Preparing For A Selfgentle 2024 Live Recording 8 Dec. '23

Hello everyone,

Welcome to my life,

My monthly life,

I'm so happy to see you.

My name is Femke Bakker,

I am a Self-Gentleness Teacher here on Inside Timer and today I'm holding my monthly live and the title,

The topic of today is Preparing for a Self-Gentle 2024.

Yes,

The last month of this year has started.

We have holidays coming up or we are already in the middle of our holidays.

If you are,

A happy Hanukkah and we are rushing to the end of the year and we want to start a new year with some more attention to ourselves.

That's what I'm going to speak to you about in a few minutes,

But meanwhile,

Let me know who you are,

Where you are in the world and why you are here.

Why are you interested in starting 2024 in a self-gentle way?

And while you are at it,

It might be helpful to put a pen and paper ready,

Because in a few minutes I'm going to ask you a few questions and it might be helpful for you to jot down your answers so you have this to start working on preparing that 2024,

A year in which you will be more self-gentle.

But I cannot do it for you.

You are the one who will have to start being actual self-gentle.

And how you can start with that,

I will tell you in a minute and I will also tell you more about the lives that I will start doing in 2024,

Because I am planning to really guide you into that year on a self-gentle basis.

So I'm really happy that you are here.

If you're just tuning in,

Get a pencil and paper.

Get ready.

Let me know who you are,

Where you are in the world and why you are here for your self-gentleness journey.

My name is Femke Bakker,

A self-gentleness teacher here on Insight Timer.

So hi Ray.

Hi Mary.

Hi Karen.

Hi Lynn.

Hi Mona.

Hi Annemiek.

Hi Mel.

Lovely to see you.

Thank you always for taking care of the meditation group.

I'm so glad to see that.

Hi Cherry.

Good that you're here.

Happy weekend for you too.

Hi Maria.

Hi Linda.

Lovely that you are all here.

So take some paper and a pencil that might be helpful for you in a minute.

Hi Arlene.

Great to see you.

I hope everything is going well with you.

Hi Catherine.

And Cherry also says thanks to Mel.

For everyone who is here,

Mel,

This is another meditation teacher.

You can find her profile under Melinda Viking.

She's teaching Yoga Nidra,

Really beautiful guided meditations for you to help you relax,

Maybe even sleep.

Check out her profile after this session.

And Mel is a great friend of mine and she's helping me with my meditation group.

If you're not yet part of my meditation group,

I welcome you to sign up for it.

We chat there when there's something new,

News about me,

I will put it there.

And Mel organizes every Friday at this time that you together can meditate and listen to one of my previously recorded lives.

Well,

Not today,

Of course,

Because the second Friday of the month,

I will always be here to be live with you.

But I record it and later it will be published on Insight Timer.

So hi Jeannie,

You're from Michigan.

Gentle compassion is so important for ourselves and in how we connect with others.

Yeah,

Jeannie,

You're so right.

So you are in the right spot.

Lovely.

Thank you for sharing that.

Hi Linda.

Oh,

Two people from Michigan.

That's really great.

Well,

Two people from Michigan.

There are also people here,

I think,

From the Netherlands.

And I think the Netherlands is smaller than Michigan.

Hi Mary,

Lovely that you're here.

Are you just doing once a month next year too?

For now,

That is what I'm planning.

Yes.

Yes,

Mary.

I will tell you a little bit more about the lives that I'm planning.

Annemieke,

Is the last live published already?

It is waiting for approval,

But now because of the holidays,

Insight Timer,

At a certain moment they take a break,

The team,

A well-deserved break.

So they ask us to upload everything that we want to have published.

So it's a bit more busy,

But I hope that before Christmas it will be published.

As soon as it's there,

I will put it in my meditation group.

So you will be notified.

And also,

If you follow my profile on Insight Timer,

You probably also will get an email when something new of mine is published.

So all right,

Let's start five minutes in.

So preparing for a self-gentle 2024,

All right.

So what is self-gentleness?

For those who are new here,

And otherwise it's a reminder,

My definition of self-gentleness is this,

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

Yeah,

I'll repeat it once more,

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

So what do I mean with radical and consistent?

Because being gentle to yourself,

I'm sure you know to be gentle to yourself from time to time.

You know,

When we do something right,

Or we are proud of ourselves,

Or we have a good day,

You know,

Or maybe when we feel really,

Really sad,

That also we can be gentle with ourselves.

There are these moments.

We know this.

But to do so radically,

So let's say always,

Also when you trip and fall,

Also when you're doing,

When you're making mistakes that you find you should not have made,

Also when,

You know,

You are really cranky in a bad mood,

Whatever life is giving you and you're not responding well to it,

Can you be gentle to yourself then?

Can you be radically gentle to yourself?

And then the consistence,

This consistence is that you also keep it up when you're facing other people,

When people have demands of you,

Asking you to do things that actually you don't really feel like doing,

But you feel that you must.

Can you be also gentle,

Be gentle to yourself in those moments?

