When You Can't Get Someone Out Of Your Head

So I want to share with you a really powerful,

Very effective practice that I use a lot in my personal life and also in my treatment space with patients.

It's a practice that works really well when you're feeling bombarded by a relationship,

Really permeated by a particular person in your life,

Very unsettled by a relational dynamic that you don't know what to do about,

That's very triggering for you,

That brings up a lot of overwhelm or insecurity.

When you can't get a person out of your head,

When the unresolvability of a situation is really bothering you,

This practice is so helpful.

We all have relationships that we care about so much and sometimes relationships can be so difficult and we often get very meshed with other people or codependent,

Which I phrase as if you're okay,

I'm okay,

Or we can be very empathic,

Sensitive people that just feel a lot and sense a lot and we care a lot about others.

This practice is a really powerful way to reorganize and centralize your own nervous system so that you can come back to yourself,

So that you can feel your own energy,

Your own clarity,

And create a healthy space in between you and the other person.

And in that clear,

Open space where you're not enmeshed,

Where you're not entangled,

That's where something new can arise,

Something healthy can emerge,

Where you can clarify what's actually going on in the relationship and then perhaps make a new choice or at the least stay much more connected to yourself.

One of my favorite quotes that I use a lot with people as I'm doing energetic clearings in the messy dynamics I see in their relationships,

Which often deeply affect our body,

Our health,

Our emotional well-being.

One of my favorite quotes is,

A healthy boundary is the space at which I can love you and me simultaneously.

Often when we're feeling overwhelmed by another person or we really care a lot about what they think of us or what they want from us,

We're often being very focused on what's good for them or what they need or what loving them would look like.

And it's very easy to override what loving us is in that dynamic.

So the healthy boundary is the space at which I can love you and me simultaneously.

And a way that we can really come back to ourself is this practice I'm going to teach you.

So letting yourself settle,

Coming into your body.

The more we practice grounding and coming into our body and coming into present time,

The easier it gets.

So we just keep practicing.

Right now,

I'll invite you to ground in whatever visual way helps you right now.

Connecting your sit bones and tailbone down into the earth,

Letting your pelvic floor root and connect deeply,

Letting your energy drop down and back,

Rooting into the grounded gravitational field of connection with the earth,

Letting your energy settle into your low belly and into your breath.

No matter what's going on with us,

It can always be so helpful to just consciously breathe your life force in from the past and from the future.

Our mind loves to live in the past and in the future and to avoid the present.

The present is actually the only place we have power,

The only moment of our life that's real in that moment.

So breathing your life force in just consciously retrieving it from any person or event or situation where you might be tethered.

And then just letting allowing all of your life force to just ground and arrive in this present moment of your life.

Inhale,

Breathing your life force in from around your body from any imagining place,

Imaginal place that's connected to an event or situations breathing yourself in.

And on the exhale,

Just allowing tension,

Stress,

Overwhelm other people's energy to just release out of your body,

Letting your energy release back and down in your spine and into your pelvic floor.

Really well done.

So we're now going to do a practice that just clears our enmeshment,

Or codependency,

Or a lack of clarity in a particular relationship in our life.

So you can do this practice kind of generally with lots of people at once.

But right now I'm inviting you to do it in a way that's in a particular relationship with like a certain person that you feel like you just don't know what to do with them.

You think about them a lot,

You feel really frustrated,

You feel very hurt by them,

You feel confused about what to do about the relationship,

Etc.

And again,

I'll have you ground in your body.

And then we're going to imagine that person about six to eight feet in front of us in our mind's eye,

You can have your eyes closed or open,

You're just going to imagine them there,

About that far away from you.

And you're going to imagine saying to them from inside every cell of your body,

I consciously release any and all energy that belongs to you.

Blessings on your journey.

I consciously return to me any and all energy that belongs to me,

Blessed and purified.

All of my life forces returning to my system in this moment.

You can also add,

My name is say your name.

And that is not your name.

This is my energy field.

And it is not yours.

No one is allowed in my energy field.

Without my conscious permission.

I wish you well,

And I let you go.

And then you can just imagine them walking away or just kind of floating out of your energy field out of your awareness.

It's a simple practice,

It is a powerful practice.

And often the people we're the most mesh with are also people we love very much,

Or feel very attached to.

And it's important to remember that you cannot lose love,

You cannot lose real love.

It's the fabric of the universe.

But what you can let go of,

Love,

Or consciously release is attachment,

Which is I need you,

You need me,

I'm here to make you happy,

You're here to make me happy.

That's not love.

Love is just I wish you well.

I love you,

I care about you,

May you be happy.

So you're free to clear your energy field to let go of entanglements,

Knowing that you can never lose love.

You can also say just in a very general way,

I consciously release any and all energy that does not belong to me,

Or serve me.

I bless it,

And I let it go.

This practice is an incredible form of self care.

There's often so many beliefs,

And dynamics,

And projections that are permeating our system that can make it very difficult to find ourself and to reconnect with ourself.

And it is only once we really can feel our own center and our own space and our own well being again,

That we could create that healthy boundary,

That space in which I can love you and me simultaneously.

We can feel our own edges,

We can feel our own center,

Can feel our own awareness,

Without the imprint of that other person's beliefs or the need for their approval,

Or the fear of their judgment.

You find your own center of wholeness,

Enoughness,

Your own sacred value that can never be diminished or enhanced by any relationship in your life.

Feeling in yourselves,

Maybe any dissonance or patterns that don't feel like they resonate,

Or they you feel bad about yourself,

Or you feel self judgment,

Or external judgment.

And you can just again say that prayer I consciously release any and all energy that does not belong to me,

Or serve me.

I bless it and I let it go.

And feel your own center,

Feel your own breath inside your own body.

This powerful barometer of truth and well being that's always here.

And feel the space in between you and that other person,

Or you in that situation.

For it is within that space that we've created that something new can arise that your wisdom can speak to you that your intuition can show you a new possibility.

And that you can get in touch with how you actually feel what you actually need,

Or perhaps what's actually bothering you.

With simplicity and clarity and self compassion.

And it is from that place that we can truly find our way towards being compassionate,

Or genuinely communicative,

Or in integrity with the other person.

I wish you well in your relationships,

That they may be healing,

That you may find your way to stay in deep truth and connection with yourself,

And also find it in your relative world with others.

Enjoy your day.