitive powers that again we slightly i sleep i put them aside during meditation just one word how do you feel hmm v feels peaceful jenny relaxed jessica held hmm interesting yeah sharon khan now also khan can relaxed so feels calmer basha settled nima thankful akira loved sandy light nadine soulful guest soft christiana peace dorothy peaceful it's a lot of peace and relaxation and and certainly that being in peace and feeling at ease feeling relaxed it's a certainly in my experience a better approach to everything that's why the the presence the way i understand it it's very often most of the time comes when we feel relaxed because we acknowledge there's nothing to be achieved we are already there right the presence is always within us we don't need to i'm sorry we don't need to work for it and that realization helps us to move forward throughout our day and one of the intentions of this meditation retreat is to infuse your entire day with presence not just when you're here and then you get up and everything changes and yeah sure meditation is meditation and a session with tonic is just a nice way to relax and then then i have to face the real life yeah then i have to face the real struggles and and that's what's the that's what the life is right it's a struggle and striving and there's a lot of suffering and many challenges um this is simply one way of looking at life and i'm certainly not here to tell you not to do it i'm simply asking you as i said before perhaps there's a different business model a different tactic to approach that day and i invite you to come back to that presence that you experience during the meditation throughout the day and particularly in the moments when you feel feel that you that you challenge with something and see for yourself how it goes maybe it will work maybe it will not but how how do you how will you know if you don't do it okay so infuse your day entire day or night ahead with the presence and if it's a day look at your tasks how will they flow from it if it's a night see how your sleep will be affected by it um so tomorrow we come back for um day five and i think liz said that it says it's day one uh well if it's day one i will change it to day five obviously it's day five i apologize for that typo uh the same place the same time if you have any questions thank you caroline uh for for posting conscious living collective uh it's a group on inside timer that you are welcome to join and ask questions there and become a part of the collective that meditates together uh if you want to be notified about the session that comes tomorrow and any upcoming sessions go to my profile click the follow button and most importantly the the bell icon because that's what sends you those infrequent notifications about the events meditations whatever happens that you might be interested in a lot of you say that with new versions of inside timer those notifications go away and and you miss uh those sessions so the only way to do it is to to check uh from time to time if those notifications are still on but otherwise i'm recording this session and it will put the audio version here on inside timer as long as being approved by the inside timer team but much much quicker it's going to be on my youtube channel the video recording with audio the entire thing so you're welcome to rewatch the part that you're interested in just maybe just meditation if you enjoyed it use it for your own purpose it is there for you freely available for your purpose for your growth for growing your presence deepening your presence um okay so once again i want to thank you first and foremost for your presence there's almost 100 of us here i always am amazed how many people are tuning in and meditating together and that's where the power comes from collective uh collaborative engagement uh that i so much appreciate and infuses my my life with an extra presence and extra motivation extra inspiration thank you for being here and also thank you for uh for your money donation it's one one overlay one aspect of it uh that helps me to carry on with my daily tasks as well which are inevitably an important part of of the human existence thank you for that too i'm very grateful so to conclude i look forward to meditating with you tomorrow with day five and i look forward to seeing you there so for now i wish you a good day or good night wherever you are and until tomorrow bye bye