It is hard,

Interactions with others.

You know,

We are all social animals.

We need others.

We want our connections,

Our interactions to be pleasant,

To be loving,

To be kind.

And sometimes in this process,

We tend to forget to be gentle to ourselves.

And to be honest,

It's not always the others that are asking this from us,

But it's the ideas we have in our heads,

Whether we are conscious about that or not,

What we think others are expecting from us.

One of the beautiful things that you will notice is that when you start to apply self-gentleness,

That you not only become more gentle to others,

But because you know so well how to set your boundaries also in a gentle way,

You will notice that when you are okay about being gentle to yourself,

Also others will be.

The expectations of others are never as high as you assume them to be.

You are a big part of that struggle that you might have with others.

Okay,

There will always be people who ruffle your feathers.

I have a course for that here on InsightTimer.

If you have the premium subscription,

Which is really recommended,

If you can have the mean $60 a year,

You get access to all courses,

I think there are 2,

000 of all 18,

000 meditation teachers here on InsightTimer and some other perks,

The premium tracks,

But okay,

There is a course.

It's how to deal with challenging opinions and behaviors.

So that's a beautiful course that will help you with those that ruffle your feathers.

Okay,

Having that said,

Let's go back to that self-gentleness.

So this is my definition of self-gentleness,

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

It's a beautiful idea.

And to actually start doing it,

Well,

That's a journey.

That's really a journey also for me.

I teach self-gentleness and I really teach this from my own experience.

So I'm a meditation teacher.

I know how to teach people to meditate,

But I've transformed this more and more into applying meditation as one of the tools to become more self-gentle.

And this journey of self-gentleness,

This is basically part of my own life.

I'm a previous perfectionist due to many things that happened in my childhood and in my life and in the way I am built,

My own character,

The way I look at the world.

I was really,

Really strict for myself.

I was a perfectionist.

I wanted to please everybody.

I wanted to do everything right.

And I was not so kind to myself.

Over the course of my life,

And especially after I started to meditate,

I learned slowly,

Slowly to become self-gentle.

And that's when things massively changed in my life by simply extending gentleness to myself.

Maybe not even all the time,

Because I teach you to be radically accepting yourself as the most important person consistently,

To be always self-gentle.

However,

Am I always self-gentle?

I wish.

No.

But I dare to say that I am a master of self-gentleness.

Not because I'm self-gentle 24-7,

But because I recognize it when I'm not.

And then I search until I find a way to self-gentleness again.

And to be honest,

Sometimes it's like that,

And sometimes it takes me a week.

Yeah.

Sometimes it takes me a week.

Not often,

But it happens.

I just want you to know that I'm not perfect.

I'm a human being,

Just like you.

Being a master of self-gentleness is understanding what it is,

Trying to do it,

Trying to do it as radically and consistently as you can,

But also to forgive yourself if you are not.

Because that's the quickest way back to self-gentleness,

By being gentle to yourself,

Right?

So I'm just telling you this so you know that I'm not the one who knows everything and does everything right.

But I do know how to help you to get there,

And that is what we're going to speak about.

So my plan for the next year is to continue with,

On the second Friday of the month,

This same time,

To have a live.

But I want to focus them more strongly to specific steps in the self-gentleness journey.

So if you will,

If you are here every month with me,

I'm taking you on a tour towards more self-gentleness.

So on the 12th of January,

That will be then the 1st of 2024,

It's called the self-gentleness journey.

So we're hitting it off there.

I will come back to the things that we will discuss today to prepare for this new year.

And then we're just going to start this new year on a self-gentle foot.

And then I have the next one planned on the 9th of February,

It's called self-gentleness step 1,

Tuning in.

So we will really dive into the meaning of tuning in,

How to do it,

How to deal with it,

How to deal with the challenges and limitations of tuning in.

We will really get there.

So and then from now on,

I'm going to plan every month.

I don't know if this will be for the whole year or at least till the summer,

Next steps in a self-gentleness journey.

Because if you ask me if I have a quest,

Yes,

I want as many people in this world to become self-gentle because I am convinced the more gentle we can be with ourselves,

The more gentle we will be with others.

And the more gentle we are with ourselves and with others,

The more gentle this world will be.

And of course,

There will always be fights and conflicts and frictions and misunderstandings and whatever things are going on.

Because we're all human,

We're all not able to be self-gentle all the time,

But let's aim for it.

Let's try it.

And you start with you.

I start with me.

You start with you.

Let's try to be more self-gentle.

Let's prepare for a self-gentle 2024.

I would love it for you to join me on this quest.

So I don't know if you've ever seen my profile here on Insight Timer.

There is also a link.

And on this link,

You can get a free self-gentleness checklist.

Maybe you did so,

Then I know from a few of you who have it already and are using it.

That's really great.

It's something you can print for yourself and use it.

So after this,

Or maybe another time,

Then click on that link and download this free self-gentleness checklist,

Because it will help you also in this process.

So that is one more tip.

OK,

So preparing.

We're going to prepare for 2024 to be self-gentle.

