The Heroine's Journey Part 9: The Ordeal

So today we're going to talk about the ordeal stage of the heroine's journey and primarily what I want to focus on is the topic of shame.

So we are going to go into what Joseph Campbell calls the belly of the whale today.

We're going to go down deep.

So buckle up,

Gird your loins and be sure to have like a journal handy and maybe some tissues and a glass of water because you never know sometimes tears can flow.

So just to recap very briefly,

In the heroine's journey there's always a sense of discontentment or some kind of change,

Some desire for change or maybe some change comes unbidden that prompts the heroine to leave her familiar world in search of who she can be on a bigger scale,

Who she can become.

Good,

I see a heart popping up there.

I see a couple of hearts popping up there.

Yeah and so there's a sense of a call to adventure.

I know that there is a woman inside of me who is longing to express herself,

To be bigger and not necessarily physically bigger but to be bigger in spirit,

To have a greater impact on the world,

To have more meaningful relationships,

To have better self-care,

Whatever it happens to be.

And then immediately following that or often following that there can be a resistance to that vision.

Who me?

I can't do that or oh I failed so many times,

I've done so many diets,

Like why would I even try again,

Etc.

And then once she begins to move through that initial resistance,

As she goes along on her journey she encounters a mentor who guides her along the way.

She encounters allies who walk beside her.

She faces trials and tests and temptations and these are all the different topics that we have talked about through these past several weeks.

Then she might come to a point where it is inevitable that she has to make a descent into the darkness of her own soul.

And this is what Joseph Campbell refers to metaphorically as the belly of the whale,

Where he's talking about the prophet Jonah from the Bible who was given the task to go prophesy,

To go teach and preach.

And he refused it and basically through a whole series of kind of mishaps he ended up being swallowed up by a whale and remained in the whale for three days until the whale finally spit him out.

And the whale metaphorically represents our unconscious mind,

The shadow,

The parts of ourselves that we would rather not face.

And it was when Jonah surrendered to his own mind,

His own experience,

Surrendered to who he was,

That he was released and could go on.

And then he was able to accomplish what it was that he was tasked to do.

So in thinking about the belly of the whale and placing this in the context of the work that I have done with so many women just like you,

The number one shadow force,

I guess we could say,

That draws women down into the depths and the shadows of their own soul is shame.

Shame.

S-H-A-M-E,

Which Carl Jung referred to as the swampland of the soul.

It's the same idea that we're going down into mucky,

Murky territory that we would rather not face at all.

And this is where it's really important.

How can I say this?

We all have to make this journey on our own.

We,

You know,

Our journeys are individual to us,

But we don't have to do them alone.

So this is where the mentor comes in.

This is where the allies come in.

This is where all the helpers come in,

Because the brain that experiences the shame can't unshame itself,

You know,

Can't get itself out.

So,

Of course,

The number one place where I tend to see shame in the work that I have done with women is shame around the body.

So if this is something that you are struggling with,

You can follow this vein with me over the next,

You know,

45 minutes,

And we can work on that specifically.

But there might also be other shadow emotions and experiences that you are feeling like maybe a grief that has just been weighing on your soul for years or decades,

And you can't shake it.

Or there might be another one other than shame is regret,

You know,

Things that you did in the past that either things that happened that you wish hadn't happened or things that hadn't happened that you wish had.

Regret can be a huge one.

There can also be rage,

You know,

Anger,

Not just simply annoyance,

But a deep,

Deep sense of just unresolvable,

Absolute rage toward people,

Places,

Situations.

Or there could also be just a sense of,

Well,

Shame would really be like the not good enough,

You know,

Not good enough story.

So the sense is that once I do these things,

Everything will be fixed.

You know,

My life will be better,

Everything will be fixed.

The reason why I have come to reference The Heroine's Journey on this path is because it's actually exactly the opposite.

That it isn't until we heal the emotions and actually the spiritual issues that drive these behaviors,

That the behaviors will take care of themselves.

The other reason is based on,

You know,

A quote that I reference a lot from Jesus.

It's attributed to Jesus.

If you bring forth what is within you,

What is within you will heal you.

