Live Q&A Procastination, Perfectionism, Inner critic 25-10

Yeah,

Go ahead.

I do have some things in mind which I will otherwise share.

And of course we get difficult questions.

How can I stop procrastinating about the things I know I should do?

And that's so difficult,

Right?

Because you know you should do them,

But you stop because there is something going on.

And there isn't a one straight answer to that,

Nikki.

I do a lot of meditation practices here,

Live events about stopping procrastination and there's no like quick fix.

It does take time and there are multiple things you can do and it all really depends on you and what works for you.

Okay,

So you give the example.

I should exercise.

I should,

I should,

I should,

I should.

Hmm.

Okay,

This now becomes something different.

Is this indeed a healthy adult who wants this and who wants to motivate themselves and become a better person?

Or is this an inner critic who is being very negatively harsh against you and then of course you don't do it because you don't want to listen to your inner critic and you feel hurt and sad and angry and scared.

So is that maybe happening?

Hello Chad Linsky.

Also dealing with procrastination.

Okay,

Maybe I can give a general answer and hopefully this will help you.

But I think this is already a great,

Indeed the shoots is a great example.

I suffer from perfectionism and procrastination,

Right?

So you're immediately tackling both perhaps.

In my case,

I don't know about you,

But in my case those shoots were actually my perfectionism talking.

Okay,

Okay.

So you are not mad at yourself,

You're trying to do healthy things.

Indeed then it becomes a different thing.

I do love to start my morning with an intention setting routine.

I have a couple of those on my Insight Timer profile if you're curious.

And it's just really about compassion.

Compassion is the answer here and also setting intentions.

I have a 10 day course here on Insight Timer and I give so many tips.

So I'm just going to think about a couple of the views I share there.

The 10 day course here on Insight Timer is in Dutch and in English.

If you're like,

Ooh,

Maybe that will work because there are multiple things you can do.

But I think getting into the habit of an intention setting practice in the morning.

And it doesn't have to be like,

Oh,

I need to meditate for 20 minutes.

It can literally be 4 minutes of breathing and grounding and setting an intention.

Yeah,

Oh,

That would be great,

Nikki.

Because sometimes you also find out is it indeed procrastinating behavior or is it the inner critic or is it indeed I want to like you shared,

You know,

I know I'm not mad at myself.

I'm just not doing the healthy things.

Then it's a lack of motivation.

And then it's really important to look at your excuses.

And we all have the excuses of I will do it tomorrow or I will do it when I have more energy,

When I feel better.

Then it's important to set intentions to deal with those excuses.

So what I love is if you can't do it for five minutes,

You know,

Try to do it for one minute.

It's just one minute because sometimes we're also just overwhelmed.

And with a grounding exercise in the morning and an intention setting practice,

You will notice what is actually really going on.

Because now I already could name like 10 things what could be the cause.

But you know best,

You know best.

So then you will figure out and then you can take proper action.

So first step is awareness and then it's indeed taking the action.

Hopefully that answer helped.

That was a very general answer.

But I hope this kicked off today's session.

But thank you for asking a question and participating in the chat.

Yeah so you know and it's also just important knowing what is happening.

Is this procrastinating behavior or is this a perfectionist talking or is this the inner critic talking.

That's why I listed the three of them.

Because they do go hand in hand.

Oh they love each other.

And they all stem from childhood right?

From probably childhood trauma even.

Doesn't necessarily have to be trauma.

But yeah it does come from some people.

Okay I see 20 meditators here.

Hello welcome.

And if you joined in late you can you know ask me anything about procrastination or perfectionism or the inner critic.

Or you can just say hello and where you're from.

I always love to read where everyone is from and what timezone they are in.

And I just shared what really has helped me and that is indeed combining mindfulness or meditation practice in the morning.

I love getting up and indeed doing a calm compassion as grounding.

And talking about compassion I really struggled a lot with this and I did need to practice it.

I was like okay I will try it for a week and it will disappear.

I really needed to do it for months and months and be compassionate.

And I often incorporate these on my inside timer meditations.

Just a brief actually touching and hugging yourself and stating positive affirmations for example.