And it starts for me with two things.

First,

Getting through the holidays.

I just mentioned it already.

And it sounds negative,

And I don't mean that.

I do refer to that holidays might be stressful for a lot of people.

Why?

Because we love to come together,

To have really cozy get-togethers either with friends or families or small families or larger families.

And sometimes that might give frictions,

Because expectations are high.

And a lot of people that sometimes you don't see for half a year or a year,

You suddenly see them.

It might be hard.

So that's why I'm saying we have to get through the holidays.

But self-gentleness is a really great way to do so.

So I actually gave a live about it last year in December.

Or no,

I think it was before Thanksgiving.

I think it was in November.

I recorded.

So if you go to my profile on Insight Time and you go to the tracks,

Then everything is there.

But there are ordered on popularity.

So basically how often some are played.

So on the top you see my sleeping meditations,

The one in Dutch,

Which is my native language,

And the one in English.

They're the same,

But different languages.

Each are listened to,

I think,

Like 100,

000 times already.

So thank you so much for that.

If you are falling asleep with me,

Thank you.

So the lives are recorded.

Is there one hour or longer?

So people listen to it,

But it's not like 100,

000 people listening for one hour.

So you have to scroll down more to find those live tracks.

You can also select on length.

So if you take a longer length,

You will see those.

And there is one.

It's called self-gentleness preparing for the holidays,

Self-gentleness during the holidays from last year.

So that one is specifically targeting to that.

But I do want to give you some ideas of how to be self-gentle during those holidays.

But I first want to start with setting the intention.

Setting the intention that in 2024 is going to be the start of more self-gentleness.

And it is not from going from zero to 100.

That's impossible.

But it's going from zero to one and from one to two.

And then suddenly you notice it's from two to ten.

The beauty is when you start to practice self-gentleness,

Let's say one minute a day,

Really,

One minute a day,

It has this beautiful spillover effect.

Suddenly you start to notice that you are open for different thoughts.

Suddenly you notice when you're not so gentle.

So things are really going to move.

But we don't aim high,

Let's be self-gentle all the time.

We aim low,

That's also self-gentle.

We aim at one minute a day and we see how we take it from there.

But we do have to set an intention.

So let's set this intention together.

And we will come back to this later during the meditation.

But let's just now say,

You can say it with me,

You can say it out loud,

Or if there are people around you,

Then just use your inner voice.

I'm going to prepare this month to be self-gentle in 2024.

This month I'm going to prepare myself mentally so that when January starts,

I know that I'm starting my self-gentleness journey.

I will be more self-gentle in 2024.

I'm going to take it easy.

I'm going to take it gentle.

I will be really,

Really easy with myself,

I will be forgiving with myself,

But this is what I'm going to do.

So you can find your own words for this,

Because I am not you,

And you know exactly what the words are.

And we will work on this during the meditation.

But just know for yourself.

So let me ask you this,

If you would have to give yourself a grade,

A number,

Let's say being self-gentle 100% of the time,

Radically and consistently,

You give yourself a 10,

And if you're really never,

Never,

Ever,

Ever self-gentle,

But just non-self-gentle,

Then you give yourself a zero.

So what number would you give yourself on self-gentleness on average right now in your life?

And if you want,

You don't have to,

But if you want,

You can put it in the comments,

So I can just get a sense.

So if I look at myself,

How self-gentle am I,

10 being all the time,

24-7,

Zero being never,

I think I would give myself an 8.

At the moment,

I also teach in a university,

I do research,

Really busy,

An 8.

So let me see here,

6,

8,

6,

4,

7,

8,

2,

7,

7,

8,

5,

7,

8,

2,

Yeah,

It's okay.

It doesn't matter.

Wherever you are,

I'm happy that you know where you are,

And I'm happy I'm not seeing any zeros.

Right.

That's really great.

So jot it down for yourself.

And this is not a quest.

This is not,

No,

Yeah,

This is a quest.

It's not a competition.

It is,

It's your first step on this path,

Right,

And maybe in a few months you will think of this and you will feel again,

And maybe you're one point higher,

Maybe you're three points higher,

Maybe you are consistently on,

You know,

A really nice number on that.

Okay,

Next question.

When you think of being gentle with yourself,

In what area of your life or what situations can you be gentle already?

So there must be a part in your life where you are pretty gentle with yourself.

On average,

Might not be all the time.

Do you know where that is?

It might be about your job,

It might be about being a parent,

It might be being a spouse,

It might be about being a friend,

It might be about every morning making this beautiful breakfast for yourself and really taking the time to enjoy it,

Not letting yourself rush,

Taking the time to sleep or to cancel dinner plans if you're too tired or,

You know,

Whatever.

If you want,

You can share in the comments.

You don't have to,

But if you want to share,

We'd really like to hear from you which area of your life or maybe,

You know,

Examples,

Are you already self-gentle?

And when you think of this,

I want you to write it down.

