Day 1 ~ Journey Out Of Depression

Hi everyone,

My name is Colleen,

And I'm the voice of Gabriel Free.

The following is an audio journal of my journey to move out of depression and back to feeling good.

I've worked for quite a few years on self-healing,

And most of it I've done through journaling.

This is the first time I've used an audio journal,

But I'm really hoping that if I put it out there,

I know that through the years I've figured out certain things that I need to do to start to pull myself out of depression.

And I thought maybe I'd share it,

And maybe it might help someone,

Or encourage someone else to share their journey.

Because we all know that with depression,

It's not talked about half as much as it should be.

So,

That's it.

Hope you enjoy it,

And I'd love your feedback.

Thanks so much.

Okay,

So,

You know,

Just pulling out my journal here this morning,

And I've written today is the turnaround day.

Now I'm going to try and put my finger on exactly what that turnaround is.

Reason being is I'm sitting in a bit of a funk.

I'm sitting in some heavy energy.

It feels like really leggy.

I feel like I'm dragging my butt from,

You know,

Task to task.

I feel like I'm numbing with food and everything else,

Anything I can get my hands on.

And when numbing comes about,

It's like,

Okay,

So basically you're sitting in a puddle,

And,

You know,

Splashing,

Going,

Wah,

Wah,

Here's me,

Here's me.

But anyway,

What I,

We all know that that,

You know,

Do I want to sit in this puddle forever?

No,

I do not want to sit in this puddle.

So what am I going to do?

What am I going to do?

As much as I hate it,

I hate even thinking about getting out of that puddle,

I've got to think about it.

So I am,

I,

You know,

I go to certain things in my mind.

It's like,

Okay,

So I know that this stagnant,

Heavy depression energy is,

I feel it like it's in my legs,

It's in my root chakra,

It's in my heart,

It's like it's smothering my heart.

And so now I've got to figure out what I've got to do to move myself,

Because in my own experience,

In a lot of what I've done through journaling and observation,

I recognize that to move out of this energy,

I need to do something different.

I need to move my mind,

I need to move my body,

I need to write,

I need to observe,

I need to set myself free a little bit.

And I know that staying in the same place,

I'll be in the same place tomorrow,

So I got to do something today,

Because if not,

I'll be in the same place tomorrow.

So another place I go to are things that I've learned.

And I've learned for myself that with every perception,

There is like a story,

And there's also an energy,

And there's emotion,

And everything that's attached to that perception.

And so at this point,

I kind of feel like I'm locked in a perception.

So what I need to do is I need to go back to some basics,

And it's like,

You know,

You got to start all over.

And it's like,

It's happened to me a million times,

But like getting to the point where you actually go,

Okay,

Yes,

You do have to start over,

Okay.

It's hard to get there,

Because you don't want to,

You don't want to,

But you know what,

It's like,

Just get your shit together,

Drop everything,

Put all your plans aside,

And let's just,

You know,

Let's get working on this.

So right now,

I have a pretty dreary perception.

It is a lot of depression,

And I don't have a lot of hope.

So I'm feeling a little hopeless,

Which is like,

Yeah,

It goes against the grain for me.

Like,

It's not something,

You know,

I don't want to be here.

But at the same time,

What I've learned through past experiences,

Is I've learned,

I've learned to pick myself up out of depression.

And I have three things that helped me get there every time.

And as matter,

It's hard to get them going,

But once I do,

I know that I start building some wings,

Okay.

And so the number one thing is,

I need to get a little bit of exercise.

I need to kick out some of this energy.

And walking does that for me.

When I'm walking,

I also,

I feel like I'm reviewing a lot of things in my mind.

I'm taking inventory kind of,

Like,

That's the way it is for me,

Or that's what I do.

And so,

And then I kind of come up with ideas,

As I kick out this energy,

It frees up a little bit of space to think clearer,

Is what it basically does.

So yeah,

So that's my number one thing,

Is I want to,

I definitely want to get my body moving.

And my cue on that is to,

Don't think about it,

Just do it.

And you know,

Sometimes it's basically like doing la la la la la while I'm tying up my shoes to go outside.

Don't think about it,

Just get moving on it.

And you're going to feel better as soon as you start doing it,

Like that,

You know,

That's basically what it comes down to.

Okay,

So that's number one,

I need to get some exercise.

Number two is I need to observe.

And that's where my,

My journaling comes in.

You know,

And I have to say that while I've been in this funk,

Journaling is not my strong point.

Of course,

Because I'm sucked into the,

What was me,

Kind of thing,

And I'm lacking energy and purpose and drive.

And I'm not observing myself,

Because it feels too painful to go there,

I guess,

Or I'm locked in this,

You know,

Kind of numbing myself.

So anyway,

Um,

So the next thing I'm going to do,

And I like I said,

That's my first line today is today is the turnaround day.

This talk also is going to help me get there.

I'm observing myself.

So it's,

What are you doing?

Where are you?

How are you feeling?

What can you do instead,

Especially when you're trying to get out of?

So these are kind of the questions that,

You know,

I asked myself,

And I kind of respond.

And it's like,

I kind of make space for myself and the way I'm feeling.

And actually,

It helps to push me to move on to solutions.

And rather than,

You know,

Running into the wall and just keep banging into the wall,

Like,

I feel like when I journal,

And I asked myself those questions,

I kind of lay out a little map of where I am and,

And how I'm feeling and where I want to need to do next to get out of this hellhole,

Basically,

To find a way around the wall to find a way over the wall to go a different way where there's no wall,

Whatever it is,

It's basically I just have to start,

It helps me to start mapping out where I am and finding a better course.

One that will bring me different thinking,

More positive thinking,

I'll get out of the broken record type thing.

And that's just feeding me kind of BS,

Like,

Oh,

You're weak,

Oh,

You're this,

Oh,

You're tired,

All that stuff,

I'm going to try and pull myself out of that by changing what I'm telling myself when no,

No,

No,

Here I go,

Here I go,

I'm strong,

Here we go,

Let's just get the walk down,

Get the walk down,

Don't think about it,

Do your journaling.

Okay,

So that's what kind of the process that kind of goes on inside of me until it becomes oh my god,

It feels so good to do that.

I feel like I know where the F I am.

You know,

But anyway,

The third thing,

And like I said,

I've already I've always has three magical things.

So I have the walking,

The exercise that kicks out that energy,

I have the journaling,

Which is just,

I ask myself questions,

Make space for myself,

I'm truthful with myself,

Because lying to yourself does,

Oh,

No,

Everything's great,

That doesn't work,

Okay,

So I'm truthful to myself,

Writing these journals out,

And kind of carving out my space and coming up with solutions.

The third thing that I do is meditation,

And what it does for me,

I just go to me,

I go to me and my body,

And what's stored in my body,

And I'm working at just clearing that out,

Clearing that out,

Clearing that out.

So the combination of these three things starts to bring awareness to me,

Awareness to where I feel like I have a little bit of control over what's going on,

I'm not sinking into that depression feeling,

I'm kind of kicking it out in energy,

I'm reestablishing my own energy through journaling,

And I'm holding myself in my body and clearing that energy out as I meditate.

So the magic three,

For me,

That's it,

There you go,

That's kind of where I'm at today,

And yeah,

I'm on my way,

As far as I'm concerned,

Already I'm on my way,

But within a week,

I think I'm going to be doing just great and rolling,

Rolling,

Rolling,

Anyway,

Just a little food for thought,

And you know,

You might want to think about what your combination of things are to get you going,

Whenever you're feeling a little bit overwhelmed,

Anyway,

I'm going to leave you with that,

Hope you guys all have a great day,

And we will talk again soon.