Exploring The Law Of Mirroring

Welcome to another episode,

Another live session.

Today we're going to be talking about the law of mirroring.

And it's kind of funny how this became alive.

Because I wanted to do a live session and have a conversation about this concept that I knew and I have been doing work around.

I didn't know how it was called.

But I always,

I know that if whatever I can see outside of me,

Whatever I can see,

Whatever behavior I see in another person that maybe bothers me.

I know that if I can see it,

It's also inside of me.

And in my main circle,

When we do work,

One of the rounds that we do is a clearing round,

A clearing.

So if we feel a charge with another person in the circle,

We have an opportunity to state how we feel,

State the charge.

But this process is not about the other person.

This process is about me.

So if,

For example,

I am feeling frustrated with a person and I am judging them to be,

You are lazy or you didn't show up or you are X,

Y and Z.

After what I have to do,

I have to own those judgments,

Those projections in myself.

And I have to look at myself in my life.

Where am I lazy?

Where am I not showing up?

And it's an opportunity for me to take responsibility for what I just said.

And I always found that it was such a powerful process.

It was such a courageous process.

And when I was trying to put together this topic for today,

I just went online and I said,

How is this called?

I don't know.

And then I found it.

It's called the law of mirroring.

It's also called the law of mirrors.

It's similar to the law of attraction,

But quite not the same.

But it's similar.

It's connected.

It's one of the universal laws that we can explore.

So,

Yeah,

Today I really wanted to talk about this topic and I really wanted to have a conversation because I'm not an expert by any means.

But I think that this is something that you guys should be aware of,

That you guys should be curious about.

I want you guys to start using this tool,

This strategy to start questioning and to start becoming aware of stuff in your own life by how you feel with other people.

And,

Yeah,

We can we can expand more in how to do that in a second.

OK.

Jane says,

First time live,

But I just finished your course.

Jane,

Amazing.

What course did you finish?

If you want to share.

Thank you so much for taking the course,

For taking the time and for being live.

Yeah,

Amazing.

So,

Yeah,

Guys,

What do you think about this law?

Is this something that you are familiar with?

The law of mirroring?

Have you used it?

Have you noticed it?

Or is this completely new to you?

I just want to know.

Jane says the catering and organizing.

It was great.

Amazing,

Jane.

Thank you so much.

I always enjoy having people in my lives that come from my courses and I also enjoy a lot supporting you guys in the course classroom in my courses.

And it's just so funny how you guys jump from place to place and how you get the support that you need in the best way that you need.

So that's amazing.

Kim says,

Yes,

Before.

Please explain again,

Laura says.

Yeah.

So,

Laura,

Today I want to have a conversation about the law of mirroring and the law of mirroring states that everything that you can see outside of you.

It's inside of you,

Too.

So you cannot see something outside of you if it doesn't exist inside of you.

And this is really practical when with other people's behaviors that maybe may frustrate you.

And you may say,

Oh,

That person is driving me crazy or that person is lazy or that person is doing X or doing Y and Z and whatever.

So you are getting emotionally charged.

The law of mirroring states that if you are frustrated,

If you are reacting to something in the other person is because it exists inside of you,

Too.

So this is an opportunity for you to use your metacognition executive functioning skill that allows you to reflect,

Allows you to be mindful to come to the present moment to really notice like,

Wow,

I am feeling frustrated with this person.

I am feeling frustrated with this specific behavior.

I am judging that this person is lazy.

I am judging that this person is not taking care properly of this task.

I am judging that this person is not taking this seriously.

So then I invite you to look inside and where can you own those projections,

Those judgments that you are using with the other person.

Where in your life are you lazy?

Where in your life are you not showing up?

Where in your life you are not taking care of something seriously?

And then this is an opportunity for you to really become aware and recognize that part of yourself that maybe was hidden.

Maybe it was in the shadow that you couldn't see before.

And this is a really great opportunity.

This is called shadow work.

Basically,

Shadow work means that we have a lot of patterns and behaviors that are in the shadows that we cannot see them.

They are unconscious and we are shining the light on them.

And the law of mirroring is a great tool to help you bring things to the light,

To help you become aware of something that you didn't know before that exists in you that you are maybe doing but you were oblivious to.