It might be a lot of things,

You know,

Just write one thing in the comments,

But if you know more,

Write everything down and,

You know,

Where are you already self-gentle most of the time.

And be aware that everything that you write down,

Even if it's just one thing that you are doing,

Be proud of yourself because you are already self-gentle here.

This is a part of your life where you are already self-gentle.

Well done!

You know,

Really give yourself a pat on the shoulder,

Really,

Really great.

So consistent exercise,

Oh,

That's great.

You know,

Your body,

Your body,

Being with your body is so important.

Really great.

Well done,

Linda.

Cherry,

Morning routine and keep on track with hours of sleep.

Great.

Yeah,

The morning routine,

Cherry,

You know,

It's really,

Really great,

Really important.

You set your intention of the day.

You set the tone for the day and it's well done.

And getting enough sleep.

This is something that we often forget that sleep is our replenishing time.

And then,

You know,

It's time for bed,

Well,

You know,

I will just sit a little bit more,

I will binge a little bit longer or I have sometimes that I'm tired and I feel I want to go to bed,

But then I'm just too lazy to just get up and get into bed.

And I always regret it because it's it's taking away from my sleep,

Right,

Jeannie,

With my capacity to deal with new divorce stresses,

Taking good care of my kids.

And when I feel drained,

Wow,

This is really great,

Jeannie,

Because that are some challenges,

You know,

To take good care of your kids.

I mean,

I'm a mother,

They're adults now,

But that can be a challenge.

So it's really,

Really good.

And you can be proud of that also.

And to deal,

Your capacity to deal with divorce stress.

I mean,

That's tough,

Divorce stress,

But you can deal with it.

You have the capacity to deal with it,

With gentleness,

I assume.

So that's well done.

I'm really proud of you.

That's great.

And when you feel drained,

So you know to replenish yourself.

Really great.

Alessandra,

Take care of me in my path out of mental illness.

So I applaud you for that,

Because that is not easy,

But that you are aware that this is where you already start to be gentle with yourself,

As in understanding that you can be like your own caretaker,

Your own parent in this.

That's beautiful.

Thank you for sharing that.

Annemieke,

Start a morning with a cup of tea.

Oh,

I love this,

Annemieke.

This is beautiful,

Because it means that every morning you make that cup of tea for yourself and you are aware that this is giving gentleness to yourself.

So it would be great to really also acknowledge,

Maybe you do already,

Acknowledge that.

This cup of tea I made for me.

This cup of tea I made to just sit and enjoy.

I don't care what's going to happen after this.

I don't care how I will feel after this.

This is my moment.

This is my tea.

Really acknowledge that.

That's beautiful.

Because self-gentleness isn't in the big things,

It can be,

But it's also in the small things.

Mel.

But Mel,

Mel,

You know about self-gentleness.

I know.

You are really also mastering that.

I give myself time to rest,

Be gentle in my body,

And give myself time to wake up slowly,

Make myself lovely hot drinks and enjoy.

Beautiful.

Yeah,

That same,

That morning routine,

Finding something in the morning to set your intention,

To set the tone,

To set this gentle tone.

Beautiful.

Thank you for sharing that,

Mel.

And Alessandra says,

I'm so proud.

Three months ago,

I wasn't capable.

Wow.

Yes.

Acknowledge that.

I'm so happy that you're writing that here to letting me know,

But letting everyone know,

Especially yourself,

That you are proud of that.

You did this in just three months.

That's amazing.

Imagine if you continue to have this gentleness,

This kindness,

This softness with yourself,

Where you will be in another three months.

That's beautiful.

Arlene,

Flowing in my own timing.

That's a big one.

Flowing in your own timing.

I mean,

That is something that I love.

I love to flow in my own timing.

And I sometimes have a sense of time shortage.

My tripping over self-gentleness is my false belief that I don't have enough time.

And when I am in that false belief,

I'm not so gentle and I cannot flow in my own timing.

But I love to flow in my own timing because then opportunities are endless.

My energy is endless.

I can do whatever I want.

I love to flow.

My creativity is there.

So Arlene,

Well done.

That is a massive thing.

Really great.

Mona,

MG,

Morning devotional.

Oh,

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

So this morning,

You see how many people are setting this morning tone,

How important that is.

Beautiful.

Belinda.

Hi,

Belinda.

Lovely to see you.

I'm consistent with good food and exercise and my work and free time balance.

That is our important structural thing.

Eating good foods,

So it's taking care of your body with exercise,

With having good food and a balance between work and free time.

That is something a lot of people are tripping over and that those are really structural things of your life that will really allow you that self-gentleness.

Great.

Thank you for sharing that,

Belinda.

Marie,

Cup of tea in the morning and putting my makeup on just for me.

Wow,

That's beautiful.

Yeah,

That's a really great ritual and knowing that this is something for you.

You don't put makeup for others,

But this is for you with a cup of tea.

Beautiful.

Also the morning routine.

Really,

Really great.

So Ray says,

Resisting the first thought of the morning.

Ray,

So I assume this is a thought that is unpleasant.

So that is good.