I am doing my best and acknowledging how you're feeling.

So then I want to talk about emotional regulation.

But before that I see more people entering.

Hi Julia from London.

I used to live in London.

Where do you live?

Which area?

I used to live in North London.

Oh my god.

Okay strategies for uni students with big assignments.

Oh I love that question.

I work a lot on my daily job with students.

I am a teacher after all and a lecturer.

And the biggest things make everything smaller.

And that can either be to just get started for 5 minutes or combine it with time management and break your projects into smaller pieces.

Because I often work with students who are writing their dissertation,

Their thesis.

And they are so overwhelmed because when they need to start writing,

Including me,

They thought I need to write a whole thesis.

But if you work like okay this half hour I will work on writing a paragraph.

This half hour I will search for literature.

And this half hour I will.

.

Then it becomes really small and we tend to become less overwhelmed.

Hopefully that helps.

And time management can be helpful in that case.

Do the Pomodoro time management technique like work 25 minutes,

5 minute break.

We really need to have breaks.

In London I was just working constantly and of course I would be tired after a couple of hours.

And here I take long breaks and I am more productive the whole day.

Hopefully that answered your question.

And I have more tips of course.

Good morning Terry from Canada.

Also I used to live in Canada.

Hey fun fact.

No I didn't live in Australia Susan.

I'm very jealous.

Okay just after 9pm so good morning.

Oh,

Oh,

I don't understand what your question is Terry.

So you struggle because you are,

You know,

You have a physical handicap.

You don't know even how to start.

And I think that can be procrastination,

Is not knowing how to start.

But there is a difference between not wanting to do something because you fear the outcome or is it because you cannot actually do it and you need help.

So if you could clarify your question that would be wonderful and hopefully I can give you a better answer.

And I think again coming back to really having an attention setting practice and I have,

You know,

A couple of insight timer meditations for that on my profile.

And sometimes it's just a couple of questions but if you are really grounded and if you calm yourself then it's easier.

Oh right I wanted to talk about emotional regulation.

But we can all want what we want and we can hear the shoots and I shoot and I must.

But if we don't regulate our emotions we won't do it.

So going back to that thesis thing.

So for example when I started writing I would be so overwhelmed because of course it was a big project.

But also I didn't know what my emotions were or how high they were.

So I would start my day when actually my anxiety was 8 or higher.

And of course I couldn't work and I would stop procrastinating or be angry with myself.

And I think a grounding exercise and also doing a quick check in with your emotions can be really helpful.

And ask yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 how high is this emotion.

And I knew if my anxiety would be higher than a 7 I needed to regulate my emotions.

And for each one of us that is so different how you can deal with that.

Sometimes we do have to work and it's really annoying and you can't go like okay I need to shake for a minute.

But that could be a quick break or a breathing exercise.

I love doing the alternating nostril breathing technique that reduces my anxiety.

And also more studies are actually finding that breathing really helps.

So the alternating nostril breathing technique.

You have the easy version is literally breathing in and then holding it and breathing out through the mouth and shifting your nostril and then breathing in and breathing out through the mouth.

But of course your out breath should be slower than your in breath.

A more advanced option is also breathing in through the nose and breathing out through that same nostril.

Okay,

Hi Jack.

Yeah,

I think that's a great comment.

It's changing those shoots into wants.

I love that.

Other things that really help with regulating emotions could be also shaking with your arms above your head for a minute and jumping around.

It's ridiculous but it works.

Or a compassion exercise depending on the emotion and really stating those positive affirmations out loud.

Are there any other questions because I see even more meditators have entered?

Welcome.

Yeah,

Shaking works the best for me.

And I thought I'd also forget to do those things because I know they're good for me or walking in nature.

But again,

Do we always have time to go for a 20 minute walk before we start work,

Right?

Oh yeah.

That's a perfect combination of being perfect,

Perfectionism and procrastination.

And that's tricky one,

Right?

Because it's not only procrastinating behavior you are tackling,

You are tackling actually a belief you have about yourself.

What I would recommend there is a good visualization practice with guiding questions.