So,

Maura says,

I know when someone's actions bother me there is something about myself I need to address.

Beautiful.

Maura,

That's absolutely beautiful.

Great awareness.

Kim says,

Very uncomfortable.

Laura says,

Oh yes,

We can control or adjust our reactions.

And this is what I want to talk about.

This is all about how we react.

And anytime you catch yourself reacting to something with an elevated emotion of frustration,

That means that there is something in there for you to explore.

I know that in myself,

In my own life,

Anytime I am feeling charged,

Anytime I am feeling frustrated,

Anytime I am feeling stressed,

I know that I can do all that.

A different story is if I choose to do it or not.

Many times I don't have the capacity to do it.

I don't want to do it.

I want to get distracted and do something else because it's uncomfortable and it takes a lot of energy.

But deep down I know,

Yes,

There is something here for me to address,

To become aware,

To work,

To process,

And I could use this for something beneficial.

So,

This is an opportunity for you to really use this tool in that way.

The answer is,

Good to be with you.

Ironically,

I just worked on this through a work program and a podcast.

Interesting.

Yeah,

Interesting.

Do you think that this is a coincidence or a synchronicity?

I will say that this is a synchronicity.

And the fact that you are here,

And the fact that I thought about this topic right now,

Out of the blue,

And the fact that I didn't even know what the name was.

I'm sure that this is something for me,

This is something for many of you that are present,

And this is something that together we are doing and we are co-creating.

Absolutely.

Denise says,

I spent 11 years trying to change a very angry person.

Then I saw the anger was in me.

Wow,

Denise,

That's amazing.

And this is something that many times is so hard to accept.

Because what happens if,

For example,

You are in a relationship,

Okay?

Imagine that you are in a relationship at work.

You are at work,

And then you have a dynamic happen with a boss.

And then you leave that work or you get fired or whatever,

You go to the next job,

The same happens.

And then you leave,

And then you're always blaming,

Wow,

The boss,

The company,

And then this happens three,

Five,

Seven times.

And then someone says,

Wow,

It's interesting that it's always the same.

And then having the capacity to look at it and to really think about,

Yeah,

Maybe I am the problem.

Maybe I have the dynamic inside of me,

And maybe I create those circumstances,

And I am not even aware of.

So this is when curiosity and an open mind comes to mind.

This is when being open for change,

Being open to look at things how they truly are comes into place.

And guys,

I know it's uncomfortable.

I know that many times we don't want to do it.

I don't want to do it.

It's very uncomfortable.

It's easier to deny.

It's easier to ignore.

It's easy to just keep doing what you know and forget about that messiness that is in there.

But sometimes you just had enough,

And you feel like enough is enough.

I don't want this to repeat again.

I don't want this part of this cycle to repeat again.

It is not serving me.

I'm done with it.

If you're feeling that,

That's when this law of mirroring can be so powerful,

Because you can look at it and you can say,

Yeah,

What am I doing?

What am I thinking?

What are my feelings that keep creating this?

And how can I show up in a different way?

And again,

This is all about responsibility.

Becca says,

Seeing what our responsibilities are and taking action is an act of self-care and care for others.

Becca,

That's wonderful.

And that is so true.

It's self-care.

But it's still hard to do.

And I just want to talk a little bit about the victim mentality and how when we become victims of a circumstance that is outside of us,

All of a sudden we are giving up the control.

And at the same time,

We are giving up the responsibility to change or do something about it.

So if I'm working in a company,

Something is happening and I say,

Oh,

My boss is an asshole.

The company is a nightmare.

It's nothing with me.

So I don't have to change anything.

I don't have to take responsibility.

I don't have to do anything about it.

But what happens if I flip the coin?

What happens if I say,

Hey,

Maybe I have something to do with what happened.

All of a sudden,

Now I am responsible.

Now I can do something.

Now I am claiming the power back.

But that power comes with a lot of responsibility.

And many times it's easier to just let it go.

And you don't want that power because you don't want the responsibility.

You don't want the work.

You don't want to show up.

You don't want to be courageous.

You don't know how to do it.

You are afraid of it.

You are whatever.

And you just don't want to.

And that is very normal.