You are aware that that first thought in the morning can get you right onto that non-self-gentleness track,

Right?

So for you,

So in my track list,

You might have tried already,

I have this evening practice and a loving morning practice.

And those are really connected because the evening practice helps you to,

You know,

Get into the night and prepare for waking up on a different tone.

And then you pick it up in the morning and you start with a tone,

Self-gentle tone.

So it's really great that you are aware of what might be the problem,

What might be the limitation to starting the self-gentle day.

And this is where you can make that shift that you don't have to resist.

Because one thing of the resistance,

Resisting things is,

I think my live on releasing resistance was published not so long ago,

So you could check it out there,

Is when you resist things,

When you push against things,

They also tend to push back.

I'm not going to think this thought,

I'm not going to think this thought,

And the thought pops up again and again,

Right?

So it's good to be aware that you don't want to think this thought,

But the next step would be,

I'm choosing this thought,

This pleasant,

Gentle thought.

And that evening self-gentleness practice and the self-gentleness practice in the morning can really help you with that.

I also have a mini self-gentleness course here on Inside Timer.

There are the practices actually as bonus tracks,

So if you have the premium and you follow the course,

Then you can go there and listen to those.

Thank you for sharing that,

Ray.

The evening wind down,

Cherry,

Yeah,

That's also really great,

That was just speaking about.

Ray says,

I love your morning practice track,

It's my go-to any time.

Wow,

Thank you so much,

That's beautiful.

Oh,

Cherry,

First voice I hear is thank you.

That's a beautiful compliment,

Thank you so much,

Cherry.

All right,

So there are a lot of beautiful things here that you are already self-gentle.

So now a more difficult question,

Which area of your life would you like to be more self-gentle?

Which area of your life,

Or maybe it's a specific topic,

Or maybe it's a structural thing,

Where are you noticing that you are still on a frequent basis a bit harsh,

And which area would you like to be more self-gentle?

If you want,

You can share it,

But write it down for yourself,

Right?

This is for you,

When you write it down.

Oh,

That's beautiful,

Angela,

You're taking a monetary pause,

You put your hand on your heart,

Something simple I can do any time,

Acceptance of your body,

Beautiful,

That's really beautiful.

So Ray says,

Expectations,

Are those expectations you have about yourself,

Or the expectations of others,

Or maybe both,

Yeah,

Generally that goes hand in hand,

Right,

The expectations you assume others have of you,

Because most expectations are not voiced aloud by people,

And sometimes they're not so expecting of you as you might think,

But they become your own expectations,

Right?

But I know there are also people who expect a lot,

But sometimes we are our own drive in that too.

Linda,

Not needing to be a perfectionist,

I know where you're coming from,

I'm a previous perfectionist,

And I'm still saying previous,

Because it's easy to fall back,

To become aware and then to be gentle with myself again.

Yourself,

Yes,

So Ray,

The expectations about yourself,

That has to do with that inner dialogue,

Right?

So it's really great that you're doing this morning practice,

And if you want,

You could try the evening practice also,

And a combination that might really work.

Mel says,

I'm self-judgmental about my thoughts,

My personal development,

And my interactions with others,

So yeah.

I notice that it's self-judgmental about your thoughts,

Right,

Because we cannot always control our thoughts,

And especially when you're meditating already for a long time,

And as a meditation teacher you have,

So you are really aware of what's going on,

And sometimes you think,

Why am I thinking these things?

I'm bothered by it,

It's disturbing me,

I know it's not true,

And still it's bothering me.

So that's self-judgmental,

And I'm with you,

I have this also from time to time.

So it's good to know that.

Your personal development,

I think your personal development is pretty awesome,

Mel.

So if you cannot really believe in that,

Believe me.

I've seen you over the last two years,

Right?

We know each other now in December,

Two years,

So yeah,

It's pretty awesome.

You can be really proud of that.

Interactions with others,

Well,

That is hard,

Interactions with others.

Sheila says,

Guilt when I put my own needs above my mother's,

Oh yes,

Well guilt,

Guilt is really,

Unless you intentionally hurt someone,

And you continue to hurt someone,

You know,

You might feel guilty,

Rightfully so.

But in most instances,

Guilt is not the right advisor.

I want to give you this thought,

I don't know if your mother is expecting a lot from you,

Or that you think that she's expecting a lot from you.

But if anyone in your life ever says,

Well,

Don't think about your needs,

You have to think of my needs first,

You selfish girl,

Then who is selfish?

Are they selfish,

Or are you selfish?

They are,

Because they are demanding that you put your needs aside to fulfill their needs.

You're not selfish for thinking about yourself,

They're selfish because they expect something from you that goes against you.

Remember that.

That insight helped me a lot,

Because I know where you're coming from.

I used to be like that also,

I felt guilty all the time.

But I started to understand that it's important to be gentle with yourself,

To take care of your own needs.

Because if you do,

You are full of energy,

You are full of love,

And you can be there for others.

But if you jump over your own boundaries,

You push your own needs away to fulfill the needs of others,

You deplete yourself.

