Day 7 ~ Journey From Depression

Hi everyone,

My name is Colleen and I'm the voice of Gabriel Free.

The following is an audio journal of my journey to move out of depression and back to feeling good.

I've worked for quite a few years on self-healing and most of it I've done through journaling.

This is the first time I've used an audio journal but I'm really hoping that if I put it out there I know that through the years I've figured out certain things that I need to do to start to pull myself out of depression and I thought maybe I'd share it and maybe it might help someone or encourage someone else to share their journey because we all know that with depression it's not talked about half as much as it should be.

So that's it,

Hope you enjoy it and I'd love your feedback.

Thanks so much.

Okay it is day seven.

I've been doing this for one week and so they while I was doing my walk I just actually I didn't go outside for my walk I actually did the treadmill because we're having a bit of a storm here and right now there is snowflakes the size of like fists they're just like big blobs falling and not enough space between them it's pretty heavy but we've also had sleet and we've also had rain since I got up this morning so you know having a bit of weather but typically if I was looking at this a week ago I would have been wanting to roll my butt back into bed but it actually looks kind of pretty today I'm not gonna lie from the window I've already been out with the dogs and just they need to do that they need to have their 45 minutes or so in the morning of exercise but okay so past that I'm looking at the past week I you know I'm looking at today day seven and like I said a lot of times when I'm walking I'm looking at kind of what my thought process is and what kind of energy I'm carrying today and all this stuff and God what a difference a week makes you know I look back to that day one last Thursday and I was just dragging my butt I was teary I was I was you know I couldn't I'd had no focus numbing everything trying to escape basically through everything anyway today I had it's it's so amazing you know the comparison and I'm looking at like the perception okay because that's where it started it's like you know I was talking on day one about how perception carries certain thought processes certain emotions it's like where someone could say oh like like I was just talking about with the snow falling oh it's look at it's such a shitty day out that would have been day one and today is like oh my god you know the windows kind of blurred and it looks like a million butterflies coming to land and it springs here you know so that's a different in perception difference in perception and you know so my perception right now I'm feeling a lot lighter but I have cut back cut a lot of things back and started over with just doing my three magic things right my my walking exercise to kick out some energy my journaling to build some awareness and also meditation which kind of like blocks everything else out and go just me and my body and use my my third eye for a little bit of creating you know anyway so the difference is I feel so much lighter today on day seven I I literally this morning found myself feeling a little excited like so if that's you know what do we what are we working with here is this my heart chakra is this you know I really feel like yesterday you know I was thinking further thinking further on actually putting this out there and working against all the self-judgment and the worry about judgment I feel like I kind of you know thought further and and passed that obstacle so I feel like it's not really an obstacle for me in this right now anyway so the other thing that I've really noticed in the past week is I know and I know this from previously kind of you know writing a lot about depression and anxiety I know that whenever you're depressed or full of anxiety everything's a rush you're rushing around for everything you never have enough time that's why you feel so tired you have like a list that goes on for three years in your head and you're no good and all of that stuff okay so when it comes to me starting these three things a week ago it was like those three things are the only thing that matters I have to drop everything else this is self-care if I don't do this I'm not getting out of it and I'm just gonna continue this way which is agony actually and so by starting that and slowly adding things on possibly but at the same time starting those things I found certain things just slowly filling in like drinking my water having my tea stretching singing and this morning I I was actually dancing in the kitchen while I was like you know doing some dishes okay and these things are happening without without any thought which is you know seems to me kind of the key if we're looking at perception to our thoughts a lot of times are the things that create the boundaries for us and kind of make it like feel impossible or weigh us down make us feel tired and and not good enough and all of those things so our heart is where we hold all of our our joy and our happiness and and it's so light and it's where you know we're happy and we have purpose and all of those things so I'm looking at this change of perception and I really do feel like it's like I've kind of quieted my mind or taking care of some of the things thought further some of the things that I'm looking to bring in or that are coming up for me and as I clear them it's like my heart space is just kind of like pumping off pumping off like I've got a little bit of joy a little like a week ago I I was nowhere near you know springing into a dance not that it was that pretty but I was nowhere near that a week ago and so that is like incredible progress for me so that's my one week and I I knew coming into it like you know previous times I've done it and it's been anywhere from five days to a week that I've kind of had the turn around but you know some it's been a little while since I've made this good progress with it and I feel like I was lagging in between for a while so this is just really feeling good for me I really feel like I'm getting my energy back and it's not easy it's not easy to do it but I'm reminding myself once