If you do not bring forth what is within you,

What is within you will destroy you.

These dark monsters that lie in our subconscious,

We have to bring them forward because the healing is actually that they shapeshift from being,

Oh no,

I don't want to look at that,

I can't face that,

Anything but that.

They shapeshift from that to being your greatest teachers and your greatest allies on your journey.

So I'm wondering if you want to just chat with me what you are hearing and what I'm saying,

What is resonating with you.

Ginger is talking about being comfortable,

Being seen and self-assertiveness.

Yeah,

Good.

Okay.

Ginger,

There's a,

It's like a swamp creature or there's,

There's some force in your psyche that is saying you can't be seen,

You shouldn't be seen.

Obviously,

It's not safe to be seen,

Right?

There's some kind of monster or guardian standing at the gate there.

So just using archetypal language.

Yeah.

So tell me if I'm,

I'm on track with that.

Eileen,

I listened to Heroine's Journey number five because I wasn't feeling good enough,

Shame and being stuck.

Yeah.

The episode helped me to move forward.

Yes.

Beautiful.

Wonderful,

Eileen.

Good.

Thank you.

Ginger,

I have shame around inner masculine energy.

This was not the case 10 years ago.

I was shining bright.

Okay.

So Ginger,

Something happened.

So this is what we are going to work with today.

Again,

Focusing on shame because all these things tend to have their roots in shame.

Shame is different than like remorse or,

Or a certain level of regret where you say,

Oh,

I made a mistake.

You know,

I did something wrong.

Shame is the energy that says I am wrong.

I am bad.

I am flawed and I am not worthy of love connection and belonging.

So regret or remorse might say I made a mistake.

Shame says I am the mistake.

How many of you just give me a heart if that resonates with what,

What you experience within yourself and that deep level of shame,

What is commonly called toxic shame in therapeutic circles has its roots in early childhood trauma where there's something that happens in our little infantile brains.

We get this message.

I am bad.

I am wrong.

I am a mistake.

I don't deserve to be,

You know,

If you,

If you take that sentence,

Like I don't deserve to be,

I don't deserve to be happy.

I don't deserve to be wealthy.

I don't deserve to be,

You know,

You just cut off that whole predicate.

What are you left with?

What is resonating for you?

And what I'm saying here,

Where is this showing up for you?

Is it showing up for you?

Maybe it's not.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Absolutely.

Solar plexus.

Okay.

So you're feeling it right in that spot that I tend to call the trauma tummy.

Yep.

Right there.

That kind of knotted up feeling.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

So let's do some tapping.

I want to invite you to tune in to this experience of there is something fundamentally wrong or bad or unworthy or undeserving about me.

Okay.

And if you've got like a journal,

Maybe you just want to write a kind of a phrase or a note about what that is.

Okay.

So such shame feeling like there's something wrong with me.

I should be perfect.

Ah,

I should be perfect.

Okay.

Yeah.

Something's wrong with me.

I should be perfect.

Okay.

Not good enough.

I don't deserve to be really resonates.

Okay.

So let me ask you,

When you tune into whatever this is for you,

How do you feel?

So when you think I don't deserve to be,

Or I am secretly superior,

Or if I set boundaries,

People think I am arrogant or whatever it is that you are struggling with.

How does it feel?

And then how strong is that feeling on a scale of one to 10 with 10 being the strongest where we want to gauge this for,

For tapping purposes.

Okay.

Let me see here.

An eight and a six.

Okay.

All right.

And then seven.

And then just like ginger want to shrink and disappear.

Noah.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

Well,

Let's,

Let's,

Let's follow that thread there.

I want we're going to use this all for tapping key to body image stuff that,

Okay.

So ginger,

Like I don't have a right to my boundaries.

Yeah.

Okay.

Powerless.

Yeah.

So there's something here specifically to about shame,

Which is that as women,

We tend to take shame on.

I,

I,

This is my own observation and experience that we tend to take shame on differently than the way men do.

So I heard somebody say one time,

If a man makes a bad financial investment,

He blames the investment.

If a woman makes a bad financial investment,

She blames herself.