And that never ends well.

It's like the metaphor I use a lot,

You know,

Being in an airplane,

The cabin personnel are telling you what to do in case of an emergency,

Always put the oxygen mask on first by yourself,

Even if you have little kids who cannot put it on by themselves,

Because without oxygen,

You cannot do anything.

So the same is with self-gentleness.

So I hope this thought will help you a little bit.

So I see here,

Mary not let anger rule,

Dory making decisions about setting boundaries with this family members,

Toxic,

Yolanda overcome imposter syndrome,

Believe me,

Everyone has an imposter syndrome,

But I know where you're coming from,

Yes,

This harsh,

With a sadness that comes from my mom's judgments.

So you hear her judgment and you feel that you are not good enough,

Right,

You're not doing well enough.

So basically to detach yourself from needing the approval of your mother and just know by yourself that you are perfect as you are,

That you are lovable,

That you are worthy.

That's important.

I bleed not to struggle to go to bed,

I want to squeeze every minute out of every day.

I will never have this day again.

Well,

There is some sense there,

Right?

You have people who are like this and they don't need so much sleep.

But if you deplete yourself because you don't get enough sleep,

Then it's a little bit different.

Then you might also want to think like,

If I sleep well,

I can squeeze the minutes tomorrow way better than when I'm tired because then I cannot squeeze as hard.

Setting boundaries,

Saying more big,

No,

Yeah.

How do we download the list of ways to be self-gentle?

It's a checklist,

A checklist with a few practices that you can download.

So after this live,

You go to my profile on Insight Timer and just follow a link there.

And then on the top there you find all kinds of links.

But on the top,

You find the actual download of the checklist.

Yes.

All right.

So why is it time to become self-gentle 2024 for you?

Think for yourself,

Write it up.

You don't have to,

You can put it here,

But I will continue to the meditation because otherwise we are going way over time.

Because I want to take us now to that place where we are with ourselves,

We calm down,

We tune in and we really feel how self-gentleness feels.

So with this,

We are going to set the intention for 2024 being the year in which you will become more and more self-gentle.

You will move that two to a three,

To a four,

To a five,

To a six,

To a seven,

To an eight.

And sometimes you go to 10 and then sometimes you dip to four or five,

But on average you will be seven,

Eight,

Which would be really,

Really great.

Yeah.

All right.

So you can jot it down for yourself.

So why is it time to become self-gentle to take a little bit time for that?

I will take a sip of water.

Oh yeah.

I just want to say one thing.

So if you feel inclined,

So to donate to me,

Then don't do it now because if you do it now in the app,

The Apple store will take 30% bastards.

Oh,

Excuse me,

Beep,

They will take 30%.

But if you go later to my profile on Insight Timer and you click the donate button there,

It will take you out of the app to the Insight Timer has arranged that and Insight Timer will make sure that your full donation will be transferred to me.

So if you feel inclined to donate to me,

Donations are always helpful because they support all the work I do here on Insight Timer,

But only if you have the means.

But if you do have the means,

I of course appreciate your donation and just do it after it on my profile and not now,

You know,

Okay.

Thank you Jeannie for that.

All right.

So let's start taking off my glasses.

Let's just start to relax a little bit.

You're probably relaxed.

You've been listening to me,

But let's calm down.

So are you aware of how you are sitting,

How your buttocks are resting on the seat?

Maybe you're on the floor,

Maybe you're on the sofa and it's okay to lean against the back of your chair or the sofa against the wall unless you like it to really sit up,

Whatever feels good to you and feel your feet on the ground.

And it's not just the feet,

Your feet on the ground.

When you close your eyes,

It's easier to bring your attention to your feet.

And then you feel that there are parts of your soles that are leaning stronger on the ground and there are parts that are leaning less strong,

Like different touch points.

Bringing your attention to your feet on the ground is a beautiful exercise that you can do any moments,

Wherever you're standing or sitting,

When you're commuting,

When you're waiting in line,

When you're in the restroom,

When you're behind your computer,

Just for one minute,

Bringing your attention to your feet and how they rest on the ground.

This can make a massive difference in how you're feeling because it immediately brings you here and now grounded,

Being aware of your body,

Being aware of the support of the earth below you.

We don't think so much about it that we are here on a planet that travels through space at an enormous speed,

But she carries us,

She supports us.

That's beautiful,

Right?

Just to see yourself supported by this beautiful mother earth,

That gives such a sense of safety.

Just by putting my feet on the ground,

Being aware of that,

Being in connection with the earth.

Wow.

Just that realization gives me such a calmness,

Groundedness.

All right,

So you can have your hands relaxed in your lap.

If you like,

You can put the palms up to the sky so you feel that you're open to receive,

Well,

All the good that is out here.

When you're sitting like this,

Calming down,

You might feel some tension in your body.

It might be that you feel that your shoulders are a little bit up or that you're pulling in your belly or you're frowning or clenching your jaw.

