Self-Compassion During Times Of COVID-19

This morning I want to lead a short meditation on the theme of self-compassion.

In meditation and in the teachings of Buddhism and in the teachings of many other wonderful spiritual and secular wisdom teachings,

We focus a lot on compassion and taking care of others,

Which is in my view and the view of I believe probably all of you,

The most important and noble thing we can do with our lives with this moment with ourselves at any time is compassion for others,

To be moved by the suffering of others,

To be moved to alleviate the suffering of others,

To be moved to take action to reduce suffering in others.

That's the definition of compassion.

Leading in by describing the larger concept of compassion,

Which is generally focused on our hearts and minds being moved by the suffering and difficulties of other people,

Other beings,

Other animals,

Etc.

And being moved to alleviate that suffering.

This is the most noble life purpose in my view and I believe in the view of everybody watching and many others watching later.

But in difficult times,

Which we can call any difficult period in our own personal world when we're going through a breakup,

A death,

An illness,

A frustrating time financially,

We often forget self compassion.

And in a global and community and within our homes,

A difficult time,

We often forget self compassion.

So this morning,

I'm going to lead meditation on compassion for self.

And I want to give you a little bit of information about how to understand that and locate that for yourselves.

Compassion for self is the oft neglected ability or exploration to deliberately notice that I too suffer some of the time,

That I too have difficult emotions or feelings,

Physical pain,

Mishap,

Losses of loved ones,

Of employment,

Of income,

Restrictions in activities.

And that that is at times hard for me,

Not meaning me,

Cheryl,

Specifically,

But meaning each of you to apply that to you.

Insert your name here.

This is difficult at times for Cheryl.

Please insert your own name there.

So so many compassionate people,

So many loving,

Warm hearted people who care very much about others,

About the planet,

About animals,

About the environment are really poor at turning that same sort of compassion toward themselves.

So self compassion is observing not with pity,

Not with self indulgence,

But with clear seeing,

Observing that I too suffer sometimes,

And then bringing a gentleness to that reality along the lines of I too am human.

I am not a fully awake person.

I am not perfect.

I too will stumble and fall both literally and metaphorically.

So self compassion is about recognizing in that moment that there is suffering present.

That might be anxiety or fear.

It might be selfishness and self righteousness.

It might be anger or irritation.

It might be physical pain.

It might be a sense of despair.

But self compassion involves recognizing that there is suffering present for me right now.

And then this beautiful and critical second point of reminding ourself that we too are human.

We are not perfect.

We are going to fail or have negative mind states or be struggling at times.

And bringing a gracefulness to that.

Basically treating oneself like a good friend.

Treating oneself the way you would literally treat a friend who was struggling.

When a friend reaches out to you right now and says,

I'm struggling,

I'm having a lot of worry and anxiety and fear.

I know I shouldn't because I have such a good life and my family's all safe right now.

I shouldn't feel this way.

Your heart's automatically moved to reassure your friend that it's okay to sometimes feel that way.

That they too are human.

They're not perfect.

They're not fully awake.

So that sort of friendship we bring to a friend,

We're often very poor at bringing to ourselves.

That's the teaching of self compassion.

Can I say to Cheryl,

If Cheryl's struggling,

What I would say to a friend or any of you,

I would say you are human.

Sometimes we fall down.

Be kind to yourself.

Understand you can get up and begin again.

So self compassion is bringing that same kind of guidance to ourselves.

So recognizing that in this moment I am suffering,

Bringing non-judgmental awareness to the fact that suffering is present and a gentle friendliness to this too shall pass.

I am human.

Sometimes these states arise.

This is the practice of self compassion.

So we will now begin a short practice together on self compassion.

For the sake of all beings,

May we bring boundless compassion to self and others.

Now I invite you to settle into a comfortable,

Relaxed posture as best you're able right now.

And whatever is happening in your own environment this morning,

Whether it's still or busy,

Whether it's quiet or filled with sound,

Whatever is happening in your mind,

Whether it's still or busy,

Whether it's filled with activity or calm,

Bringing acceptance to that and bringing for this meditation,

This is a bit more of a meditation of utilizing your observation and your intellect.

In other words,

You're allowed to think.

Thinking is generally always happening when you meditate,

But here we're going to utilize thoughts and observations in a specific way.

So let's explore.

I invite you to close your eyes and I invite you to gently check in with the body as it is right now in this moment.

Just noticing how the body's feeling in terms of physical comfort and discomfort.

Perhaps the body feels quite good this morning,

Quite pain-free,

Quite discomfort-free,

Quite comfortable.

Good.

Bring a little bit of appreciation or a lot of appreciation to the body that feels good.

