Self-compassion is the willingness to treat ourselves as our best friend would treat us.
With unconditional love,
With understanding and an open heart.
In our everyday life we can be very judgmental of others and it's often a reflection of how judgmental and harsh we are on ourselves.
When we become more friendly and accepting of ourselves,
It overflows onto others and onto other areas of our lives.
Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion shows that people with self-compassion are less likely to be critical of themselves and less likely to be anxious or depressed,
Which in turn leads to greater life satisfaction.
You will not be weak by practicing self-compassion.
In fact,
It is a reliable inner strength that makes us more resilient when we are faced with difficulties.
Research shows self-compassionate people are better able to cope with tough situations like divorce,
Trauma or chronic pain.
Self-compassion is not making excuses for bad behavior,
But rather it provides the safety net needed to admit mistakes and take responsibility for our own actions.
It also triggers the release of oxytocin,
Our love hormone,
And increases feelings of trust,
Safety and connectedness.
So let's practice it now.
Find your comfortable seat,
Nice and tall like a mountain,
But also gracious like a king or a queen on their throne.
Connect to your breath,
Not trying to alter it in any way,
But rather watch it come and go as you would watch the clouds in the sky.
In through the nose,
Sigh it out softly through the mouth,
As though blowing a candle.
And do this for a few more breaths.
Now,
Bring to mind a time when you were hard on yourself,
Where you talked negatively to yourself or where you blamed yourself and felt shame.
Make sure the situation you choose is not too intense and difficult emotionally and it doesn't hijack you.
How does it feel in your body when you reminisce about this experience?
Do you feel tension anywhere?
Do you have a strong urge to make it go away?
Instead of resisting the memory and wanting to push it away,
Be curious and knowledge how you feel.
And then recognize that difficulty is a part of life.
It's okay to struggle from time to time.
Recognize that not wanting difficulties in our life is like not wanting the clouds to be in the sky,
Or not wanting the seasons to change.
The clouds,
The seasons,
People,
Emotions,
They all come and go.
Then bring kindness to yourself and ask yourself,
What would my best friend tell me?
She would tell me,
It's okay,
You did the best you could with what you knew at the time.
You learned and you will do things differently next time.
As you tell yourself these words,
Notice the sensations in your body.
Allow them the space to be.
Allow yourself to be held in the heart of compassion.
Allow yourself to be held in the heart of compassion.
And let this love expand from your heart center to your entire body.
Allow every cell of your body to be flooded with love.
And let's sit with this for a while.
Learning to be our own best friend is a process that takes time.
This quote from Jack Kornfield reminds me that I am a work in progress.
If you can sit quietly after difficult news,
If in financial downturn you remain perfectly calm,
If you can see your neighbors travel to fantastic places without a hint of jealousy,
If you happily eat whatever is put on your plate,
If you can fall asleep after a day of running around without a drink or a pill,
If you can always find contentment just where you are,
You are probably a dog.
Namaste.