Whatever is going on,

Whatever the tension is,

If you become aware,

Then bring your attention there and see if you can relax a little bit.

You might notice that your breathing is calming down,

That you feel a need to sigh it out.

At least I do,

So just do it,

You can do it with me.

Might even be nice to make a sound when you sigh it out.

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Ah soft,

The softness in my chest,

It is as if my whole chest is open,

No resistance,

No hurting myself,

No thoughts that are hurtful,

Just being okay with who I am,

In all my humanity,

With all my shadows,

With all my pain,

With everything I dislike about myself,

Well,

This is me,

There's nothing to dislike,

I am just me,

Can you feel that sense of gentleness,

You don't have to be there all the time,

If you just get a whiff of that moment now,

That's perfectly fine,

Just recognize where it is,

Is it in your head,

Is it in your heart,

Is it in your belly,

Is it in your toe,

Is it on your skin,

How does it feel,

This self-gentleness moment,

Bask in it,

Enjoy it,

All right,

Now,

When you feel this flow,

I would like you to imagine that you see yourself about,

Let's say,

30 feet in front of you,

10 meters,

And you see yourself in that more difficult situation where you cannot be so self-gentle,

Yet you see yourself at a distance,

Right,

You keep on here,

Basking in self-gentleness,

And now you observe yourself as if you are an objective observer,

You see yourself there in some kind of a struggle being self-gentle,

And while you observe yourself,

You suddenly realize that the struggling you has forgotten how great it is to be self-gentle,

When you look at yourself struggling there,

You realize that feeling like you're feeling now self-gentle is at your fingertips,

It's not about how life treats you,

It's not about things that are happening,

It's all about you taking care of you,

And you realize right now that actually you can be in charge of choosing gentleness for you,