We all humans tend to do that because it's easier.

But again,

It gets to the point when sometimes it's like I just had enough.

I need to change something here.

And it is our choice to be victims of a circumstance or to be proactive and to claim ownership.

And to be curious and courageous to look at what did I do here to create this?

What did I think?

What did I feel?

What can I do differently next time to avoid this from happening?

And then accepting that you have something to do with it.

That is the first step.

Forgiving yourself and then being open-minded.

Starting to use your cognitive flexibility skill to look at other options.

How can I do this differently?

How can I show up in a different way?

Using your emotional self-regulation skill to maybe manage your emotions better.

To maybe don't let yourself get carried in emotions to the point that you start reacting.

Maybe working on your impulse control,

Another executive functioning skill.

And start allowing for space before you react to things and you take action that maybe you will regret after.

So all this is an opportunity for you to do the work,

To be present,

To start healing,

To start processing,

To start transforming all patterns,

All dynamics into something new that serves you better.

BD says,

Yes,

That ties into codependency.

I am the most common denominator in all my relationships,

For better or worse.

Yeah,

Absolutely,

BD.

I agree with you.

Like any dynamic,

Codependency,

Any toxic dynamic that is no longer working for you,

You have a part in it.

If it's happening,

If you are a part of that dynamic,

Somehow you ended up there.

You are a part of that dynamic because if not,

It wouldn't happen.

I was listening to,

I was watching a video the other day about the law of mirroring.

I was just getting ready for this topic.

And I always like to go online and then listen to a few people talk about this and see what they say and see how I feel about what they say and to learn more.

One of the things that I found very interesting was this person was talking about this law of mirroring from the point of view of narcissistic abuse.

And she was saying that this law is bullshit.

That this law is saying that whatever you see outside of you,

It exists inside of you.

And then she was saying that if you are in a narcissistic dynamic and you are being the victim,

You are being abused by a narcissistic person.

This person was saying that because you are seeing the narcissistic,

You are a narcissistic.

And then she was going on about the damage that that can cause in the person,

That how that's not true.

And then I was just thinking about it with an open mind.

And I was trying to understand how can I apply the law of mirroring in this specific case scenario when someone is being abused?

And why is that person being abused in the first place?

And then this ties with a lot of things in my own opinion.

This ties with generational trauma.

This ties with inner child work.

This ties with self-worth,

Self-love,

Self-care.

There are so many components and layers in here that are acting.

But one of the things that came true to me is that for a narcissistic abuse relationship and dynamic to exist,

There has to be at least two people.

The abuser,

The person who is abusing,

And the person who is abused.

If one of those people change,

That dynamic may evaporate.

It may disappear,

Right?

But you always need two people at least for a dynamic to work.

So I'm not saying that both people are narcissistic.

No,

It doesn't have to be that way.

But the narcissistic is abusing another person.

And that person is allowing for that abuse to happen.

And I'm not saying that that is consciously.

That can be because they never learned how to,

Because they were raised in an abusive environment.

There are so many layers in there that is very difficult to.

.

.

Every person is going to be a unique world.

And what's needed is going to be so different for each individual.

But the dynamic exists.

So we are all responsible somehow,

Consciously or unconsciously,

Because we were there.

Because we are a part of it.

So I don't know how this is with you.

Let me know what you guys think.

Again,

This is a conversation.

This is not me teaching you about this.

This is having a conversation.

An opportunity to explore this.

To see how each of you feel about this.

To see how it shows up in your life.

To see how you can use this to gain awareness about yourself.

To keep doing your work.

And yeah,

It's just very interesting and very,

Very powerful.

That's why I felt really,

Really inspired to share.

So Becca says,

When we don't take ownership for ourselves,

We might be giving our power away.

Codependency here too.

Yeah,

Absolutely,

Becca.

Of course.

If you don't take ownership,

If you don't make the decision,

Someone else is going to make them for you.

And all of a sudden,

You are going to depend on someone else to do it for you.

And then this is a cycle of you not feeling good enough.

You're not feeling capable enough.

Et cetera,

Et cetera.

And then leading becomes a huge task.

Very uncomfortable.

Very uncertain.

So you avoid it.

Myself,

I do that.