again and I will write more in my journal about it it is definitely worth it because once you start everything starts rolling with you it's like all of a sudden all these things show up to help you it's like you're building your wings and and here here I am on day seven and I were nowhere where I was a week ago now having said that that doesn't mean that I'm totally totally you know I have to continue with these things like I have things that I want to bring in now my online course okay for instance still noticing what do I have last night at bedtime and I'm having a hard time falling asleep that's kind of where I'm kind of hanging out I'm hanging out with those thoughts of okay so basically the bubble that is holding that online schooling and me getting back to it right now is holding the old energy and old perception still oh my god I can't do this I don't have focus I'm never gonna learn this it's too hard I'm gonna run out of time all of those things around it and so when I've gone to that lately that's kind of the energy so it's not fun it's not fun anymore and you know when I started doing this it was fun it was fun and so what I need to do now is and I'm hoping to do more of that today and into tomorrow well and until until you know but what I need to do is I need to think further on this because I need to take away those perceptions and I need to put some boundaries up and go into it with the perceptions that I need and that I know that that are that are the truth for me it's not you know covered with all these films and I'm not rushing you know I'm one of those things with that with the rushing is you know that's the anxiety that's kind of all the way around it and I'm like I'll never finish this in time so I'm worrying about the future and all of this time about worrying about the future I can't get to just the present moment of going in enjoying it and getting the job done you know so anyway as you can tell I'm gonna continue wrapping my mind around that because I'm really hoping I was gonna start it today but I really don't feel like I'm ready and with this self-care I want to go into it with a complete feeling good and going aha and you know basically going in and making the boundaries and knowing what I'm telling myself like you got this oh my god you're gonna fly through this all this stuff and you love it telling myself those things are going to you know I'm gonna finish this like nothing and I'm not gonna it's not gonna show up as obstacles and it's not gonna throw layers on my energy that are just sinking me down holding me down waiting me down so before I enter into this I'm gonna clear and make sure I'm going in with the right attitude the right perspective the perspective that I need and what I'm telling myself that is going to give me success and drop the heavy stuff from it because it's just a shame and the difference also right now is that I have the focus a week ago I didn't have the focus and so now I do have it I feel that I feel like the space I'm doing things without the the heavy thought process attached to it so that will be something I'm working on right now I'm working to think further I don't want to sit in this little puddle and it's all I have to do is start and start changing this around the thought process and I'm hoping that by tomorrow I'll be able to put some some time in and get back into the enjoyment of my my course now besides that trying to think if there's other things I'm continuing still with my meditation also that is going great I you know I I'm not gonna say like I've had a little bit pulling off but you know what if I feel like I'm working on all these things there's little things popping up that need my attention and if I wasn't going this slow and timely with things and at my own speed living in the moment I guess is what it comes down to not worrying and rushing about the future or feeling sad about what I haven't done and oh my god I could the beating up I'm just staying right here I'm right here and I'm really checking my boundaries on a regular basis and you know if I see something fly by in my head that's like you know like some bad chat talking myself down or being self-judgmental I'm like okay call that's enough that's enough we got to let that go what do we change in that too okay cuz that one's gone but bye you know so anyway this is this is my self chat that I want to bring and it's using that voice inside of you to guide you is basically what it is and trusting it because it's you it's you and no one else knows you better than you you know or we're so you know since we're since we're little and since we're born we're brought into these worlds where everyone's teaching us how to do things and ultimately we all have our own unique way of doing things and it's loving it's not mean it's not anything but I think sometimes all of these rules on how we should be end up blocking us blocking us from who we really are so ultimately that's pretty much where I'm at today really want to mention one more thing I'm just really trying to be honest with myself and I know that makes me vulnerable but I've dealt with it and everyone has everyone has these vulnerabilities they're afraid to share and get to the truth because then they don't they aren't following the rules that they've been taught or that society's taught them or their families or whatever all of these you know what like it comes down to what you feel is the truth and being able to express that is you know really key to living a happy and joyful life because you can you can kind of maneuver through all the obstacles and choose things that feel good and bring you joy and all of those things and that's the road to you basically anyway that's what I'm trying to do I have to say I'm you know I have a little bit of a celebration going on today because this is day seven and I feel really good I'm so glad and I'm so thankful for this journey because I'm so glad I'm not where I was a week ago because it was terrible it was an awful place to be but anyway moving forward I'm gonna be adding some stuff into my day things that fill me with joy it's basically what it comes down to and I'm going to take on that new perception on everything so gonna let you go talk later have a good one