Right,

You can choose gentleness for yourself,

And whether or not you feel it immediately,

That's besides the point,

You're going to take the steps to go back to that self-gentleness,

So now you know,

The next time you notice that you are struggling,

You will remind yourself at this moment,

You will know,

Okay,

I'm not self-gentle now,

However,

I know that I can be,

And I am on my way of getting there,

I might not be immediately be able to feel self-gentle,

But I'm aware I am not now,

And I refuse to continue to be non-self-gentle,

I will now take a first step to be more self-gentle,

And that is by acknowledging that it is okay that I'm now not self-gentle,

I will be again,

Come back again to that first feeling of self-gentleness,

The softness in your chest or however you're feeling it,

This is your birthright,

This is how you came here on earth,

To be gentle with yourself,

To know that you are worthy,

That you are lovable,

Because you are always,

Also when you do something wrong,

Also when you make a mistake,

Also when you don't live up to your own expectations or those of others,

You are lovable and worthy,

And you might feel it all the time,

So again,

Look at yourself struggling,

And promise yourself that next time you will be there,

You will be reminded of this,

You know what,

Put out your hands in front of you,

With your eyes still closed,

And just imagine that something drops out of the sky into your hands,

And whatever it is,

I don't know what it is,

It might be a symbol,

It might be a word,

It might be a song that you hear,

Because it's laying in your hands,

This is something that will help you on your way,

So for instance,

You see now a rose in your hands,

And every time you will see a rose,

An actual one,

Or on a picture,

Or you will smell a rose,

You will know,

I don't have to struggle,

I can find my way back to ease,

I can find my way back to being gentle with myself,

It might not be immediately,

It might be taken a week,

It might take me a second,

But I know I can get there,

Because I am in charge of where I take myself,

And whatever is happening in my life,

And I know sometimes terrible things happen,

Still I can help myself,

I can help myself,

And this token,

This symbol in your hands,

Whatever it is,

Will remind you,

So store it away somewhere in your consciousness,

All right,

Now let's help our struggling self,

So let's go back to your heart,

And that beautiful light,

That is still extending into a bubble around you,

But now imagine that from your heart,

To the heart of your struggling self,

You're going to send so much loving gentleness,

From one heart to the other,

So imagine that from your heart,

There is this the same color,

This big fat laser beam,

Sending all this gentleness,

And see actually how it enters the heart of struggling you,

How it fills your whole body with a beautiful color,

This gentle light,

And see yourself,

You're struggling you,

Receiving this,

Smiling,

Relaxing,

All the tension is going,

You see yourself almost shaking,

And letting go of everything,

Receiving this gentleness,

Smiling,

And while you're doing this,

I want you to tell yourself,

To promise yourself,

That you will take care of you,

So you could say something like this,

I love you,

I know you are me,

But I love you,

And I see that you're struggling,

And I want to know,

To let you know,

That I am here for you,

Because yeah,

We all struggle sometimes,

And that's okay,

I will be here,

I will be vouching for you,

I will be supporting you,

I will be gentle with you,

I will remind you,

That gentleness is at the tip of our fingers,

That gentleness is in our heart always,

And as this gentleness pours now from my heart to you,

It's always like that,

And I promise you,

I will be there for you,

So this you tell yourself,

Right,

You see you're struggling you,

And you're telling yourself,

I will always be here for you,

Because I love you,

You are worthy beyond measure,

You deserve all the gentleness in the world,

And I am going to give this gentleness to you,

See how your words flow with the light,

And I will be silent for one minute,

So you can actually tell you're struggling you,

Whatever gentle kind promises you want to give,

So go ahead,

Yeah,

That's beautiful,

And see how you're struggling you,

Not so struggling anymore as receiving it,

So you have now set an intention,

You made a promise to yourself,

You set an intention,

That you will more be more gentle,

You are going to prepare yourself this month on 2024 to be self-gentle,

So every morning you will greet yourself,

You will say,

Good morning darling,

How are you,

And you will listen,

You will listen to the answer,

And then you will say,

What is it that you need right now,

And you will listen to the answer,

And then you will live up to this need right now,

Or if you cannot,

You will promise later on,

You will,

So if you wake up and you feel,

I need more sleep,

But you have to get up,

Then you go to bed earlier that day,

Or you take a nap at lunch,

Or whatever it is that you need,

This is what you're going to do for the rest of this month,

Every morning you will set the intention,

That you will be as gentle as you can be,

You know,

Fulfilling your own needs as well as you can,

And maybe you will manage only to do so for one minute,

But that is one minute in the pocket,

Maybe you manage only for two minutes,

But that is two minutes in the pocket,

The more often you do it,

The more often it will grow into more and more time of self-gentleness,

And then in the beginning of January on the 12th,

We will come together for my life,

And we will start a self-gentleness journey into 2024,

Where we will start with practices,

To start systematically,

Radically,

Consistently applying self-gentleness to our lives.

All right,

So say goodbye to your struggling self,

And realize that the struggles are lifted off for a greater part,

Maybe even completely right now,

Because you had this inner dialogue,

And you promised yourself you would take care of you,

Because if you don't take care of you,

Who else will?

If you don't give the good example of how to take good care of you,

Who will follow your example?

Now you can let go of this image,

You can get back into your bubble,

Feel how you're descending back to your seat,

Where you started,

And feel how this beautiful gentle light now retracts back to your heart,

Into your body,

And be aware of how strong that gentleness is that rests in your heart.

It's all yours,

And it's not just all yours,

It is all yours to use for you.

All right,

Now you can put your hands in your lap,

Be aware that you're sitting on your chair again,

Feet on the ground,

Buttocks in the seat.

You might help yourself by wiggling your fingers,

Wiggling your toes,

And then in your own time you can slowly open your eyes.

But take your time,

And if you are lying down and you're sleepy,

And you can go to sleep,

Take a nap.

Thank you.

I was just reading the last comments of Theresa Marie,

And Jeannie,

And Mel,

That's so beautiful.

Why you want to start this self-gentle 2024.

You're most welcome,

Cadence.

Thank you for being here.

So,

My dear friends,

I hope you get a sense of how to start moving towards that self-gentleness journey.

And remember,

We said preparing.

You don't have to actually start it yet,

Just,

You know,

You're making the first steps,

And then in January we will take it off from there.

And every minute of self-gentleness that you will spare now in your life,

That will be great,

That will be perfect.

Be proud of yourself for every second of gentleness.

Be proud of yourself when you notice that you're not gentle with yourself.

Be proud when you notice that you are.

Applaud yourself,

Forgive yourself,

Caress yourself,

Hug yourself,

Love yourself.

Look in the mirror and love yourself.

If you have a premium on Insight Timer,

There is a track in the premium tracks that I made,

Which is about cultivating self-love.

It's a beautiful practice,

People really love it.

So,

You might do that.

And of course,

If you already want to start on your self-gentleness journey,

In my courses,

I have a course in English and in Dutch about self-gentleness.

The Dutch course is a little bit more extensive.

The English course is a mini course,

But I'm working on more things.

And of course,

I will come back with the lives where we continue on this self-gentleness journey together.

So,

Thank you Mel,

Thank you Annemiek,

Thank you Jerry,

Thank you Dory.

Dory says it was a release of tears,

It was a rough year of losing my dad,

Family drama.

You're most welcome Dory,

Good.

And yeah,

Tears is a release of stress and tension,

So that's good.

But be kind to yourself,

Make yourself a nice hot cup of tea and love yourself,

Hug yourself.

Yeah,

That's great Mel.

That's beautiful Arlene,

Yeah,

To think of treating yourself the way a loving grandmother would.

Yeah,

That's beautiful.

Yeah,

So thank you all so much for being here.

I will see you next year,

2024.

I wish you a beautiful,

Easygoing December month,

With beautiful holidays,

Whatever you're doing,

Whichever holidays you are having.

Connect yourself with loving people,

Be kind and gentle with yourself and also with others on the way there.

I hope you loved it and I hope to see you in a new year where we will be on the self-gentleness journey together,

Because 2024 is going to be the self-gentleness year.

Yes,

All right.

Dear ones,

Thank you all so much.

Sending you so much love.

Bye-bye.

See you in January.

Bye-bye.