Do you see like we tend to hyper internalize other people's neuroses,

The harms that they cause us what's going on in the world.

You know,

It's all my fault.

And it's like,

You know,

It goes back to that boundary issue.

So we tend to internalize things too much.

So this is what I want to do in the tapping here is let's see if we can,

Yeah.

You know,

Just like flush it out,

Get,

You know,

Get it out of here so we can get out of the belly of the whale.

I'm stuck in shame about past decisions.

Okay.

And you can relate to that.

Let's just jump right in here.

Here we go.

So if you're new to tapping,

Just say as I say and do as I do and feel free to use your own words if mine don't resonate with you.

Okay.

So tapping the sides of the hands together.

Here we go.

Even though I am carrying this heaviness and then go ahead and just say for yourself what that heaviness is.

And it feels really heavy.

Okay.

And some part of me really doesn't want to face this.

I want to remind myself that I am not alone.

That I can meet this part of me with love and understanding.

Bring this to the light of day and allow it to heal.

Good.

Okay.

Now let's tap around the points.

Let's go right up to the top of the head.

But oh,

This heavy,

Heavy thing.

And just go ahead and say what it is.

Okay.

Inside the eyebrow,

Right where the eyebrow meets the bridge of the nose,

This heavy burden that I am carrying.

Go ahead and say what it is.

Side of the eye,

This swampland of my soul.

Under the eye.

And it makes me feel.

Go ahead and say what that is.

Under the nose.

And it feels really heavy and hard and stuck.

Under the mouth.

Will this ever heal?

Good.

Collarbone.

Will I ever heal this deep shame?

Good.

Under the arm.

Feeling like I don't have a right to be.

Okay.

Back up to the top of the head.

Feeling like my whole being is one big mistake.

Okay.

Inside the eyebrow.

Being in perpetual war with myself.

The side of the eye.

Taking in all this negativity,

Right?

Okay.

Under the eye.

From other people and other places and other situations.

Okay.

Good.

Under the nose.

I take it all in and I make it about me.

Under the mouth.

Okay.

Everybody here,

Let's just take a nice breath in the nose and out the mouth.

Okay.

Let's do that one more time.

In through the nose,

Out through the mouth.

And do it forcefully like you're blowing out through a straw.

Okay.

Okay.

Collarbone.

What if this isn't true?

Under the arm.

What if it's all just one big story that I have been telling myself?

Okay.

Under the nose.

What if it's all just one big story that I have been telling myself?

Back up to the top of the head.

Keeping myself small and stuck and scared.

Yeah.

Okay.

Inside the eyebrow.

Letting other people's judgments of me drive my self-worth.

Yeah.

Good.

Side of the eye.

I should be this.

I shouldn't be that.

Under the eye.

More of this.

Less of that.

Okay.

Under the nose.

What if I could just cut this loose?

Under the mouth.

Unmask this monster and see it for what it is.

Great.

Collarbone.

Yeah.

Leveraging this on my path of healing.

Right?

Okay.

Collarbone.

Like turning this monster into some kind of an ally.

Good.

Back up to the top of the head.

This will be the last round.

I don't know.

Okay.

Inside the eyebrow.

But this shame story is just not the truth of who I am.

Okay.

Side of the eye.

So there's something deeper here to explore.

Okay.

Under the eye.

And I want to be curious and open about that.

Okay.

Under the nose because there is a part of me deeper down that is ready and wants to shine bright.

Okay.

Under the mouth.

And I want to give that part of me room to be.

Collarbone.

And I really love and appreciate myself for that.

Okay.

Under the arm.

I am definitely a heroine on a heroine's journey.

Okay.

Let's leave it there.

Take a drink of water if you have one.

How did that feel?

How was that tapping for you?

Yeah.

You know,

The shame story,

If you really,

Really look at it,

The should be this,

Shouldn't be that,

More of this,

Not enough of that,

Too much of this,

Etc.

If you really examine it,

All of it has its roots in other people's expectations of us.

You know,

Something's wrong with me.

I should be perfect.

You know?

Well,

Okay.

Like,

If you take the emotional thorn out of that,

And the kind of the heat and the intensity out of that,

What does perfect even mean?