And I am doing one actually this Thursday about releasing limiting beliefs.

Because my belief,

And I still suffer from this and it is a practice,

It won't go away in one day.

Because of course I was building this for 30 plus years.

But there's doing a visualization with guided questions of what will happen if I'm not perfect.

Will people reject me?

Will I feel bad about myself?

Will I feel shame?

And sometimes it's even just feeling that emotion that is already really scary.

So we do these horrible things to not feel a certain emotion.

Which is counter intuitive because of the things we are doing,

We are feeling all these horrible emotions about ourselves.

But that's just how it works.

Don't ask me why,

I don't know the answer to that.

But that's how we go about it.

So I think emotional regulation is so important.

Awareness,

Compassion.

And doing things like visualization practice or literal movement,

Somatic healing.

Or the breathing exercises.

Hey Alok,

Welcome back.

Is there anyone here besides Alok who has been present during one of my lives about procrastinating behavior or limiting beliefs or the inner critic or perfectionism even.

Because,

Yeah,

It's not a quick fix.

Nope.

It's not a week of therapy or a week of meditating.

It is a process.

Another breathing technique which I really love,

But it looks ridiculous,

Is slowly breathing in through the nose and then holding it and then doing the lion's breath with a low,

Loud ahhhh and really sticking your tongue out.

And after I think three or five breaths,

Perhaps you can even fold over so that you make sure your lungs are,

You know,

Completely empty.

And that has also done wonders for me.

Just because I look ridiculous,

But indeed,

Yes,

It's a state of absolute calmness.

So we come back to the emotional regulation.

Thank you Alok.

But sometimes I would meditate,

Especially in the beginning when I was meditating.

And then I wanted to change my emotions,

Which of course heightened them.

I cannot be anxious,

I cannot be anxious.

And what would I do?

I would procrastinate even more.

So sometimes it's accepting and allowing those emotions.

And did you get all the answers in half an hour?

I'm wondering.

I hope I'm helping people by my answers.

Please give me feedback if I don't.

Because you know,

What I usually do is a life practice which is actually based on psychology studies and I do my feedback,

I really do my research,

I am a researcher after all.

And I share for my own experience of course.

That's why I really appreciate donations because I put a lot of effort in it.

And hopefully I can then even make better practices and help more people.

So with your donations I'm able to do that.

That's one of my goals.

But today I wanted to do a Q&A,

So I didn't prepare anything.

But of course I do this for quite some time now,

So I do know what I'm talking about at some point.

Yep,

Alok,

Don't resist anything.

The tendency of mind is whatever you resist,

Persist.

And thank you for the gratitude,

I also saw that.

Thank you so much,

It really helps me.

Well which breathing theory do you want to do the lion's breath with me?

I'm a little bit high energy,

So that's actually great.

Anyone else want to join me?

Oh,

The nostril.

Okay,

Let's do the easy one.

So hopefully you don't have a blocked nose.

And you breathe into one nostril,

You hold it for a couple of seconds and then you breathe out slower than your inhale through your mouth and you switch shift nostrils.

So you can breathe in,

Hold it and let go.

Breathe in,

Hold it and let that negativity go.

Breathe in even bigger.

Hold it and let those thoughts go.

Breathe in and let your expectations go.

How was that?

I already feel it sometimes after a couple of those.

If you don't,

It might take a couple of seconds more or even a minute.

And another thing you want to also can really help is place your hands on your heart.

For some people it really really really helps or giving yourself a hug and then just breathing into the nose and slowly out through the mouth.

I had a discussion with my inner critic and I realized that my need is to believe in myself.

Any tips on how to believe in myself more?

Yeah,

I like that you used air quotes for discussion.

But the inner critic is there to protect you actually.

In a not helpful way of course.

But the inner critic is there.

Tips on how to believe more in yourself.

What you could do and that's a very interesting question.

I'm thinking what has helped me,

It also took me a long time because my inner critic was of course everything I did was wrong.

I think a gratitude journal or in the morning or at night.

Write three things you are grateful for.

And I actually used something which I was proud of.

And in the beginning it was stupid things but at some point it was like I'm grateful that I took ten minutes of time to meditate today.

