So I find that a lot of us find some struggle with relationships,
With our significant others,
With friends,
Family,
And we're always kind of looking to them,
To these people in our lives for better understanding,
Better connection,
Acceptance,
Validation.
And I want to hone in specifically on partners today.
So those people that we allow to see ourselves the most intimately every day,
Every morning,
Every night,
People that we've welcomed into our lives to fully get to know us,
Fully be there.
And there's always some sort of codependency that shows up for many people that you look to your partner,
You seek out from your partner some sort of confidence in yourself as if you couldn't give that to yourself on your own.
So you look to them for that validation,
For that support.
And you can get very easily caught up in this because what that's doing and what most of us do in life in many circumstances is give away our power to the external.
So handing over our reality,
Our emotions,
Our feelings to other people,
Other sources.
And in relationships,
It ties so,
So tightly together because your partner is a reflection of you.
And what they do a lot will trigger you,
Will bring things up for you because they really are that mirror of yourself.
So when we place our being or the belief in ourself in validation from others,
Validation from our partner,
We're not quite living for ourselves,
Are we?
We're not quite taking the time to get that from ourselves.
We're almost in a lazy way putting it in other people's hands.
It's their responsibility to make me happy.
It's their responsibility to support me in this way,
To pick me up when I fall.
And don't get me wrong,
Of course,
It's a beautiful thing to have people there for us,
People in our corner.
And absolutely,
It's a beautiful thing.
But the fundamental confidence in our own lives,
Our individual life,
It's got to come from within.
Because when we start placing that external of ourself in our partner,
We're giving them so much responsibility that nobody can handle.
It's hard to handle more than the responsibility of your own life.
When you bring kids into the mix,
Family,
Etc.
It's a lot.
So when we become responsible for ourselves,
Show up for ourselves and then show up in the world,
Your partner is going to have more freedom to be themselves and to even work on themselves if that's something they want to do.
Rather than carrying you as well.
Does that make sense?
So when we reclaim that power,
When we hold that in our hands and say,
Hey,
I really need a nap right now.
I'm grumpy,
I'm hangry,
Whatever that might look like.
Instead of putting that on someone else,
Just recognize what do I need?
I really need to make this a priority.
Even if I have to go off and do something myself,
Say,
You know,
Boyfriend,
Girlfriend,
Husband,
Wife,
I need a minute,
I need a half hour and I'll come back to you.
Because when we look at our needs,
And we fill those needs,
And maybe even that's just 10 minutes of collecting your thoughts to or meditation or something of that sort.
But when we go and do that,
And we come back,
We return to our relationship.
We are good.
We are filled we are.
We are almost filled up with more confidence because we're like,
Yes,
I listened to myself.
Yes,
I filled my cup.
And now I am feeling good.
And now I can just sit here with my partner and smile and recognize that they are them and I am me.
And the beautiful dance that is our relationship is being there as individuals separate of each other,
But amongst each other,
Amongst each other and dependent on ourselves,
But also supported by the other.
And that's literally the best gift you can give in a relationship to your partner,
Showing up for yourself and the same goes for the rest of your life.
For work for friendships or family when you show up for you.
You show up for you fill your cup.
And then when you go out in the world,
Your cup is literally overflowing.
You're like,
Yeah,
I listened to me I feel great.
And this overflow is now dripping onto my partner,
My family,
My children,
My friends,
They're feeling this absolute fulfillment that I feel and it's literally going to have such a an incredible ripple effect in your life.
And I know sometimes it can be complicated how what is that thing that's nagging at me?
What's there?
All you have to do is place your hand on your heart.
You can close your eyes and just breathe into it and be like,
What's what's here?
What's there?
What am I feeling?
Why am I feeling it?
And if you need to breathe through it,
And honestly,
If you need to go punch a pillow,
Or like,
Breathe out and go,
Ah,
Deep breath in deep breath out.
If you need to do that,
Find a private space to do it.
And just make sure that's moving,
Make sure it's getting out of you make sure you're you're processing.
You know,
And if it's not anger,
Frustration,
It's,
You know,
Exhaustion,
Tiredness,
Then go take that nap,
Go run that bath.
Say I need some really good,
Slow music right now in a bath and a nap.
I'll see you in an hour.
But I gotta go take care of me first and and hopefully your partner and you can also share with them.
Hopefully they'll understand.
If you say,
Listen,
I love you.
I need to do this for me and I will be back and I will be better for both of us.
I mean,
Who wouldn't want that?
Sounds pretty good to me.
So just remember when when you're thinking about your relationship,
Your partner,
Your anything really where you think you're really placing the responsibility of your emotions,
Your feelings,
Your life in someone else's hands.
Just recognize it's no one else's responsibility.
It's yours to your responsibility.
You are human,
You are an adult,
You can process you have the tools.
And I'm going to hopefully give you more of the tools you need that will speak to you,
Meditations journaling,
Etc.
Just make sure you're processing that stuff for you.
And then you're returning to the external to shine your light.
Because it'll be bright then.
I promise.
Hand on heart.
What is this that I'm feeling?
How do I need to process it?
How do I need to show up for me?
And then move forward into the world.
Enjoy.