Like,

What does that mean?

And whose idea of perfect is it?

And,

You know,

My body should look like this.

Like,

My thighs shouldn't be so big.

Well,

Says who?

And,

And I shouldn't,

I should be more assertive about this.

Like,

Who's,

Who's,

Whose story is this?

This is what I'm talking about,

Where,

You know,

We tend to take it in,

And we tend to take it on.

I was actually talking with a friend of mine about like,

His parents had this whole expectation of him that he should be a doctor,

You know,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

That kind of thing.

And,

You know,

He's a,

He's a solar thermal,

He installs solar thermal systems in people's homes.

He's not a doctor at all.

And,

You know,

There's a shame.

Well,

Why?

Because his parents put that,

You know,

It comes from outside.

I really don't think we are born ex utero with shame.

Okay,

Here's a lot of comments coming in.

Let me take a drink of water,

And then I want to read all these.

Okay,

Becky felt really good.

Ginger,

I'm wanting my inner voice to be my own,

Not internalized voices of others.

Okay,

So that's something you could do some tapping right there on your own,

Ginger,

Like,

I want my inner voice to be my own voice,

And not the internalized voices of others.

Becky saying felt really good.

I went from a seven to a two.

Wow,

Around my food addiction and emotional eating.

Wow.

Yay.

Great.

Projections from others I depended on to survive.

Exactly,

Rebecca.

That's right.

That's right.

And,

You know,

It's very understandable that we take it in this way.

But it,

You know,

Now we're coming to the point where we don't have to do it this way anymore.

Right?

Like we can choose our own thoughts and beliefs.

I also want to release my body from having to carry the displaced fears,

Grief,

Anger.

It's an easy target.

I want to change that.

Good.

Ha,

Marjorie,

I flinched when I had to say I love and appreciate that about myself.

Couldn't say that.

Okay,

So here's what I would say about that when you do your own tapping,

Marjorie.

Even though I can't say that,

That I love and appreciate myself.

The first time I had to say that I got like physically nauseated,

Like I literally felt like I had to throw up.

So and now I've said it like thousands and thousands of times.

And so,

You know,

It feels a little more true now.

But so even though I can't,

It feels hard.

Can I love myself even with that?

Good.

Okay.

Debbie,

I'm proud of all of us willing to do the work.

Yes.

Congratulations.

Yeah,

We are heroines.

It takes courage to heal.

Teresa,

Love that Marjorie.

Rebecca,

Acknowledging it feels so heavy.

Very true.

I'm going to start saying that.

Practice.

The question of what if it's not really true is profound.

Okay.

Well,

Let's go with that question.

What if it's not really true?

I want to invite you to take a moment.

This is the unmasking the monster part.

This is the unmasking the monster part.

What if everything that I am believing is not true in like a Byron Katie sense?

You know,

Byron Katie likes to say the mind is like a mirror.

It sees clearly,

But it gets it backwards.

Do you see when you're looking at yourself in the mirror?

It's actually the opposite of what it actually is.

So what if it's not really true?

So what would be the mirror opposite of what you are holding to be true?

What is the mirror opposite of the shame?

No,

I think maybe it's true,

But it's much smaller.

The monster is not that big.

Yeah,

The monster is not that big.

And probably,

You know,

As you approach that monster,

It's going to turn into this little furry little,

Like a little stuffy or something,

You know,

It's not going to be a monster at all.

It's just some part of us calling for love.

That's what it really is in the heroine's journey.

You are calling for us to bring them back home.

What I like to say is that anything that we feel ashamed of,

We can feel grateful for.

And at some point,

We might even be able to feel proud of it.

Okay,

Okay,

Here's some turn.

Let's see,

I see a turnaround here.

I am good enough.

I am beautiful and accomplished.

Like when people speak the truth,

The only answer is yes.

And that is the truth.

You are beautiful.

You are accomplished.

Mary Pat,

I do deserve to be.

I am truly powerful.

Wonderful.

Okay,

Well,

Let's do one more round of tapping.

Here we go.

Even though,

Oh gosh,

Yeah,

There's still a part of me that wants to believe my shame story.