But at some point that will grow because there are more layers to believing in yourself.

What you could also do is of course a visualization practice.

And if you don't believe in something you can visualize it and really feel those emotions.

For example you are training for a marathon and you would visualize and feel oh I would feel proud or I would feel success.

Because if you already start practicing those emotions you will eventually learn how to accept them and feel them.

And that's also actually a little bit of law of attraction and manifestation.

So hopefully that answer helps but it could be multiple things.

Writing gratitude and what you are proud of each day.

Or even just things as visualization and appreciation for yourself.

But that's a tricky one,

Yeah good question.

And thank you.

Ducky small achievable goals where you can tick them off easily quickly and build faith in yourself and ability.

Here people are already answering your question.

I don't need to answer anything.

Excellent yeah there are of course multiple answers to that question.

And it all depends what works for you.

And if it doesn't work one day maybe it will the next.

But don't give up on yourself that easily.

Perseverance right?

Excuse me just taking a sip of water.

Okay by now I see 60 meditators here.

For those who entered later welcome.

My name is Yvette.

I am a researcher and I have a love for mindfulness and I combine the two.

Usually I prepare something,

Today I haven't.

So I am here listening and reading your questions and hopefully answering them to the best of my ability.

Because I am a former procrastinator,

I suffered from perfectionism and my inner critic was so big and so strong I had to deal with them.

Okay Karina thank you.

Taking notes over here.

Excellent thanks ducky and analog thank you.

And I have a 10 day course here on Inside Timer on how to beat procrastination with mindfulness.

And that's what I do you know.

I love sharing these and with your donations even and your hearts and gratitude.

I know I am like helping people because that's my main goal here.

Especially I don't want people to suffer like I have honestly.

It was horrible horrible.

I don't wish that upon my worst enemies no.

Ducky what is the root of our fear of failure in your experience?

Yeah because I think under each emotion the root is actually fear.

And I think that's just not being accepted or good enough.

It depends we all have our,

I often work with core limiting beliefs.

We all have actually a different one.

Some have the fear of not belonging or fear of rejection.

Fear of not being good enough.

Well fear of failure is the fear of not being good enough.

And I think it's all that we want to be loved and accepted.

Did that answer what do you think ducky?

It's a good one.

Thank you Alok.

We secretly,

Even if we say we don't want to belong,

Oh we do.

But that's also nature right?

Because of course when we go back to,

We used to live in packs because then we would be protected.

And some people of course have coping mechanisms like isolating.

But that's because it's too painful for them to be around people.

Thank you so much for being here Nikki.

Yay!

That's lovely that you will practice doing my course here on Inside Timer about beating procrastination.

And I have indeed more live events coming up.

I have one Thursday,

Monday.

I'm here.

Thank you for the hearts people.

Are there any other questions?

Because I booked this for half an hour and 45 minutes.

But otherwise I can't stop.

Ah ducky.

Yeah.

Hmm.

It is hard isolating.

It's hard when you do something which is the opposite of what you should be doing right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Not another one,

You have a different question.

Sorry Susan.

But self doubt indeed is a huge barrier to get things done.

And when I start I spend too much trying to perfect everything.

Oh.

And there you have another root of perfectionism but also procrastinating behaviour.

Because sometimes we want to start but it should be perfect.

I had this issue when I started writing my thesis.

Again,

Sorry I give it constantly the same example but this is the one I relate most to.

With my thesis I would start but it should already be perfect.

And that's ridiculous because actually it's part of a process.

And it's just accepting.

And then we come back to the can we allow certain feelings?

Can we live?

Can we regulate with them?

Can we accept certain feelings we have?

Or do we really want to go into action and sometimes we do the things which are again not good for us?

And that's tricky right?

You are here probably with 67 other meditators who have tendencies in similar areas.

Are you allowed to make mistakes?

So what I would recommend in cases like this is again those visualisations and then.

.

But it might be painful because it won't be a nice visualisation.

It will be actually a meditation focused on can I hold those emotions when I think I'm not being perfect.

I have done those and it's just crying and releasing and shaking.

