How To Start Shadow Work: Breaking Through Your Patterns

Many of you have heard me talk about being the oldest in my family,

But the truth is,

That's a lie.

I actually have an older brother.

And not just any older brother,

A half-brother.

But I don't say half-brother to mean he was anything less.

Because even though we had different moms and lived in different houses,

My brother was my best friend.

But then one day,

When I was in junior high school,

My mom got a phone call.

But it wasn't just any ordinary phone call.

It was a call to let us know that my brother,

With his mom,

Was moving away.

Far away.

And when I asked when they would be moving,

We were told that he was already gone.

And just like that,

Without warning,

My brother,

My best friend,

Was gone.

And just like that,

I learned a pattern.

That the closer I would get to someone,

It would cause me to be anxious,

Because I would get nervous that they might leave.

Now this was my pattern.

And I know that you have patterns too,

That you want to break through,

And that are based on the things that have happened in your life.

And we all have patterns.

But understanding how to break through these patterns is one of the most important things we can do,

And it's the foundation of what I'm going to talk about today,

Which is called shadow work.

And these patterns that show up in our lives show up in subtle ways that you may not even think of as a pattern at first.

So I want you to listen carefully.

Because it's things like this,

It's things like when you know something's really important for you to do in your life,

For you to move forward in your life,

But every time you sit down and say you're going to do it,

You deal with procrastination.

Or you're constantly overspending with money and you can't figure out why,

Or you don't set boundaries,

Or speak your truth even when you really need to and say you're going to do it,

You somehow just can't for some reason.

And so if you've been thinking about these patterns,

Or if you've been thinking about your past,

And you want to get a better understanding so that your patterns don't have to control you and don't have to have such a big impact on you and your life and your relationships,

Then it's time for you to do what's called shadow work.

And that's exactly what we're going to do in this inspiration session.

I've got a teaching for you on what is shadow,

What it isn't.

We're going to do a guided meditation that'll take you through my favorite five questions that help you better understand your patterns.

And of course,

As I do with every session,

I got a couple songs for you,

One that's super extra special for you all today.

And as always,

I end with some practical tools to help you take this a little bit deeper if you want to dive deeper into these practices.

The definition that I've created for shadow is anything in your life or in our world that's outside of your field of awareness,

But that's making your choices for you.

I'm going to say that again.

Listen closely.

Your shadow is anything in your life or in our world that's outside of your field of awareness,

But that is making your choices for you.

And a lot of people think that shadow means like trauma or that our patterns come from all the bad things that have happened to us in our life.

But that's not actually true.

There's so many ways patterns get created.

Ultimately,

There are so many examples,

But the way that you know that a shadow pattern is in control in your life is like this.

You say you want to go right and you know it's the best thing in your life for you to go right.

But then when the moment comes,

You go left.

Something in you chooses to go left.

And when that happens,

We have to ask which part of you is making that choice.

That is what's going to lead you to breaking through your patterns because it's often a part of us that we don't fully even see.

And this is exactly what shadow work helps us figure out.

And so if you've had something going on in your life,

And I know you do because we all do that,

You've been really wanting to break through,

But you can't and you can't figure out what's going on.

It's time to do shadow work.

And today we're going to do shadow work in this session.

And to get started,

I have a song and a practice that's going to help us out to anchor this in our hearts.

So let's start with this song.

And I think it's one that you might know,

But we're going to sing it a little differently today.

We're going to sing it as a prayer,

As an intention for release for all those patterns that we have in our lives that we want to just ask and look around and say,

What is going on?

25 years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination.

I realized quickly as I knew I could that the world was made up of this brotherhood of men,

Or whatever that means.

And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed just to get it all out what's in my head.

And I'm feeling a little peculiar.

So I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs,

What's going on?

And I said,

Hey,

Yeah,

Yeah,

Hey,

Yeah,

Yeah.

I said,

Hey,

What's going on?

And I said,

Hey,

Yeah,

Yeah,

Hey,

What's going on?

Everything you need is right there inside of you.

Sometimes you have to just look a little closer.

So let's sing this last round of this chorus together to release all the patterns that are holding us back.

Hey,

Yeah,

Yeah.

I said,

Hey,

What's going on?

Sing it with me.

And I said,

Hey,

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah.

I said,

Hey.

Let's dive into our practice.

This practice will help guide you through the five most important questions to help you understand your shadow and your patterns.

So I want you to just start by getting comfortable in your body and in your space and place one hand over the center of your chest and the other hand on top of that and close your eyes if you're comfortable doing so.

Then go ahead and take a deep full breath in and a deep breath out.

And with me to the count of three,

Inhale for one,

Two,

Three.

Hold for one,

Two,

Three.

Exhale one,

Two,

Three.

Let's do that again.

Inhale one,

Two,

Three.

Hold for one,

Two,

Three.

And exhale one,

Two,

Three.

Last time.

Inhale one,

Two,

Three.

Hold for one,

Two,

Three.

Exhale one,

Two,

And three.

And now just stay in this internal space.

Keep your energy inward.

And as you keep your energy inside,

I'm going to start asking you a few questions and you can just breathe normally.

And as I ask these questions,

All I want you to do is stay in your inner world.

You don't have to write anything down.

Just let the answers bubble up in your heart.

