Have you ever wondered why you can feel like a grown woman on the outside,
Yet still find yourself reacting as though you're the child you once were?
It's one of the subtlest,
Most powerful forces shaping your adult life,
And most people never realise it's running the show.
Have you noticed that,
That feeling of why do I still respond this way,
Or where did this version of me even come from?
Today I want to show you why that happens and what begins to shift when you finally see it.
I invite you to take a pause with me and just notice for a moment how much of who you think you are was actually shaped long before you ever had a choice.
So many of us grew up learning to play a role.
Perhaps you can relate to being the good girl or the helper.
You might have become the one who kept everyone else regulated,
So things wouldn't fall apart,
The peacemaker or family confidant.
And because that role once kept you safe and with a sense of belonging or being valued,
You carried it into adulthood without even realising it.
And there's nothing wrong with doing that.
It's part of what makes us so intelligent,
Learning the hidden ways to survive and feel loved or accepted.
But something often happens when we reach midlife that has a way of waking us up.
We start to feel the tightness and restrictive edges of that old role.
It's like a pair of shoes that match the rest of your outfit,
But are starting to pinch in places as you grow.
And very soon you yearn to remove them and be free to take up the space you need.
You might feel this shift as a weariness or exhaustion or mild yet persistent resentment or a whispered longing that you try to ignore.
Or maybe you feel invisible in your own life,
Like you've spent years showing up for everyone else,
But somehow lost yourself along the way.
Let's bring some gentle awareness to this as we honour where you are now in your journey.
I'd like to offer you a simple journaling prompt,
One that helps you witness the old role clearly,
With compassion.
You could ask yourself,
What role did I often play in my childhood?
Home and how am I still performing this in my life today?
What role did I often play in my childhood home that I'm still performing in my life today?
Give yourself permission to be both honest and kind.
This is simply a way of seeing what was and is.
When we can see the old pattern,
We create a little more space and in that space something new becomes possible.
So now,
Let's try a small identity shift exercise,
Something you can carry forward into the rest of your day.
Place a hand on your chest and feel the warmth there.
Feel the movement of your breath meeting your palm.
And silently,
Or softly aloud if you can,
Repeat these words.
I give myself permission to show up as who I truly am,
Not who I had to be.
I give myself permission to show up as who I truly am,
Not who I had to be.
Not who I had to be.
How does that feel?
Notice any reactions that pop into your thoughts or changes in your body.
If a part of you disagrees or is unsure,
This is a great opportunity to stay with yourself in curiosity and welcome any truth that wants to emerge.
What else would you need to hear for it to feel true?
Even if that's something novel and unfamiliar,
Like a beautiful brand new pair of shoes.
Then,
Ask yourself one tiny question.
What's one small way I can act like the real me today?
What's just one small way that I can act like the real me today?
It might be saying a loving no,
Or taking five minutes for yourself without apologizing.
Or simply pausing before you jump in to fix something that isn't yours to fix.
Even the smallest shifts matter.
Tiny acts of self-honoring,
They all add up.
And slowly and gently,
That old role loosens its grip.
And the real you,
The one who's been there all along,
Gets a little more space to breathe.
So,
Let's take a breath here together,
And feel the ground solid beneath you as you realize you're expanding into who you've always been.
That is a beautiful thing to do today.