And if there are areas in the body that feel uncomfortable,

Unpleasant,

Painful,

Maybe an upset stomach,

Maybe a sore knee,

Maybe an unpleasant tension or throbbing in the shoulders or neck,

Bring your attention to that.

And instead of wishing it would go away,

Can we begin the practice of self-compassion by bringing a bit of acceptance to the human body as it is right now?

If there's an area of discomfort you've brought to mind.

Practice thinking.

This is normal.

The physical machine sometimes has aches or pains or fractures or headaches or digestive trouble or dizziness.

This is part of being in a human body.

And as best you're able,

Bring some human compassion to this wonderful body that's doing its job of locomoting us in space,

Of letting us see and hear as much as we can.

Compassion for this body that sometimes I don't treat very well.

If that fits for you,

Play with that thought.

Can I have compassion for this body that sometimes I don't treat very well?

Sometimes,

Oh body,

I don't gently stretch you the way you're begging me to.

Sometimes body,

I don't feed you the fuel that helps you thrive.

Sometimes body,

I don't take you on the safe physical distancing walks that would support you.

And sometimes body,

I think really mean thoughts about your shape or size or wrinkliness or jiggliness or boniness.

That may make you smile a little bit,

But we're capturing that feeling of compassion for this beautiful,

Wonderful body that we don't always treat with compassion.

Feeling the suffering of the body.

And gently noticing this is the nature of a human body.

Sometimes it hurts or is ill.

And instead of anger or rejection,

Just bringing some gentle compassion.

I see you body.

I hold you body.

Thank you body.

And just noticing whatever's arising,

Maybe resistant thoughts or feelings of relief or simply a busy mind pulling you away from the meditation.

Bring compassion to whatever the direct experience is right now.

Bring kindness to whatever the direct experience is right now.

Instead of judgment,

Instead of rejection,

Instead of clinging to wanting it to be different,

Bring a compassionate acceptance to whatever suffering the body has.

In Buddhism,

The term that's often used is the precious human body.

Oh,

How unkind we are often about this precious human body.

That's a bit like judging a kitten harshly because it's whiskers you think are too short or too long.

I don't.

You do that.

Think of a kitten and notice the instant compassionate sweetness.

Even if you're allergic for cats,

When you think of a kitten or a puppy,

Probably your heart feels soft.

And if that puppy was homely or that kitten was homely,

You wouldn't judge it harshly.

The way you do this beautiful,

Maybe homely in some views,

Beautiful,

Perfect kitten puppy body.

Rejection for the direct experience of being in the body.

And then moving now to a contemplation and observation of the mental emotional state.

Scanning through your own direct experience right now,

Or if it feels helpful,

You can draw from earlier today or yesterday,

Of moments of suffering.

And let me define suffering as it can be as small as a vague,

Irritable feeling or a slight disappointment.

Oh,

I'm out of my favorite tea.

It doesn't have to be colossal suffering,

Although it may well be.

But bringing to mind either a direct experience of something unpleasant that feels hurtful,

That feels difficult in your own direct experience of your mind,

Your thoughts,

Your emotions,

The anxiety about the uncertainty of your financial future.

I know many of you watching,

Your businesses are closed down,

Your yoga studios,

Your hair salons,

Your dental offices,

Your daycare centers are shut.

Your finances,

Your business are affected.

That can bring up fear,

Of course.

It can bring up uncertainty and not knowing what the future looks like for you and your family.

Maybe that's an area of suffering right now.

Perhaps it's concern for loved ones and strangers who are in isolation,

Perhaps ill with the virus.

I have a number of people in my extended circle who have the virus confirmed or have likely the virus and there's no particular need for them to be tested.

I have my best friend's niece is an ICU PhD nurse in New Jersey.

Maybe these are bringing up for you.

I'm sure they are anxieties,

Worries about people you love,

About strangers.

But I want you here to focus on your experience of suffering,

Not in this particular healing meditation this morning.

We're not practicing overtly compassion for others.

That's our general practice.

I want you bringing,

And this is hard for a lot of you,

It can even feel selfish,

Which is a misunderstanding of compassion,

To place compassion on self.

But your worry about people you love,

Your worry about people you have in your family and friends in the healthcare professions,

Your worry.

I want you to bring compassion to your own worry.

This is suffering.

Sometimes I suffer.

Better language there and I want to shift your subconscious here.

Sometimes suffering is present.

This is suffering right now.

This worry,

This fear,

This sadness.

How many people have you spoken to the way I have this week in my friendship circle,

My family circle,

My student,

Client and patient circles,

Who've had many people have used this word a meltdown,

Meaning they've cried and cried for their own worries and fear,

For the worries and fear of the world.