I will actually make a new meditation about that.

Thank you for.

.

That's a good one.

Because I've been struggling with this lately again.

It sometimes comes back and it is a practice.

We need to keep working on it and it can come back in different areas in our lives.

But can we hold the emotion and can we allow it?

And can we then set an intention of okay if I have this excuse can I do this?

If I make this excuse can I do that?

Thanks Ndoki for sharing.

I can make an amazing title page,

Yeah the content.

You know I am also besides doing this I am actually writing coach.

I help students write their thesis.

That's why I'm giving those examples.

And more often it's my job is coaching them and giving them compliments instead of even guiding them in the right direction because it's just all self-doubt and yeah.

Yep and indeed perfect doesn't exist.

And also affirmations like I'm perfectly imperfect can really help in holding yourself and compassion.

Any other questions?

Or I can keep it short today.

Yeah do you like a setting like this where we have a Q&A?

Or would you rather have indeed a meditation practice where I do certain things?

I usually do though so the rest of my life meditations are actually a somewhat prepared meditation where I incorporate certain things which have helped me and which according to research helps people.

But now I'm just bluntly answering in-depth questions.

Yeah okay okay people love it yay.

Yeah isolation is a hard one.

I luckily haven't done that in a while as well.

Why?

Okay you think an activity meditation practice would be great?

I will say let's close off with a gratitude practice.

Always good.

Also gratitude has helped me.

It's just appreciating life and appreciating myself.

Which again eventually will help with self-belief.

Yeah I also want to appreciate everyone here and sharing their questions and being so vulnerable.

It's not easy being this open.

Thank you.

And thank you Doki for saying that.

Yeah if there aren't any other questions I will close this session off with gratitude practice.

But I do want to say again I have more lives coming up.

You can see them at the end of this live event as well.

And I always appreciate the hearts.

Thank you.

Donations I always appreciate.

And when you go to my page you will find so many meditations.

Oh my god I made so many over the years.

But I just love doing this and helping people.

Especially when I get great feedback like today.

And even if I don't get great feedback I will try to improve.

Oh,

Hakadan.

Nino.

Okay.

Ah,

For a second.

Okay.

So if you then would like to join me and let's sit with a straight spine.

And you can place your hands open in your lap.

And for this one you might want to close your eyes.

And feet touching the floor.

And make sure you sit as comfortably as you can.

And we will do a lion's breath to get grounded a little bit.

So that means breathing in through your nose.

And breathing out through the mouth longer than your inhale.

And you can stick your tongue out and make a loud noise.

So you can breathe in.

Hold it.

And make a loud out sigh.

Breathe in.

Hold it.

And just let go.

Breathe in.

And you can make it even more dramatic.

And out.

Final big one.

Breathe in.

And let go.

You can move inwards.

And ask yourself.

What emotion am I feeling?

And it might be helpful to state the emotion out loud and give it a number from 1 to 10.

For example anxiety.

6.

Happiness.

8.

Happiness.

9.

Happiness.

10.

Happiness.

11.

Happiness.

12.

You don't need to push those feelings away.

What you can do is even touch them where you feel the emotion and just state it out loud.

And it's an 8.

Well done.

And let's just leave that for a moment.

And I'm going to ask you to give yourself or a hug.

Or place your hands on your heart where it feels most comfortable.

And I would like to thank you.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for taking this time apart.

Thank you for investing in yourself.

Can you say that to yourself?

I thank me for taking this time apart.

I thank those who were vulnerable and open.

Thank you for holding space.

And thank you to all the other 67 meditators here with me.

Working on themselves for the good.

And is there something else you are grateful for today?

Now is the time to state that out loud.

And is there a smile on your face right now?

Could be.

And I have one question for you.

Well two.

What emotions are you feeling and have they changed?

And thank you.

You can move around and open your eyes if you haven't done so already.

Maybe stretch a little bit.

And please share.

Have you had that experience?

And did your emotions change?

Or was there something else you were grateful for?

Feel free to share.

We will be closing off soon this live event.

And again,

You know.

Okay then I will do more Q&As.

You can always follow me on Inside timer.