You'll remember it later if you're meant to.

The first question is about patterns.

So I want you to start by thinking of a pattern that you see in your life that you don't like.

So think of some pattern that you keep repeating or keep engaging with in your life that you don't like or that you know isn't good for you.

And just pick one for now.

And once you've picked one,

See if you can name it.

Like put it in a sentence like,

I don't speak up for what I need or I always get angry or I always say yes when I want to say no.

I don't set boundaries.

Whatever it is for you,

Just pick one for now,

And I'll give you a moment to really land on one thing.

And once you have your pattern,

The next question is,

Where do you think this pattern came from?

And so that means when do you first remember starting this pattern or maybe even seeing it modeled to you in your life by someone else?

Maybe someone else modeled this behavior.

Go ahead and let that come to you now.

Where did this come from?

And now ask yourself,

What is the cost of this pattern and how is it holding you back from being who you really want to be in your life?

What is the cost of this pattern and how is it holding you back from being who you want to be in your life?

Let that come to you.

And now ask yourself,

Who would you be and how would you be living your life differently if you didn't have this pattern?

Who would you be and how would you be living your life differently if you didn't have this pattern?

Let it come to you.

And now the final question,

And this might seem a little unusual,

But ask yourself,

How has this pattern done good for you in your life?

So sometimes our patterns are not all bad or just trying to harm us.

Sometimes they actually do something good for us or protect us or they feel good sometimes.

So ask yourself,

What is the positive benefit or the sometimes something good that you get from this pattern?

What good thing does this pattern do for you?

Let it come to you.

And now thank it.

Thank this pattern.

Thank it for all it's done for you and then tell it that it can soften its grip.

Tell it that it can release.

Thank it and then ask it to release.

Go ahead and take a deep breath in and a deep breath out.

And another deep breath in and a deep breath out.

And when you're ready,

Take your time.

I invite you to open your eyes.

You deserve to live a life beyond this pattern.

You are ready.

You are ready to step into a life beyond this pattern,

Beyond your comfort zone,

And you can do this.

You can do this.

And the best part is we're going to do it all together,

All of us.

So I just want to recap here for you to remember that your shadow is anything in your life or in our world that's outside of your field of awareness but that is making your choices for you.

And if we're making a choice again and again,

It becomes a pattern.

But once you dig in and dive into shadow work,

You're able to not just understand but to break through these patterns.

And so now I want to give you some practical tools that will help you take this further.

So I always promise it's super important to me that I always give you really great tools and resources to be able to take this work deeper for those of you who want to break through and really take this a little bit deeper.

And so I'm excited to let you all know about a few different things today.

So first,

I want to show you my all-time favorite book on shadow.

This book is called Bringing Your Shadow Out of the Dark.

It's by an author who's also my personal shadow work teacher named Robert Augustus Masters.

And this book is for everyone.

And then the second book is a really special one to me.

It's called To Be a Man.

And it's by the same author,

Robert Masters.

I took the page off,

But you can see the book is called To Be a Man.

And this one is specifically shadow work for men.

And they are both incredible.

Okay.

Now the most important thing that I want you to know now is that when you do this deep shadow work,

You rise up like a phoenix from the ashes.

From all the pain and all the trauma and all the hardship and all that you've been through,

You find its purpose,

And you start to rise.

And so to honor that rising in you that I already know is happening,

That you didn't have a rising and a breakthrough happening in you,

Me and a couple friends that some of you might know,

The brothers Corrin is their names,

We recorded a special song and a video that I'd like to share with you here.

And I want you to listen to this song like a prayer,

Like an affirmation that affirms that no matter what,

You will arise.

No matter what trauma you've been through,

No matter what's happened in your past,

No matter what,

Arise.

Tomorrow's never over,

Let your song begin.

My friend,

Be careful what you wish for,

It might all come true.

And be surprised again,

Leave everything you know on the road behind you.

Arise.

Everything you wish for.

Arise.

You gotta believe in yourself.

Arise.

You gotta step forward and you are ready and know that you are not alone.

Arise.

So go ahead and take a deep breath in with me,

And a deep breath out.

And place your hands over the center of your chest and close your eyes with me one more time.

And ask yourself,

What is the golden nugget that you want to take away from this session?

What is the one thing that you want to make sure that you remember from this session today?

And when you have it,

Just repeat it in your mind a few times to get it into your memory.

And then take one more breath in.

And a breath out.

You can open your eyes.

And even drop that down for yourself somewhere if you'd like because whatever it is that you're remembering,

This is what it is that your inner wisdom wants to hold onto to take you further in your life.

So what is your golden nugget?

My golden nugget is this,

That even though my older brother left when I was in junior high,

A few years later,

He came back.

And we've always been very close.

And now,

I get to not only enjoy this relationship with him,

But also all the other relationships in my life with more ease and without so much dang anxiety thanks to all the shadow work I started doing over a decade ago.

And I want you to know that if you are facing patterns in your life and you want to be set free from these patterns and from your past,

The best way,

The number one way,

To have the biggest breakthrough that you're looking for in your life right now is through shadow work.

And I hope that you dive a little bit deeper into this.

And my big prayer is that I hope that today helped you discover even just a little bit more of what's in your shadow so you can start breaking through yours.

Thank you so much for your presence.