Perhaps it's despair,

Sadness,

Loneliness is the suffering you want to bring to mind that you felt today or yesterday or right now.

And I want you to bring compassion as much as you're able to.

This is suffering.

This sadness is difficult.

This loneliness is painful.

I too am human.

I too suffer sometimes.

Accept it with gentle love the way you would support a dear friend.

Accept your direct experience with as much kindness and non-judgment instead of thinking,

Oh Cheryl,

Get it together.

Or for goodness sakes,

You've got a great life,

Stop being a worry ward.

Or get over yourself,

The sort of unkindnesses.

Kick the kitten,

Don't do that.

Or this practice,

Simply witness the suffering that's present or was present.

With gentleness,

This is part of being in a human existence.

This grief,

This anxiety,

This worry,

This loneliness in this moment or this morning or yesterday is not welcome but it's part of reality,

Instead of denying it or shoving it away,

Remind yourself,

I am human.

Sometimes being in a human life is difficult.

I bring compassion to my suffering.

I hold this suffering gently.

I too am human.

It's okay.

This too will pass.

It's okay.

This too will pass.

May I be kind and compassionate to this body and this mind when it struggles.

May I accept the truth of this present moment being difficult without shoving it away or eating a pint of Haagen-Dazs and pitying myself.

May I simply be with the present experience that is difficult.

May I hold it gently without judging myself harshly for I too am human.

If you are tired,

If you are caring for your families,

Your finances,

Working remotely,

On the front lines,

Supporting students,

Friends,

Clients remotely online,

If you're feeling what is called sometimes now in the health profession,

Compassion fatigue.

I'm so worn out with helping.

My heart is so big it hurts for the world.

Whatever your reality is at times of being worn out,

Of needing that meltdown,

Bringing compassion,

Placing your hand on your own good heart right now,

If you wish,

Pressing your palm gently on the heart center or the heart chakra.

And whatever your truth is,

You may want to use phrases along the lines of sometimes I feel so worn out these days.

Sometimes it feels like my tank is empty.

Sometimes I feel like there's just not enough I'm able to do.

Needing compassion,

I too am human.

I am one drop in a beautiful bucket.

There are many other people adding drops.

And what I can do is enough.

And some days maybe I need to rest.

And some days I need to withdraw and read a novel or watch a show or have a nap and that's okay.

I too am human.

How can I be kind and compassionate to myself?

How can I support and love myself for when I do?

Seemingly miraculously.

Gas appears in my tank and I'm able to serve even more.

May I be kind and compassionate to myself when I need to stop.

When I need to refill.

When I need to give myself the gift of time away from putting energy out.

May I be kind to myself when I need to say no.

I too am human.

Be kind to the kitten.

Be kind to the puppy.

Be kind to your own good heart.

It's okay that sometimes things are difficult.

If we were a fully awake person maybe we would never experience worry or grief or irritability or selfishness.

But we're not entirely there yet.

So instead of being angry at ourself for being human,

Bringing compassion to the truth that we are human.

This too shall pass.

It's going to be okay.

I am enough.

This is enough.

Compassion.

Acceptance.

Stop holding myself to an impossible standard that I would never impose on my friends.

Bringing to mind if it's helpful a specific difficulty or worry.

Maybe you snapped at your loved ones.

We're really unskillful.

Maybe you watched too much news and felt profound despair.

Maybe you found judgment and anger,

Even hatred arising towards a person's activities or political leaders' points of view.

I too am human.

Can I bring compassion to the fact that sometimes this is difficult and sometimes my best self will get covered up temporarily by some confusion and some clouds.

May I forgive myself,

Love myself,

And begin again.

May I accept progress,

Not perfection.

As I progress to be a kinder,

More compassionate,

More calm,

More wise being,

I'm going to stumble,

I'm going to fall.

That's being human.

Can I be kind to myself,

Love myself,

Forgive myself,

And begin again.

I'm going to stumble,

I'm going to fall.

Closing with a dedication.

May I be well,

May I be happy,

May I be free from suffering in body and mind.

May I act with great compassion toward myself and others.

May all beings be well,

May all beings be happy,

May all beings be free from suffering in body and mind.

May all beings act with wisdom and compassion toward self and others.

Thank you for your kind attention and for your compassion toward self.

Some of you may have found this quite difficult because it might be quite easy for you to feel compassion for others' struggles.

A lot of outwardly very compassionate people are very poor at turning that same kindness toward self,

Hence the specific practice today.

I invite you to watch it again and practice with it again if it felt helpful.

And a tip for today,

As you may anticipate,

Is as often as you can,

Once an hour,

50 times today,

5 times today,

Just stop and remind yourself,

I too am human,

I can begin again.