Mm hmm.

There's still a part of me that wants to tell myself that I am less than.

Yeah.

I can send love and care to this part of me.

And I don't have to believe it,

Right?

I can just say,

Sweetheart,

This is a story.

Okay.

And I can love myself exactly as I am in this moment.

Okay,

Let's go up to the top of the head.

Ah,

What if it's all just a story?

Mm hmm.

Good.

Oh,

Yeah.

Inside the eyebrow,

This whole shame story I've been carrying for so long.

Side of the eye.

And all the ways I have used it to punish myself.

Yeah.

Under the eye.

All the ways I have used it to keep myself in a cage.

Mm hmm.

Under the nose,

Stuck in the belly of the whale.

Great.

Under the mouth.

I send profound,

Limitless love to this part of me.

Collarbone.

It is totally understandable.

Under the arm.

It's okay to feel it all.

On top of the head.

It is okay to let it all go.

Yeah.

Good.

Inside the eyebrow.

All the shame,

Grief,

Regret,

Rage,

Arrogance,

All of it.

Okay.

Inside of the eye.

I can totally acknowledge it.

Under the nose.

And I don't have to define myself this way anymore.

Great.

Under the mouth.

Because the truth is,

I am beautiful.

Say it even if you can't.

Say it anyway.

Okay.

Under the mouth.

I am brave.

Nice.

Collarbone.

I am willing.

Under the arm.

I am open.

Yeah.

Top of the head.

I am powerful.

Yes.

Inside the eyebrow.

I am fearless.

Mm hmm.

Good.

Side of the eye.

And I reclaim my dignity.

Good.

Under the eye.

I call my soul back home from this story.

Under the nose.

I deserve to be because I am here.

Yeah.

Good.

Mm hmm.

Under the mouth.

I am worthy of my heroine's journey.

Yeah.

Good.

Collarbone.

I am worthy of this path of healing.

Okay.

Under the arm.

And I claim the love that is my birthright.

Okay.

Let's let that take a drink of water,

Shake it out.

Rebecca,

Fabulous,

Marcella.

Yay.

Okay.

How does that feel doing that second round of tapping?

What feels like the deeper truth beneath the story?

I love the specifics you tease out in this talk slash meditations.

Yay.

Good,

Teresa.

Thank you.

Rebecca,

So great.

Control over the myth.

Yes.

Control over the myth.

Mary Pat,

The powerful me.

I don't have to believe my story.

Oh no,

You definitely don't have to believe your story.

The story is the gateway.

The story is like the gate that we walk through to get to the other side.

And I will say this in terms of like the next three meetings that we have,

Like the worst of this,

The worst is behind us now.

And,

You know,

Once we start to really walk through that gateway where we don't have to believe our story and we not only don't have to believe it,

But we can find the sort of jewel within it,

The grail,

You know,

Within it,

That is where we really cross over.

In the work that I do in my Women,

Food and Forgiveness Academy,

You know,

It's not like about you're never going to relapse or you're never going to binge or you're never going to do that,

But that you don't,

That behavior just doesn't control you in the way that it used to.

Shari,

I love the share.

We practice till we make it.

Thank you,

Teresa.

Blessings your way to Marcella and to all.

Thank you so much for being here,

Shari.

Yeah,

It's time for us to wrap.

All right,

Ladies,

Go forth and be the amazing women that you are today.

And I will see you all next week.

Becky,

Thanks for another fantastic live.

And Ginger,

Thank you for putting the tracks up.

I have a couple to review.

Yes,

Please leave your reviews there,

Because I think when you leave the reviews,

It jogs the algorithm and it helps other people to find it.

So please do leave your reviews.

Plus,

I just want to hear,

You know,

What you think about the tracks.

This has been an amazing breakthrough.

Yay,

Martha,

Come back next week.

There's more to come.

Marjorie,

Thanks.

Debbie,

Love you all.

Rebecca,

Thanks for this.

With night eating syndrome,

So much is not conscious.

Love working this deep way.

Good.

Please come back.

Lots of love to everybody.

It's time for us to wrap.

See you later.

Bye for now.